David Sedaris returns with his most deeply personal and darkly hilarious book. If you've ever laughed your way through David Sedaris's cheerfully misanthropic stories, you might think you know what you're getting with Calypso. You'd be wrong. When he buys a beach house on the Carolina coast, Sedaris envisions long, relaxing vacations spent playing board games and lounging in the sun with those he loves most. And life at the Sea Section, as he names the vacation home, is exactly as idyllic as he imagined, except for one tiny, vexing realization: it's impossible to take a vacation from yourself. With *Calypso, * Sedaris sets his formidable powers of observation toward middle age and mortality. Make no mistake: these stories are very, very funny-it's a book that can make you laugh 'til you snort, the way only family can. Sedaris's powers of observation have never been sharper, and his ability to shock readers into laughter unparalleled. But much of the comedy here is born out of that vertiginous moment when your own body betrays you and you realize that the story of your life is made up of more past than future. This is beach reading for people who detest beaches, required reading for those who loathe small talk and love a good tumor joke. Calypso is simultaneously Sedaris's darkest and warmest book yet-and it just might be his very best.

Unlike some other reproductions of classic texts (1) We have not used OCR(Optical Character Recognition), as this leads to bad quality books with introduced typos. (2) In books where there are images such as portraits, maps, sketches etc We have endeavoured to keep the quality of these images, so they represent accurately the original artefact. Although occasionally there may be certain imperfections with these old texts, we feel they deserve to be made available for future generations to enjoy.

Three hardened killers escape from prison only to find that survival outside prison might be a lot tougher than they were expecting.Three psychotic killers manage to escape from prison and wander the countryside looking for new victims. Things don't go exactly as they planned though, and soon the police are closing in on them and everything seems to be going wrong for the trio. Will the police recapture them, or will they survive that long?

Once upon a time, there were two bold little boys called George and Fred. They were so bold, so incredibly naughty, they made the lives of everyone they came in to contact with unbearable. Their poor, bedraggled mother did try to tame them, though, to keep her sons on the straight and narrow, but she was at nothing against two little thugs hell-bent on causing the maximum amount of mischief.Once upon a time, there were two bold little boys called George and Fred. They were so bold, so incredibly naughty, they made the lives of everyone they came in to contact with unbearable. Their poor, bedraggled mother did try to tame them, though, to keep her sons on the straight and narrow, but she was at nothing against two little thugs hell-bent on causing the maximum amount of mischief and mayhem wherever they went. This was how it was; it went on for week after week, month after month, and year after year until one dark, cold winter’s evening when a stranger came calling...

This is the story of Christine and the day that she grew a penis.This is the story of Christine and the day she grew a penis.

Things are going well for the Hettford Witch Hunt. Milton and Carrie are still in love, Dan has plenty to get angry about and nobody has had to lie on an insurance form in months.Meanwhile, it has been a bleak and austere winter for Gary who inhabits his house like the ghost of his relationship with Alison. Will a new arrival in Hettford help to pull him out of his slump? Will his old friends"With subtle humor and a charming regional voice, James Rhodes cleverly crafts a story of vengeance, mystery and witchcraft. Deftly weaving the ordinary and supernatural Rhodes leads readers along a path strewn with dreary workaday details offset by exciting glimpses of an otherworld that threatens to destroy the safety of the mundane."- Kirsten Imani Kasai, Author: Ice Song, Tattoo, Del Rey BooksThings are going well for the Hettford Witch Hunt. Milton and Carrie are still in love, Dan has plenty to get angry about and nobody has had to lie on an insurance form in months.Meanwhile, it has been a bleak and austere winter for Gary who inhabits his house like the ghost of his relationship with Alison. Will a new arrival in Hettford help to pull him out of his slump? Will his old friends at the Hettford Witch Hunt rally around him? Will he ever be able to love again? Or, will the vengeful spirits of witches that haunt his village continue to hold back his career.Note: This book is best enjoyed as a continuation of Hettford Witch Hunt: Series One and Hettford Witch Hunt: Easter Special . Both of these titles are available at no cost from Smashwords and Amazon.

Collection of five light-hearted comedy plays, plus two versions of the same play from a different understanding or knowledge surrounding the circumstances of the past. These are a more serious social comment about the historical circumstances surrounding past events in one of the character's lives. One of the two players is totally unaware of the common thread between them.A collection of short sharp plays. The first five are light hearted comedy plays, using events we have, or will, become involved in during our lives; plus two versions of the same play, from a different understanding of the past, by one of the players, both being serious social comment. One of the characters is totally unaware of the common thread between the two. Cast numbers and props are minimal. Plot lines are very much everyday occurrences made into plausible scenarios. There are several walk-on parts for including people without the confidence or skills in public speaking. Others have comprehensive off-stage spoken parts for people who are afraid to make a physical appearance, but confident enough to speak, unseen.

"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate." Chelsea Handler It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Family, friends, and co-workers have all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about their humiliating experiences. It doesn't matter if you're minding your own business, busily working, or honeymooning thousands of miles away. No one is ever safe from Chelsea's fake emails and phony pregnancies, bogus smuggling schemes and made-up sports bets. Because whether it's premeditated or spur of the moment, Chelsea will do anything for a laugh. And that's the truth.

Watch out for Taxman a serial auditor and anti-hero. He may have you in his sights.You’ve heard of Batman, meet Kenneth Selznick an anti-hero auditor with the Internal Revenue Service. Kenneth better known, as TAXMAN, is a villain easily overlooked, but one who leaves a wake of destruction wherever he plies his special art of bringing misery to good common workaday people.This story is intended as a parody and roast of the United States tax system and the Internal Revenue Service.

Be careful what you wish for … you might get more than you ever imagined.I am fifteen years old today! July 19, 2010! My name is Izzabela Jayne Gonzales. I have two sometimes wonderful sisters, Jazamine Nicole and Jacilyne Aubree. I have a brother, Rementon Kolt. My mom is Jacklyne Nicole Gonzales. My father is Benito Paco Gonzales. Today my mother is planning my ‘surprise’ party, that Jazamine ‘accidently’ told me about. Rementon is the only one that has told me happy birthday today. When Jacilyne heard him tell me happy birthday she shouted it, but she really forgot. Oh well she’s only 13. I’m 16. Jazamine is 17. Rementon is 18. Mom is 35, Dad is 36. Kayde, Rementon’s college roommate walked in with this girl wrapped around him. She barely had any clothes on! God I’m jealous Kayde is drop dead sexy, the things I’d do with him!

The Terror{blist} is an ironic and dark humoured short story that examines the masculinization of idealism and the probable effect of the contrary.In a well of depression, Gavin, quits his telemarketing job and joins a group of radical idealists. In the days leading to his act of terror, a typo has all news stations emasculating the acts of his terror group. Thinking he will be remembered forever as someone less than a man, Gavin ponders the things that men do.

A theatre short - very short at barely 2000 words, so don't expect War & Peace! Gazza is Head of Lighting at a small provincial theatre and just wants to be left alone to do his job, not drawn into touchy-feely socialising by a visiting director who forbids swearing. This short is to lure you into the Regent Theatre where you can meet the characters and feel at home in the setting. Come on in!This brief humorous story is to give a flavour of the Theatre Mystery series so you can see if you'd enjoy the books Murder in the Second Row and Body on the Stage. Gazza features in both these and is a character who really took over as soon as I started writing him. There really was a theatre director who attempted to ban swearing during a production, and the result was much the same as in this story.

One guy, one mystery, one very wrong conclusion ...Luca has walked out on his band in the middle of their American tour and headed off to New Orleans. Disgraced gossip columnist Gaby is determined to find out why, while her sister Pris is equally determined to have the best holiday ever.The Accidental Proposal is just under 10,000 words and should take you about 30 minutes to read.Tales from Parker Road (Death, Barbecues and a Toast Rack) consists of four short stories loosely linking residents of Parker Road:Mike and Jenny need to find somewhere to bury a body.Greg and Kate have an argument about the useless stuff Greg insists on buying.Susan tries to keep Roger calm, which isn’t easy, as everything winds him up.Pete accidentally kills Linda's cat. He could confess, or try and cover it up. He decides on a cover-up.

The Adventures of Sally is a novel by P.G. Wodehouse. It appeared as a serial in Collier's magazine in the United States from October 8 to December 31, 1921, and in The Grand Magazine in the United Kingdom from April to July 1922. It was first published in book form in the United Kingdom by Herbert Jenkins on 17 October 1922, and in the U.S. by George H. Doran on March 23, 1923, under the title Mostly Sally.[1] It was serialised again, under this second title, in The Household Magazine from November 1925 to April 1926. The novel relates the adventures of Sally Nicholas, a young American woman who inherits a fortune of $25,000.

On a bright and sunny Easter morning, the young pastor of a small Southern church has planned the perfect marriage proposal. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as smoothly as he hoped.On a bright and sunny Easter morning, the young pastor of a small Southern church has planned the perfect marriage proposal. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as smoothly as he hoped.Anyone who has attended a small-town church in the US on an Easter Sunday can relate to the quirky characters in this short story. Just in time for the spring season, An Eggcellent Proposal is sure to leave a smile on your face.