A measure of mental health is the disposition to find good everywhere. When negative things happen, your opinion is the conduit for further suffering or positive outcomes, it’s your choice. If you are waiting for something good to happen to change your view, it’s likely you’ll be waiting a long time. After any traumatic event it’s natural to want to be the person you were before it all happened, but you’re not that person any longer. The more you fight for what you’re not, the less you’ll accept who you newly are. Accept, appreciate and surrender to yourself. Humans are spiritual beings living a physical experience. Everything is our choice. I now fully support that who I am shapes what I am! I am what I am, there is no façade, no mask and for that very fact I feel more like me than I’ve ever felt before.
EPILOGUE
As the plane touched down at Heathrow, Dave and I were whisked into a car bound for Bury St Edmunds. Christmas was just a few weeks away and it was the final venue of a short theatre tour I’d been on, talking about my life’s experiences. Before my departure to Central America, the issue my team and I were concerned about was that I would have to be in the public eye so quickly after taking la medecina – what if it had negative effects? It could all end in disaster! There’s nothing like standing under a spotlight in front of 500 people if you’re going to screw up and lose your mind. So far, the tour had been amazing, we’d created a simulation, taking audience members as mock-hostages to make it as interactive as possible. But come the gig in Bury St Edmunds, despite the fact we’d been halfway round the world that day (and further still in the spirit realm), it was the best performance of the lot and we went out on a high. It wasn’t just that the audience were appreciative, I felt different. Gone was the self-criticism, that annoying character trait of feeling I was being constantly judged. After a lifetime of friction living in the wrong skins, the restlessness and discomfort, I’ve finally removed the burden of self-doubt and found the inner me.
And Nicko? There’s no doubt I saw Dave go through hell at Soltara, however, I also saw him pass through heaven on his fourth evening with Ayahuasca Airlines, and that is when he decided his life was worth living. Dave is a very different person to the one I left the UK with in Dec 2019; you can see it in his face, hear it in his words. He’s committed to himself and his beautiful wife and children. I know in my heart he will be a better person not only for himself, but for all that are close and encounter him. He’s now at peace with himself and has clarity, focus and happiness. I cannot thank the Heroic Hearts Project enough for their kindness, and also the guidance and professionalism of the staff at Soltara’s amazing facility. One in five veterans returned from Afghanistan are said to suffer from PTSD, and Heroic Hearts are proving to the medical establishment that using psychedelic medicine in a safe, controlled environment is having great results in treating it. For myself and Nicko, the ayahuasca treatment was hugely effective. One of our 18 participants considered his week at Soltara equal in its impact to the two years of traditional treatment he’d already received. I was so moved by my own experience and the transformative effect ayahuasca had on Nicko, that I have now become a Heroic Hearts ambassador.
I proposed to Laura on New Year’s Eve, 2019. I’m a very impulsive person, but I can tell you this was the most prolonged decision I’ve ever made. Jaded by our past experiences, marriage is something both myself and Laura have always been scornful of. To be honest, I’d been a little apprehensive that the whole Soltara experience might affect our relationship (or, more to the point, me), but the teacher plant gave me the clarity I needed, and while in Costa Rica, I decided to make a commitment. Laura has sacrificed so much for me and the businesses we run together while also bringing up her son, William. Up until now, I’ve never felt the pure essence of love from another as I do from her. I may have been loved in the past, but, due to my self-loathing I didn’t feel I deserved it and built a wall around myself so it couldn’t get in. Although I had doubts that Laura wanted to get married, I knew deep down at the least it would make her feel more secure for William and herself. If anything happened to me, my business projects would also be left to her, as she has been part of everything I have created from scratch.
It was almost midnight, when I asked her to join me next to the fire. Ever the planner, I’d pre-loaded the ring into a hiding spot close by where we were now sitting with our glasses of alcohol-free champagne. I told Laura I had just one more present for her. She giggled with excitement as I presented her with a small box, her eyes widening as she opened it and gasped, immediately shutting the lid! As breathless as I, she opened the box a second time and gazed at the diamond-studded ring in wonder. I found it hard to get my words out; it wasn’t so much a question of, ‘Will you marry me?’ more about how I felt about her, and that I would always love and protect her and her son, and that I’d like to get married at some point, if she agreed we should. And luckily for me, she said yes! And that, my friends, is the end – for now.
Now is the time for your call for action. After you’ve read this, please go and set yourself a goal, a challenge that scares you a little. Tell everyone about it and make yourself accountable. After I returned from series two of SAS: Who Dares Wins, I contacted an organisation called ‘One Year No Beer’ as I was so pleased with my two months’ sobriety and wanted to take it further. I wanted to make myself accountable. Like it or not we are susceptible to others’ judgement, so you may as well make it work for you – tell people of your goal, let them know what you’re aiming for and when. Because if you don’t tell a soul, nobody will know if you’ve abandoned your challenge, and no one will hold you to account. We all have the capability within ourselves of doing extraordinary things, it’s our choice. As we come to an end part of me wants to say to you, ‘Good luck!’, but you don’t need it. Just follow the steps in this book and you’ll get where you need to go. Be brave, be focused, be Battle Ready.
For more supporting material and for my fitness programmes please head to www.ollieollerton.co.uk
FURTHER READING
Books to inspire, provoke and further your journey.
Break Point
By Ollie Ollerton – My autobiography covers a whirlwind of events including my early days, as a juvenile delinquent, SAS Selection, taking fire from kidnappers in Iraq; busting child trafficking rings in Thailand and battling the demons of drink and depression in order to get my life back.
The Very Best of Friedrich Nietzsche: Quotes from a Great Thinker
By David Graham – stuffed full of the German philosopher’s best quotes on life, suffering, self-knowledge and hope.
Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions
By Russell Brand – Hard earned, searing wisdom from the comic wordsmith, following his journey in the 12-Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Make Your Bed: Small Things That Can Change Your Life. . . And Maybe The World
By retired US Navy Seal, Admiral William H. McRaven – This brilliant little book has wise pearls about growing good habits, teamwork, courage and pulling the best out of yourself.
Man’s Search For Meaning
By Viktor E. Frankl – Based on Frankl’s experience in the Nazi deathcamps, this book shows that even at our most dehumanized we can still possess humanity.
A New Earth
By Eckhart Tolle – Tolle shines a light on human dysfunction, selfishness and the overactive ego, teaching us that real freedom is found by being in the now.
You Are the Placebo: Making Your Mind Matter
By Joe Dispenza – By using the right thoughts and behaviours we can heal ourselves of physical and mental illness and reconfigure our reality.
Stand Up Straight
By Major General Paul Nanson – Great tips from the famous Officer’s Military Academy on taking pride in yourself and the way you go about things, establishing new habits and how to cope under stress.
In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts
By Doctor Gabor Maté – Maté spent 12 years working with addicts
in Vancouver’s skid row. Refreshing in its take on addiction.
The 5 Second Rule
By Mel Robbins – If you have an urge to fulfil a goal, unless you act on it within five seconds, your brain will kill it. Brilliant and inspirational.
Meditations
By Marcus Aurelius – Taken from the great Roman Emperor’s diaries and notes to himself, this book is packed with quotes on self-control, justice, wisdom and courage; the four pillars of Stoicism.
Ten Arguments For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now By Jaron Lanier – An ex-Silicon Valley scientist spills the beans on the mental health dangers of social networks.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Big thank you to David Riding at MBA, my editor Matt Phillips and his team at Blink who bring my creativity to the surface, and my ghost writer Richard Waters who simply understands everything I think and say. I commend you all.
Laura, you are amazing and I cannot thank you enough for your unconditional love and support and for keeping the business wheels firmly inflated and in constant motion even while I’m away. Everyday I give gratitude to myself for the structure and discipline exercised to bring myself from what seemed like a bottomless pit of despair and depression. Six years ago I would have never believed where I am today even in my wildest of dreams. Never stop giving yourself credit for all you achieve.
To the reader: if you were hoping this book would provide a magic formula, understand that the magic is within you, I simply provide the stepping stones from my own experience that worked so well for me. I wrote this book for other people to see that there is a better way for us all to live a fuller happier life. If you are reading this section of the book there’s a good chance you’ve read the content. Well done for investing in yourselves and I hope this serves as the catalyst to change for good.
To the incredible team at Soltara who open the gates to self-development, love and understanding.
Jesse at The Heroic Hearts Project, well done brother! Having the insight to discover an alternative method of recovery for our veterans deserves massive praise in advance for all that you help and, in some cases, save. I look forward to guiding veterans from the UK to you. Thank you to all the sponsors that make it possible to be treated through The Heroic Hearts Project.
I am so grateful for my amazing family, who are a massive part of my drive and passion to succeed, I love you all.
And last but not least, I have no idea what happened to you after that day but I think about you often and praise you for your actions, you showed selfless love to your baby and did what any species would do to protect its own. You have been a part of my life I don’t regret and I hope you had a peaceful life away from the circus. Love you Chimp!
INDEX
ABC News 134–7, 199
abundance 157, 174, 176, 188–9, 207–9, 224, 228, 272
activation energy 244
actualisation 122, 148, 183
addiction 9, 20, 22, 37, 55, 58, 104, 171, 172, 185–92, 198, 214, 223, 243, 270, 278, 299, 300
aging 101–2, 165, 227, 230–3
alcohol:
abstinence 9, 18, 46, 241–2, 269, 297
dependency 27–8, 29, 34, 37, 46, 114, 171, 175, 217, 223
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) 241, 269, 299
alertness 138, 140, 231
Ali, Muhammad 197
Ananthaswamy, Anil 101
antioxidants 229, 231–3
Aristotle 164
Auschwitz 56, 271
ayahuasca treatment 9, 11–12, 275–9, 286, 295–6
Bannister, Roger 207
Basnisteriopsis caapi 275
Battle Ready, how to become 1, 77, 183
Billingham, Mark ‘Billy’ 191
Blake, William 257
blood–brain barrier 231, 233
blueberries 99, 231
bootcamp 77, 181, 181–5, 197–233, 241
boredom 31, 37, 76, 83, 106, 197, 243
brain:
health 230–1
stem 97–8
three types of 97–8
Brand, Russell 20, 299
Break-Point 11
created 19, 50, 114, 120, 181, 200
MO 18
break point, defined 111, 115
‘Breathe, Recalibrate and Deliver’ 36, 81–2, 86, 111, 129, 139, 140, 152, 239
Brisbane Outrigger Canoe Club 44, 45
broccoli 232
bubbles and bullets 134–42
buddying up 167
bullying 35, 106, 133, 165
caffeine 204, 231
Campbell, Joseph 247
cardiovascular health 224
change:
baby steps to 43–7
barriers to 19, 75–192
call to 19, 23–69
how to 19, 197–233
sustaining 19, 239–72
techniques towards 46–50
chaos 12, 134, 221, 261
child-trafficking 32–4, 58, 62, 271
childhood trauma 173–6
chimpanzee attack 7–9, 12–13, 44, 275–6, 289–90
chocolate 232
choline 233
Churchill Winston 128
clarity 18, 81, 112, 123, 139, 141, 142, 147–8, 183, 218, 222, 249, 296
Clear, James 149
co-dependency 36, 185, 212
coffee 231
coincidence 31, 262–5
comfort zone 20, 22, 77, 99, 105–11, 150, 157, 163, 175, 245–6, 266
common goal 107, 164
concentration 49, 221, 222, 231, 233, 256–7
contract, with oneself 1, 201–2
CrossFit 44, 45
curcumin 231
dark chocolate 232
Dave (Iraq operative) 135–41, 287, 288–9, 295, 295–6
daydreams 133
‘death plant’ 9
dementia, see neurodegenerative disease
Denny (friend) 31, 32, 263
dependency 44, 141, 184, 200, 215, 250
depression, see mental health Devil’s trident 188–92
diabetes 101, 103
diet, see nutrition
discipline 1, 18, 19, 45, 62, 150, 173, 200, 202, 229, 240
Dispenza, Joe 99, 100, 250–1, 300
dissatisfaction 17, 20, 58
DMT 11
‘do it later’s 105, 148
dominant thought 55–6, 119, 156
dopamine 172, 214, 223, 227, 231
drugs dependency 29, 37, 171, 175, 223
eggs 233
ego-driven behaviour 21–2, 82–7, 242
Einstein, Albert 122, 255
emotional equilibrium 172
Emoto, Masaru 257
empathy 98, 174, 215, 270, 282–3
emptiness 10, 17, 55, 57
endorphins 152, 172, 223
energy in motion 256–7
Exenatide 103
exercise 44, 104, 204, 223–8, 239
exercises:
box breathing 219
breaking down the goal 126–7
the clock 38–9
comfort zone 109–10
creating a smart goal 126–7
ego the diva 88–92
habit formation 152–5 I
don’t like running 225
ikigai 59–60
make your own contract 202
meditation 222
mission success 161–2
morning affirmations 210–11
positive affirmations 210–11
the purpose pyramid 65–6
short-term discomfort 116
taking stock of your life 67–8
trust in coincidence 265
visualisation 143
what you can’t control 270
what’s worth worrying about 270
where’s my phone? 216
who’s in my tribe? 166
external fixes 17
fa
sting 204
fatty fish 230–1
fear 247–50
fight-or-flight 62, 78, 98, 105, 249
Fighter’s Heaven 197
finish line 128–9
fire, first discovered 77–8
5-second rule 244–7, 249, 302
folate 233
Foreman, George 197
Frankl, Viktor 56–7, 267, 271, 299
Frasier, Joe 197
friendship 17, 67–8, 112, 164–5, 166, 212–13, 228
GABA 233
Gila monster 103
giving 271–2
Golden Triangle 33
Goldilocks Zone 255
great escape 35–7
greed 83, 84, 123
green tea 233
Grey Man 31–5, 46, 62, 264, 271
gross national happiness (GNH) 84
guilt 18, 29, 80, 85, 105, 215, 243, 258, 283
Hadfield, Chris 243
hallucinogens 9, 11
Helen (ex-wife) 44
‘herd’ thinking 177
Heroic Hearts Project 11
hope, false dawn of 32–5
human trafficking 32–4, 58, 62, 271
hump day 182–4
ikigai 57, 59–60
imagination 98, 121, 136, 207
inflammation 102, 229, 230, 231
inspiration 68, 107, 163, 197, 220, 302
James (friend) 5, 6, 261
Jessie (charity worker) 11
kindness 57, 271, 296
L-theanine 233
la medecina, see ayahuasca treatment
Langer, Ellen 101, 102
Laura (girlfriend) 148–9, 282, 296–7
Lee, Bruce 69, 103–4, 206
life positioning system (LPS) 75–7
Liston, Sonny 197
long-term gain 8, 105, 111–13, 116, 139, 185–6, 245, 259
loss 10, 56, 141, 174, 266
McRaven, William H. 43