So you’re thinking of converting to a life of crime; contemplating turning your back on society and normality for an alternative vocation; giving serious consideration to saying “t’hell with the laws of the land!” and “I’m going out to take what’s not rightfully mine!”?Then this guide is for you!So you’re thinking of converting to a life of crime; contemplating turning your back on society and normality for an alternative vocation; giving serious consideration to saying “t’hell with the laws of the land!” and “I’m going out to take what’s not rightfully mine!”? Who can blame you! In these times of high unemployment, low wages, austerity cuts, increased cost of living and social decay (not to mention a faltering judicial system) why wouldn’t you consider a slightly unorthodox profession? After all, the latest games consoles, interactive TV’s and new cars don’t come cheap – not to mention booze and cigarettes!Maybe you’ve tried the conventional Monday to Friday, nine to five existence and decided that lifestyle just isn’t for you. Perhaps you’ve never worked a day in your life and criminality comes naturally to your clan and as such a life of crime is your destiny – upholding the proud family name.Venturing down the criminal path is not a decision to be taken lightly though; there are many factors you must consider in advance if you want to make the most of your villainous plans. This short guide will provide all you need to know about crossing over to the dark side and setting off on your journey of self-discovery and debauchery as you pillage and plunder your way up the criminal ladder from petty thief, to powerful crime lord.

Matilda “Wheezer” Choi, the asthmatic who can fly and kick butt courtesy of her nanobyte-enhanced inhalers, loves pro wrestling and hates anything “girlie.” Maybe that’s because she grew up with six brothers—or maybe it’s because her home life has become a battle zone in the conflict between her parents. Unfortunately for Wheezer, when a former member of NERDS turned villain gets extensive plastic surgery in order to become a cheerleader, Matilda must swallow her pride to successfully infiltrate the squad. The newest supervillain, Gerdie Baker, assisted by the criminal mastermind Simon, has created a device that opens portals to other worlds, which she and the other cheerleaders have been pillaging. But the alternate realities are starting to get awfully close together, so it’s up to Wheezer and the NERDS to stop the cheerleaders before the worlds collide.

Wilt is back - in form, and in a good deal of trouble. Henry Wilt is still teaching at the Fenland Tech, attempting to drill English into plasterers, dozing through tedious committee meetings and occasionally getting mildly plastered in 'The Pig in a Poke' with one of his few bearable colleagues. But the even tenor of his days is rudely interrupted when the shadow of drug dealing flickers across the Tech. Suddenly Wilt becomes the target of suspicion. His colleagues believe him to be responsible for triggering a departmental inquiry, and his old adversary Inspector Flint, knowing that he's guilty of something, sees a chance to settle a number of scores. What starts with an accusation of voyeurism in the staff lavatory (of the wrong gender to boot) leads, more or less directly, to a massive confrontation at a nearby US airbase with the forces of law and order on both sides and Wilt in his usual place - in the middle.

From master of subversive humor Christopher Moore comes a quirky, irreverent novel of love, myth, metaphysics, outlaw biking, angst, and outrageous redemption.As a boy, he was Samson Hunts Alone—until a deadly misunderstanding with the law forced him to flee the Crow reservation at age fifteen. Today he is Samuel Hunter, a successful Santa Barbara insurance salesman with a Mercedes, a condo, and a hollow, invented life. Then one day, destiny offers him the dangerous gift of love—in the exquisite form of Calliope Kincaid—and a curse in the unheralded appearance of an ancient god by the name of Coyote. Coyote, the trickster, has arrived to reawaken the mystical storyteller within Sam...and to seriously screw up his existence in the process.

Claire finds herself travelling through East Anglia with her six-year-old niece in tow. For someone who has no experience with children - and no desire to learn - travelling with the highly-strung Sky is a new and not entirely pleasant experience. Claire has never had to take care of another human being before: how will she cope?Claire's life revolves around Starbucks, stilettos and her career as an Advertising Account Director for AJC. That is until her boss Carl decides to send her on a mission to visit every one of the 200 YHA hostel in England and Wales as part of a marketing campaign. More used to five-star spa resorts than 'flea-infested hostels' Claire only takes the assignment to save face. It becomes clear to her the 'mission' is a ruse to make her resign.Claire has faced high-wires and heart-break, has abseiled down a waterfall and kayaked across turbulent waters, but nothing has prepared her for life with a six-year-old. Discovering that a child needs entertainment as well as food and board, Claire has to delve deep within to survive the first week of the Easter Holidays.

Meet the Rabbitte family, motley bunch of loveable ne'er-do-wells whose everyday purgatory is rich with hangovers, dogshit and dirty dishes. When the older sister announces her pregnancy, the family is forced to rally together and discover the strangeness of intimacy. But the question remains: which friend of the family is the father of Sharon's child?

Noel Winters is lonely this Christmas. Lonely, despite being overcrowded by friends and family, which he would prefer to label as associates. This is a tale of a lazy procrastinating youth who is no longer young enough to pull that lifestyle off.Disillusioned with himself as much as the outside world, he draws inspiration from his younger adopted sister, Hannah.Noel Winters is lonely this Christmas. Lonely, despite being overcrowded by friends and family, which he would prefer to label as associates. This is a tale of a lazy procrastinating youth who is no longer young enough to pull that lifestyle off.Disillusioned with himself as much as the outside world, he draws inspiration from his younger adopted sister, Hannah. Hannah is a nine-year-old self-proclaiming Jew, which means little more than a recent pork abstinence. She has a wide-eyed passion for life, a bright optimistic light in the shadow of Noel’s pessimism. The season of joy is full of questions for Noel. Where is life leading me? Do I follow? Are cigarettes really that costly? Am I a drunk? Should I be sober before trying to answer these questions?Amazon reviewers"It is not often that a book has the ability to both make me laugh out loud and bring me to the verge of tears; this book had that capability." "Perfect Christmas gift for those who question the tradition!""Parts read like early Nick Hornby while the protagonist with his disconnection and confusion of modern life felt like someone out of Douglas Coupland novel, yet it still felt fresh and new. It moved easily from serious, to funny ,to touching, all in all I highly recommended it.""I read the book in two days, and found it hard to put down. Absolutely brilliant."

A short story. A sunny summer holiday. A few days relaxing in the corner of the bar terrace and observing a mixed bunch of guests.**Catch is a novella. It will take most readers 1 or 2 hours to read.**When eighteen-year-old Miranda chases a purse snatcher on the Las Vegas Strip, the last thing she expects is for the pursuit to turn into an extended game of hide-and-seek. All Miranda wants are the old black and white photographs buried at the bottom of her purse. They’re the only things she has left of the grandmother she never knew. But how much is she willing to put on the line to save them? And is it possible she’s falling in love with a thief?

Would you be able to spend a million dollars in cash and leave yourself penniless if it meant you would then be given many more millions? That's poor Monty Brewster's dilemma in this charming tale. Just as poor Monty Brewster, twice heir to a fortune, is beginning to adjust to his cold and distant grandfather's "paltry" million-dollar bequest, an even more mysterious benefactor emerges offering to leave him some "real" wealth. All he has to do is be penniless at nine o'clock on the morning of his 26th birthday. It seems like an easy task, but Monty discovers that it is no simple matter to divest oneself of a million dollars, especially as the bank insists on paying him $19,607.84 in interest per day. And what can you do when each ridiculous "sure-loss" suddenly skyrockets when you invest in it? Money seems to flow in faster than a person can throw it overboard. And then there are Peggy and Barbara; how are they going to react to each attempt to squander a fortune? Can Monty keep the girl while losing the money? First published in 1902 under the pseudonym Richard P. Greaves, Brewster's Millions was one of George Barr McCutcheon's most successful titles. The prolific author was noted for his ability to write page-turners, full of vivid characters and with an attention to detail. There have, in fact, been six movie versions of this one book, most recently starring Richard Pryor and John Candy. That is vivid testament to a great story well told.

The most real book you will ever read about today’s upper middle class American male. Join Alex, Gary, Mike and the Rodge on a hilarious Vegas road trip and a search for meaning. Marriage, sex, monogamy, money, porn, diamond rings, and the Smurfs (of course), are just a few of the issues covered.IT STARTED SEVEN YEARS AGO...A brutal murder in a small town, carefully staged to echo a crime scene from 1975.No clues. No leads. Just questions.The following year it happened again. And then again...Every year. Same day. Same place. Exact same scene from the past... No resolution.Now, FBI Special Agent Constance Mandalay has less than four days to stop the annual horror from marking its eighth anniversary, but she also has another problem: The residents of the small town just might be protecting a killer secret...SA Mandalay is dispatched as an eleventh hour replacement for another agent, tasked with investigating a cold case that portends the chilling copycat murder each year. Armed only with a woefully incomplete case file and her dogged determination, she seeks out the answers before another body can be sent to the morgue. However, she finds that sometimes the answers simply lead to more questions; and that the past is sometimes destined to repeat itself, with a vengeance... MERRIE AXEMAS is a creepy police-procedural, thriller novella with a wicked paranormal twist, from the warped mind of M. R. Sellars, author of the award-winning Rowan Gant Investigations series of supernatural thrillers. Although set during the Christmas holiday season, it is an enthralling read at any time of year.SPECIAL NOTE:MERRIE AXEMAS: A Killer Holiday Tale was originally written and distributed as a free gift during the 2010 Christmas season to long time fans of M. R. Sellars' RGI novels. However, soon after its release, readers were clamoring for more of Special Agent Constance Mandalay, as well as more of the "Merrie Axemas story." Therefore, the full-length novel, IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER was born (released November 2011) and officially launched the new Special Agent Constance Mandalay Novels thriller series.In effect, MERRIE AXEMAS is both a stand-alone novella, and a bone-chilling sample cut straight from the heart of the novel IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER. It launches you into Special Agent Constance Mandalay's world, brings you to the edge, and then taunts you with the same unanswered questions that plague her. Finally, it presents you with a spoiler-free alternate ending to that of the full-length novel.FROM THE "VIRTUAL" BACK COVER:Little Merrie Callahan is all grown up now.She doesn't believe in Santa anymore.But she still has an axe to grind with the man in the red suit...And, for FBI Special Agent Constance Mandalay, the Christmas Holiday will never be the same again.

The miraculous and mirth-filled land of Xanth holds many marvels. But now an extraordinary new aspect of this remarkable realm unfolds as young Forrest Faun’s quest takes him to a tiny planet hidden in the heart of Xanth. There, with a delightful “day mare” as his constant companion, Forrest will find more marvels then he ever dreamed of.

Dom Wars Round Three heats up with the Demon Domination challenge. Tara is up first to face the demons of her past and Lucian is ready to dominate for her. But that gets tricky when he realizes the demons he's fighting could be the end of them.

Precious Ramotswe has only just set up shop as Botswana's No.1 (and only) lady detective when she is hired to track down a missing husband, uncover a con man, and follow a wayward daughter. However, the case that tugs at her heart, and lands her in danger, is a missing eleven-year-old boy, who may have been snatched by witch doctors.

"So tell me. Have you ever nogged a nag?"Although it seems a simple enough question, it makes no sense! So what does it mean? And what would anyone make of such a question if asked when in training to become a government spy?Very short story about a man standing his ground while on vacation with his wife in Spain.

The second crime novel by internationally bestselling writer Eoin Colfer is a gritty and utterly compelling follow-up to the critically acclaimed Plugged In Screwed, Colfer adds and entirely new chapter to the adventures and misadventures of Daniel McEvoy, the down-on-his-luck Irish bouncer at a seedy New Jersey bar who, with the help of a motley crew of unlikely characters, solved a bizarre string of murders--including the one of the girl he loved. But people around him continue to die mysteriously, and Daniel is called into action once again. Colfer, beloved by millions for his Artemis Fowl series, has written a riveting and relentlessly paced sequel that is sure to garner international praise. With wildly inventive imagination and head-spinning plot twists, Screwed is a tour de force that rivals Carl Hiaasen at his very best. Ridley Pearson called Plugged "a brilliant, madcap mystery" and "genius at work." With Screwed, Colfer delivers that signature brilliance once again.