Set in the late 1960s Desperate Measures is a humorous story that follows twelve-year old Owen Finnegan as he tries to cope with one of the biggest events that has ever taken place at his school in the small rural town of Barclay.It’s 1969 and the nuns of St Joseph’s Catholic School are clattering their rosaries in alarm. The new Archbishop is coming to visit and the school is in an uproar. Owen Finnegan is sure the big event will not go well for him. These things seldom do, so with the help of his best friend he cooks up a scheme he is certain will get him the day off school. Unfortunately old Mrs Simpson, the town gossip, throws a spanner in the works and Owen's grand plan spirals out of control.

A True Pessimist is a humorous short story by Alan Chains, writer of Return to Island X.When Little League baseball players take the field nothing else matters. Who you are and where you come from is cast aside when these young 10 - 13 year old ballplayers hear the umpire cry out, "Play Ball." Can a little talent, lots of guts, and a dose of baseball sense allow these young players to become a team and make it a season to remember?In this true to life story, a season of Little League baseball takes center stage in the lives of young 10 - 13 year old ball players. Michael cannot wait for the first game to begin but he recognizes some festering tension. Their ace pitcher has a fastball that sings, yet Carlos the catcher and Jake the right fielder want to clash when they should be clicking. What will it take for these young baseball players to set aside their differences? Can they do it in time with the big game approaching?Young and courageous 10 -13 year old baseball players are taught valuable lessons in a magical summer that interjects into their personal lives the wonderful game called Little League baseball.In the intersection of their lives with the game of Little League baseball will they be able to take home the biggest prize of all?

William Henry Devereaux, Jr., spiritually suited to playing left field but forced by a bad hamstring to try first base, is the unlikely chairman of the English department at West Central Pennsylvania University. Over the course of a single convoluted week, he threatens to execute a duck, has his nose slashed by a feminist poet, discovers that his secretary writes better fiction than he does, suspects his wife of having an affair with his dean, and finally confronts his philandering elderly father, the one-time king of American Literary Theory, at an abandoned amusement park. Such is the canvas of Richard Russo's Straight Man, a novel of surpassing wit, poignancy, and insight. As he established in his previous books -- Mohawk, The Risk Pool, and Nobody's Fool -- Russo is unique among contemporary authors for his ability to flawlessly capture the soul of the wise guy and the heart of a difficult parent. In Hank Devereaux, Russo has created a hero whose humor and identification with the absurd are mitigated only by his love for his family, friends, and, ultimately, knowledge itself. Unforgettable, compassionate, and laugh-out-loud funny, Straight Man cements Richard Russo's reputation as one of the master storytellers of our time. From the Hardcover edition.

“Hilarious, always inventive, this is a book for all, especially uptight English teachers, bardolaters, and ministerial students.” —Dallas Morning NewsFool—the bawdy and outrageous New York Times bestseller from the unstoppable Christopher Moore—is a hilarious new take on William Shakespeare’s King Lear…as seen through the eyes of the foolish liege’s clownish jester, Pocket. A rousing tale of “gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and profanity,” Fool joins Moore’s own Lamb, Fluke, The Stupidest Angel, and You Suck! as modern masterworks of satiric wit and sublimely twisted genius, prompting Carl Hiassen to declare Christopher Moore “a very sick man, in the very best sense of the word.”

A series of bizarre truck hijackings leads Ian's Gang to uncover an plot for alien invasion - by mind-controlling pimples!A series of bizarre truck hijackings leads Ian's Gang to uncover an plot for alien invasion - by mind-controlling pimples!This deranged comic adventure is the 23rd story in the Ian's Gang library.

Tormented and alone a ghost lies trapped on a lonely back road, cowering from a terrible evil on the other side. When a passerby stops in the ghost's clearing he gets one last chance at the afterlife and finds that even in the depths of horror there is still some laughter to be found.There are two poems here, the first of which is The Reign of Drops: I am a memory of my birth, and the sea of my being yearns for union with others people's seas.The second poem is The Dynamics of Growth: Will we water one another's buds so that they may blossom, or will we withhold and wilt in the light of being?No adult-only content.

Wonka is back! and so is his new pal Baba, now on the inside of the good back door. Owner continues her struggles with Wonka always ready to spur on. Not one to tolerate failure, he recommends squaring up to each new and ghastly situation with fortitude! yes a cat for all seasons, so read on and relax with Wonka.Wonka again and Baba too will bring you further along with the adventures of their Owner, soldiering on with a poor year of it. Only Wonka knows what's best and encouraged by him to face up to it all, surely she can cope? The philosophers as usual hover in the background with their sage advice, even Nietzsche finds a voice. But it is Wonka who heads up the support network, with Baba as a rather simple reserve.This is the fourth in the series and Wonka as ever, reigns supreme, scoffing at those who give in and give up. Just get on with it!

It's a Joke Book.What people are saying about "Swedish Yokes":"I think it's marvelous!" - Barry Raspbody"If you go into it with incredibly low expectations, then you'll probably get what you expect." - Stephen King, author of many things that don't include this quote"There's probably at least one joke in here that will please somebody." - Snanddwitch BabbellwouwstHe planned the perfect weekend, but will it happen?

A darkly comic novel set in the world of Eridia. When a bar full of crooks, scumbags, and psychos (plus a few arguably sympathetic characters) learn about a big hunk of gold half a day's journey west, the race is on to see who can get their greedy, treacherous hands on it first. Along the way the competitors must contend with scheming constables, a killer robot, a peevish dryad, and much more.A darkly comic novel set in the world of Eridia.When a dying man staggers into a crowded underworld tavern and tells the assorted desperate characters gathered inside that there’s a huge block of gold hidden in a remote canyon half a day’s journey west, it sets off the craziest, bloodiest treasure hunt Eridia has ever seen.Among the many crooks, scum, losers, and fools vying for this priceless prize are Bastard Jack, the biggest, baddest, and probably hairiest bandit in the land; Kirby and Blunt, small-time thieves whose schemes always backfire; John Grommet, a timid scribe in need of money to save his dying mother; Gaspard and Merizen, lusty con-artists who find the thought of all that gold stimulating enough to necessitate the occasional time-out for a quickie; the Yellow Pawns, a trio of nihilistic cultists who want the treasure to further their apocalyptic agenda; Illyana and Luornu, young barmaids who dream of a life free from the pawing hands of drunken idiots; and then there’s…Ludwig van Beethoven?In their mad scramble to get the gold the various competitors must contend not only with each other but also with a team of local constables, a race of monster-people called the gorgim, a peevish dryad, a killer robot, and a gibberish-spouting, pistol-toting serial killer in a plastic snowman mask.And if they think that stuff’s bad, wait till they find out what’s in store for them when they actually reach the gold…70,200 words.

This is a book I wrote. Because I wrote it, I had to figure out what to put on the back cover to explain what it is. I tried to write a long, third-person summary that would imply how great the book is and also sound vaguely authoritative--like maybe someone who isn’t me wrote it--but I soon discovered that I’m not sneaky enough to pull it off convincingly. So I decided to just make a list of things that are in the book: Pictures Words Stories about things that happened to me Stories about things that happened to other people because of me Eight billion dollars Stories about dogs The secret to eternal happiness *These are lies. Perhaps I have underestimated my sneakiness!

It's good to stay in touch with friends, even when they live on Mars!Sophie vanished - where did she go? For 100 years nobody knows.A photo of 8 year old Sophie and an antique perfume bottle are found in the fireplace of an old house. The story of a Balmain family over 170 years. Finally they uncover what happened.Set around beautiful Sydney Harbour this is a story of this place and its people, an imagined history from early Australia to the present dayWho was Sophie and what happened to her? On buying an old weatherboard house in Balmain, Sydney, we discover her photo, dated 1900-1908, long hidden, along with a small perfume bottle in an old fireplace. Then we discover that Sophie disappeared with a childhood friend in 1908 and was never seem again, leaving a trail of sadness through generations of her family. This book tracks the journey of the discovery of Sophie and her family, from their first arrival in Sydney, over five generations of the family, until the mystery is finally laid to rest.It is a story of loss and grief, mixed with joy, which passes through the successive generations of a family. The way the family deals with unresolved tragedy and finally the the way their love transcends time is the story from which the real Sophie emerges.Graham Wilson, the author, lived in the house in Balmain around which this story is based for seven years, before moving to Millers Point. This is his first novel. Graham has previously written a family memoir, “Children of Arnhem’s Kaleidoscope” which describes his childhood, growing up in a aboriginal community in Western Arnhem Land. This is also available from this site.

LONGLISTED 2015  – International IMPAC Dublin Literary Award A triumphant return to the characters of Booker Prize-winning writer Roddy Doyle's breakout first novel, The Commitments, now older, wiser, up against cancer and midlife. Jimmy Rabbitte is back. The man who invented the Commitments back in the 1980s is now 47, with a loving wife, 4 kids...and bowel cancer. He isn't dying, he thinks, but he might be. Jimmy still loves his music, and he still loves to hustle--his new thing is finding old bands and then finding the people who loved them enough to pay money online for their resurrected singles and albums. On his path through Dublin, between chemo and work he meets two of the Commitments--Outspan Foster, whose own illness is probably terminal, and Imelda Quirk, still as gorgeous as ever. He is reunited with his long-lost brother, Les, and learns to play the trumpet.... This warm, funny novel is about friendship and family, about facing death and opting for life. It climaxes in one of the great passages in Roddy Doyle's fiction: 4 middle-aged men at Ireland's hottest rock festival watching Jimmy's son's band, Moanin' at Midnight, pretending to be Bulgarian and playing a song called "I'm Goin' to Hell" that apparently hasn't been heard since 1932.... Why? You'll have to read The Guts to find out. From the Hardcover edition.

In a treasured storybook, an invincible – or so he would’ve liked to think – hero faces challenges beyond his narrative...Ca 2,280 words. _____________________________________________________________Erik Boman is a writer from Oxford. He is the author of "Short Cuts" and was awarded the A.M. Heath literary prize in 2011.Sixteen year old Ricky Chavez is in trouble. Suspended from school, he has to face his older brother and legal guardian, Frank. Trouble is, Frank meets him with a belt. Bruised and depressed, Ricky drags himself to his evening job. His co-worker, Maria de Leon, reaches out to him, and he falls in love. Trouble is, she belongs to a gang. Being in love with Maria means hanging around Locos 18, her gang. Trouble is, that means ditching school and ending up with a report card full of C's, D's, and an F. But a bad report card is the least of Ricky's troubles. Maria's gang, Locos 18, comes in conflict with another gang, Westside Raza, when a Locos girl flirts with a Westside boy. When he beats her up, Locos goes looking for him. In the violent showdown, Ricky recognizes the conseequences of his association with Maria and Locos 18. He's left with a decision. Trouble is, he doesn't like either one.

The East Anglian Bombardiers And Grenadiers, we first met them in Sid and Arthur's Steampunk Adventure. Now they are in a story of their own, with a few new or newish characters. Can they regain the code book before the Hoo (who?) use it to take over the world of Thera?Pirates! Aliens! Cannibals! Brain-squid-things-whatever-the-hell-they-are! Mythological vaginas! Psychopomp brings you a festering sack of seasonal genre fiction in time for Hallowe'en! Your ebook reader will literally putrefy as you load this file, your throat will fill with vomit, your excrement turn to water.* You will find yourself losing the will to live as you thumb through these eighteen tales of pure gonzo oddity and you will not thank us for it.You will wish you had downloaded a haunted Pokemon ROM, you will wish you had thought about Slender Man too much. You will wish you had not downloaded this ebook - and that's a Psychopomp promise.Make yourself miserable this Hallowe'en, download Psychopomp Volume Eight today!* actual reader experience may vary.

What's wrong with calling a burglar brave? Why are people so f***ing hung up about swearing? Why do the asterisks in that sentence make it okay? Why do so many people want to stop other people doing things, and how can they be stopped from stopping them? Why is every film and TV programme a sequel or a remake? Why are we so reliant on perpetual diversion that someone has created chocolate toothpaste? Is there anything to be done about the Internet? These and many other questions trouble David Mitchell as he delights us with a tour of the absurdities of modern life - from Ryanair to Downton Abbey, sports day to smoking, nuclear weapons to phone etiquette, UKIP to hotdogs made of cats. Funny, provocative and shot through with refreshing amounts of common sense, Thinking About It Only Makes It Worse celebrates and commiserates on the state of things in our not entirely glorious nation.