It was Friday, and when Jim arrived home from his job with the County, he announced that his boss had given him the next week off (with pay) so they (Jim and Karey) could have some quality time before the baby arrived. However, things don't always work out the way we plan!Jim and Karey, who had been married for 4 years, since the year 2000, and needed a vacation in a way they had never felt before. Jim was working a new Job for the county, and Karey was 7 months pregnant with their first child. The pregnancy was something unexpected, but the thought of having a Son or Daughter was over the top when it came to their anticipation about things in their lives changing. Things would be hugely different in 2005.It was Friday, and when Jim arrived home from his job with the County, he announced that his boss had given him the next week off (with pay) so they (Jim and Karey) could have some quality time before the baby arrived.

Twelve-year-old Joe Warden isn’t happy. Sure, he’s rich, but his parents don’t care about him. His grandmother should make everything better, except that Joe’s granny is a nightmare. She’s not just physically repulsive, she’s horribly mean. Everyone thinks she’s just a dotty old woman, but Joe knows the truth. He’s seen behind her mask and glimpsed the wicked glimmer in her eyes—she is pure evil. And now she’s out to get Joe, unless he can stop her and her band of nasty grannies first. Anthony Horowitz, creator of the bestselling Alex Rider series has written a wickedly funny story, with hilarious illustrations by Tony Ross. Twelve-year-old Joe has an unbelievably evil Granny. Not only is Granny physically repulsive and horribly mean, but she also has the look in her eye of a predatory crocodile. Soon Joe starts to suspect that she has unpleasant designs on him. But what are they and how can he foil them?

Billy Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab, concocts a potion using all the rare and expensive ingredients, and somehow ends up with a talking book. His first thought? Sell the book ... and say goodbye to horse muck forever!A 5000 word fantasy/comedy storyBilly Crump is the local stable boy. Fed up with mucking out horses, he sneaks into the wizard's lab, concocts a potion using all the rare and expensive ingredients, and somehow ends up with a talking book. His first thought? Sell the book ... and say goodbye to horse muck forever!A 5000 word fantasy/comedy story--"Who's there? What's talkin'?"The book fluttered. "Who do you think, you two-legged disaster zone?""A talkin' book?" Emotions ran over Billy's face like drops of food dye in a goldfish bowl. Surprise was followed by bafflement, bafflement by comprehension and comprehension by cunning. "I could sell you," he said under his breath. "I could sell you an' then I wouldn't have to muck out no more stables.""Sell me?" squeaked the book. "You don't even own me!"

Love and laughs in the fast lane! Contemporary romance with humor, heat, and high jinks (part 1 of a 4-part serial)… Sparks fly and incinerate into a bonfire when a hard-hitting billionaire, Tyler James, locks horns with the bewitching Molly Leigh. Before the smoke clears, Tyler must learn a powerful lesson. And Molly may discover that a hard man is good to find.Love and laughs in the fast lane! Contemporary romance with humor, heat, and high jinks (part 1 of a 4-part serial)… Billionaire Tyler James didn’t get where he is by playing nice. He’s a hard man, and proud of it. But Tyler has a hidden soft side that’s about to be exposed by three little boys and a beautiful Wiccan, the bewitching Molly Leigh. The boys are Tyler’s orphaned nephews, and he didn’t even know they existed until recently. Now that he does, Tyler wants those kids. A lot. But so does Molly. She is, after all, the one who’s been raising them. When the two adversaries lock horns over custody of the boys, the sparks fly and incinerate into a bonfire. Before the smoke clears, Tyler must learn a powerful lesson. And Molly may discover that a hard man is good to find.

The villainous and vindictive Vampire is back and ready to sink her teeth into a piping hot dish of revenge! Will our diminutive defender be able to thwart her insidious plot?We have an obligation to ourselves to be honest and true to ourselves and our readers. If we fail to do this, we shall rise no higher. If we rise no higher, then what are we?

After being brutally ditched by his girlfriend, high school senior Seth decides to win back ex Lysandra by reinventing himself into the man he has always wanted to be by fulfilling his childhood dreams and wishesEVER BEEN DUMPED!?!After being brutally ditched by his girlfriend, high school senior Seth decides to win back ex Lysandra by reinventing himself into the man he has always wanted to be by fulfilling his childhood dreams and wishes. With the assistance of his, well, quirky best friend Russ and his platonic guy-girlfriend, Anna, his senior year becomes one of adventure and self-realization in this hilarious original screenplay by J. Richard Singleton.

The Five Horseshoes is a light-hearted, funny novella introducing the off-beat characters and eccentricities of village life that readers will meet again in the The Animal Man, the first of David McDine’s upcoming trilogy. It is sure to appeal to fans of Tom Sharpe, Alexander McCall Smith, and P.G. Wodehouse.Spirits are low at the village pub. With takings down, publicans Horace and Glad fear their dream of a Spanish package holiday may never come true. In the early 1960s what passes for excitement hereabouts is the half-yearly livestock sale behind the pub – and Glad posing as Boudicca for the Women’s Institute calendar. Local reporter Des Crow is suffering a lean patch too, so they come up with a stunt aimed at grabbing headlines and boosting trade.But plans go awry when the cricketing vicar, Alf the village bobby, and old Frank the poacher become involved.The Five Horseshoes is a light-hearted, funny novella introducing the off-beat characters and eccentricities of village life that readers will meet again in the The Animal Man, the first of David McDine’s upcoming trilogy. It is sure to appeal to fans of Tom Sharpe, Alexander McCall Smith, and P.G. Wodehouse.

Dom Wars has reached Round 5, and Lucian, Tara, and Steve are prisoners of war owned by the current top Dom, known as the Preacher Dom. All they have to do is find the perfect pitch to sell Gladiator's dildos and ball clenchers to random vanilla businesses. Between Tara, Lucian and Steve, it's looking like an orgasmic circus of humiliation, bonding, and more self-discovery. But there's a catch. Their scores will buy their chances of survival in the next round. And Preacher Dom isn't about to let three cheating hooligans ruin his chances at the million.

"Read what you enjoy, not what bores you," Nick Hornby tells us. That simple, liberating, and indispensable directive animates each installment of the celebrated critic and author's monthly column in the Believer. In this delightful and never-musty tour of his reading life, Hornby tells us not just what to read, but how to read. Whether tackling a dismayingly bulky biography of Dickens while his children destroy something in the next room, or getting sucked into a serious assessment of Celine Dion during an intensely fought soccer match featuring his beloved Arsenal, or devouring an entire series of children's books while on vacation, Hornby's reviews are rich, witty, and occasionally madcap. These essays capture the joy and ire, the despair and exhilaration of the book-lover's life, and will appeal equally to both monocle-wearing salonnieres and people, like him, who spend a lot of time thinking about Miley Cyrus's next role.

Funny Stories Told By the Soldiers By Carleton B. Case

Ralph Tucker is dating a woman who favors Orvis, genuine hornback crocodile belts. The dainty accessories retails for just under six hundred dollars. If Ralph’s romance blossoms, he’s going to need a second job.‘Beam Me Back to Venus’ is a light-hearted collection of humorous poetry based around the joys and challenges of parenting children from birth through the teenage years. Written from a mother’s point of view, many will relate to the frustrations of juggling paid work with the daily taxi run, housework and the dramas of bringing up a busy family. Families everywhere face the same dilemma of the last minute homework project, how to be four places at once and where do all those odd socks go?Despite all the child rearing books, we who produce offspring will always stumble on as best we can to raise the little ones into the finest people we can and have a lot of joy, laughter and tears along the way. If only they came with a manual.

On a frozen mountain range, Elwood and Rodeena adopt disguises to try and scare away a bunch of workers from constructing an oil pipeline.Dylan Blake has never had a home before and he isn't expecting to find one in New Elphame, Michigan. But his new town is nothing like he expected. Between the foster parents who don't seem quite sure what to make of him and the kids at school who act a little afraid of him, Dylan is pretty sure that he's not going to stick around too long. But then someone tells his a crazy story about another new kid at Seelie High and the mysterious door she opened. It's all a little hard to accept, but Dylan might start believing when he steps through the door himself.Find out what life is like on the other side of the door in this third installment in the Tales from Seelie High collection. Whether you have been keeping up with the series or this is your first introduction to the students of Seelie High School, you will find yourself drawn into the mystery of New Elphame's strange, and possibly magical, past and the exciting adventure of its future. This edition also includes two mini-stories involving the students of Seelie High—a collection of interviews conducted by the intrepid Greer Douglas, student reporter for the Daily Chronicles, and a personal account of one student’s discovery of a magical heritage.

Discworld lives on in Unseen Academicals, the latest novel from Terry Pratchett. Delivering the trademark insight and humor readers the world over have come to expect from “the purely funniest English writer since Wodehouse” (Washington Post Book World), Unseen Academicals focuses on the wizards at Ankh-Morpork’s UnseenUniversity, who are reknowned for many things—sagacity, magic, and their love of teatime—as they attempt to conquer athletics.

Once upon a time, a girl skipped into the forest and became a zombie. Wait, no, that's not how this story is supposed to go. Let's try again. Once upon a time, a boy did a horrible job as a sheep-sitter and burned his tongue on stolen pie. No, children in these stories are always good and virtuous. From the top. Once upon a time, a king and queen tried to find a princess for their son to marry, and he wound up fleeing from a group of very hairy vampires. Hmmm... What about, once upon a time, a bunch of fairy tales got twisted around to be completely hilarious, a tiny bit icky, and delightfully spooky scarytales... in other words, exactly what fairy tales were meant to be. Grab some flaming torches, maybe don't accept that bowl of pease porridge, and get ready for a wickedly fun ride with acclaimed author Kiersten White and fairy tales like you've never heard them before.

Like millions of others, Roger Birch's family depend on ad-viewing income for their survival. Unlike millions of others, the events of one evening leave Roger aware of the government's real reason for investing in Funscreen. With HD cameras hidden behind a 60-inch glass veil, the answer was staring him in the face all along. Every family has a Funscreen. The question is... who's watching who?Like millions of others, Roger Birch and his family depend on ad-viewing income for their survival.Unlike millions of others, the events of one uncomfortable evening leave Roger aware of the government's shadier reasons for investing in Funscreen. With high-definition cameras hidden behind a 60-inch glass veil, the answer was staring him in the face all along.Every family has a Funscreen on their wall. The question is... who's watching who?[Funscreen is a satirical/sci-fi short story of 6,500 words (approx. 22 standard pages)]A unique take on the increasing commercialisation of home life and the apparent trend towards 24-hour surveillance, Funscreen is a standalone spin-off from the dystopian novel Sycamore.Praise for Sycamore: "A brilliant and relevant sci-fi from a debut author... interesting and matrix-like""Dystopian fans should not miss this one" "Great idea from the author... 1984 for the Facebook generation"