“Alex,IcleanedupasbestIcouldbeforeIleft.Seeyou tonight.Ashlyn.”Hesmirked.“P.S.Ididn’ttouchCiara’sroom becauseitwasspotlessanyway.Youcouldlearnathingfrom her.”Alex’ssmileturnedintoasoftlaugh.Thecornerofthenote wasmarkedwithalipstickstainwhereAshlynhadlikelykissed themirrortobecute.Ifnothingelse,itmadehim feelbetter aboutcominghome.Hewaswishingshehadbeentherejustto helphim keepitalltogether,butthiswasenoughtokeephim hopeful.Maybeshewouldcomebackonceshewasallowedto.
Alex’sreminiscingwascutshortbythesoundofaboard creaking.Heturnedtofacehisdoorway;heknew exactlywhere thesoundhadcomefrom.Thefloornearthedownstairs bathroom hadasingleboardthewouldmakenoiseifyoustepped tooheavilyonit,ofcoursehewoulddismisstheoneroom where someonewashiding,thatjustseemedlikehisluck.Hequickly andquietlywalkedawayfrom hisbedroom anddownthestairs intothebottom halfofthehouse.Hestoppednearthewallbythe bathroom door,justnexttothegarage.Alexlookedatthesetup; itwaslikelythepersonwaslivinginhisgarageforthetimebeing andhadjustbeenusingthefacilitieswithinhishouse.Itmade sense;theywouldhaveaneasywayoutifanyoneshowedupand thegaragecouldbemadetobejustascomfortableasthehouse. Alexhadsetupasmallloungeareainanextraroom hebuilt withinthegarage.Itdidn’thavemuch,butatelevisionanda loungechairwouldbemorethanenoughforadrifterthatdidn’t wanttobenoticed.He’dbecomfortable,andinformed.Therewas evenamini-fridgeintheroom,sohe’dhavesomethingtoenjoy whilehesatwatchingtelevision.
Alexpositionedhimselfoutsidethedoorwiththehandgun pointedstraight.Helinedhiseyesupwiththeiron-sightsat aboutheadlevelforanaverageman.Oncethedooropened,this guywasgoingtogetitforsure.
Hiseyessteadiedastheknobslowlyturnedandthedoor crackedopen.Thewholesituationseemedlikeitwastaking longerthanitshouldhave;Alexwaitedasthepersontooktheir timetoopenthedoor.Thelightflickedoffandthedoorpulled open.Alexlockedhisshoulderandkepthiseyesfocusedonthe sights.
“Don’tmove!”Alexscreamedinhismostthreateningvoice. “Ohmygod!Dad!It’sme!”Ciara’svoicebecameaterrifiedyell asshenearlyfellbackintothebathroom.“Don’tshoot!”Alex loweredthegun.
“Dammit,Ciara!”Hepusheditbackintohispocket.“Itoldyou tostayinthetruck!Ialmostshotyou!”
“I’dhopeyouwouldhavemoresensethantopullthetrigger withoutthinkingitthrough,Alexander.”Ashlyn’svoicepierced hiseardrumsbetweenhisdaughter’sterrifiedbreathing.“Iwas withher.”Alexhelpedhisdaughteroutofthebathroom andback intothelivingroom whereshesatonthecouch,Ashlynsat besideher.“Didyoureallythinkitwassafetojustleaveherout inthetrucklikethat?”
“Itwasthat,orrisksomeonebeinginhereandhergetting attacked.Ifiguredthetruckwassafer.”Alexturnedtoface Ashlyn.
“Noonewasgoingtobeinhere,Ilockedthedoor.”Ashlyn smiledupatAlex. “Aboutthat,youdidn’tlockit.”Hestaredherdown.“Igotto thedooranditwasn’tlocked;knobnordeadbolt.”Ashlynstared confused.
“No,Iknow Ilockedthedoor.WhenIleftyesterdaymorning,I specificallyrememberputtingthekeyinandlockingboth.” “Well,you’rerememberingwrong.”AlexlookedoveratCiara. “Ciara,thisisAshlyn.Ashlyn,thisismydaughterCiara.” “We’vemet.”Ciaraquietlyresponded.“LastChristmas,weall wenttoherparty.” “Ididn’teventhinkaboutthat…”Alexshookhishead.“Well, nointroductionnecessarythen.”Hewalkedovertothecouch. “So,Ashlyn,how’sitgoing?”
“Great,Alex.Justgreat…”Whydideveryonealwaysanswer thatquestionwithsomuchsarcasm?“How areyouguysdoing? Also,whyareyouhere?”
“We’refine.”Alexsatinthechairofftotheside.“Wewere shippedfrom thehospitaltothelocalcamp,thenweleftthere, tookafriendofminehome,andnow we’rehere.“That’spretty muchallthereistoit.”
“Whywouldyouleavethecamp,Alex?Youknow,aswellasI do,thatwasthesafestplaceyoucouldbe!”
“Hey,Icouldaskyouthesamething.Whyareyouhere, Ashlyn?” “Iwanted…”Shelaughedslightly.“Iwantedtoseeifyou’dbe here.I’m probablynotgoingtobecomingbackforawhileafter this.”Shestaredatthefloor.“We’regoingtobedoingalotof locationcontrolandmaybeafew sweepsofthecity.They’vegot usallundersomeprettytightschedulingoverthenextcoupleof weeks.I’m goingtobestationedatthehotelforawhile,thenI’ll bemovingtothenextbaseclosertooneofthedowntown districts.IwantedtoseeifIcouldfindyouandsaybye.”
“Well,hereIam.”Alexsmiledather.Shestoodupandmoved herarmsout,Alexwrappedhisarmsaroundherandthey huggedtightly.
“Becarefuloutthere,Ashlyn.”Ciaraspokeupfrom her formerlysilentspot.“Hopefullyyoucancomebacksoon.”Alex couldfeelAshlynsmileasheheldhishugwithher.
“No,Ilikeyou.”Ciaralookedupatherthroughherglasses. “Youhaven’tdoneanythingtome,sowhywouldn’tIlikeyou?” AlexstaredatCiara.WhileitwastruethatAshlynhadn’tdone anythingtoCiaradirectly,shewasstillthewomanhewas cheatingonhermotherwith.Ifhewasinherplace,he’dprobably hateAshlyn.
“Well,thankyou!”Ashlynsmiledather.“Alright,I’vegottoget back.”Shesteppedtowardthefrontdoorandopenedit.“Bye,you two.Staysafe.Alex,youshouldmakesureyouunderstandwhat stayinghereentails.Youknow they’renotgoingtobedoingany sortofrescue,right?”
“Iknow.”Alexputhishandonthedoorandhelditopen. “Don’tworry,Icankeepussafe.NothingwillhappentoCiara whileI’m withher.”Heleanedinandkissedheragain.“Youstay safe,Ashlyn.You’reinmoredangerouttherethanIam inhere.”
“I’lljustberoundingupsomesurvivorsandbringingthem in.”Ashlynturnedandwalkedoutintotheyard.“Don’tgettoo jumpylikeearlier.You’llendupshootingyourdaughter.”
“Yeah,wellyourememberthatsomeofthosesurvivorscould bearmed,andnoteveryoneouttherelikesyoumilitarytype.”He smiledandwavedasshewalkedaway.“Bye,Ashlyn…”Alex watchedhergetinthearmyvehicleanddrivedowntheroad.It wasn’tuntilheshutthefrontdoorthatheacceptedshewasgone forwhatcouldpotentiallybetherestoftheirlives.
Shemayhavebeenhismistress,orhisaffair,orwhatever anyoneelsewantedtocallher;butshewasalsosomeonehe caredfor.He’dspentcountlessnightsatherapartment.He’d doneeverythinghecouldtokeepherhappy.Theonethingthat keptplayingoverandoverinhismindwasthathetreatedher theexactwayhedidn’ttreathiswife.Hehadgottentoapoint wherehepracticallyignoredHolly.Wasthatthereasonshe’d donewhatshedid?Heknew itwas,buthewantedtoaskthe questionanyway,justincasetherewassomethingorsomeoneto blamethatwasn’thim.Maybeheshouldhavelistenedmoreto whatHollyhadtosay;maybethatwouldhavebeenenoughto preventthiswholethingfrom happening.Theyhadtheir problems,butheneveranticipatedHollytoattemptmurderon theirdaughter.Hewantedtobelievetherewasnothinghecould havedonetostopit,itwouldmeanthatitwasoutofhiscontrol. Hisconsciencewouldn’tlethim.Thatnaggingvoiceinhishead kepttellinghim thatheshould’verealizedthepainHollywasin; heshould’verealizedwhatthatpainmadehercapableof.
“Rightnow isnotthetimetodiscussthis,Alex.” “Likehellit’snotthetimetotalkaboutthis.Thisisexactlythe timeweshouldtalkaboutthis,Holly!”Alextossedoneofthe emptybottlesontothecouch.“Whothehellareallthesepeople? MariahBranson.DavidIsaac.ZoeyShara.Notasingleoneof thesehasyournameonthem.”
“Doesitreallymatter?”Hollyleanedbackonthecouch.“I’m in painandIneedsomethingtogetridofit.It’snotmyfaultyour insurancewon’tgetmewhatIneedwhenIneedit.”
“Didyouevengotoourdoctortoaskforpainmedication?Or didyoujustdecidetoseekoutthefirstalley-dwellingteenthat hadaccesstohisparent’smedicinecabinets?”Alexshookhis head.“Doyouunderstandwhatkindofcrimethisis?Youhave enoughbottlesheretobeconsideredforpotentialtrafficking.”
“Oh,youknow I’m notsellinganyofthis.”
“Yeah,Iknow that,butaprosecutorwon’tcare!”
“Areyougoingtotellonme,Alex?”Hollystraightenedup.
“Seriously?You’regoingtogotothecopsandtellthem allabout how yourwifehasillegalpainmedication?You’regoingtoputthe motherofyourdaughterawayforafew years?Youthinkyou couldraiseherwithoutme?”Hollylaughedmockingly.“Alex,you can’teventakecareofyourself!”
“Holly,thishasnothingtodowithCiara,leaveheroutofthis.” Alexstaredherdown.“Weneedtogetyouhelpsoyoucanget clean.Idon’twantyoukillingyourselfwithpills.”
“Oh,now youcare?”Hollystoodup.“Now yougivehalfadamn aboutme?”Shewalkedupto
Alexandpressedherfingerintohis chest.“Youhavenevercaredaboutme.Youcouldn’tcarelesswhat happenedtome,otherthanyou’dloseyourdaughter’sbabysitter. Youwouldratherbeoutpartyingwiththatdisgustingwhoreof yoursthanactuallybeapartofthisfamily!”
“Oh,bull.”Alexlaughed.“Shehasnothingtodowiththis situation.Rightnow,Iam literallyworryingaboutyou!Iam telling youthatIwanttogetyouhelp!Yetyou’returningthisaroundon meandmyinfidelity?Why?Whycan’tyoujustadmityouhavea problem,andagreethatweneedtogetyouhelp?”
“Becausethepillsaren’tmyproblem,Alexander!”Hollyraised hervoice.“Thepillsaremysolution.Takingtheseistheonlything inmylifethathelpsmetofeelnumbfrom theabsolutehellyou’ve putmethrough.Youaremyproblem!Youareallofmyproblems! Thereisnothinginmyworldthatwouldn’tbeabsoluteparadiseif youwouldjustgetoutofmylife!”
“Well,that’snotgoingtohappen,Holly!”Alexincreasedhis voicetomatchhervolume.“Wehaveadaughtertogetherand,until she’sonherownoutintheworld,Iwillbehere.You’dhavetokill metogetridofme.Doyouunderstand?”
“Don’ttemptme.”Hollylaughedagainandturnedtowalkinto thekitchen.Shepulledabottlefrom oneoftheshelvesandpoured theclearliquidintoaglass.Shethenputthebottleuptohermouth andtookadeepdrink.”Lordsavemefrom thattemptationbeforeI giveinandfollow through.”
“Seriously?”Alexcouldn’tbelieveher.“That’syoursolution here?You’regoingtogettrashed?You’regoingtosithere,denyyou haveaproblem withthepillsanddownaglassof….”Alexwalked towardher.“Whatisthat?Ever–You’reliterallydowningoneninety-fiveproofliquor.Yeah,you’reright,youdon’thavea problem,Holly.”
“Alex,justleave.”Shecontinuedherstareatthewallinthe kitchen.“Gospendthenightwithyourgirlfriendandjustleaveme alone.I’vegotsomethinkingtodo.”
“Ofwhat,acoverstoryforwhenthepoliceraidourhouse?How you’regoingtotreatyourhangoverinthemorning?”
“No,how tokillyou…”Hollysmirkedathersuggestion.“I’m startingtolikeyoursuggestion.” “Well,goodluckwiththat.”Alexgrabbedhiskeys.“You wouldn’tbethefirstand,letmetellyou,honey,youwon’tbethe last.It’salotharderthanitsounds.”Heopenedthefrontdoorand slammeditonhiswayout.Hegotintohistruckandimmediately pulledhiscellphonefrom hispocket,openinghistextmessages andstartinganew messagetoCiara.‘Heykiddo.I’m sureyou heardallthat.Sorry,butitlookslikeyourmom willhavetotake youtoschooltomorrow’.
‘Whydoyoutwoalwayshavetofightlikethis?Now mom is sayingshe’sgoingtokillyou?’
“Dammit…”Alexshookhisheadandstaredatthephone. ‘Idon’tknow Ciara.It’sbesttojustmoveonwhenitcomesto yourmother.Don’tworry,shewon’tbeabletokillme.’Alexstared athisphoneandwaitedforareply.Afterafew momentsof waitinghestartedanothermessage.‘I’llseeyoutomorrow,kiddo.I loveyou.’Stillnoresponse.Hekepthisfocusonthescreenfor severalminutes,waitingforhertosayanything.Afteraroundfive minuteshegotaresponsethatsaidnothingmorethan‘OK’.He tossedhisphoneontothepassengerseat.
“Thanks,Holly.Now mydaughterismadatme.”Hethrew his truckinreverseanddroveoff toasmallapartmentbuilding severalblocksup.Hewalkedinanddownthelonghallwaytothe bottom floorapartment,unit‘B’.Hesighedandliftedhisarm to knockjustasthedooropened.Thescantilycladoccupantlooked upathim withasmileonherface.Thetwoofthem staredateach otherforafew momentsbeforeshedecidedtospeak.
“Well,hello,Alexander…”Ashlynstaredathim withdark, seductiveeyes.Basedonwhatshewaswearing,sheknew he wasgoingtoshow up.“Iwashopingyouwouldcome.”
“Yeah…”Alexgrinnedather.“SowasI…” “Ciara!”Alexshoutedupthestairs.Hehatedhavingtoyellup togetherattention.Nearlytwoweeksago,whentheyfinallygot backhome,hesuggestedthattheymoveherbeddownintothe livingroom.Shevehementlydenied.Hethenrecommendedthat theyjustmovebothhisbedandherbedintothelivingroom for safetyreasons.Onceagain,shesaidno.Hewantedtomakesure shewassafeduringthenightand,ifanythingatallwereto happen,hewantedtobeabletohelporprotecther.Shewas fallingintothenormalteenagerattitudeandwantingnothing morethantobeindependent.Heknew itwasn’tpersonal,and herinjuryhadlikelyspeduptheprocessofherwantingtodo thingsonherown.Shehaddoneagreatjobsofar.She’dbeen abletogetupanddownthestairswithoutissue.Giventhestairs intheirhousewereshort,butitwasenoughtoworryAlex.She insistedthatshedidn’tneedhelpandshewasdamnsureto proveit.
“What,Dad?”Sheyelledbackoutintothehallway.Thepast severaldayshadbeenalmostdecent.Alexwasconcernedthat theywouldgethomeanditwouldbecrawlingwithinfected.He wasworriedthattherewouldbelootersornewlyfoundgangsof violentindividualsthathadbrokenoutofprison.Hewaseven moreconcernedwiththepossibilityofthemilitarydoingastrong sweepacrossthecityandkillinganyonethatwasstillhome. Noneofthathadhappened.Hewashappythattheywereableto stickitoutsolong,thentherewastheothersideoftheirreality. Nothinghadhappened.Wasthatreallyagoodthing?Wasit reallysogreatthattherewasnooneoutinthecitystill,thatthe militaryhadn’tcomethrough?Consideringhow longithadbeen heknew afew things;Ariahadalreadypassed,Ashlynwaslikely shippedoutsomewhereelse,Ciarawasstartingtogetannoyed witheverything.
“Imadedinner.”Alexyelledbackupintothehallway.“Imade apepperonipizzafrom thefreezer.’
“I’m notreallyhungry.”Ciarayelledback.
“Ciara,I’m notplayingthisgamerightnow.Youneedtoget downhereandeat.”Hesmirked.“OrelseI’m goingtoeatthis wholething,andneitherofuswantthat.”
“Dowehaveanythingelse?Ireallydon’twantpizza.”She steppedoutofherbedroom andintothehallway.“Wehadpizza twodaysago.”
“Iknow…”Alexlookedbackatthefridge.We’rerunningoutof food…”
“So,wedon’thaveanythingelseIcaneat?”Ciara’svoicehada slightattitude.Alexwasn’tpleasedwithhow she’dbeenacting. Sheknew how roughthiswasgoingtobe.Maybeshedidn’tknow how longtheyweregoingtobeforcedtostickitoutatthehouse, butleavingwasevenmoredangerous.
“Ciara,pleasedon’tdothat.”Alexshookhishead.“Atleastwe havefood!Youdon’trealizehow luckyweare…”
“Dad,Ihadtotakeabathwithbottledwaterpouredintoa bucket.Iwouldn’tsaywe’relucky.” “Areyouseriouslycomplaining?Youwereabletowashyour hair!Ifthereisanyoneelseoutthere,Icanguaranteeyouthat theydon’thavetheluxuryofbathingatallwithoutriskingbeing infected.Youarebeyondprivileged!Cleanwater,foodand security.”Alexrubbedthesweatfrom hisforehead.“Look,you reallyneedtoappreciatewhatyouhave.”
“IdoappreciatewhatIhave.”Ciaraleanedononeofher crutches.“Ijustwishwehadafew morethings.I’m outof conditioneranddeodorantandIcan’t–”
“Atleastwe’renotdead,Ciara!”Alexsnappedather.“I’m sorrythatit’snotperfect.I’m sorrywedon’thaveaprivatewater tankforthehousesoyoucanproperlyshower.I’m sorrywedon’t haveaccesstoahairsalonsoyoucanhavealltheextra accessoriesyouwant.I’m sorrywedon’thavethingsthatyou findabsolutelynecessarybut,youknow what?We’restillalive! We’vemadeitthislongwithoutincident.We’vebeenabletosleep inourownbedsandwe’vebeenfine!”Alexcouldtellhewas raisinghisvoiceashemadehisstatement.Hetookadeepbreath andcontinued.“Areyoucomingdownandeatingornot?”
“I’llbedownlatertoeat.”Shestaredatthefloor.“Don’teatit all,please.” “No,Ciara…”Alextriedtofixwhathe’ddonetonoavail.Ciara turnedandwalkedbackintoherroom,shuttingthedoorbehind her.Alexstaredatthehallwaywhereshehadbeenstandingand sighed.Hegrabbedoneoftheplatesandwalkedintotheliving room,fallingontothecouch.Heshovedapieceofthepizzainto hismouthandchewedangrily.Heneverwantedtoadmitit,but maybeHollywasright.Hestruggledtotakecareofhimself,and hewassurelystrugglingtokeepCiarahappyandhealthy.It wasn’tforlackoftrying,itwaslackofresources;he’dputevery bitofhimselfintomakingsureshewasdoingalright.He’dgone asfaraswastingasignificantamountofwaterjustsoshecould washherhairandbathetosomeextent.Hedidn’twanttotellher nowhenshecomplainedaboutfeeling‘nasty’becauseshehadn’t showeredindays.Hedidn’twanttotellherthattheycouldn’t affordtousesomuchwaterforsomethingsounnecessary.So,he gavein.Granted,hetookadvantageofitaswell;hewasstarting tolookroughhimselfwiththebeardhisfacewasattemptingto grow.Hedidn’tmuchcareaboutthequalityofhishair;itwas shortandoilyanyway.
“Well,atleastthiswasincrediblyunsatisfying…”Hetossed theplateontotheemptycushionofthecouch.Hesatfora minuteandstaredatthepoweredofftelevision,thenshiftedhis eyestothelargeglasswindow facinghisnextdoorneighbor’s house.Itwasdarkalready,sothetwoofthem mayaswellhave beenthesamething.Therehadn’tbeenanythingtoseeoneither oneanyway.
Alexstoodupandwalkedintothekitchen.Heopenedthe freezerandpeeredintotheemptiness.Therewereafew frozen pizzasleft,Ciarawouldn’tbehappywiththat.Therewashalfa gallonofvanillaicecream.Thatwasit.Heopenedthefridge;an expiredgallonofmilk,halfacartonoforangejuice,afew containersofpudding.Theirfoodresourcesweregrowingmore andmorescarcebythemeal.Hewalkedoutofthekitchenand intotheotherendofthelivingroom,openingthedoortothe garage.Heflickedonthelightandlookednexttothedoor.Two twelve-packswereallthatremainedoftheirwatersupply.He knew thetruth,butdesperatelydidn’twanttofaceit;theyhad madeittwoweeks,theyweren’tgoingtomakeitanothertwo.
Alexstaredattheemptygarage,overathissmall entertainmentroom withthechairandthemini-fridge.There werebettertimesrunningoverinhismind,playingonrepeat. Afternoonswithhim layingbackinthechairwithhisfavorite craft-beer,watchingthelocalfootballteam gettheirbacksides handedtothem overandoveragain.Hedidn’tcarewhetherthey wonorlost,hewasjustexcitedtowatchthegamebyhimselfand enjoyacoupleofhoursofsilence.Hewasn’tthesocialitethat otherfootballfanswere,andhegenuinelydidn’tcaremuchfor thecompany.Companytypicallyledtoargumentsonwhichteam wasbetterforwhatreason.Hisfavoriteteam wasmiserableat thesport,butitwasthehome-team,andhisfatheralways taughthim tohavehometownpride.Hewalkedovertotheminifridgeandopenedthedoor.Therewereseveralbottleslinedupon thedoorandinsideofthebox,allascoldastheycouldget.He grabbedone,twistedthecapandtookadeepdrink.Hedecided hewouldenjoyjustthisone,justenoughtopullhim awayfrom reality,justenoughtoremindhim that‘rightnow’wasn’tallthat everexisted.Hesmirkedandexitedthegarageandenteredthe houseagain.Hiseyesfellintothelivingroom,abig,seemingly emptyroom withalargetelevision,afew bookshelveslinedwith theknowledgeandtalesofotherpeople,thebestcouchinthe worldandacoffeetable.Hesighedandsatbackonthecouch.
“Hey,dad?”Ciara’svoicecameathim from thehallway.He leanedhisheadbackandstaredather.