around and made some sort of animal sound as he settled on the
couch.
“You’ll have to excuse Bob,” Demetri said, his back to me as
he cooked some sauce on the stove. “Ever since I’ve been clean, I’ve
been driving him crazy. He has to go to the taffy store with me
every day. I think he’s gained ten pounds.”
“Which begs the question.” I turned toward Bob and smiled.
“How much taffy does one have to eat in order to gain ten
pounds?”
“Ooo, a story problem.” Demetri threw his free hand into
the air. “Love those! Here, let me figure it out. Bob how much do
you weigh?”
Silence.
“Bob, stop ignoring me.”
Silence again.
“Bob!” This time Demetri yelled his name so loud, I almost
covered my ears. “I’ll let you watch TV by yourself tonight.”
“Three hundred and five,” came Bob’s swift reply.
Demetri turned toward me and shook his head. “It’s almost
too easy, poor guy.” He wiped his hands on a towel and leaned
forward against the counter, making eye contact with me. My
stomach flipped.
“If Bob tries five pieces of candy a day, and each piece of
candy weighs roughly two ounces and…” His eyes glazed over,
and his head moved, nearly touching my lips. “Are you wearing
makeup?”
“I, ugh.” I ducked behind my hands and covered my face.
“No, no don’t.” Demetri ran around the side of the breakfast
bar and pulled me into a hug. I still tried to cover my face. “Lyss,
let me see you.”
I shook my head. Why had I tried to look good today? I felt
so stupid. Was I really doing my makeup and hair for him now?
“Lyss.” Demetri’s voice rumbled. “Take your hands away
before I kiss you in front of Bob and start taking your clothes off.”
I yelped and pulled my hands away from my face. He
leaned in and kissed me anyway.
“Sorry, couldn’t help it.” He grinned and ran his thumb
down the side of my jaw. “God, you’re beautiful.”
What’s a girl to say to that?
Demetri seemed mesmerized as he tilted his head and
examined my face, turning my chin this way and that, and then he
ran his fingers through my hair. “Does it always feel like this?”
“Like what?” I was breathless.
“Silk.” He exhaled and threaded it between his fingers
before closing his eyes and smelling my hair. “I think you’re trying
to kill me.”
“By washing my hair?” I croaked.
“By being too damn perfect.” With a curse he released me,
and the happy smile plastered itself comfortably back on his face.
Demetri grabbed a few plates.
“Time to eat.”
Abrupt subject change, but okay. I was uncomfortable with
his attention anyway. Nobody had called me pretty since the day
Brady died.
It was getting harder and harder to remember the way his
face looked when he pulled the truck over and kissed me hard on
the mouth.
“You’re perfect, little seal, so perfect.” His tongue trailed down my
neck. Giggling, I pushed him away.
“Brady! We’re going to be late for the game! Come on, we need to
go.”
“Sorry.” He smiled unapologetically. “Okay, fine, I’m not sorry,
but everyone’s going to be late, girl. Look at this weather.”
The rain was coming down in sheets, which was typical for
Seaside. We had been on our way to Lincoln City for the weekend football
game, in which, of course, Brady was starting quarterback.
I clenched his hand and sighed. Life was perfect. I had the perfect
boyfriend. He was getting a full ride to Boise State next fall, where he’d
start as their quarterback. Nobody could understand why he would choose
such a small state school. But I loved Brady for it. He wanted to be close to
family and knew the importance of being part of a football team that was
about the team and the game more than the stars. And Boise State was
that team. I admired him so much.
“I love you.” I had said it without thinking.
Brady put the car into drive, but before he pulled out he turned
toward me. “Good, because we’re getting married.”
“Um, I’m sixteen,” I pointed out laughing.
He grinned then reached over for another kiss. “I’ll wait.”
I bit my lip and looked away, totally fighting the urge to clap my
hands and shout from the window that I loved the most amazing guy in
the world.
“We should go.” He winked and pulled out into traffic.
Then everything went black.
“Lyss? Are you okay?”
I shook my head. I hated it when I daydreamed like that.
Well, technically it wasn’t a daydream, it was a nightmare. But still.
I tried to smile even though my throat felt like it was closing up.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” My lower lip quivered.
A hot plate of food sat in front of me. Demetri was to my
left. “You know what?” He pushed his food away. “I’m not that
hungry yet, why don’t we take a walk on the beach?”
I nodded. I don’t know how he knew it, but I needed to get
out of that house. I needed to breathe in more air. I needed to feel
the salty wind against my face.
Demetri gripped my hand and pulled me through the house.
Our entire walk to the beach was silent.
Once we reached the water, Demetri spoke. “Want to talk
about it?”
I shook my head.
“That bad?” He put his arm around me. I tucked my head
into his shoulder and nodded. I couldn’t trust myself to speak.
“I wish I could do more than say I’m sorry, Lyss. But know
that I am. I don’t know what just happened back there, but you
looked like you saw a ghost. If I was smart like Dr. Murray, I’d say
you need to bleed your feelings all over the place, but shit…” His
arm tightened. “I’m not a doctor, and I know that it hurts like hell
when you’re going through something that no one else
understands.”
I snorted, typical response. “Really, Demetri?” I pulled away
from him and stared hard. He had the world at his feet! He was
beautiful, gorgeous — everything a girl could want. He had money,
he had fame, he had it all. I didn’t, and he was going to sit here and
tell me that he knew?
“You know nothing.” I bit off. “You’re just some spoiled
rock star who can’t handle the pressure of life. You escape through
alcohol and drugs and if what everyone says is true, you tried to
kill yourself. Yeah, you’re right. You know exactly what it’s like to
feel loss.”
Demetri took a step back, hurt etched across his face. “So
that’s it? You’re going to put me in that category? Write me off like
everyone else in town?”
I sighed. “Look, Demetri, I’m not trying to say your pain
isn’t real, but it’s self-inflicted. All of it.”
Demetri’s eyes closed. He ran his hands through his hair and
cursed. I hated hurting him, but maybe
it was better this way. We
were from different worlds. He didn’t know pain like I knew pain.
There was no way.
“Fine.” His voice was hollow. “Let’s just go eat.” He
motioned for me to follow him back to the house and started
walking in that direction, but I backed up and shook my head.
“Lyss?”
It would be too easy, so easy to walk into his arms and cry.
To let him kiss my tears away and promise to be the one solid thing
in my life.
But I knew the ending to that tale.
The guy didn’t end up riding in on a white horse. No, he left
the world in a dark hole — never to rescue the fair damsel again. I
wouldn’t allow myself to get close enough to feel that kind of pain
again. My heart was already in pieces, and if Demetri put them
back together again, I would always be fearful of it shattering into a
million jagged pieces.
“Lyss, come on. I promise we won’t even talk. Let’s just go
eat.” His eyes pleaded with mine. I shook my head again.
“It’s better this way.” I bit my lip. “You’ll see.”
“Will I?” He shoved his hands in his pocket. “Think
whatever you want of me, Lyss. But know, when I said I was your
friend, I meant it. If you ever need me… for anything, you know
where I am.”
I almost ran to him, but I told my feet to stay planted.
He walked a few steps then stopped and turned. “I won’t
stop trying.”
“You should.”
He shrugged and offered a small smile. “What can I say? I’m
a glutton for punishment, and you’re the first real friend I’ve ever
had.”
My heart was beating out of my chest. Why was he being so
nice? And why, after hanging out one time, was he suddenly
offering his shoulder for me to sob on? I didn’t need him — not
now, not ever. Sharing hurt too bad, and I would rather die and
join Brady in the cold hard ground than open up to someone who
had the potential to hurt me as much as Demetri did.
He pressed his lips together and sighed. “Look. I can tell you
I’ve changed. I can spout crazy nonsense about how I feel different
about you than I have any other girl. Hell, I’ve given that speech
more times than I’m proud of. But I’m being honest here. I don’t
know what type of crap you’ve got going on, and maybe you’re
right, maybe I won’t understand. But take it from someone who
knows. That shit will destroy you.” He swallowed and looked at
the crashing waves before nodding his head. “I’m not going to
push you. I’m not going to beg. Just know that I’ve changed. I’m
not the man I used to be, I never want to be that guy again. I like
you. I want to kiss you. Hell, I want to watch you eat spaghetti.
Does that make me crazy? Probably. When you’re ready, if you
ever are… you know where to find me. Night, Lyss.”
With that he walked off.
And I realized in that moment I was wrong about so many
things. Because as the waves crashed against the sand, as I dug my
nails into my hands, one truth kept screaming at me from
somewhere I thought long dead.
He already had a piece of my heart.
And I was powerless to stop him.
Chapter Twelve
Demetri
“So. Did you think about it?” Mrs. Murray was chewing her
gum wildly behind her notepad. Ever so often I would hear her
swallow and then pop the gum. I think I made her stressed when I
was in one of my moods.
“Yeah.” I closed my eyes. I was so damn confused. It seemed
no matter how careful I thought I was around Alyssa, she was
always running off. Or getting that weird look on her face. Like she
wasn’t even present, but somewhere else entirely.
“What’s her story?” The first thing I asked when I plopped
down on the floor the next week for my counseling session.
Mrs. Murray had smiled. “I can’t tell you that.”
And we had sat in silence for the last ten minutes, until
finally, she mentioned being the group facilitator again for group
therapy.
“I don’t know.” I pulled the toothpick out of my mouth and
sighed. “I still don’t know if I’d do a good job.”
“What if I told you a certain girl was going to be attending
the first session?”
My head snapped up to attention. “Alyssa?”
Mrs. Murray rolled her eyes. “Yes, but remember, during
session times she’s off limits. Besides…” She took a deep breath.
“There’s a lot about her that you don’t know.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. She’d been ignoring my
phone calls all weekend. When I stopped by her parents’ store they
always had some sort of lame excuse or said she was using the
bathroom.
Either the girl had some serious bathroom issues, or she was
gone. Either way, I was persistent.
This afternoon I even stopped by before my session. I knew
she was working, but when I went into the store, all she did was
hand me three pieces of taffy and began helping another customer.
I took the taffy and walked out.
They were burning a hole in my pocket, but she had taken
the joy from that stupid habit. I had resorted to chewing the hell
out of toothpicks and eating lollipops like it was my job. I needed
something in my mouth, and I knew if I stopped eating candy or
sucking on things, I would revert back to old habits, especially with
the stress of Alyssa on my chest.
“When’s the first session?” I asked, twiddling the toothpick
between my fingers.
“Tomorrow night.”
“What do I say?”
Mrs. Murray smiled and handed me a packet. “Everything’s
“What if I would have said no?” I took the packet from her
hands.
Mrs. Murray shrugged. “Let’s just say I know you better
than you know yourself.”
“And that’s not a creepy thing for a shrink to say…”
I scratched my head and opened up the packet. Worksheets
tumbled out, as well as nametags for the members to fill out. It
reminded me of my AA group info I used to take back home a
while back.
“Trial run?” I pleaded, giving her my best smile, making
sure to remove the toothpick so the full force of my dimples was
present.
She arched an eyebrow and shook her head. “Nope. You
either commit now or I find someone else.”
Damn the woman drove a hard bargain. “Fine.” I cursed.
“But no autographs, no picture taking, and I swear I’ll sue the first
person who says anything about my personal life.”
“Easy.” Mrs. Murray pulled out another piece of paper.
“Every member has to sign a gag order. If they talk about you or
each other, they’ll be liable.”
“Good.” I took the paper and thrust it in the folder with the
rest of my papers.
“Ten minutes,” Mrs. Murray reminded me. “But you can
leave early if you like, take some time to go over the
information.”
I didn’t want to admit that I was waiting for Alyssa. But
Mrs. Murray had her Jedi mind tricks. “She switched session times,
Demetri.”
I laughed bitterly and clamped down on the toothpick.
“Right.”
Mrs. Murray stood, meaning it was my cue to leave. I took
the papers and put them under my arm.
“Demetri?”
I stopped and turned around.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re good for her.”
I licked my lips and looked down at the ground. “Nah, I’m
probably not good for anyone, but I wanted to be good for her. I
wanted it really bad.”
“You still can be.” Mrs. Murray placed her hand on my
shoulder.
I shook my head. “You can lead a horse to water, Doc…”
She tilted her head in agreement, and I left.
****
By the time Saturday night came around, I was a nervous
wreck. I read through some of the profiles of the group members,
mainly just information on their ages and stuff. But there was a
picture next to each name, and that stupid picture made me
nervous as hell. It meant I had to talk to a person about things I
hated talking about.
What if nobody showed?
What if nobody cared?
Or worse, what if they just came to make fun of me? I had
nothing to offer them.
I pulled the lollipop out of my mouth and focused on the
door, willing people to come in. Mrs. Murray had decided to have
me host the group meeting at my house instead of hers. She
thought it would feel less professional.
I looked around at the modern furniture and expensive
touches. Well, it felt less something.
Throwing up was not an option, but my stomach kept doing
flips.
I put the sucker back in my mouth and focused on the
watermelon flavor as it trickled down my tongue.
The doorbell rang. I nearly dropped my sucker.
This was it.
I walked to the door and opened it.
A man, who seriously could have been Bob’s twin, walked
in. Tattooed sleeves covered both his arms. He wore a beanie and
looked like it would bring him the greatest pleasure to end my life.
“Hi.” I choked, nearly dropping my sucker again. “I’m
Demetri.”
The girl at his side sighed and leaned against him.
“Holly,” the guy grumbled and pulled her flush against him.
They looked like they were about the same age as I. I opened the