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    What To Do If Trapped In A Lift With A Dentist

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    themselves

      on not using 'the n-word' or 'the p-word'

      and think that they have solved racism

      Just because you don't talk about something

      doesn't mean it ceases to exist

      Prejudice and hate are not leprechauns

      they are viruses

      They don't fade away if ignored

      they have to be dealt with

      Deal with them openly

      in a free market

      Meanwhile, I reserve the right to disagree with your ideas

      and I reserve the right to express ideas you may disagree with

      that's called democracy

      If I express something genuinely hateful

      I will be admonished for it

      and most people will turn against me

      but I should not and will not be admonished

      because someone disagrees with my ideas and values

      There is and never will be

      a universally agreed

      set of moral principles

      so we have to

      accommodate each other

      So long as I'm not harming you

      and you're not harming me

      then why can't we just

      let each other be

      and live in a world

      of peace and harmony?

      GET A LIFE

      Do I have to live

      life as it's been planned

      childhood draws the map

      freewill has been banned

      I am not like you

      I just can't accept

      this is all there is

      people so inept

      we're all free to change

      ourselves any time

      sentence living death

      but what was the crime?

      Get a life

      future in your hands

      past all in you minds

      so get a life

      Define yourself as is

      not as you once were

      it's you who calls the shots

      of that you can be sure

      no one else knows what

      is inside your head

      follow your own mind

      cos too soon we're all dead

      No one else's opinions

      matter when they say

      things you know are false

      so don't be lead astray

      decide on you own path

      and follow to the end

      cos no one's walking with you

      it's all just cruel pretend

      No one knows each other

      we can't communicate

      except in black and white

      and good and bad and love and hate

      so banish useless stereotypes

      put precedent in the bin

      cos the past is killing us

      the deadliest of all sin

      Written by the winning side

      all history is lies

      so let's live in the present

      lift the wool from our eyes

      deal with individuals

      not what you expect

      think about all situations

      and we can all get a life

      ITEMS YOU SHOULD AVOID BUYING AT A CAR BOOT SALE

      2nd hand underwear

      a human spleen

      foreign children

      sight unseen

      wigs that move

      food priced in shillings

      any sandwiches

      with unidentifiable fillings

      soiled bandages

      clothes from an orange bag

      cars with bullet holes

      a swastika flag

      packets of medication

      adorned with foreign writing

      mobile phones with

      video footage of fighting

      shoes that smell

      of camonbere or bree

      laptops stamped

      'property of the M.O.D.'

      KNOWLEDGE

      Knowledge

      is not

      intelligence

      intelligence

      is thinking

      for yourself

      knowledge

      is resurecting

      the thoughts of others

      history

      is a corpse

      leave it alone

      it teaches us nothing

      except how to repeat past mistakes

      again and again and again

      WAR

      War

      what is it good for?

      Reinvigorating depressed economies

      and winning elections

      MIDDLE CLASS LAND

      Some live in middle class land

      with pensions a prime concern

      conversations about investments

      with high yield return

      they'll move to another county

      so Tarquin can have a good school

      and grow up and work in the city

      and join an investment pool

      they drive their 2.4 volvos

      around the corner to the shops

      I'd like to give them a really

      good smack around the chops

      NO FUN IN MISERY

      When I was thirteen

      I thought my life was over

      I locked myself in the bathroom

      And cut myself with a razor blade

      A sharp dose of reality

      101 in negativity

      But that path was not for me

      There's no fun in misery

      I really thought I would die in there

      So I put on side two of a favourite album

      The first song talked of heaven

      And I cried 'cos I knew there was no such place

      A sharp dose of reality

      I thought in oblivion I'd be free

      But that way lies insanity

      There's no fun in misery

      Depression was never a lifestyle choice

      I never wore black or painted my face

      It never made me more interesting

      Just more annoying to be around

      A sharp dose of reality

      I wanted to see my blood run free

      But I'm very squeamish, luckily

      So I stepped back from stupidity

      No prescribed identity

      I have centre of gravity

      Freewill and integrity

      Know your own mind and you'll be free

      OPTIONS

      For sarcasm press 1

      For irony press 2

      For intransigence press 3

      For insults press 4

      For incomprehensible technical support press 5

      To speak to somebody helpful

      Press the hash key

      Whereupon you will be given a list of alternative service providers

      with a less ridiculous automated phone system

      PERSPECTIVE

      There are seven billion people on this planet

      There are more stars in our galaxy

      There are billions of galaxies

      There are a hundred undiscovered species

      for every square meter of ocean

      The planet is four and a half billion years old

      Humans have been here for a couple of million years

      What makes you think we're special?

      Yes, I know, we're the only species

      that study the Universe

      we've created societies and systems

      we're the only ones with self-awareness and higher consciousness

      but what have we done with it?

      What have you done today with your higher consciousness?

      Watched the telly?

      Had an argument?

      Made a sandwich?

      Started a war?

      If we're a species apart

      then why do we behave like animals?

      Because we are animals

      we're monkeys with delusions

      In anthropocentric ignorance

      we treat the world as if it's been put here for our benefit

    &
    nbsp; It was here long before us

      and it'll be here long after we've been snuffed out

      or snuffed ourselves out

      We cannot get perspective on our consciousness

      because we view everything through our consciousness

      and you cannot view a microscope through itself

      Even if most people no longer think we're the centre of the Universe

      many still think we're the most important species on the planet

      We are not. We are just another species of microbe

      bundles of protein in fancy dress

      PASSING TIME

      Passing water

      is a polite euphemism

      and so is passing time.

      Pissing your life away

      what a wasteful crime.

      PROGRESS?

      We managed perfectly well

      without mobile phones and websites

      How much more stuff

      will the future bring us

      that we don't really need?

      All they do is feed

      our misguided idea

      that all progress is positive

      no matter how dear

      the cost turns out to be

      for society

      for you and me

      eventually

      INSIDE

      Rain at the window

      I'm here in my room

      It's like a cocoon

      A comforting womb

      But I'm going out soon

      so I'll need my umbrella

      RANDOM THOUGHTS IN THE MIND OF A BORED TEENAGER IN 1989

      Milk cartons

      Terry and June

      Happy Birthday

      see you soon

      weathermen

      salt n shake crisps

      Giles Brandreth

      things that don't rhyme

      Keith Chegwin

      Anneka Rice

      BBC Micros

      Fire and ice

      alcohol free lager

      French cheeses

      Citreon 2CVs

      antisocial sneezes

      graphic equalisers

      black bow ties

      Arthur Neagus

      Ceri's thighs

      nurses uniforms

      soup in a cup

      trying to finish this poem

      without giving...

      SEMANTICS

      Once on the way home from school

      I made the mistake of referring to my walkman

      and a friend pointed out

      that I should not call it that

      because only those made by Sony are 'walkmen'

      and mine was a different brand

      "What is this then?" I asked

      waving it at him

      "A personal stereo," he said

      "Is there any need to be that pedantic?" I inquired

      "It's not a Walkman, it's a personal stereo" he repeated

      It occurs to me that we cannot have been

      the only ones to have ever had this pointless conversation

      I expect that more recently

      some younger people have had a similar conversation

      regarding the i-pod/mp3 player situation

      THE ALL TOO COMMON ROOM

      Where do you go when you're bored out of your mind

      There's nothing to do, as you will soon find

      If you're looking for an atmosphere of gloom

      Look no further than St. Cyres common room

      It's always full of people killing time

      It really is a dump, it really is a crime

      Do they just let us in this awful place?

      No, they make us prefects to save their face

      THE FUTILITY OF FIRE DRILLS

      There's going to be a fire drill in a minute.

      I've put all my stuff away

      and now I'm waiting...

      waiting...

      What is the point?

      We all know there's going to be a fire drill

      so there's no


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