Adrian Mole is 39 and a quarter. Unable to afford the mortgage on his riverside apartment, he has been forced to move into a semi-detached converted pigsty next door to his parents, George and Pauline. His ravishing wife Daisy loathes the countryside, longs for Dean Street and has yet to buy a pair of Wellingtons; they are both aware the passion has gone out of their marriage, but neither knows how to reignite the flame. To cap it all off, Adrian is leaving his bed numerous times a night to go to the lavatory and has other alarming symptoms, leading him to suspect prostate trouble. Meanwhile, his mother thinks that an appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show might solve the mystery of her daughter's paternity once and for all. And when George is asked to provide a DNA sample, will the shock kill him? He is already disabled, though still chain smoking and has had an ashtray welded onto the arm of his wheelchair. As Adrian's worries multiply, a phone call to his old flame Dr Pandora Braithwaite, BA, MA, PhD, MP and Junior Minister in the Foreign Office, ignites memories of a shared passion and makes him wonder - is she the only one who can save him now?

From the Tucker Max website: What do you do when you've become rich and famous for writing a #1 best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures? I'll tell you what I do: I write another fucking book. This is that book. Assholes Finish First is hilarious in ways you will recognize from I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, and in other, newer ways you won't. Of course it has all the sex and debauchery you expect from my writing, but with a twist. You already know how I deal with women when I am poor and anonymous. You have no idea how I do it when I have money and fame. It also answers the hard questions you've never thought of asking. What's it like to have sex with a midget? How about two of 'em? What happens when you eat too much beef jerky and then drink a gallon of vegetable juice? Or get head in an X-ray machine? The answers are inside, they are absurd, and they are the product of one man's experiences: My name is still Tucker Max, and I am still an asshole.

Farely Mowat's best-loved book tells the splendidly entertaining story of his boyhood on the Canadian prairies. Mutt's pedigree was uncertain, but his madness was indisputable. He climbed tress and ladders, rode passenger in an open car wearing goggles and displaying hunting skills that bordered on sheer genius. He was a marvelous dog, worthy of an unusual boy growing up in a raw, untamed wilderness. From the Paperback edition.

When Ben Hurdt unexpectedly transforms into a werewolf in front of his pets, they investigate ... and then all human breaks out.(a short story by award winning humorist Norm Cowie)Selected Short Stories Featuring Cry Wolf features fifteen diverse short stories, subject matter including space travel, werewolves, cannibalism, and commitment issues. It includes The Dread Wolf's Bane, an exclusive short story set in the world of The Necromancer's Gambit.The Gambit: The Dread Wolf's Bane: Knight, a magical detective, intervenes when a young werewolf unable to remember who or what he is, is detained in juvenile hall on the night of a full moon.Canary: Miners struggle to maintain calm after a cave in.Lost In Space: A man prepares to meet his lover in orbit.Frankenstein Modern: A scientist attempts to give a new body to a terminally ill man.E-bort: A woman takes control of her future after she is raped.Undisciplined: A squad rescues a fellow soldier awaiting trial for his crimes, against their personal feelings.Ancestral Memory: Two buddies ponder the possibility of life as data storage, and the meaning of life.First Goodbye: A man searches for a woman he can't leave.Life Imprisonment: A homeless man looks for a way to get a comfortable home.Crickets: Four crickets cower from a spider.Hickbots: A man works alongside robots in the fields.I'm Sorry I Got Caught In Your House: A very awkward run-in at an ex's house.Space Beer: A disgraced pilot annoys his father, and works to develop space-proof beer.S'work: An unattractive man considers his reliance on female companionship-for-pay.Cry Wolf: After surviving the plane crash, a group of travellers ponders love, and resorts to cannibalism.

Many have tried to master the slippery slopes of Suicide Hill on their bikes. Marvin's older brother has conquered the hill, but Marvin has steered clear. Until now. The word at school is that Marvin will be taking on the hill with his new mountain bike. But the truth is, he can barely climb on the seat! And the gears--forget about it. How did he suddenly become a daredevil? Does he have to go through with it to prove himself? If Marvin makes it, he'll be a hero. If not, his friends and family may catch the biggest wipeout in history! Book Details: Format: Paperback Publication Date: 5/23/2000 Pages: 79 Reading Level: Age 6 and Up

A Discworld Novel. It's a hot Midsummer Night. The crop circles are turning up everywhere-even on the mustard-and-cress of Pewseyy Ogg, aged four. And Magrat Garlick, witch, is going to be married in the morning. . . Everything ought to be going like a dream. But the Lancre All-Comers Morris Team have got drunk on a fairy mound and the elves have come back, bringing all those things traditionally associated with the magical, glittering realm of Faerie: cruelty, kidnapping, malice and evil, evil murder. * Granny Weatherwax and her tiny argumentative coven have really got their work cut out this time. . . With full supporting cast of dwarfs, wizards, trolls, Morris Dancers and one orang-utan. And lots. of hey-nonny-nonny and blood all over the place.

A mysterious beauty with a mysterious past. Two guys competing for the same girl, another girl unable to choose, plus a beach party which is bound to end in disaster.Book 7 in the Mob from TAC series.Tucker Pyles is still being forced to work after school and weekends, by his mother, but how much longer can he possibly hope to hold onto his current job, especially with his slack attitude? Rog Shepherd (Sheep) and Will Adler (Wal) have both decided that they want to take Chelsea Brown to the dance, so they start a competition to see who will get to take her. Mandy Evans really likes Rex, but also has her eye on year 13 hunk, Dale Casterton. But will her desire for Rex destroy any chance she has with Dale?A mysterious beauty by the name of Vanessa Dante arrives, a girl from Rex's past, who desperately wants him back in her life, but why does Rex want nothing to do with her? Could she be the mysterious former love that Rex refuses to talk about? A beach party is planned at Pone Rd. But big trouble is looming.

**NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg, bestselling authors of The Heist, return in this action-packed, exciting adventure featuring master con artist Nicolas Fox and die-hard FBI agent Kate O’Hare. And this time around, things go from hot to nuclear when government secrets are on the line.  ** Internationally renowned thief and con artist Nicolas Fox is famous for running elaborate and daring scams. His greatest con of all: convincing the FBI to team him up with the only person who has ever caught him, and the only woman to ever capture his attention, Special Agent Kate O’Hare. Together they’ll go undercover to swindle and catch the world’s most wanted—and untouchable—criminals. Their newest target is Carter Grove, a former White House chief of staff and the ruthless leader of a private security agency. Grove has stolen a rare Chinese artifact from the Smithsonian, a crime that will torpedo U.S. relations with China if it ever becomes public. Nick and Kate must work under the radar—and against the clock—to devise a plan to steal the piece back. Confronting Grove’s elite assassins, Nick and Kate rely on the skills of their ragtag crew, including a flamboyant actor, a Geek Squad techie, and a band of AARP-card-carrying mercenaries led by none other than Kate’s dad. A daring heist and a deadly chase lead Nick and Kate from Washington, D.C., to Shanghai, from the highlands of Scotland to the underbelly of Montreal. But it’ll take more than death threats, trained henchmen, sleepless nights, and the fate of a dynasty’s priceless heirloom to outsmart Fox and O’Hare. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg's The Job. Praise for *The Chase  * “Fast and entertaining . . . new thrills and adventure on every page.”—Examiner.com *  “The action never stops . . . and a humorous tone keeps everything moving at a fun clip.”—Associated Press   “Great fun, with plenty of twists.”—*The Sacramento Bee

Steve Martin has always been one of the most intelligent of comedians (you won't find Adam Sandler writing a play about Einstein and Picasso anytime soon), but this intelligence is manifested in gymnastically absurdist flights of fancy, rather than the politically informed riffs typical of performers like Lenny Bruce. Pure Drivel is a collection of pieces, most of them written for the New Yorker, that demonstrate Martin's playful way with words and his unerring ability to create a feeling of serendipitous improvisation even on the printed page. Here's a passage from a piece that announces a shortage of periods in the Times Roman font: "Most vulnerable are writers who work in short, choppy sentences," said a spokesperson for Times Roman, who continued, "We are trying to remedy the situation and have suggested alternatives, like umlauts, since we have plenty of umlauts--and, in fact, have more umlauts than we could possibly use in a lifetime! Don't forget, umlauts can really spice up a page with their delicate symmetry--resting often midway in a word, letters spilling on either side--and not only indicate the pronunciation of a word but also contribute to a writer's greater glory because they're fancy, not to mention that they even look like periods, indeed, are indistinguishable from periods, and will lead casual readers to believe that the article actually contains periods!" Although some of these pieces flirted with topicality when they first appeared, Martin is most successful when he leaves the real world behind and gives his wit free rein. This collection preserves the best (so far) of his glorious improvisations. --Simon Leake

From Newbery honor author Jacqueline Kelly comes a new illustrated chapter book series for younger readers featuring the beloved characters from The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate. In Calpurnia Tate, Animal Doctor in Training, Callie Vee, Travis, and Dr. Pritzker help animals big and small. When soft-hearted Travis discovers an abandoned baby skunk, he can't help but bring him home and take care of him. Stinky, as Travis names him, settles in pretty well. But when Travis discovers Stinky's litter-mate, Winky, who is in need of some help, things get complicated around the Tate house. One skunk is a piece of cake; two is just asking for trouble. Will Travis and Callie be able to keep the critters away from Mother's careful eyes—and nose?

H. H. Twilterwaller is living in reality with dreams that are way out. He is in a bad situation with a drudge wife and worse daughter. The contrast with what he had planned and the reality was at the breaking point. Then it broke.Before she can become the greatest empress in history, fifteen-year-old Sophie will have to survive her social-climbing mother’s quest to put her on the throne of Russia—at any cost.Imperial Court holds dangers like nothing Sophie has ever faced before. In the heart of St. Petersburg, surviving means navigating the political, romantic, and religious demands of the bitter Empress Elizabeth and her handsome, but sadistic nephew, Peter. Determined to save her impoverished family—and herself—Sophie vows to do whatever is necessary to thrive in her new surroundings. But an attempt on her life and an unexpected attraction threatens to derail her plans.Alone in a new and dangerous world, learning who to trust and who to charm may mean the difference between becoming queen and being sent home in shame to marry her lecherous uncle. With traitors and murderers lurking around every corner, her very life hangs in the balance. Betrothed to one man but falling in love with another, Sophie will need to decide how much she’s willing to sacrifice in order to become the empress she is destined to be.In a battle for the soul of a nation, will love or destiny reign supreme?

Alien invasion? Zombies? Vampires!? I don’t think so!When alien zombies invade Earth, vampires emerge to defend their food source, and 19-year-old Aria Danes teams up with the strangest group of eccentrics determined to take a stand for the human race. Caught in the middle of a zombie-vampire war, Aria must discover that her strengths outweigh her weaknesses.Alien invasion? Zombies? Vampires!? I don’t think so!Aria was an average 19-year-old with average problems. Average was quite realistic until zombies landed their UFO in her backyard. If Aria wants to survive, she’ll need some help, and who better than a pirate captain, a steampunk inventor, a bazooka wielding slayer, and a deranged Englishman who insists he is Doctor Who?Stuck in a war between vampires and zombie-walking Weeches, Aria and her eccentric crew take a stand for mankind as they fight for their right to survive. Hey, if you have to slaughter zombies and vampires, why not enjoy it?AUTHOR NOTE: This book is currently with the editor. A newly edited edition will be uploaded shortly. Thank you for your patience.

In Max Barry's twisted, hilarious and terrifying vision of the near future, the world is run by giant corporations and employees take the last names of the companies they work for. It's a globalised, ultra-capitalist free market paradise! Hack Nike is a lowly merchandising officer who's not very good at negotiating his salary. So when John Nike and John Nike, executives from the promised land of Marketing, offer him a contract, he signs without reading it. Unfortunately, Hack's new contract involves shooting teenagers to build up street cred for Nike's new line of $2,500 trainers. Hack goes to the police - but they assume that he's asking for a subcontracting deal and lease the assassination to the more experienced NRA. Enter Jennifer Government, a tough-talking agent with a barcode tattoo under her eye and a personal problem with John Nike (the boss of the other John Nike). And a gun. Hack is about to find out what it really means to mess with market forces.

In 2091, partying Floyd Pinkerton crashes on an ice planet in a stolen craft. Soon Earth frenemy Bob Tripeman also crashes a stolen ship. They team to fix Bob’s, of Zzurkwin design (insect-like aliens), to face the beings’ reclamation attack, and being located by Earth authorities, on launch! Their escape primes Floyd’s next on-the-lam space misadventure…after witnessing Mother Earth’s dire fate!The story opens in the year 2091 with hard drinking, cigar smoking Floyd Pinkerton spiraling out of control in an unknown planet’s atmosphere. Through flashbacks, readers learn that Floyd stole the craft (the Blue Maiden) from his employer on Jupiter’s moon, Ganymede--running away from a broken relationship and unsatisfying life. Tailed by the Sun System Sheriff, he hurriedly executes a “jump” through space (using astrogation to travel large distances) and lands smack into the Place That Should Not Be’s (his name for the planet) atmosphere. The Maiden crashes to the surface. He’s unable to budge the craft and, not mechanically inclined, thus stuck. Fully loaded for weeks with rations, booze and stogies, for a while he drinks, engages in shenanigans and wallows in his fate before turning on a distress beacon (praying to not attract “authority types”) and, via ship computers, assessing the planet outside--a low-gravity ice world. He finally ventures out to explore after hearing a large “crash,” his suit outfitted with a PCAH (Personal Consumption Airlock Helmet, allowing one to drink, smoke, etc.). He finds that another craft has crashed to the surface, an alien-looking, banana-shaped model. Could he be the first human to encounter alien life?... Turns out the craft was piloted by an old Earth nemesis of his, Bob Tripeman, who claims he obtained it from an insect-like alien race, the Zzurkwins, which Floyd highly doubts. Deciding that “Cruizy Suzy” (Bob’s name for the banana-shaped ship) is the only one fixable, Bob gets to work, mooching booze and smokes while taking his sweet time and continually rehashing/exaggerating an Earth-based event back in high school where Bob “saved” Floyd’s life. (Floyd crashed a ground car into a snowy ditch and was stuck. Walking to find help, Bob picked him up and proceeded, for weeks, to milk his “saving” Floyd by mooching booze, smokes and more.) They also share general memories of their childhoods on Earth, now an overpopulated world wherein America has been overtaken by the Crescent Jihad, a militant Islamic group that simply walked in and conquered, with most U.S. citizen zombified by smart devices and even Smart Brain Chips (SBCs). Eventually, they launch Suzy back into space, where they are soon attacked by Zzurkwins, who actually board, wanting their craft back (Bob’s explanation of the turn of events is suspect and short on details). What’s more, Tri-World authorities (Earth, Luna and Mars, the Sun System bodies with appreciable human colonization) make radio contact, wanting them both to turn themselves in! Floyd and Bob attempt to lose their pursuers by piloting an escape pod (large enough to hold most of their supplies) into a nearby asteroid belt, landing upon a large ’roid that happens to house an observatory. Via computers controlling multiple telescopes, they discern the Zzurkwin home planet nearby within the system along with, having little choice, their next destination, a habitable moon of the Zzurkwins’ world curiously populated by…human beings? Just before embarking upon this next leg of their on-the-lam vacation, they stumble upon a remote, real-time feed of a familiar planet--and witness a rather dire fate for their beloved Mother Earth! This book serves as a prelude to a novel series, The Cosmic Misadventures of Floyd Pinkerton, Space Crock.

Suburban regular guy Earl Keese confronts the yawning pit of chaos in the persons of Harry and Ramona, a younger couple who have just moved into the only other house on their dead-end street. Literally overnight, Earl's painstakingly controlled world is turned upside down. Soon he is engaged in guerilla warfare with his new neighbors, who seem to threaten the very fabric of his carefully constructed reality.