about a bit.
Exit Tybalt
MERCUTIO
Benvolio. Help me?
Benvolio comforts the wounded Mercutio
BENVOLIO
Everything's going to be all right.
MERCUTIO
(weakly)
Yes. I know it.
Mercutio passes away
BENVOLIO
(with anguish)
See what hatred does?
Mercutio gets up and sits on the chair at the side of the stage. Person in Black places small white sheet on floor where Mercutio fell, exits
Enter Tybalt
TYBALT
(re: ribbon)
I forgot something.
ROMEO
It is I who've forgotten something.
Romeo draws his sword
ROMEO
The meaning of friendship. En garde, sir.
Tybalt draws his sword, they fight
Enter Person in Black, bringing on a chair, sighs, places chair at the side of stage, dusts it
Tybalt falls and passes away
Tybalt gets up, as: Mercutio pats the empty seat next to him. Tybalt mimes his anger [no one can speak when they are at the side of the stage] and sits down next to Mercutio
Person in Black places small white sheet on floor where Tybalt fell, exits
Exit Romeo
Enter Escalus, Lady Capulet and Lady Montague
Escalus looks around
ESCALUS
Who has done this? After everything that I said. Who killed Mercutio?
(beat)
My blood and his blood are the same.
BENVOLIO
Tybalt killed Mercutio, and Romeo killed Tybalt.
LADY CAPULET
Oh, Tybalt. My beloved nephew. For this the Montagues will pay.
ESCALUS
No. Not again.
LADY MONTAGUE
My Romeo's done nothing wrong. Leave him alone.
ESCALUS
Let it be known, Romeo is now exiled. If he should return then that hour is his last.
Exeunt
SCENE TEN
Enter Friar Lawrence and Romeo
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Greetings, Romeo.
ROMEO
Good morning, Friar Lawrence. Although this is not a good morning.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I know. News of your banishment has reached me.
ROMEO
Banishment?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Didn't you know? You are banished from Verona.
ROMEO
No! This is worse than death.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Oh, come now.
ROMEO
There is no life for me outside of Verona. In Verona there is heaven, because in Verona there is Juliet. Beyond it there is only hell.
Romeo has a strop:
ROMEO
Why has this happened to me? Grrrr!
Romeo's mobile sounds
ROMEO
(looking at mobile)
It's a text, from Juliet.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
You're lucky to get a signal,
ROMEO
(very happy)
Yes! She still loves me!/
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Luckier still only to be banished. Had you been put to death, when Escalus came to rue such a decision where would you be but dead? In this way you live.
ROMEO
Yet I do not live.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Oh for goodness sake. Has anyone ever told you that you're a wuss?
ROMEO
Once.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Just the once?
(beat)
Text her back./
ROMEO
(re: mobile)
Signal's gone again.
Friar Lawrence is getting a little irritated
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Listen. Go outside, and text her back saying that you can spend one night together before you have to go alone to Mantua - some thirty miles south. Have you still got your mask? For you should go in disguise.
ROMEO
No. The nose fell off and the elastic broke.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Anyway... as soon as possible after tonight, I will publish details of your marriage. Then: you'll be allowed to come back, you and Juliet will be reunited and - God willing - your families will be reconciled.
ROMEO
I'll do it.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Tell her, face to face, about our plan.
ROMEO
Will do.
Exeunt
SCENE ELEVEN
Enter Juliet
Enter Lady Capulet
LADY CAPULET
What are you up to?
JULIET
Nothing, mum. It's late and I'm tired.
LADY CAPULET
I've decided to bring your wedding forward.
JULIET
What?! We're still mourning Tybalt.
LADY CAPULET
There is scarcely more joy to offset a death than that of a marriage.
JULIET
I say, there is scarcely more offence to be caused than to take joy in the shadow of such mourning.
LADY CAPULET
Talk to the crown. The Lady's not listening.
JULIET
I forgive Romeo.
LADY CAPULET
How dare you.
Juliet is very confused
JULIET
Oh, but then, maybe he is bad. He did kill Tybalt.
(frustrated)
Oh, I don't know. Grrrr!
LADY CAPULET
When you've quite finished.
(beat)
It's all been arranged. You and Paris are to be married in St. Peter's church, on Thursday.
JULIET
I should rather marry Romeo whom I hate. Or love.
LADY CAPULET
Here comes your dad.
Enter Capulet [with snacks] and Nurse [with embroidery]
Nurse looks at the proceedings, wants to find an opportunity to sit down
CAPULET
Has your mother told you?
JULIET
Yes.
CAPULET
You will make me very proud.
JULIET
I will not be married to Paris.
CAPULET
(sighs)
Then never look me in the face again.
(to Lady Capulet)
Isn't that right, dear.
LADY CAPULET
Yes, it is.
JULIET
(pleading)
But, dad.
Exit Capulet
LADY CAPULET
And I will have nothing more to do with you.
Exit Lady Capulet
Nurse sits, resumes her embroidery, begins humming
JULIET
Oh, nurse! My husband is on earth, and my faith is in heaven, but...
NURSE
You've got a problem.
JULIET
Tell my parents I've gone to Friar Lawrence to confess.
NURSE
Are you sure?
JULIET
Or tell them what you will.
Exit Juliet
Exit Nurse
SCENE TWELVE
Enter Friar Lawrence, pottering with gardening tools
Enter Juliet
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Greetings, Juliet. I'm simply watering plants at this point.
JULIET
Oh, Friar Lawrence. I am to be married to Paris on Thursday.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Oh, dear. That cannot happen.
JULIET
I know.
Enter Paris
PARIS
Good morrow, good Friar.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Greetings, Paris.
JULIET
So you're Paris.
PARIS
Yes, my sweet Juliet. Good morrow to you, and may there be many more "good morrows" to follow.
JULIET
My nurse fancies you.
PARIS
But it's you that I am to marry. Isn't it wonderful.
JULIET
(unconvincingly)
Yes.
PARIS
Bye-ee.
Exit Paris
JULIET
I would rather be buried alive than marry Paris. How am I going to get out of this one?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I have an idea. Call me wacky - and many have, you know who you are, but tell me what you think, OK?
JULIET
Go on.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Go home, be merry and consent to the marriage with Paris,/
JULIET
(interrupting)
What?!/
FRIAR LAWRENCE
But, hang on! - take this vial with you.
JULIET
P'dann?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
This little glass tube thingy. It contains what I like to call my "forty-two hour sleepy deathy liquid."
JULIET
The purpose of which is..?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
On the night before your wedding drink the liquid./
JULIET
(re: colour of liquid)
Eeuw!/
FRIAR LAWRENCE
It will make you appear dead./
JULIET
Double eeuw!/
FRIAR LAWRENCE
You'll be taken to the family vault, Paris will think you're a gonner and move on. He'll find someone else.
JULIET
Maybe my nurse?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Possibly. She's not bad looking.
JULIET
What about me and Romeo?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I'll send word to Romeo, ahead of time. He can rescue you from the family vault and you can both go to Mantua - some thirty miles south.
JULIET
I'll do it.
Exeunt
SCENE THIRTEEN
Enter Juliet and Capulet
LADY CAPULET
Nurse tells me you've been to confess your sins. Is that true?
JULIET
Yes. It's fine now.
Enter Capulet
CAPULET
What's fine?
JULIET
Mum, Dad - announcement: I will marry Paris.
LADY CAPULET
That's cutting it fine, young lady.
JULIET
I know.
LADY CAPULET
You know too, don't you, that we'd have forced you marry Paris anyway.
JULIET
Yes.
CAPULET
You are my daughter again.
LADY CAPULET
And mine.
JULIET
Group hug.
Capulet and Juliet hug. Lady Capulet stands aloof. Juliet looks sad
LADY CAPULET
Such preparations to make.
CAPULET
Think of all the food.
LADY CAPULET
(calling)
Nurse!
Enter Nurse
LADY CAPULET
Good news.
NURSE
I know. I heard. You are all rather loud.
LADY CAPULET
Then you must help, er...
NURSE
Juliet./
LADY CAPULET
Yes, Juliet - to prepare.
Exit Capulet and Lady Capulet
NURSE
I shall help you prepare.
JULIET
No need. Take a night off.
NURSE
But such a night.
JULIET
I know. There has never been such a night.
Juliet takes some money out of her purse, hands some money to Nurse
JULIET
Go and get yourself some fish and chips, down by the river. And a bottle of Vimto. Make a night of it. Please. On me.
Nurse looks emotional. They hug
Exit Nurse
Juliet takes out the vial and looks at it
JULIET
Such doubt. What if this is poison and not "forty-two hour sleepy deathy liquid". But Friar Lawrence is a holy man. I can trust him. I hope.
Juliet drinks and falls asleep
SCENE FOURTEEN
Enter Friar Lawrence with a mobile phone, the box that it came in and its paperwork
Enter Friar John
FRIAR JOHN
You wanted to see me.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Yes. Greetings Friar John.
FRIAR JOHN
Greetings. Sorry, I should have said that to you, shouldn't I.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Never mind.
FRIAR JOHN
How may I serve ye?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
It's this phone.
FRIAR JOHN
Ah, yes. Your new phone. Don't tell me - you don't know how to use it.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I do know how to use it - for I have read the manual, but it doesn't work.
FRIAR JOHN
It needs charging.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Exactly.
FRIAR JOHN
First-time use.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I don't have the time for all that, and that's where you come in.
FRIAR JOHN
Right.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Do you have a pair of trainers.
FRIAR JOHN
Um... I've got some deck shoes.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
OK./
FRIAR JOHN
They're a bit whiffy./
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Doesn't matter./
FRIAR JOHN
I almost threw them out./
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Fine./
FRIAR JOHN
I thought to myself: you're never going to need those things in here. Get rid./
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(getting a bit tetchy)
Yes.
FRIAR JOHN
Good job I didn't, eh.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(sternly)
All right! Friar John. Enough!
FRIAR JOHN
Sorry.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
They'll have to do. Now. I need you to take this message - which I've written down on good, old-fashioned notepaper, to Mantua/
FRIAR JOHN
Some thirty miles south./
FRIAR LAWRENCE
To a certain person.
FRIAR JOHN
"A certain person"? Who's that, then?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
His name/
FRIAR JOHN
(interrupting)
So it's a man, then./
Yes.
FRIAR JOHN
How many syllables?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
We're not playing that game. His name starts with an "R" and ends with an "O."
FRIAR JOHN
Rooney-o?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Don't be silly.
FRIAR JOHN
Ooh - I know... Ronaldo.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
No.
Friar Lawrence whispers in Friar John's ear
FRIAR JOHN
Aah! I see!
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(handing over paperwork)
Don't read it. Just deliver it.
FRIAR JOHN
Righty-ho. You know me.
Exeunt
SCENE FIFTEEN
Juliet is still asleep appearing to be dead
Enter Nurse
NURSE
Juliet, wakey-wakey.
Enter Lady Capulet
LADY CAPULET
What's up?
NURSE
She's sound asleep.
LADY CAPULET
Juliet. Wake up. It's your wedding day.
Enter Capulet, Paris and Friar Lawrence
PARIS
Hey, bride-to-be. Good morrow!
Friar Lawrence sees the empty vial and quickly hides it
PARIS
I've got a new M.P.3 player. We can use it on our honeymoon. I've downloaded the latest Jessie J.
Paris tries to wake Juliet
PARIS
She feels very cold.
Friar Lawrence feels Juliet's skin, beckons Nurse over
Nurse feels Juliet's pulse, gets very upset
NURSE
She is gone.
LADY CAPULET
How?
CAPULET
Our only child.
Lady Capulet holds Juliet's hand, looks around the room
LADY CAPULET
These flowers - these hateful flowers. They're no longer a beginning, but an end.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
We need to place her in the church.
Exeunt
SCENE SIXTEEN
Enter Romeo
Romeo is trying out some new poetry
ROMEO
You are my love, you are a dove and when you looked down from above...
Enter Paperboy [with newspapers]
PAPERBOY
Local newspaper. Free bingo card, pizza price-list and tragic death of a beauty in Verona.
ROMEO
Where? Let me see.
Paperboy hand over a paper
Exit Paperboy
Romeo reads the paper
ROMEO
(to self/sky)
Juliet, I swear I will join you again. For now, I must get to that dubious chemist.
Exit Romeo
SCENE SEVENTEEN
Enter Chemist [with bottles]
Enter Romeo
Romeo selects a bottle and takes it to Chemist
CHEMIST
Is this for yourself?
ROMEO
Yes. It's for me.
CHEMIST
Always read the label./
ROMEO
Yes, yes./
CHEMIST
Too much of this - and it could result in death.
ROMEO
Good. I mean, good that you told me.
CHEMIST
Just follow the directions. Or not.
(winks)
If you know what I mean.
Romeo getting ready to hand over money
CHEMIST
Thought about it myself once or twice, you know.
ROMEO
Really.
CHEMIST
(heavy sigh)
Yep. Ending it all.
ROMEO
Fascinating.
Romeo hands over some money, Chemist puts it in the drawer. Chemist puts bottle in paper bag, offers bag to Romeo, but won't let go of it
Chemist smiles strangely
ROMEO
What? I've given you the exact money.
CHEMIST
I know.
(points to own face)
It's an engaging smile.
ROMEO
It's insane.
CHEMIST
Look again.
ROMEO
I have. I need to go.
Chemist lets go of paper bag, holds up a big bar of Galaxy
CHEMIST
Can I interest you in any half-price chocolate?
ROMEO
No. I must go to my love.
Romeo takes the bag and exits
Exit Chemist
SCENE EIGHTEEN
Enter Juliet, lies down
Enter Paris and Page to Paris [with torch and flowers]
PAGE TO PARIS
I'm scared.
PARIS
You're the one with the torch.
PAGE TO PARIS
I'm still scared.
PARIS
Give me the flowers.
Enter Romeo and Balthasar [with torch]
Balthasar and Page to Paris have a torch battle, a little bit like laser swords, as:
PARIS
What are you doing here?
In the dark, Romeo can't make out who is there
ROMEO
Who are you, and what are you doing here?
PARIS
You come here with thoughts of villainy.
ROMEO
No. I do not.
PARIS
You are Romeo. Banished from Verona.
Paris draws his sword
PAGE TO PARIS
Master. Be careful.
ROMEO
(heavy sigh)
Not at this time.
PARIS
You are a Montague.
ROMEO
I am sworn to Juliet.
PARIS
As am I.
Paris brandishes his sword
Romeo draws his sword, they fight
Enter Person in Black, bringing on a chair, places it at the side of the stage, dusts off the seat
Person in Black shakes their head in disbelief
Paris passes away
PAGE TO PARIS
I'll get help.
Exit Page to Paris
Tybalt taps the chair next to him. Paris gets up sits down next to Tybalt. Person in Black places small white sheet on floor where Paris fell, exits
ROMEO
(to Balthasar)
Torch.
Romeo takes the torch and looks down on the floor
ROMEO
I've killed Paris. A man of honour.
Romeo looks around the rest of the area
ROMEO
And Tybalt. Beloved cousin of my fair, sweet Juliet. I plead that, wherever you are, you might forgive me.
Tybalt gives a slow, but respectful, thumbs-up
Romeo turns to Juliet
Enter Citizen 1, DSR
ROMEO
O, l'amore mia. La mia tesora. [pronounced: or, l'amm-ORR-eh MEE-yah. Lah mee-ah tess-ORR-uh]
CITIZEN 1
(translating, without emotion)
"Oh, my love. My darling."
ROMEO
Gi‡, mi manchi. [pronounced: juh mee-MANN-key]
CITIZEN 1
"I miss you already."
ROMEO
(placing Juliet's hand by her side)
Ti voglio bene. [pronounced: tee VOLL-yoh beh-neh]
CITIZEN 1
"I love you."
ROMEO
Sempre. [pronounced: SEMM-preh]
CITIZEN 1
"Always."
Exeunt Citizen 1 and Balthasar, [overcome]
Romeo is about to drink the poison
Enter Person in Black, bringing on a chair, places it at the side of the stage, sighs heavily, dusts off the seat
Mercutio, Tybalt and Paris stand trying to stop Romeo, they gesture but they cannot be seen [they cannot speak so they cannot be heard]
ROMEO
(quietly, looking at Juliet)
Sempre.
Romeo passes away
Romeo stands, leaving the dagger and the bottle. He silently high-fives Mercutio before he sits down next to Paris, as:
Person in Black places small white sheet on floor where Romeo fell, exits
Juliet stirs. Romeo looks on in horror from the side of the stage
JULIET
Da-nah! Surprise! Not dead! I jest.
Juliet tries to wake Romeo
JULIET
Romeo! Wake up. Romeo?
Juliet is unable to wake Romeo. She looks around the room
JULIET
Oh, no. And Paris too.
Juliet turns to where Romeo fell
Enter Citizen 2, DSL
JULIET
O, Dio. O, caro mio. [pronounced: or
DEE-yoh. Or CAR-or MEE-yoh]
CITIZEN 2
(translating, without emotion)
"Oh God. Oh, my darling."
JULIET
In assenza di te... non posso vivere. [pronounced: in ah-SENN-zah dee tay, non POSS-soh VEE-veh-reh]
CITIZEN 2
"I cannot live without you."
Exit Citizen 2
Noise of people approaching
Enter Person in Black, bringing on a chair, places it at the side of the stage, makes an "I give up" gesture, dusts off the seat, as:
Juliet takes the dagger off of floor and stabs herself
Juliet passes away
Juliet crosses to the side of the stage, hugs Romeo; they sit down next to each other, as:
Person in black places small white sheet on floor where Juliet fell, exits
Enter Friar Lawrence
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Oh, no.
Enter Friar John
FRIAR JOHN
(upbeat, unaware)
Phew! Goodness me! It's taken ages to get here. I'd have been better off in my sandals.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(solemnly)
It's too late.
FRIAR JOHN
Oh.
Exit Friar Lawrence
Friar John looks around
Enter remainder of cast, Friar Lawrence being forcibly dragged on by Guard
GUARD
Behold His Royal Highness, Prince Escalus.
ESCALUS
(to Friar Lawrence)
Tell me, friar, holy man, what has happened.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
This young man and this young woman were married.
Gasps from the crowd
FRIAR LAWRENCE
All they wanted was each other. To love, and to be loved in return.
Friar Lawrence hands a letter to Escalus
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Here are the full details.
Escalus quickly reads the letter
ESCALUS
This letter was written, and signed, by Romeo. It makes good the all of the friar's words.
Escalus folds the paper delicately, and hands it to Lady Montague
ESCALUS
(to Capulet and Montague)
You two are fools, but you've been punished more so than even fools deserve. And so as the madness ever continued so shall it end.
(commandingly)
Now.
Lady Capulet whispers in Capulet's ear
Capulet moves towards Montague
Capulet holds out his hand
CAPULET
Give me thy hand, brother Montague.
Montague takes Capulet's hand
LADY CAPULET
We recognise, and we rejoice in, our daughter's marriage to your son.
LADY MONTAGUE
Thank you, sweetheart. That means a lot.
Lady Capulet and Lady Montague hug, Lady Capulet realising for the first time how wonderful a hug can be
MONTAGUE
And I swear that, so long as there's Verona there will always be a Juliet.
All at side of stage rejoice, still only silently
ESCALUS
Come. All. Let us talk of happiness.
BENVOLIO
And peace.
BALTHASAR
Absolutely.
Juliet steps out of "heaven" and is now able to speak:
JULIET
Did somebody say "peace"?
LADY CAPULET
Juliet!
Juliet and Lady Capulet hug, then:
Juliet extends her arm to beckon Romeo out of heaven; Romeo steps out of heaven
ROMEO
Juliet!
Juliet and Romeo hug
LADY MONTAGUE
Romeo, my boy.
MONTAGUE
All right, old son.
CAPULET
Time for some/
LADY CAPULET
(interrupting)
Food comes later.
CAPULET
Yes, dear.
LADY CAPULET
(to Capulet)
First of all: I want to hug everyone - to make up for lost time, starting with... you!
CAPULET
Oo-err.
Capulet and Lady Capulet hug, as:
Romeo extends his arm to beckon Paris out of heaven; Paris steps out of heaven
Lady Capulet hugs ad-lib, but starts with Romeo, as:
Paris and Romeo shake hands, Paris bows to Juliet
PARIS
(to Juliet)
Where be your nurse?
NURSE
Yoo-hoo!
Paris looks back at heaven, extends his arm to beckon Tybalt. Tybalt steps out of heaven
TYBALT
(still a bit tetchy)
I don't understand any of this.
JULIET
It's this school.
ROMEO
Where anything is possible.
Tybalt grunts, looks left and right
EVERYONE
(except Tybalt, calling out in unison)
Tybalt!
Juliet nods towards heaven
TYBALT
OK.
Tybalt extends his arm to beckon Mercutio out of heaven; Mercutio steps out of heaven
Tybalt and Mercutio stand looking at each other for a second
MERCUTIO
(to Tybalt)
Come on. You know you want to.
Tybalt and Mercutio have a quick hug, then do a short bit of play-boxing
Friar Lawrewnce steps DSC
FRIAR LAWRENCE
And that's how it should be, and that's how it is.
ESCALUS
Come. All - and I mean all. Let's celebrate the happy times that we've had here together. And - although we might be going off in different directions, let's look to our futures.
JULIET
Three cheers for . Hip hip!
EVERYONE
Hooray!
JULIET
Hip hip!
EVERYONE
Hooray!
JULIET
Hip hip!
EVERYONE
Hooray!
CURTAIN
THE END
###
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