Jeeves may not always see eye to eye with Bertie on ties and fancy waistcoats, but he can always be relied on to whisk his young master spotlessly out of the soup (even if, for tactical reasons, he did drop him in it in the first place). The paragon of Gentlemen's Personal Gentlemen shimmers through these fat pages in much the same way as he did through the first Jeeves Omnibus. This volume contains one brilliant collection of short stories and two hilarious novels: Right Ho, Jeeves, Joy in the Morning and Carry On, Jeeves.

What if there was a microchip that could be implanted in your child's head which would generate an imaginary friend for them? What if the friends stayed after the chip was removed? What if you stopped denying that you're intrigued and download the story already?Attention parents! Tired of teaching your children the difference between right and wrong? Don't have the time to keep your kids out of trouble? Don't trust the sub-par education system? Get MetaFic. Inc's patented IF Chip today! Its a simple out-patient procedure covered by most major health insurance providers! Painless and fast! The IF Chip's patented synoptic technology reacts with your child's neural cortex to create an imaginary friend fully customizable by you. Together with our imaginary experts, you will choose the fantastical companion and settings right for your child's particular needs. Your child may choose from such imaginary pals as kittens, puppies, rabbits (our best selling model!), fairies, squirrels, princesses (an instant classic), superheroes (may cause heights-related injuries), lamas or even a camel (our best selling Middle Eastern model). Choose your own religion setting from "fanatical _____" to "rabid atheist." Choose your child's intellectual setting from "future Nobel prize winner" to "at least she's pretty." Select our premium "problem child" setting and watch as your child becomes a model citizen with our special "Mild Mind Mend Meld" therapy .Come to our imaginarium centers for a free consultation today, or e-mail us with questions and comments. From MetaFic, Inc. Warning: Not FDA approved. Long term effects of the IF Chip have not been studied. MetaFic, Inc. disclaims all uses for a specific purpose. Not recommended for kids over 16. May cause psychological defects and mental scarring. Requires immature mature sense of humor. May lead to slight sexual stimulation. Not recommended for camels. Best read naked.

“Couples that get pregnant in their 40’s and 50’s must be nuts,” the author writes. “These are people with productive jobs, breakable furniture, cars without Cheerios and a comfortable lifestyle. But from the moment the rabbit dies, that all changes.” These tales present child rearing from a whole new point of view... funny, moving and all too close to home for many of us.How do older couples survive raising pre-school kids in modern America? You take notes and chronicled the journey in a series of rollicking, outrageous columns in the community newspaper. At least that’s what Lee B. Mulder did. “Couples that get pregnant in their 40’s and 50’s must be nuts,” he writes. “These are people with productive jobs, breakable furniture, cars without Cheerios and a comfortable lifestyle. But from the moment the rabbit dies, that all changes.”In this volume, the reader learns many valuable things from the point of view of a dad who’s way beyond young adult, things such as small children can be used as strategic weapons, powerful career women can also be powerful in the laundry, that STD Barbie is a very popular doll and that obedience training children with a collar and leash yields surprising results.Mulder’s fans write:“Wow, it’s refreshing. That’s me in there.” - Mrs. D.J., Glen Ellyn IL“I laughed out loud,” - Mrs. W.S., San Antonio TX“I enjoy your column every week. Is that stuff TRUE?” Mrs. D.C., Nashville TN“What are you, Erma Bombeck in dad’s clothing?” - Mr. T.W., Atlanta GACover design Julie SartainCover photo Jaimie Duplass, Bigstock Photo

This is a collection of 10 hilarious poems from a pupper (dog or puppy) point of view. The whole family of all ages can enjoy these with a good laugh. There are a total of over 1800 words to tickle your funny bone.A young prince Calum escapes his bed in the dead of night to meet with the illusive wanderer, known to the men of Calum’s kingdom as Roland the Ferocious, at a crossroads. And with that, Calum begins his journey west to the kingdom of Dunway where he seeks a new life far from his father’s kingdom. Only the forests stand between Calum and his new home, the gruff, and hardened Roland, his only guide, but how will the young Calum handle himself when confronted by the beasts and trials he finds within.

Smash, himself, was part ogre. Although ogres were considered so stupid they coud hardly speak, and spent their time eating young girls, seven assorted females had suddenly turned to him for guidance and saftety? In Xanth, one visit to the Good Magician Humfrey worked wonders....

A humorous fantasy short story set during the American Civil War about a hapless Irishman who is pressed into service and must call upon supernatural help, and his own wits, to survive a pending major battle and the war.After uncounted decades of writing poems, Lenny has sifted out his ten best short ones, so that readers won't have to spend more than fifteen minutes reading them.

Ever wonder how Trump got so rich? Go behind the scenes with the founder of the fictitious Newell Capital Venture Partners for the hilarious and sometimes downright wrong ideas behind Donald’s investments over the last three decades. You’ll laugh out loud reading about businesses ranging from his online breakfast (only) store to a unique medicinal marijuana brand.“Bigly funny book.” - DonaldIf you want to know if Donald Trump is rich, you just have to ask him. If you want to know *how* he became rich, you have to dig a little deeper.Matthew Newell, founder of the fictitious Newell Capital Venture Funds, writes an hilarious recount of some of the investments they made over the last three decades. A peer-to-peer music sharing platform, a Trump-branded diet, Ivanka’s social media site and a Y2K recovery service are all teed up for laughs.Did you know that breakfast (or “breaky”) is the best way to judge a person’s soul? Did you know that Trump profited from NAFTA through bail bonding? Or that Donald has some very specific ideas on the Civil War, which are shocking for any normal person but right on point for him? From 1987 to 2015, the discussion around and investment results from eight investments are detailed for your entertainment.“This is a frickin’ bigly funny book that no one had the balls to write except for Matthew.” - Donald

The second escapade in the Clegghorne trilogy in which Arnold and his grandson Michael make and then fire their own gun.What do you do when you're out voted on hosting a holiday party, complete with gift exchange and all the trimmings? Tie on the apron and deck those halls. Self proclaimed Scrooge, Maurin Kincaide accepts the challenge and tackles the yuletide with all the determination she would a Council task. But not everyone is brimming with holiday cheer. A blood coven threatens to bring the holiday festivities to an end. Can Maurin stop the dark magic before the clock strikes twelve, signaling the solstice?Other Books By Rachel RawlingsThe Maurin Kincaide SeriesThe MorrignaWitch HuntWolfsbaneBlood BathIll Fated (2015)Follow Rachel on FaceBook, Twitter and TSU for the latest info on the series and other upcoming books, fun give aways and more!rachelrawlings.comfacebook.com/TheMaurinKincaideseriestwitter- @rachelsbookstsu.com/RachelsBooks

When imperious American widow Beatice Chavender eats a forkful of inferior ham at her sister's country home near London, it affects the lives of everyone around her--her sister, her brother-in-law, her sister's butler, her sister's poor relation Sally, Sally's fiance Lord Holbeton, and, most of all, Mrs. Chavender's own one-time fiance, "Ham King" J.B. Duff, whose rotten product spoils her breakfast.

A man can be held captive by more than chains, and his captor can be less official, but no less dominating in nature. This, Patrick now knows, and all for the lack of medical support he is at the mercy of his mother and girlfriend.“You know what the old timers say about Comely? They say the Devil is afraid of him.”Aldous Comely; entrepreneur, philanthropist, bon vivant, crime lord. He has his finger on every conceivable pulse, but his grip is starting to slip.Chance encounters and unexpected friendships force him to remember what it's like to be a human being - at the worst possible time: An old enemy is back in town.As Comely prepares for the oncoming storm, he asks himself if a man with no past can hope for a future.Enoch's Folly is a unique period piece. Set in New York City in 1939, it weaves the stories of real figures and fictional characters in a complex narrative exploring identity, loyalty, big ideas, loss, greed, and the ever-mystifying human condition.---Review from Nate Briggs, The Kindle Book Review:Nate Briggs rated it 3 of 5 starsThe book's synopsis suggests a hard-hitting, period crime novel.In fact, this is a wide-ranging narrative of romance, regret, hope, and a distant taste of crime in the New York City of 1939. There’s trouble in Europe, but Aldous Comely is thinking much more about his life outside the law: wondering if there is a graceful exit toward a day-to-day routine that’s more sustainable.In the mean time, people meet—people strive—and life goes on.If this were a movie, the narrative would be described as “character-driven”: since the focus is more on interaction than on events, and emotions more than explosions.

When aliens attempt to take over the Earth, by freezing time and stealing all the tea and coffee, two hapless misfits are charged with saving humanity.Brick and Spiritwind were unaware of the wider goings on of the universe. Had they known alien’s were heading their way, intent on freezing time and stealing all the tea and coffee, chances are they would console themselves with a debate on the merits of hot beverages and wait to be placed in stasis. Fortunately the Earth’s owners are more practical and instruct Fate to activate the planets in-built heroes. Unfortunately Fate saves their next door neighbours, Brick and Spiritwind, by mistake. Realising his error, Fate gathers his closest friends, including girlfriend Karma and brother Coincidence, to offer the hapless pair assistance.Zarg, a teenage alien, has insisted a band of heroes will rise and thwart his people’s plan; when captured by Brick et al, the irony isn’t lost upon him. Forming a relationship with the humans, akin to sniping siblings, Zarg agrees to aid their quest: the reward of being proved right is enough to betray his species.With no weapons other than idle banter and slipshod philosophy, Brick and Spiritwind amble their way through the frozen Earth, piecing together clues and formulating a solution. Join the Earth’s only hope as they straddle the line between idiocy and genius.

Though she is walking in her father's shoes, a woman feels she will never be able to fill them.This essay received a standing ovation at a reading. A woman "talks" to her father after he has passed. She laments his passing, but grieves for the lost time between them while he was alive. Now that he has passed, she attempts to walk in his shoes but will never be able to fill them.

A collection of short stories by a world-renowned naturalist and author of My Family and Other Animals introduces an eccentric cast of characters including a prize-truffling pig in France and an aging Memphis belle.

On a cold day Clayton Claw Cleaver Clementine sets off westwards to take up residence in the vast haunted edifice of Charnel Castle. Clementine, a polite unkown unsung product of the new world and recently recovered by a miraculous cure from a long decline, alights at an empty crossroads. Standing lonely on its windswept hillside the great turrets and battlements rear in the sky ... The Onion Eaters is amongst Donleavy's best work.

Clarity Nice is arrested by Border Immigration at Miami Airport, for showing up in a list related to stolen bonds. To avoid going to a local jail, Clarity is hired by the shady Cayman figure Buddha Talk to help him get a beachhead in South Florida, using a manual called Cocoanomics, and prevent rival mobster di Laure, owner of the Mclannan's burger franchise, from dominating the burger market.Coming out of her recent rumpus with Sheik Hari Al-Najib in the British Virgin Islands, teleoperator Clarity Nice flies out of BVI to Florida, in order to stay in Miami, and to avoid taking another plane back to Macau. Awaiting for her there in Asia, are those who purchased the ring by Mauboussin that Clarity received in Singapore, a ring kept by videographer Plum Bailey in BVI, which shows a symbol in one of the baguettes, known as the 'incomplete triangle'.While in transit in Florida, she is arrested by Customs and Border Immigration at Miami International Airport, after showing up in a list of people to watch, involved with the theft of federal bonds, previously held by the shady Cayman Islands banking agent Buddha Talk. To avoid going to a local detention center, Clarity is hired by Lloyd, a representative of the shady banking agent, who tells her that his boss wants a beachhead in South Florida, in the fast food beef and burger market. The market for burgers in the region, is dominated by rivals Moe Alamy, and by her protege, Gavino di Laure, the owners of the Mclannan's burger franchise, and of its mascot, Ollie the clown.Clarity reaches the lavish home of Buddha Talk in the Florida Keys, Swankeye, to help him out with 'business'. The banking agent, whose real name is Joe Mannen, has been having some problems with Cayman authorities. Inspectors Taylor and Marville are inquiring in his home in Florida, about the renewal license of Mannen's main business in the Cayman Islands, Lofty Bank. Mannen's reputation as a mobster has been dented with local Cappi of South Florida, by the disappearance of one million in stolen bonds, formerly held in his home in Cayman, now under Federal custody, after a whistle blower in a strip club called Milton's, told di Laure about the stolen bonds held by Mannen's pilot.In a meeting involving the various mobsters who rule the meat packing, distribution, and retail segments in South Florida, Mannen is left without a share of the meat business, and with the swamped Everglades territory of Monroe as the only turf to establish any burger related business. The only real business di Laure allows for Mannen is a small pawnshop in Miami, called the Gladeview pawnshop.Mannen knows that di Laure wants him out of South Florida, without any business at all. To restablish credibility with Cappi, using a manual called Cocoanomics found in a liquidation notice listed in the Cayman Islands Gazette, Mannen sends off Clarity to learn of di Laure's plans. She becomes a regular employee of Mclannan's, attending the rigorous training program of Ollie Burger University at the Mclannan's training center in Boynton, Florida. Dodging the henchman of Di Laure, Ambrosio, she will have to find a way to alter the Ollie burger of the franchise, to elicit a sale by Di Laure to Mannen of some of the locations of the profitable burger restaurants.