ThIs dark comedy follows Cameron, the young Scottish soldier as he comes to terms with his new ‘life’, from his first days as a hapless vampire in war-torn WW1 France to the glamorous modern day setting of the Côte d’Azur. Along the way, he develops a distinctive taste for the finer things in life: jewels, yachts, small dogs and champagne-infused humans.Until the outbreak of the First World War, young Cameron Blair would have liked nothing better than to stay in Edinburgh and marry his childhood sweetheart. As the call to arms goes out, Cameron and his pals sign up to fight for their country. They are soon delivered into the nightmare of war, and there Cameron more than meets his maker.The story follows Cameron as he comes to terms with his new ‘life’, from his first days as a hapless vampire in war-torn France to the glamorous modern day setting of the Côte d’Azur. Along the way, he develops a distinctive taste for the finer things in life: jewels, yachts, small dogs and champagne-infused human...

The Apocalypse may or may not be around the corner, but the lamias of Nether Parts Punishments, Afterlife Services England & Wales (Hell), have a more serious problem to deal with.The Apocalypse may or may not be around the corner, but the lamias of Nether Parts Punishments, Afterlife Services England & Wales (Hell), have a more serious problem to deal with. The delivery of twenty-eight unruly souls to the wrong address – viz, their office – and the subsequent overly energetic castigation of said souls by an unsupervised young demon on secondment, could lead to them facing one of the ultimate horrors the underworld has to offer: a disciplinary panel. Hell, we learn, can be almost as much of a trial for the staff as for the customers.

Nikki Maxwell authors an advice column for the school newspaper in this fifth book of the New York Times bestselling Dork Diaries series. Nikki Maxwell develops a sudden interest in student journalism that may or may not (okay, definitely does) have to do with the fact that mean girl MacKenzie has started writing a gossip column. And there just might be some juicy info involving Nikki’s crush, Brandon, that Nikki doesn’t want MacKenzie reporting to the world. So Nikki joins the school newspaper staff—and ends up as an advice columnist! It’s fun at first, answering other kids’ letters. But when Miss Know-It-All’s inbox is suddenly overflowing with pleas for guidance, Nikki feels in need of some help herself. Fortunately she has BFFs Chloe and Zoey on her side—and at her keyboard!

When Paul Kavanagh decided to castrate himself with a pair of sheepshears, he had no idea that he was unwittingly setting the balls in motion, and that the consequences would be devastating.When Paul Kavanagh decided to castrate himself with a pair of sheepshears, he had no idea that he was unwittingly setting the balls in motion, and that the consequences would be devastating. Through humour, irony and merciless observation, Balls follows the knock on effects of Paul Kavanagh's drastic decision on family, friends, colleagues, and the nation as a whole.Is there such a thing as an isolated act? Are we responsible for the sins of our fathers? Or are we just victims of the unpredictable consequences of cause and effect?

In these hilarious stories of perverse meetings, casual dates and romantic encounters, we are enthralled, saddened, inspired and surprised by the encounters we’re made privy to. McCall Smith, a master of the unexpected and a seamless storyteller, revels in offering us the quirky complications inherent in entanglements which human beings engineer for themselves – entanglements that can be shocking, edifying, compulsive, complicated and sometimes, completely disastrous. This is an exceptional collection of stories from an author whose rapidly growing audience delights in his extraordinary imagination and delicious insights into the endlessly fascinating peculiarities of the human condition.

Warning: Adult Humor. In Everybody vs The Ferret 1: Give Me Your Pickle, the boy fruitheads elicit the help of a internet obsessed talking ferret to get revenge for a humiliating stunt orchestrated by the girl fruitheads. The dreaded Michael Jackson device is enabled.In Everybody vs The Ferret 1: Give Me Your Pickle, the boy fruitheads elicit the help of a internet obsessed talking ferret to get revenge on the girl fruitheads after then try to steal the boys' sources of bravado. The dreaded Michael Jackson device is enabled.Based on characters from the author's Everybody Masturbates book series, Everybody vs The Ferret is a satirical novelette series about how we deal with sex and life in the internet age. In every book, Billy, Jack and their pet ferret battle Candy, Tia and the girls in the cold war being waged over who will rule their school. Comparable to the animated TV show South Park.

Just the short tale of a girl whose life was changed overnight. A girl who got to see life from a new view but in the end could not wander far enough to find her original path...Not all killers started out bad, don't you think? Most killers have a motive, a reason for being what they are. And although it sucks you in eventually and makes you keep killing, they weren't always the sadistic, dark type...As the quote goes.. "...Darkness does not always equate to evil as light does not always bring good." -P.C. Cast

As a former underachiever, I would like to offer some words of wisdom to my high-school brethren. The way you fill out the application often determines whether or not you will get accepted into college.Named Best Mystery in the 2015 Next Generation Indie Book Awards and 2015 Shamus Award finalist for Best Indie P.I. NovelA body in a rundown Opera House. Simmering resentment in a small Virginia coastal town. A missing manuscript. A dark family secret.Crime consultant and former classical pianist Scott Drayco reluctantly finds himself on Virginia’s Delmarva Peninsula in Cape Unity, a dilapidated fishing village where vacation homes once provided a playground for the rich. In the center of town rises an imposing Opera House recently bequeathed by a grateful client to Drayco, whose hopes of a quick sale are soon dashed by the ambitions of townspeople looking for civic rebirth and a new client with dreams of his own personal redemption.When the client is murdered in the Opera House, the letter “G” mockingly carved into his chest, Drayco, assisted by the local Sheriff and his attractive Deputy, navigates a maze of illicit love affairs, hostility over immigration and coastal development and a vendetta reaching across the Atlantic into some of the darkest days of human history. Along the way Drayco must overcome doubts about his own past that cost the lives of two innocent children on his last case - before the tensions in Cape Unity explode into more violence, and he becomes the next victim.EDITORIAL REVIEWS:"The storyline here is nicely structured, and creatively ties together two murder mysteries, which occurred decades apart. The small town setting is ideal, the lead character engaging, and the supporting cast interesting and diverse. Overall, a solid start to this series." - Omnimystery News"Lawson uses the gothic features of the abandoned Opera House to great effect, creating an atmospheric background for the crimes and the solving of them, all of it accompanied with music that’s almost like another character. The pace never sagged and it kept me enthralled." - Long & Short Reviews

Based on the family from the bestselling Love in a Nutshell, the story of an heiress longing to marry for love or not at all... From The New York Times bestselling writing duo Janet Evanovich and Dorien Kelly, comes the story of a young woman's search for true love. Caroline Maxwell would like nothing more than to join her brother, Eddie, and his friend, Jack Culhane, on their adventures. While Jack and Eddie are off seeing the world, buying up businesses and building wildly successful careers, Caroline's stuck at home frightening off the men her mother hopes will ask for her hand in marriage. When her mother sets her sights on the questionable Lord Bremerton as a possible suitor, Caroline struggles with her instincts and the true nature of her heart. She longs for adventure, passion, love, and most of all . . . Jack Culhane, an unconventional Irish-American bachelor with new money and no title. A completely unacceptable suitor in the eyes of Caroline's mother. But Caroline's dark hair, brilliant eyes and quick wit have Jack understanding just why it is people fall in love and get married. Set in New York City in 1894, The Husband List is an American gilded age romantic mystery. It evokes memories of the lavish lifestyles and social expectations of the Vanderbilts and Rockefellers―a time when new money from the Americas married Old World social prestige and privilege. Dresses by Worth, transcontinental ocean voyages, lavish parties, a little intrigue, and a lot of romance await in, The Husband List..

From its title on, Sue Townsend's short, utterly entertaining novel is full of jokes both sly and slapstick. The Coventry of the title is one Coventry Dakin, the novel's narrator, and a devoted, intelligent, but intensely bored wife and mother maintaining her dull husband and two nearly-grown children in suburban Midlands. Coventry also just killed her neighbor, a jerk named Gerald Fox who's been spreading nasty (and false) rumors about her. Now she's on the lam, and Townsend, author of the well-loved Adrian Mole series of books, takes us down and out on a comic excursion into London, where Coventry, now a penniless fugitive, seeks protection with both the lowest and highest levels of British society.

Maladict the Magnificent takes a cruel pleasure in tormenting his Vizier but the tables are turned with the help of a Genie.A Fantasy tale of vindictiveness thwarted. Maladict the Magnificent takes a cruel pleasure in tormenting his Vizier but the tables are turned with the help of a Genie and a clever woman.

A tale of epic proportions for the kiddies – of inspired pioneering invention, of galaxy-wide space-exploration and the utterly gut-wrenching strangeness of alien worlds and cultures, and of grit, determination and fortitude in the face of immense adversity. They’ll laugh, they’ll cry, they’ll scream for mercy, but most of all they’ll beg you to stop reading it to them.We proudly present the very latest in the lives of Owner and her forgiving life plan, with plenty of ready advice from Wonka who can discern sense from nonsense in seconds; but how to persuade Owner? She is busy sorting sheds, cooking up a storm and all with the blessing of her new find, a book to reveal the very secrets of the Universe. All the ancient wisdom, all of Jung’s deep thinking brought together in a small paperback by the bed. Will anyone survive Owner’s fighting spirit? Ah, but it is a happy spirit, and bound to make you smile. So read on, and like Wonka, find a warm place in the sun. With big love x

WHO RUNS THE WORLD? SQUIRRELS! Fourteen-year-old Doreen Green moved from sunny California to the suburbs of New Jersey. She must start at a new school, make new friends, and continue to hide her tail. Yep, Doreen has the powers of . . . a squirrel! After failing at several attempts to find her new BFF, Doreen feels lonely and trapped, liked a caged animal. Then one day Doreen uses her extraordinary powers to stop a group of troublemakers from causing mischief in the neighborhood, and her whole life changes. Everyone at school is talking about it! Doreen contemplates becoming a full-fledged Super Hero. And thus, Squirrel Girl is born! She saves cats from trees, keeps the sidewalks clean, and dissuades vandalism. All is well until a real-life Super Villain steps out of the shadows and declares Squirrel Girl his archenemy. Can Doreen balance being a teenager and a Super Hero? Or will she go . . . NUTS?

John Scalzi visits the universe of his bestselling novel The Android's Dream for this exclusive short story, featuring fan favorite character Judge Nugan Bufan Sn -- a brilliant alien jurist whose misanthropy and lack of social graces is matched only by his futile, unrequited for the game of golf. When he hits the links at the absymal Dulles Woods golf course, the unexpected happens: He begins to play well. But there are more hazards on the course for Sn than just sand traps and disaffected caddies… Long a staple of Scalzi's live readings, "Judge Sn Goes Golfing" has never seen print until now. Read what you've been missing.

SHHH….IT’S A SECRET! For over forty-five years, singles have been secretly flocking to The Happy Pants Café. And what are they searching for? It’s not coffee. And it’s not pants. It’s true love, and everyone who goes, finds it! So what, exactly, is the café’s big secret? Harper Branton, a columnist for the San Francisco Tribune, who’d sooner believe in unicorns than in true love, is about to find out. And it’s the perfect story to save her train wreck of a career. Too bad she’s got competition. He’s sexy, he’s arrogant, and he thinks she’s crazy. ("What kind of person doesn’t believe in love?") And this coming from a man! When these two rivals go head to head, it's more like a WWF smackdown. A shared history binds them in wonderful, terrible ways quickly turning their duel into more than just a fight for a story. Will they tear each other apart for the win or end up as two more satisfied Happy Pants customers? Note: Stand-alone story