– refusal of a, as marking out a man, 143
– see also entries under beer, champagne, Martini, Shloer and wine
drugs, 90, 171, 172, 208, 364
– and Chupa-Chup lollies, 221
– crosswords and, 221
– see also entries under cocaine, dope and Prozac
drummers,
– the usual trouble with, 297
Duchess of Malfi, The, 325–326
duffel-coats, 77, 273
durability,
– surprising, of well-worn phrases, 239
duvets, 113, 223n.
– are always too hot or too cold, 192
dwarf,
– ‘The Laughing’, 301
dying, 314–315
Dylan, Bob, 74, 75, 150
– is a myth these days, like Odysseus, 67
ears,
– large, as a sign of intelligence, according to a magazine, 287–288
– wet behind the, 68
– see also entries under Van Gogh
Easter, 74
eating, 238, 255
economics,
– a simple lesson in, 224
ecstasy, 79–80
editors, 151–153, 162
– lickspittling, 313–315
education, 240
eggs,
– can’t make an omelette without breaking, 177
electrocution, 118
– see also entries under acupuncture
elegance, 174
elocution lessons, 300
Elvis, 139, 239
embarrassment, 2, 110, 111, 267
Eminem, 150
– as an example, 91
emotions
– confused with sentimentality, 232
– how to avoid, if at all possible, 254–255, 264
– outside the home, 232
employment,
– hasty, 126
ennui, 98–99
enthusiasm, 2, 71, 135
– distrusted, 3n., 136, 326
– exhorted, 315, 326
Enthusiast, The, 68n.
envy, 333
err,
– to, is human, 344–345
evil,
– Banoffee pie symbolises, 324
– reviewers are, 325–326
evolution, 102, 172–179
exaggerations, ix–xii
exercise, 237
– videos, 193
expectations,
– unfulfilled, 4, 110
experience, 236–237, 347
face, 9–10, 235
– Frank Gilbey’s, is like the sour-dough bread in the River Café Cook Book (One), 138
– the music, time to, 147, 306–307
– see also entries under make up, facts, 159–160, 322–323
– scientific, 113
failure, 112, 134
fair,
– play to you, 19
faith, 73
falling, 119
– see also climbing
families, 36, 130
– and Huddersfield, 33
– disintegration of, 155, 185
– other people’s, 96
– size of, 1–2, 273
fantasy, 77, 98
– product of grief 217–218
– see also entries under sex
fashion,
– comes and goes, 2
– failing to keep up with, Francie McGinn’s, 76–77
– mistakes, for the larger lady, 42
Father Christmas,
– as wardrobe assistant, 76
– Davey Quinn Senior does not believe in, 121
– Frank Gilbey as, 349–350
fathers,
– absent but dominating presence of, 91, 293
– and fat necks, in profile, 11
– as genial buffoons, 211
– eating steak, 293
– underestimating their children, 223
– vague, like the Holy Spirit, 208
– who shout, the damaging long-term effects on children of, 254
fatness, 74, 86–87
fear, 181
feeling,
– imprecision of, 131, 341
feminism,
– and biblical interpretation, 305
– and rock‘n’roll dancing, 233
Fiddler on the Roof, The
– strictly goyische version of, 299–300
fight, 278
finger,
– in every pie, Frank Gilbey has a, 87
– see also entries under pies/puddings
fire,
– redeeming, 364–366
fish, 198
flirting, 349
flood,
– Great, the, 311
Florida,
– terminal illness and, 27
food, 16–17, 74, 85–86, 98, 121–126, 138, 140, 178, 187, 198, 254, 265, 268, 293
– Bob’s mum’s, 29–30
– Christian, 77, 307
– deserves respect, 252
– frozen, 200
– good-intentioned, 199–200
– implies sex, money and power, 252
– poets’, is love and fame, 61–64, 108
– sea, 333
– see also separate entries under angel delight, avocado, biscuits, breakfast, carvery, chips, Chip Crisps, Christmas dinner, Chunky Butts, Delia Smith’s Christmas, fish, fudge/toffees, garlic, gâteaux, gravy, ham, kebabs, meatloaf/Meatloaf, Mediterranean, pancakes, pies/puddings, potatoes, sand-wiches, saveloys, snacks, Spam, Sunday lunch, sushi, sweets, and waffles
foot,
– diseases of the, 193, 210, 230
forgiveness, 106, 211, 344
four-letter words, 241
franchising,
– the beauty of, 246–248
freedom, 232–233, 265
– see also entries under bondage
freewill,
– obvious downside to, 83, 306
freshness, 249
– problem with, as a concept, Freud, Sigmund, 171
friends, 158, 292
– gathered flock of, 62–63
Friends, 249, 349
– and its effect on the coffee-buying public, 271–272
– is at least funny, 234
friendship,
– overrated, 280, 315–316
fruit,
– forbidden, 83
frustrations, 54, 99
fudge,
– and toffees, 161
fun, 83, 146, 204
funerals, 257, 266–267
futility, 83, 239
future, 22, 23, 127
gamblers, 332–334
garage,
– archetypal, an, 47
garden, 4, 283
– loss of innocence in, 203–204
– recovery of stolen goods from, 328–329
garlic,
– mushrooms, with melted Brie, a passing fad, 272n.
– the slightest hint of, Mr Donelly can sniff out, 198
gâteaux,
– Black Forest, has firmly taken root, 272
generalities,
– glittering, xi, 4–5, 180, 367–386
generosity,
– can be hard to bear, 25
gentility, 159
gift,
– implies obligations, 4
glamour, 174, 238
God,
– clearly has a sense of humour, 70–71
– closest thing to, is the sound of Enya and a running bath, 182
– displays an apparent lack of interest in the workings of local councils, 71
– has an excellent three tone resonance, 303
– in the world of the sandwich, Bob Savory is like, 143
– is absent from the high seas, 50
– Is Dead, according to Nietzsche, and Gerry Malone, 32
– is like broadband radio, 303
– is like the weather, 70
– i
s on extended sabbatical, 32
– pissing directly onto car, 11
– plucking at an eyebrow, 11
good,
– unequivocal, the 38
goodness, 50
– boring aspects of, 210
gossip, 1–366
government,
– local, 196n.
grammarians,
– amateur, 317
grandeur,
– et misère, 29, 83, 314–315
grandfathers, 130–131
gravy,
– simple lesson concerning, and worth repeating, 29
grief, 104–105, 171, 211, 254–255
– feels like indigestion, 260
– stages of, 340–341
grins, 63, 245, 276, 288
– see also entries under smile and smirks
gripes,
– as bad as Achilles, 240
groves,
– of Academe, 3n.
gyms,
– and clubs, 358
– private, are cleaner than council Leisure Centres, 230
habits,
– heaven gives us, to take the place of happiness, 28, 56, 91, 306–307
Hackman, Gene,
– Frank Gilbey looks a bit like, 140
hair, 180, 184–185, 348
half-truths, ix–xii
Halloween, 284
ham,
– addicted to, Billy Nibbs is, 56
– not often in the house, 30
– posted in an envelope, ix
– writing as, ix
handwriting,
– inadequacies in, 34, 249
– see also entries under signatures
hap,
– what hap may, 331
happiness,
– rabbits and, 97–98
– see also entries under habits
hatred, 114
health,
– at least you’ve got your, 355
heaven, 346
hell, 274, 310
heroes, 148, 197
high,
– seriousness, total lack of, ix–388 passim
hippies, 187, 256–257
history,
– burden of, 31, 130131
– local, 161–162
– PMP (pre-mobile phone), 31
hobbies, 236
hobby-horses,
– ridden, 14, 29, 84, 135, 172–173, 202, 258
holidays, 25, 308
– see also cruises and travelling
Holy Spirit, the,
– descends upon the Baptists, 189
– is off-duty, 83, 181
– the sin against, 323
home, 9, 10n., 24–25, 47–49, 93, 206
– improvements, 48
hopes,
– dashed, 110–111
– wild and unreasonable, 5, 95–96, 345
horses, 334
hospitality, 30, 34–35, 57, 154
humiliation,
– art is born of, 90, 155–156
– examples of, 69, 83, 110, 131, 143
humility, 195
husbands, 35, 82, 91, 115, 213
hygiene,
– personal, 59, 108, 182
hymns,
– deep theological confusion and repressed sexual longings in, 65–66
idiocy, 103, 167n.
ignorance, 260
illness,
– the whole point of, according to Bob Savory, 253
imagination, 205, 217, 230, 273
immortality, 218
impervious, the
– the impassive, and the imperturbable, 313
inadequacy, 133
inarticulate, the,
– raids on, 52, 53, 99, 216–218
– see also entries under feeling, imprecision of
inciting,
– incident, 1
inheritance, 160–161
injury, 6, 12, 115–121
innocence, 4, 33
inspiration, 66–67, 91, 307
interminable,
– passages, necessary to the plot, 54, 225–226
intimacy, 180–181
intrigue,
– attempts at, 30, 131, 147, 295
investments,
– value of, may fall as well as rise, reminder that, 221
jazz, 57
– and Sunday lunch, 90–91
Jehovah’s,
– Witnesses, 5–6
– see also entries under God, Jesus and religion
Jesus, 52, 352
– preference in kitchen work-surfaces, conjectured, 77–78
– probably would have been a fidgety audience, 304
– telling jokes, 37
journalists, 314–315
justification,
– by faith alone, 71–72
– see also entries under virtue
Kant, Immanuel,
– Critique of Practical Reason, 3
kebabs, 59, 124
kindness,
– milk of human, 200
kisses, 77, 113, 364
kitchens,
– empty, 48
– kosher, 78, 86
– middle-class, 122
– standard of, in private rented accommodation, 93
– unutterably depressing, 122
knitting, 2
– see also entries under woolly hat
knives, 22–23
knowledge,
– carnal, 181
– is strength, 114
– scientific, 113
– what to do with, 343
Korea,
– Bobbie Dylan is big in, 75
language,
– foreign, (French), 236, 300
– foreign, (Italian), 3n., 39–40
– prison-house of, 39, 71, 123n.
lechery, 82, 83
liberality, 82, 83
library,
– you should really support your local, 239–240
life,
– friends, is boring, 210
– ‘is hard’, unhelpful statement of obvious truth that, 98
– secrets of a long and happy, 116
– ‘this is the’, 138
literary,
literature,
– like Guinness, is good for you, 64
loathing, 153
– self, 29, 95, 112, 211, 284, 306
local, 19
logic, 78
– diabolical, 227–228
London, 10
– availability of funny spaghetti, truffle oils, and novelty cheeses in, 29
– Hell is a city much like, 5, 7
– Mrs Gilbey cannot see the point of, frankly, 138
– teenage ambitions to visit, in order to visit Soho, 22
loss,
– of luggage, 7–8
luxury, 37
– in short supply, 357
– see also entries under beauty, biscuits and brilliance
magnificence,
– examples of, 2, 38, 83, 112, 169
make-up, 76, 193
– see also entries under face
malevolence, 227–228
mal-talent,
– example of, 94
manure, 283, 285
marriage, 36–37, 77, 89–90, 180–181, 213–214, 267, 315
– and paranoia, 95
– and Reformation theology, 307
martini, 116
– dry, best in the world, 65
massive
– desire to be, 95–96, 108
meaninglessness,
– and transitoriness of human life, 2, 102
meatloaf/ Meat Loaf, 302n.
Mediterranean,
– the weather is, almost, 115
– goat’s cheese tartlets, warm, 272n.
memory, 7–8, 97, 173–174, 266, 341, 343
men,
– all sorts and conditions of,
35, 135–137, 182–183
– and women, are not the same, 177, 211
– ruined, 22
– smell of, the, 58, 281, 288
menu,
– suggested, for a week, 124
metaphysical, the, 7
mistakes, 68
mistrust, 92
misunderstanding, 13, 212, 345
modesty, 73, 195
– false, xi
money, 3n., 13, 14, 19, 26, 68, 138, 175, 195, 221, 224, 237, 301, 362–363
– how to make, 91, 110, 113, 117, 120
– Tourette’s syndrome and, 145
moped,
– Mr Donelly’s Honda 50, 47–48
Moses, 297
mothers, 93, 159, 223, 255, 260–261, 266
music, 7–8, 41, 66–67, 90, 99–100, 135, 149n., 174–175, 212, 289, 363–364
– Christian rock, 74–76, 186, 296–298, 351–352
– country and western, 10, 105, 230–231
– gangsta rap, 91
– on cassette, 8
– sweet spiritual, 79, 82
– see also entries under Eminem, meatloaf/Meatloaf, musicals
musicals, 2, 43
names, 88, 220, 271
navels,
– contemplation of, 26, 53
neighbours, 49, 328
New Age, 207
– loofahs, etc., 107, 209
newspapers, 4
– and the six essential questions, 319
– The Daily Mail, 93, 226
– The Guardian, 221n., 225
– The Impartial Recorder, 63, 84, 87, 95, 103–104, 114, 133, 149–152, 192, 278, 298, 311–331 passim, 348, 350, 352–354
– The Sunday Times, 127, 221n., 319
Newton-John, Olivia, 299
New York,
– is Frank Gilbey’s kind of town, 138–139
– this is certainly not, 271, 356
New Yorker, The, 316, 321
Nicomachean Ethics, 3
Nietzsche, Friedrich,
– Beyond Good and Evil, 3
– guide to pronunciation, 32
nightmares, 104, 110
nostalgia,
– isn’t what it used to be, 8, 29–30, 129, 159, 177, 197, 215, 276, 319
novels,
– reading, ix–xii
– writing, ix–xii
occupations,
– perished, 15–17
optimism,
– see pessimism
paint, 191
– magnolia, 271
– see also entries under decorating
pancakes,
– Findus Crispy, 122
parents, 122–123, 158–159, 253
– a grown man thrown upon mercy of his, 62
Paris,
– not making it quite as far as, 165
passages,
– of good style, 14, 45, 137–138
past, the, 15, 17, 19, 137
– is history, according to Frank Gilbey, 179
– has a long memory, 9
pathetic,