“What’sup,kiddo?”Hesmiledather. “Wereyououtsidejustnow?”Shehadaconcernedtoneinher voice.
“Iwasinthegarage,yeah.Wantedtocheckthewaterandsee whatwehad–” “No,Imeanoutfront.”Shepointedtothefrontdoor.Alex lookedatherconfused,thenshiftedhisheadtostareatthedoor. Hiseyesmetthewoodenpanelthatblockedtheoutsideworld, thentheymetwiththecrackoflightthatwasshiningthrough theside.
“Didyouseeanyone?”Alexquicklystoodupandplacedthe bottleonthecoffeetable.
“No,Ijustheardthesoundofsomeoneundoingthelock.I cameouthereandtherewasn’tanyonethere,thedoorwasjust crackedopenlikethat.”Ciaracontinuedtosoundmoreandmore worried.“Itriedcallingforyoubutyoudidn’tanswer,soI thoughtmaybeyouwentoutfrontforsomereason.”
“Stayrightthere,Ciara.”Alexpulledhishandgunfrom his pocket.Hepeekedintothekitchen,thenintotherestroom bythe garagedoor,bothroomswereempty.Hequicklysteppedtoward thefrontdoorandpulleditopen.Hestaredaroundthefrontyard from hisposition.Nothingseemedanymoreoutofplacethanit was.Therewerenopeoplewalkingaround,therewasnothing thatwouldbeacauseforalarm.“Allclear.”Heannouncedthe statusashewalkedbackinandshutthedoor.Asheshutthe door,hefoundthatthehandlewasbarelycatching.Hethen twistedthelockforthedeadbolt.“Thehell…”Hestaredatthe metalandwiggleditslightly.Ashedid,theentirehardwarefor thedeadboltfellfrom thedoor.“Oh,wellthen…”Heshowed Ciarathenow brokenlock.“Thatwouldbewhatyouheard.”He pushedthedoorshutagainandlockedthedoorknob;heknew thatwasn’tgoingtobeenoughtokeepitsecured,butthere wasn’tmuchofachoicewhenitcametowhathecoulddo. “How didthelockbreak?”Ciarawas,onceagain,inquisitive.
“Noidea.I’dsaythatsomeonewastryingtopryitopenwhileI wasinthegarage,butIcan’tprovethatsincethere’snooneout there.”AlexsighedandstaredupatCiara.“Canyoucomedown andeat,please?”
“Yeah…”Sheworkedherwaydownthestairsandintothe kitchen.Alexstoodwherehewasandwatchedherasshe grabbedherplateandwalkedintothelivingroom andsatonthe couch.Herprogresswas,withoutanyotherwordtodescribeit, amazing.Shewasdeterminedtogetthingsdonewithoutthehelp ofothers,andshewassucceeding.“Wedon’thavemuchleft,do we?”Maybeshedidunderstandhow direitwas.
“Twenty-fourbottlesofwater.Fourfrozenpizzasinthefreezer. Someorangejuice…”Therewasnopointinsugar-coatingitfor her.“Wehavesomeicecream left,sothat’snice.Oh,andsome pudding.”
“Whatkindoficecream?”Ciaralookedupathim from her spotonthecouch.
“Vanilla.”
“Oh,man!”Shesmiledasshepoutedabouttheflavorofice cream.“Chocolatepuddingthough,right?”
“Yeah,there’sawholethingofthoseleftinth–”
“Icallit!”Sheraisedherhand.“Allofthem.They’remine!” Shelaughedagain.
“Oh,comeon!That’snotfair!”Alexthrew himselfbackina
fakefit.
“Youcanhavetheicecream.”Ciara’ssarcastictonewasnice tohearagain.“Youlikevanilla.Idon’t.Itworksout!” “That’show itis,huh?”Alexsmirkedather.“Fine,Igetthe orangejuice.”
“Pulp,ornopulp?”Ciaraliftedaneyebrow withasliceofpizza inhermouth. “Maximum over-pulped!”Alexexaggeratedhistone.“Thebest andonlykindworthbuying!”
“Oh,yuck!Youcanhaveit!”Thetwoofthem laughedattheir banterforseveralmomentsinthehollow room.Afterthehumor hadfaded,Ciarafinishedherpizzaandsattheplateonthetable. Thetwoofthem satinthesilencestaringblanklyatthe surroundingroom.Itfeltgreattolaugh.Itfeltgreattohavethe funconversation,evenifthetopicwasonethathadliterally becomealifeordeathsituation.Afterthelaughterthough,life returnedandthesilencebecametoomuchtotake.“I’m sorry aboutearlier,dad.”
“Whatdoyoumean?Thefoodthing?”Hetookadeepdrink from thebottle.“Don’tworryaboutit.Ithinkwe’rebothteetering onthatlineofsnappingateachother.”
“Iknow,butyoudidn’tdeservemebeingrude.Iknow you’re doingwhatyoucantomakesureeverythingworksout.”Ciara frownedandlookedawayfrom him.“Iknow Ishouldbethankful foreverything.”
“Ciara,pleasedon't.”Alexknew whereshewasgoing.He’d seenhereverysingletimeshe’devercried,anumberoftimeshe couldcountonhisfingers,andhehatedit.Italwaystorehim up insidetoseeher,suchamentallystablechild,burstintotears.“I know it’shard.Iknow you’rehavingahardtimewithallthisbut, Ipromiseyou,it’llbefine.We’llbealright.”
“Imissmom…”Herwordstoreintohim asthetearsstreamed downhercheeksandontothecouch.“Iknow youtwohatedeach other,butImisshavingyoubothhere.Imissgoingouttoeat withbothofyou.Imissourlamevacations.Imissmylife.Ijust wanttowakeuptomorrow andgotoschool.Iwanttowakeup andhaveeverythinghow itwasthedaybeforetheaccident.Ijust wanttogobacktohow itwas,dad.”Hervoicewaveredasshe startedcryingharder.“Iwanttogooutside.Iwanttogotothe parkandplaythatdumbgameonmyphonewithyoulikewe usedto.Iwanttogogetmyhaircutwithmom atthestupidsalon inthegrocerystoreandhavehercallitour‘dayatthespa’even thoughit’sjustahaircut.”
“Imissher,too…”AlexputhishandonCiara’sshoulder. “Look,Iknow yourmotherandIdidn’tgetalongwell,butwedid ourbesttostickthroughitallsowecouldjustbeafamily.I messedup.Shemessedup,too;butwestucktogether.”
“Iwouldeventakethenightyoutwofought,rightbeforethe accident.Ihatedthatnight,buteventhatwouldbeenoughto keepmesane.”Ciarashookherhead.“Isthiswhatcrazyfeels like,dad?Am Igoingcrazy?”
“No,Ciara.”Helaughedslightlyandhuggedher.“You’renot goingcrazy,you’rejusthuman.That’sall.You’reayoungwoman experiencingherfirstmentalbreakdownofadulthood.Iwould tellyouthatitgetseasier,butI’m notgoingtolietoyou.”Hekept hisarmsaroundherforafew moresecondsbeforelettinggo.
“It’snotgoingtogobacktobeingnormal,isit?”Ciara’seyes wereredwiththetearsthatwelleduparoundthem.
“Iwouldn’tsayit’llgobacktonormal,butitwillbenormal againatsomepoint.”Alextriedtosmileather.“Idon’tknow when,Idon’tknow how;but,dammit,Ipromiseyouwe’regoing tokeepgoingandwe’llleadanormallifeafterthis.”Alexwasn’t sureifhewasconvincinghimselforher.“Youknow wehaveto leavetomorrow andgotothestoretotryandstockupon supplies,right?”
“Iwashopingyouwouldn’tsaythat.”Ciaralamented.“Isthere anywayIcouldstayherewhileyougo?” “No.Absolutelynot.”Alexshookhishead.“Ican’tleaveyou herewiththedoorbroken.Infact,you’resleepinginmybed tonight.”
“Idon’tneedtosleepinyourbed,dad.I’m nota–” “Youdon’tgettoarguethis.Myroom hasabathroom attachedandalockonthedoor.Youaregoingtosleepinmybed withthedoorlocked,andthat’sfinal.Doyouunderstandme, younglady?”Alextriedtobeincontrolofthesituation.
“Yes,sir.”Ciarasighedandstareddown. “Good.I’llbesleepinginyourroom tonight,somakesureyou haveanythingyoudon’twantmetofindwellhidden.”Hesmiled atheragain.
“Oh,likewhat?Myteenagemagazines?” “No,leavethoseout.Ineedsometipsonhow tobetterdomy makeup.”AlexcoaxedasmileoutofCiara.“Therewego,that’s whatIwantedtosee.”Hehuggedheragain.
“Alright,wellI’m goingtogotobednow.”Ciarastoodupand grabbedhercrutch.Shereachedfortheplate,butAlexstayed herhandandmotionedthathewouldtakecareofthemess. “Goodnight,dad.”
“Goodnight,Ciara.Getsomerest,becausetomorrow’sgoingto suck.”Hesmiledatheragain,shehuffedandnoddedherheadin agreement.Hewatchedherwalkupthestairsandwaiteduntil heheardthedoortohisbedroom shutandlock.Asitdidhetook adeepbreathandsighedheavily.Nothingaboutthat conversationwasanythinghewantedtotalkabout.Holly, normalcy,lifeastheyknew it;noneofitwasgoingtocomeback anytimeinthenearfuture,andheknew it.That’snothow tragedieswent.Lifewasn’tlikeamovie;thegoodguysweren’t easilydistinguishableandtheydidn’talwaysgetexactlywhat theyneededtosurvive.Therewasn’tgoingtobeagranddeusex machinatopullthem from theirrut.Theywouldhavetotake charge,thismanandhisinjureddaughter,andmakesurethat theymadethingsworkoutforthem.Iftheyslippedup,even slightly,thingswouldcomecrashingdownonthem fasterthan how theircitycametumblingfrom it’shumblegraces.
Alexsatstillonthecouchandstaredoffintothedarkness thatwasthealleybetweentheirhouseandtheneighbor’s.The nightairwasmotionless,themoonwasglowinginthesame placeitalwayshad.Nothinghadchangedfrom beforethiswhole mess,andnothingwasgoingtochangewhenitwasalldone.He staredoffintothepalelightforaslongashecoulduntilhiseyes startedtogrow heavyandhisneckrefusedtoholdhisheadup anymore;thenextdaywasgoingtocomeonewayoranother.
Thehallwaysseemedtotwistandturnineachdirectionas Alexattemptedtonavigatethisn
ew location.Hehadnoideahow he’dgottenhere,norwhathadhappenedbeforethisexact moment,butheknew somethingwaswrongandhehadtofixit. Herandowntheelongatedhallandstaredateachofthedoors; theyalllookedtheexactsame.Theywerered,perfectlycutand paintedwithabrasshandle.Theonlythinghecouldrelateitto wastheexteriordoorofhishouse.Hestoppedandgrabbedone ofthedoorknobs;itwasburninghot.Heflinchedandpulledhis handback.Heswiftlyturnedtothenextdoor;itwasthesame. Thehandlewashotandthedooritselfseemedtobegivingoff heat.Eachdoorinthehallwayhadtheexactsameproblem;they wereallblockingafire.Alexdecidedthathehadtogoforit.He steppedbackandliftedhislegkickingthedoorashardashe could.Afterthethirdkick,thedoorflungopen.Hetookastep intotheroom andimmediatelytripped.Hesmackedtheground withfullforceandtookadeepbreath.Hisbreathingcausedhim tocoughviolentlyashetookindirt;he’dendedupoutside.As muchasthisconfusedhim,hehadafeelingthatheneededto getupanddosomething.Hepushedhimselfupofftheground andlookedaround;theroom wasburning,justashehad anticipated.Atleast,itappearedtobearoom,therewerewalls, andaceiling,buttheroom wasfilledwithhisfrontyard;trees, grass,flowerbeds.Heshookthisoffandstartedforward.With eachstephecouldhearthesoundofscreaminggetlouderand louder.Afterseveralstridesherealizedwhowasscreaming;it wasCiara.
“Dad!”Shesoundedlikeshewasinpainorterrifiedof something.“Dad,helpme!Idon’twanttodie!” “I’m coming,Ciara!”Alexshoutedintotheyardandstarted running.Hepassedbyeachlargeblazeandfinallycameto anotherdoor.Thisonewaswhitewithasmallsignhangingonit labeled‘Ciara’.Hekickeditopen,therewasnopointinbothering withthehandlethistimearound.Ontheothersideofthedoor wasalaboratorylikeroom.Itwaswhite,cleanandshining.He staredarounduntilhenoticedCiaratiedtoachair.
“Dad!”Shesoundedhappytoseehim.“Help!He’sgoingtokill me!”
“Who?”Alexranovertoherandstartedtoundothestraps. “Whoisgoingtokillyou,Ciara?” “Me.” Alexjumpedupandturnedaroundtothefamiliarvoice. Andreiwalkedtowardthetwoofthem “I’m goingtokillher,Alex, andthere’snotasinglethingyoucandoaboutit.”Hegrinnedand walkeduptowhereCiarawassitting.Alexfelthimselfgetting weakashesteppedbackward.Hecouldn’tfigureoutwhy,buthe wasterrifiedofthissituation.Hebumpedintothecounterand felldownontothefloor.Hesatthere,unabletomoveand watchedAndreipullasyringefrom hispocket.“I’m goingtoinfect her,thenI’m goingtoseewhatwecando.”Heshovedthesyringe intoCiara’sarm andshovedtheplungerdown.Shewincedwith tearsfallingdownherface.
“Dad… help…” Hervoicegrew weakassheappearedtobe losingconsciousness.Alexwantedtogetupandstrangletheman standingoverhisdaughter,noneofhislimbsweremovinglikehe neededthem to.
“Oh,don’tworry,Alex.” Andreigrinnedagainandwalked towardhim.“I’m notgoingtoforgetyou.Theonlyproblem here is…”Andreipulledabrowncasefrom hispocketandpulleda familiarsyringefrom it.“…you’remuchtoobig.Ihaveafeeling that,ifIchosetoinfectyou,Iwouldhavetotakeyoudownthe hardway.Yousee,kidsareweakand,assuch,canbemuchmore easilydisposedof.No,IthinkI’lljustputyoutosleep.”Heshoved thesyringeintoAlex’sneck.“Theonlythingyou’llfeelisabitofa coldchillasyourlungsstopworking.Thenmaybeasinking feeling.”Andreisteppedawayandadmiredhishandywork.“You know,Alex,ifHollywashere,she’dbesoproudofme,wouldn’t she?”AlexstaredatAndreiwithafeelingofdespair.His breathinggrew laboredashestartedtofeelcold.Hiseyesslowly shutandhefelthimselfstrugglingtobreathe…
Alexjumpedupquicklyfrom hiscomfortablepositiononthe couch.Hegrabbedhishandgunfrom thetableinfrontofhim andaimeditaroundtheroom invaryingdirections,lookingfor histarget.Afterafew momentsofblindlypointingahandgun intothedarkness,hesighedandputitbackdownonthetable.
“OK,itwasjustadream…”Alexleanedbackonthecouch andtriedtocatchhisbreath.Hewasn’tsureoftheentiretyofthe dream he’dbeenhaving;itwasn’tagoodone,hewascertainof that.Hiseyesstaredbackatthelargeglasspanetotheoutside world.Itwasstilldark,soithadtobeearlymorning.Hestoodup andwalkedintothekitchen,grabbedabottleofwaterfrom the fridgeanddownedtheentiretyofitscontents.Thenightmarehad him feelingdehydrated.Heglancedovertothesmalldigitalclock onthemicrowavetocheckthetime;three-fiftyinthemorning. Whythehellwasheawakealready?
“Ohwell,nobettertimetogetstartedthannow,Isuppose.” AlexwalkedupthestairsandtowardCiara’sroom.Hestaredat thewhitedoorwiththesmallsignhangingonit.Heshuddered andopenedthedoortolookin.Theroom wasempty,minusthe regularitem litteredthroughout;nolabandnoAndrei.Hewasn’t necessarilyexpectingit,butpartofhim hadtobecertain.Itwas apartofhim thatwascertainlyirrational,butitwasalsothe partofhim thatwasgoingtonagathim untilitwassatisfiedand silenced.Hecontinueddownthehallwaytotheotherbedroom, hisbedroom,andwenttoturnthehandle.Itdidn’tmove.“Good, shedidexactlywhatItoldherto.”Hefirmlygrabbedthehandle, liftedupwardandturneditawayfrom theframe.Ashedid,the handlegaveandthedoorpushedopen.“I’m gladIneverfixed that.”Helaughedquietlyatthetrickhe’dusedtoopenthedoor frequentlywhenHollywouldlockhim out.Heintendedtofixit eventually,buteventuallydoesn’talwayscome.
Alexsteppedintothebedroom andtowardthebedwhere Ciarawassleeping.Hecouldseethewindow onthewallbeyond thebed,Ciarahadopeneditandthebreezewasfloating throughouttheroom,rufflingthecurtainsandallowingthe streetlightstoshineinontothebed.Ifitweredownstairs,Alex wouldhavehadaproblem withit,butbeinguponthesecond halfofthehouseeliminatedanyriskofsomeonecomingin.It wouldn’thavebeenimpossible,butitwouldhavebeenmorework thanwhatitwasworth,plusitwouldhaverequiredeitherafull ladder,ortwopeoplethatwerewellcoordinated.Hestepped forwardandfelttheearlymorningwindblowingin;thebreeze wasactuallyquitenice.
“Hey,kiddo.”Alexsatontheedgeofthebedandputhishand onCiara’sshoulder.“Comeon,weneedtogetupandgetgoing.” Ciaragruntedinanannoyedfashion,rolledawayandfellbackto sleep.Alexsmiledatherandshookherlightly.“No,Ciara.Come on,weshouldgetastartonthedaynow sowehavemoretime later.”
“Why?”CiaratriedtorejectAlex’srequest.“It’stooearly.” “Youdon’tevenknow whattimeitis!”
“Well…”Sheyawnedandsighed.“…whattimeisitthen?” “It’saboutfour…”
“Inthemorning?!”Hereyesshotopen.“It’swaytooearly!”
“No,now istheperfecttimetogetupandgetgoing.Thatway wecangetoutthere,gettothestore,getasmuchaswecanand gethome.We’llhaveplentyoftimetodowhateverelsewewantto do.”Alextriedtoconvinceher.
“Whatelseistheretodo?”Ciara’sresponsewassarcastic. “That’sprettymuchourwholeday,isn’tit?”
“Ciara,don’tbelikethat.”Alexstoodup.“Yes,that’sallIhave plannedfortoday,butit’sanimportantplanthatisdangerous andwilltakesometime.So…”Hegrabbedtheblanketandpulled itdownoffher.“Getup!”
“Ugh!Whywouldyoudothat?!”Ciaralamentedloudly.“It’s freezinginhere!”
“Fine.”Shethrew herlegoverthesideofthebadandputher glassesbackoverhereyes.“Youbetternotwakemeupatfourin themorninganymoreafterthis.”
“Oh,it’snotthatearly.”Alexchuckledather.“BackwhenI wasinthemilitary,oursergeantwokeus–”
“Wokeyouupeverydayatthreesoyoucouldgettwentylaps in.Thenhewouldletyousleepforonehour,andwakeyouup againtogetanothertwentylapsin.”Ciararepeatedthestatement Alexhadapparentlysaidtohertoomanytimes.“Iknow,you’ve toldme.I’m notinthemilitarythough;I’m twelve,andI’m tired.” Shegroggilygrabbedhercrutchesandliftedherselfup.“I’m goingtogogetdressedrealquick,isthatOK?”
“Sure.”Alexsmiledather.Hewatchedherwalkawayand heardherdoorshut.Hestoodupandchangedtheclothinghe waswearingaswell.Itwasn’tnecessarilyasimportanttohim as itwastoher;itwasn’tliketheyweregoingtobeabletodo laundryso,eventually,whattheywerewearingwasgoingtobe dirty.Hepulledablackt-shirtoverhishead,itwastight-fitting andhadwhatlookedlikeaspray-painted,multi-colored,smiley faceonit.Hedidn’twearitmuchoutinpublic,butitwasoneof hisfavoriteshirts.Todayseemedlikeagooddaytowearit.When elsewashegoingtogettheopportunity?Hesteppedoutofhis bedroom andbackintothehallway,thenintothebathroom.He tookhiscombandstraightenedouthishairasbestashecould; itwasgettinggreasierthanhewouldhavepreferred,andhewas dueforatrim.“Ithinkthat’sthefirstthingI’lldowhenweget backtonormal.”
“What’sthat?”Ciarasteppedoutofherbedroom andpulled thedoorshut.
“Getmyhaircut.It’sstartingtogetlong.”Hepulledasmall groupofhishairupwiththisfi
ngerandthumb.“See,lookat that.Icouldtakeatleastaquarter-inchoffthetopandstillhave enough.”
“Youhavesomehairstartingtogrey.”Ciarareachedupand pulledahairfrom hishead.“See?”Alexgrabbedthehairand staredatit.Hiseyesfocusedonthesinglestrandofwhitened hairforseveralseconds.
“Well,youknow,it’syourfaultifI’m goinggreysoyoung, Ciara.”Alexflickedthehairaway.“Myhairwasasdarkasyours whenyouwerestillababy.Theminuteyoustartedwalking, though,Icouldfeelmyselfgrowingolderbytheminute.”
“Oh,chillout.There’sonlyacoupleupthere.”She sarcasticallygrinnedathim.“Ifanything,youdidittoyourself.” “Wait,afew?!”Alexturnedandlookedatthemirror.“That’sit, I’m gettingitallcutdowntoone-half.Noneofthosegreyhairs aregoingtosurvive.”Helaughedashestaredinthemirror.His facelookeddark,hiseyeshadbagsandwerebloodshot.Hisskin colorwaspaleandtherewassomestubblebeginningtoform over hisfaceandneck.Whatwasevenworsethanallthis,hecould tellthathewasbeginningtodevelopafew wrinklesaroundthe edgesofhiseyes.“Ohwell,Iguessweallhavetogetoldsomeday, huh?”
“Someofussoonerthanothers.”Ciarasnarledbackathim as shegrabbedherbrushandstartedstrokingherlongdarkhair. “It’sOK,dad.Youstilllookgoodforyourage.”
“Formyage?I’m notthatdamnold,Ci–”Alexstoppedmidsentenceandlookedupfrom wherehewasstanding.“Didyou hearthat?”
“Hearwhat,dad?”Ciarastaredathim confused.“Ithinkyour hearingmaybegoingbeforeyourhairdoes.”Shelaughedather owncomment.
“No,Ciara,I’m notjoking.” “Ididn’thearanything.”Hertonechangedquicklytooneof concern.“Whatwasit?”
“Itsoundedlikeadooropeneddownstairs.”Alexstepped slowlyintothehallwayandputhishandinhispocket.“Dammit, Ileftmygundownstairs.”AlexglancedbackatCiara.“Stayup here.Donotcomedownstairs,understand?”
“Yes,sir.”Ciaraquietlyresponded.Alexnoddedandstepped ontothetopstair.Heglanceddownintothelivingroom andsaw theonethinghedidn’twanttosee;thefrontdoorwaswideopen. Alexstoppedandstaredintothelivingroom forseveralseconds tofigureoutiftherewassomeonethere.Hepeeredaroundthe cornerintotheroom andlookeddownatthetable;hisgunwas missing.Hestaredupattheceilingandthoughtforamoment; notonlyhadthispersonbrokenintotheirhomewhiletheywere rightupstairs,theyhadgrabbedhisgunfrom thetable.Hehad theupper-handtosomeextent,thepersonwaseitherinthe bathroom orthegarage.From whatAlexcouldtell,theyweren’t inthelivingroom anymore,andhecouldseeclearlyintothe kitchen.Theroom wasstilldark,itwasstillearlyinthemorning, butthatworkedtotheadvantageofthepersonthathadbroken inasmuchasitdidAlex.