words that didn't sound self-pitying. And gave up. "I'm going
to lose him, Preeya. He's mine only until Sarad arrives."
“Oh, Alex," Preeya offered with a shake of her head.
"Your life has been difficult from the beginning. I knew in
the first moment I held you that your journey would not be
an easy one. But I have also known that at the end of the
journey would be a reward worthy of your struggle."
Suddenly Alex understood why Preeya hadn't been the
least bit surprised to learn that the royal tutor was also a
royal princess. "You were a part of this, weren't you?" Alex
asked, pointing to the letter with her cup, her mind reeling.
"Your husband was Kedar's uncle. You knew my mother before
we came to court, didn't you? You knew about me."
Preeya nodded, a satisfied smile playing at the comers of
her mouth. "I had become the third wife only weeks before
Kedar was sent to join the household. We were of the same
age and we were both strangers in a place that was our home.
In our loneliness, we became friends. When Kedar met your
mother, he shared his happiness with me. And because I was
happy for him, I did what I could to help them be together.
Your mother became my friend, as well.
"Then she was sent away by her father and lost to Kedar.
She was lost to me, as well. But only for a while. She sent me
a message, asking for my help, and I secretly went to her. I
was there with the midwives when you came into this world,
my Alex. I was there when they left and your mother hovered
close to death. You were in my arms when she told me
that you were the child of Kedar, the child of their love."
"You've always known," Alex mused aloud, still stunned
by the revelation. "Always."
Again Preeya nodded. This time, however, she didn't
smile. "I made your mother many promises that day when
we thought she would not live. I promised her that I would
take you away and care for you if she could not. I promised
her that if she lived, I would not endanger Kedar by telling
him of your birth or of your mother's marriage to the man
who would be called your father. I promised her-with great
sadness, but in respect for her love of Kedar- that I would
let her, and you, remain among those lost to him."
"And she lived and we were lost."
"Never lost to me, my Alex," Preeya said gently, reaching
out to pat her arm. "I have always known where you were. I
watched from a distance, prepared to take you away to safety
if your mother could no longer protect you. I had promised.
But when the man was killed and your mother took you and
tied, I didn't know what to do. Fearing for you, for your
mother, I set aside one of the promises I had made her. I
went to Kedar and I told him everything."
What courage that had taken. Courage born of love. "Was
he angry with you?"
"No. He understood why we had chosen as we had. And
he was too concerned with finding you and your mother to
care about the past. He wanted to hold again the woman he
loved. He wanted to gaze upon the face of their child. Nothing
else mattered. Kedar is not a man to waste today or tomorrow
by regretting yesterday."
"As Aiden is wont to do," Alex admitted.
"He will change. Kedar was not always so wise. In many
ways your Aiden reminds me of Kedar when he was of the
same age."
The comparison teased her curiosity. "Preeya? You knew
from the moment Aiden and I came into this kitchen together
that first day that we would be lovers and you encouraged
me to make that choice. Why?"
She chuckled softly and shook her head as though it were
the silliest question she'd ever been asked. "Because I want
you to be happy and your Aiden fascinates and delights you."
She took a sip of tea. "Can you deny that?"
"No."
Preeya arched a brow, sighed, and then asked, "Which is the
greater destiny, my Alex? Being a princess? Or loving and
being loved?"
"Loving and being loved," she supplied, the answer
obvious.
"Life brings enough sorrows without our making them
for ourselves. Love your Aiden and let him love you. Embrace
the happiness you have today." She finished her tea,
set aside her cup, and slid off the stool. Pausing as she passed
on her way back to the stove, she placed a kiss on Alex's
cheek and whispered. "If it is destined, it will be."
Alex smiled wanly. At least there was now an explanation
for why part of her believed in the invisible hand of fate and
part of her believed that the course of life was within her
power to shape. Unfortunately, neither perspective seemed
to offer any better chance of lasting happiness than the
other. Although, in the short term, she had to admit that she
and Aiden had planned a promising day for themselves. And
fashioning a split skirt was a necessary part of it.
"Aiden is going to teach me to ride today," she announced,
setting her cup aside and getting up from the table.
"Good." Preeya glanced over her shoulder. "You will be
leaving Mohan behind?"
It was more a statement than a question. Alex nodded. "If
there's some great calamity that requires our presence-"
"It is called Haven House for a reason," Preeya asserted.
smiling broadly. "We will manage calamity without you."
How on earth did Preeya know that's where they were going?
How? She'd said nothing to her. And she and'Aiden had
been speaking quietly as they'd made their plans. Even if
Preeya had had her ear ... No, Preeya wasn't the sort to
eavesdrop. Not at all.
"And while you are gone, I will tell Mohan the story of
his sister."
''Thank you."
"Go. Be happy today."
Alex smiled and left the kitchen shaking her head. Who
could fathom how Preeya knew the things she did? She just
did. And given the huge secret she'd kept perfectly for
twenty-four years, it was a given that no one else was ever
going to know where she and Aiden spent their day. She
grinned. Or days. If the gods were feeling benevolent.
Chapter 19
He'd reluctantly returned to the Blue Elephant yesterday afternoon.
More reluctantly-and later-than he had the afternoon
before. Today ... From his vantage in the window
seat, Aiden watched as Alex tried to reason the short bit of
knotted rope from Tippy's mouth. Tippy didn't seem to care
one whit what good dogs did, didn't seem the least impressed
by the argument that she had to let it go before she
could run after it and fetch it back to the parlor again. Alex,
ever Alex, wasn't the least frustrated by the dog's lack of cooperation.
She just kept smiling at her, tugging gently on her
end of the rope toy, and explaining the rules of the game in
the most patient voice and rational terms.
No, today he didn't want to go back to
the Blue Elephant
at all. At Haven House, Alex was his alone; he didn't have to
share her with an adoring younger brother or a sweetly doting
Preeya. He didn't have to worry about little ears when
they talked or be mindful of little eyes when he wanted to
touch her. At Haven House the world was British to the core,
well ordered and predictable. There were no screaming peacocks,
no strange combinations of food, no clock ticking
away precious minutes and hours.
At Haven House, Alex wasn't an Indian princess or even
the royal tutor; she was his lover, his friend, his companion,
his absolute delight. No one was going to walk through the
front door and take her away from him. Not Sarad, not
Hanuman. Reality couldn't touch them here.
It waited for them at the Blue Elephant. With every day
that passed, it drew closer, grew darker and more certain.
Time was running out He could feel it. And he knew that its
end would come in the little shop in Bloomsbury.
But if he didn't go back there ... If he kept Alex tucked
away within the thick walls of Haven House ... If Vadeen
accomplished his task neatly and cleanly ...
It wouldn't change the end. Sarad would still arrive. The
gangplank of his ship would be lowered and Alex would
walk up it, her chin held high and her shoulders squared, resolved
to fulfill her duties, to meet her obligations.
There was nothing he could offer her that would make
her stay. He wasn't a poor man by any means. But he wasn't
a prince, either. He didn't own a house, much less a palace.
Hell, he didn't even have a ship these days. Life with him
would be a great deal less than royal. And always would be.
Alex deserved to be a princess. And someday, down the road
of her life, there would be a prince who fully understood just
what a rare treasure she was and who would live his life only
to make her happy.
And since he wasn't that prince ... Since he was the bodyguard
responsible for keeping her alive for that someday
wonder, he needed to get her back to the Blue Elephant before
dark. He picked up the gun from the seat beside him
and, tucking it into the small of his back, rose to his feet.
"Tippy, sit," he commanded as he advanced toward Alex
and the still recalcitrant dog. Tippy instantly dropped down
on her hind end. "Release."
Alex staggered back as the resistance on the other end
came to a sudden end. "Oh, you could have told me how to
do that," she laughingly chided.
''And ruined your half of the game?" he countered with
what he hoped looked like a carefree smile. "It's time to go
home, darling. We're later than usual."
She nodded and put the rope in the basket in the comer.
She paused .to scratch Tippy behind her right ear, say, "We
will pick this up tomorrow where we've left it. Be a good
dog while I'm gone," and then headed for the foyer and the
cloak tree.
Tippy followed her departure with a notably forlorn and
disappointed look. Walking past the animal; Aiden muttered,
Me too, girl."
How incredibly right her mother had been about the combination
of men and horses, Alex mused, grinning, as they
cantered through the twilight, side by side. Riding at a walk
was comfortable and the gentle roll to the gait was a bit like
flirting from opposite sides of a crowded room. There was a
vaguely carnal promise to it, but it was distant at best. The
vagueness, she'd discovered that first day of instruction, disappeared
when the horse broke over into a trot. The rhythm
was clipped, but undeniably sensual in a somewhat rugged
sort of way. It was a prelude; rather like the first moments
after locking the door and trying to discard layers of cloth-
while kissing.
Cantering, though ... Oh, Lord, cantering was her favorite
gait: It was easy and smooth and always made her
think of Alden and the erotic pleasures to be had once they
tumbled down together. Alex chuckled softly. He hadn't let
her gallop the horse yet, but she suspected that she was going
to enjoy that even more than the cantering.
Yes, riding was indeed dangerous for a woman committed
to sterling virtue. Riding with a man like John Aiden Terrell
was especially so. And she wished she'd taken it up sooner
than she had.
Beside her, Aiden raised his hand in silent signal and Alex
reined in her mount, mindful of the rules he'd laid down the
first day: they were to walk their horses for the last block
and, as they neared the comer and the rear yard of the Blue
Elephant came into sight, she was to fall slightly back so that
he preceded her into the open space. Why, she didn't know.
He hadn't explained and she hadn't questioned. It was the
way he wanted it done and she trusted him and acceded.
How far they'd come since that first day, she mused.
Alex studied his back as he moved ahead. Her heart both
melted and twisted as it did every night at this time. For
three straight days she'd watched the sun drop toward the
rooftops and hoped that Aiden would suggest that they stay
at Haven House for the night, for eternity. If the gods demanded
all she had, all that she was, for a forever with him,
she'd pay it and never regret the decision. But he hadn't
asked and he never would. The ghost of Mary Alice Randolph
didn't leave any room in his heart for her.
It wasn't good or kind to envy and resent a dead woman,
but she did. Mary Alice couldn't make Aiden laugh anymore,
couldn't make him gasp and moan in pleasure. She
couldn't be his wife or the mother of his children. That Aiden
clung to "what was" and "what might have been" so tenaciously.
Alex swallowed down the tears tickling her throat,
reminding herself that what he could give was all that he
could give and that it would have to be enough. She couldn't
change his past, couldn't change him, couldn't make him
love her more than he loved his Mary Alice.
Ahead of her, to the accompaniment of the peacocks'
high-pitched heralding, he rode into the yard and reined his
horse to a halt in the pale shadows at the front of the stable.
Alex did the same, and as he swung down and strode back to
assist her in dismounting, she deliberately put away her
melancholy and summoned a smile for him.
''Time to come back to earth," he said, reaching up and
slipping his hands around her waist.
"I don't want to," Alex admitted even as she placed her
hands on his shoulders and leaned out. "Let's take a ride in
the moonlight. It's not that cold." She glanced toward the
kitchen and noted the bright light spilling through the windows.
"Preeya's still preparing dinner. We have time."
He set her on her feet in front of him and loosely wrapped
her in his arms. "You make the little voice of common sense
hard to hear, darling."
"It's not me," she countered, smiling up at him, twining
her fingers through the hair at his nape. "It's the peacocks."
He laughed and she added, "What would be the harm,
Aiden? I don't want to go back inside. Not yet."
He kissed her lightly and quickly; a prelude, she knew, to
refusal. ''Then keep me company while I put away the horses,"
he offered as he stepped back and eased her arms from around
his neck.
It was the best reprieve she was going to get and she knew
it. Better a little more time alone together, she consoled herself
as she drew the reins over her horse's head, than none at
all.
The reins of his own mount in hand, Aiden reached for
the door latch and froze. Alex abruptly halted behind 'him,
puzzled. "What is it, Aiden?"
"I closed the latches when we left this morning," he
replied, drawing the gun from the small of his back. "Move
off and put that horse between you and the doorway."
"Maybe Sawyer took the carriage out while we were
gone," she posed even as she stepped to the other side of her
mount, partially obeying his command. Looking under the
animal's neck, she added, "And forgot to latch the doors
when he returned."
He shook his head while pushing his horse to the side. "If
this goes badly, get on that horse and get to Barrett's as fast
as you can."
Alex didn't argue with him, didn't tell him that, no matter