That’s the tea.
She EXITS the dining room.
SETH
(calling after her)
And stupid was putting salt on the meat!
CUT TO:
Anna, ENTERING the dining room from the kitchen, carrying a
small TEA TRAY with two CUPS.
ANNA
Seth?
POV - ANNA
The meat’s on the table; Seth is gone.
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - NIGHT
The rain is coming down hard. Seth is not dressed for this. His head down, his hands in his pockets, he walks along
these lonely avenues. A CAR passing too close to the curb
splashes him. He keeps walking. Another, larger CAR passing
too close splashes him. He keep walking. A small TRUCK
momentarily veers onto the wrongside of the road, passes
too close to the curb and really splashes him. This makes
him stop.
SETH
(to himself, heavenward)
Oh, come on!
He continues walking. A COMPACT CAR slowly approaches and
follows him. Seth turns and yells at the driver.
SETH (CONT’D)
Go ahead and splash me. Everyone else is!
The front passnger side window rolls down. Anna’s behind
the wheel.
ANNA
Seth, it’s me.
SETH
I know!
ANNA
I’m sorry I called you stupid. Now
please get in the car. It’s five miles to
your house--you’ll catch the cold.
SETH
No, you get out and walk with me.
ANNA
I can’t.
SETH
Why?
ANNA
It’s cold and wet. Think of my nipples.
He smiles a little.
ANNA (CONT’D)
That’s right--I said it. Nip-ples. I see
you’re smiling, that always cheers you up.
SETH
Maybe a little...(beat)...I guess.
They both stop. He opens the unlocked door. He gets in.
INT. ANNA’S CAR - EVENING
He closes the door.
ANNA
C’mon. I’ll take you home with me first
to dry off.
INT. ANNA’S HOUSE. ANNA’S ROOM - EVENING
Seth, still morose, is standing in the middle of her room,
dripping on her carpet. Anna ENTERS, carrying a fresh
BLANKET. She drapes it over him and gently leads him to her
BED. Seth approaches the bed but stops shy of sitting on it.
SETH
No. I don’t deserve to sit; I should
stand. No. I don’t deserve to stand; I
should kneel.
He kneels down at Anna’s feet.
SETH (CONT’D)
Kneel against this bed.
He leans back, resting against the bed.
SETH (CONT’D)
Lysandra and I--we’ve been together ever
since we discovered that our bodies have
interconnecting parts. I’m a failure. If
this is over--if we are over--I’d have
wasted my entire life. (beat) How are you
suppose to start over?
There’s almost anger building in Anna’s voice:
ANNA
Goddamnit, you’re such a great guy; why
can’t you see that?
Seth is tuning her out.
SETH
I just want to be the man she’d want me
to be.
ANNA
What’s wrong with who you are?
She wraps her arms around his head and slowly brings them
closer to each other. He softly resists.
SETH
Oh, no, don’t hug me. Then--
His face is now buried in her chest. He embraces her,
wrapping his arms around her waist.
SETH (CONT’D)
(slightly muffled)
You’re hugging me now.
EXT. MANN'S THEATER - EVENING
INSERT SHOT - MOVIE POSTER
It’s a poster for the new Zac Efron movie: “HOW I
GOT THE GIRL”--just a stupid romcom. Underneath it is a little slide-in panel proclaiming: “PREMIERE.”
WIDE OUT
Seth, Anna and Russ are in the ticket line. Russ has
several BOXES OF CANDY in his hands.
RUSS
Quick, Anna, shove these Ju-ju Bees in
your panties. We’ll smuggle them in.
Anna opens her PURSE.
ANNA
Y’know, I have plenty of room in my
purse.
RUSS
Yeah, I know. I just wanted to see if
you’d do it--
(turns to Seth)
This is just like old times.
CLOSE SHOT - SETH
He’s looking at the timetable over the ticketcounter, his
attention diverted.
SETH
Yeah. And you used to say you were going
to get something out of the car and not
return until we bought your ticket--
He turns to Russ again.
BACK TO SCENE
Russ is gone.
SETH (CONT’D)
Russ?
(looks around Anna)
Russ?
Anna turns.
ANNA
I knew I just felt a breeze.
INT. MANN'S THEATER - EVENING
The three are watching the movie, munching POPCORN, ETC.
Anna leans over to Seth.
ANNA (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Is this the movie where the girl’s
father’s against her relationship or the
one where the girl’s girlfriends are
against the relationship or are the
guy’s guy friends against the relation
or does the guy already have a girlfriend
who he’s trying to stay loyal to but is
finding it hard because she’s not his
soulmate?
SETH
(whispering)
Why do you even pay to go to movies?
Russ releases an exaggerated “shh” that’s noiser than both
of them.
ANNA
(simultaneously whispering)
Sorry.
SETH
(simultaneously whispering)
Sorry.
The two giggle a little. We PAN OVER to Stoners Jeff and
Steve, who are seated several rows behind them. They have
plenty of SNACKS, what with the marijuana use and all.
STONER STEVE
You never see Mila Kunis in teen movies--
I mean, almost never. She never did teen
movies.
STONER JEFF
Oh, you know she has a penis.
STONER STEVE
Who?
STONER JEFF
Mila Kunis.
STONER STEVE
"That 70s Show's" Mila Kunis? The 2012
Esquire sexiest woman alive--she has a
penis?
STONER JEFF
I'm telling you, Mila Kunis has a penis.
STONER STEVE
She does not!
STONER JEFF
She does! That's why she had a body
doub
le for "Friends With Benefits"; she
was concerned people would see her Polish
sausage.
STONER STEVE
Hey, Anna! Is it true? Does Mila Kunis
have a penis?
ANNA (O.S.)
Not all us Russian chicks know each
other! And yes! Yes, she does!
Seth turns his head.
SETH
What? Do you guys just follow us around?
STONER STEVE
(guiltily)
We’re trying to expand our clique.
EXT. MANN'S THEATER - NIGHT
INSERT - MOVIE POSTER
The poster holder is swung open. A hand slides out the
“PREMIERE” card and slides in one saying “NOW PLAYING.” It
then slides out the poster and slides in a POSTER FOR AN
ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOVIE.
WIDE OUT
Seth and Anna EXIT the theater.
ANNA
Where’s Russ?
SETH
Oh, he got a text while you were in the
bathroom. He left early to get a booty
call from Teri. Or she’s giving him a
booty call. I don’t know--one thing’s
certain: A booty will be called.
ANNA
I guess some people just can’t appreciate
the genius of Zac Efron
SETH
Definetly. He’s like a young John Cusack.
But without the creepy sister.
They step onto the boulevard.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Seth and Anna are walking along the Walk of Fame.
SETH (CONT’D)
I love Hollywood at night.
ANNA
Yeah.
There’s a drunk VAGRANT passed out on the middle of the
sidewalk. They stop. Seth stretches his legs wide and steps
over the wino. Then he holds out his hand to Anna. She
takes it, and he assists her step over him like a pond.
ANNA (CONT’D)
Thank you.
They keep on writing. They’re about to pass a young bareankled man wearing a tightly bound BROWN TRENCHCOAT--obviously a FLASHER.
FLASHER
Hey, buddy.
They both stop and face him.
FLASHER (CONT’D)
Look at this.
REAR SHOT - FLASHER
He unfurls his coat and spreads his arms out wide. Anna is
shielding her eyes, and Seth is staring at it.
ONE SHOT - FLASHER
He’s dressed but wearing SHORTS. On the lining of the coat is attached a dozen SCREENPLAYS.
BACK TO SCENE
FLASHER (CONT’D)
Wanna buy a screenplay? How ‘bout a nice
romantic comedy?
He removes a screenplay from the coat.
FLASHER (CONT’D)
I’ll option it to you for just five-
figures!
He holds it out to Anna. Seth tries to help her divert her
eyes.
SETH
Don’t look, Anna--that’s what he wants!
Seth grabs her forearm and hurriedly gets them away from
the flasher.
FLASHER
(holding the script up, calling
after them)
It’ll be perfect for Julia Roberts!
He gives up. They’re gone. He turns and sees someone off-
screen.
FLASHER (CONT’D)
Hey, lady! You a producer?
Script high in hand, he runs off-screen.
INT. SETH’S HOUSE. SETH’S ROOM - PROM NIGHT
ONE SHOT - SETH
He’s wearing his TUX. This is the best he’s ever looked in
his life.
SETH
Oh my God. You look so good. Someone
should call heaven, because there’s an
angel missing!
Anna, wearing her PROM DRESS, appears behind him.
ANNA
Seth, if you’re done, Teri and Russ are
waiting downstairs.
WIDE OUT
Seth’s checking himself out in a full-length MIRROR.
SETH
I’ll be down in a minute.
Anna EXITS. Seth turns, bends his knees and begins to check
out his butt in the mirror, feeling himself.
SETH (CONT’D)
(to himself)
I’d like to go home with that tonight--
wait! I will be!
INT. SETH’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM - PROM NIGHT
Seth ENTERS. Anna and Teri are lounging about. Russ is
wearing the whole prom getup--including the TOP HAT, SCARF
and a wand-like CANE, which he’s twirling around like a
baton.
SETH (CONT’D)
Russ. You have a cane. Why do you have a
cane?
Russ walks the short distance to him and taps him on the
chest with the tip.
RUSS
I think the question is: Why don’t you
have a cane?
SETH
Touché.
SETH (CONT’D)
That’s Derek and his date.
(to everyone)
“Everybody ready? Cuz here we go!”
EXT. SETH’S HOUSE. FRONT DOOR - PROM NIGHT
Seth closes the door behind them.
SETH (CONT’D)
(to everyone)
Y’know what? We look so good, let’s walk
in slow motion like in “The Matrix.”
Walking in slow motion, they gradually make their way to
the LIMO parked outside. A KID on a TRICYCLE crosses their
path.
INT. THE LIMO. PASSENGER COMPARTMENT - PROM NIGHT
They all ENTER and sit. Derek and his date, RACHELLE, are
already inside.
RACHELLE
(aside to Derek, softly)
Why does that white boy have a cane?
Derek shrugs his shoulders.
DEREK
(aside to Rachelle, mouthing)
I don’t know.
They’re all in now. The door shuts.
DEREK (CONT’D)
Guys, this is Rachelle.
They all greet each other.
RUSS
(to the limo driver)
Yo, Dudley! Dudley!
The driver, STEVE, turns.
STEVE
My name is Steve.
RUSS
Did I ask for your name?
He picks an ICE CUBE out of the MINIBAR BIN and tosses it
across the limo, through the open divider, whacking Steve
on the back of his head.
RUSS (CONT’D)
Drive!
The limo pulls away from the curb.
RUSS (CONT’D)
And put up that privacy screen. Because
if the limo’s a rockin’...
SETH
(simultaneously)
...don’t come a knockin’.
ANNA
(simultaneously)
...don’t come a knockin’.
DEREK
(simultaneously)
...don’t come a knockin’.
RACHELLE
(simultaneously)
...don’t come a knockin’.
RUSS
(simultaneously)
...don’t c
ome a knockin’.
TERI
(simultaneously)
...don’t come a knockin’.
They all break out in laughter. The privacy screen slowly
begins to rise. Before it is completely up, another ICE
CUBE comes flying through, hitting Steve on the back of his
head.
STEVE
(to himself)
The first tree I see, I’m wrapping us
around.
INT. LIMOUSINE. PASSENGER’S COMPARTMENT - PROM NIGHT
The limo slows down.
ANNA
Why are we slowing down?
The limo stops.
ANNA (CONT’D)
Why did we stop?
SFX - TAPPING ON THE WINDOW
Seth lowers the window several inches; a white LAPD
OFFICER, CHEWING gum loudly, is shining his FLASHLIGHT in
Derek’s face.
LAPD OFFICER
Good evening. Let’s see some license and
registration.
There’s an awkward moment of silence for everyone.
ANNA
This is a limo. We rented it.
The officer turns his light on Anna.
LAPD OFFICER
Was I talking to you, pinko? That’s
right. If you don’t like it, go back to
China.
He turns his light to a large GREEN-TINTED BOTTLE on ice.
LAPD OFFICER (CONT’D)
What’s that, champagne, is it?
RACHELLE
That’s Martinelli’s.