The Case of the Missing Sapphire

      Elizabeth Bent
     The Case of the Missing Sapphire

This is the fourth story in the comedy series featuring Canadian superspies Agent Diamond and Charming Guy. In this tale, Agent Diamond is pressed into catsitting an extremely difficult cat, and manages to solve a crime while doing so.This is the fourth story in the comedy series featuring Canadian superspies Agent Diamond and Charming Guy. In this tale, Agent Diamond is pressed into catsitting an extremely difficult cat, and manages to solve a crime while doing so. This story was written and dedicated to a donor as a reward for a crowdfunding campaign I conducted in 2014, aiming at raising funds for a cancer research project. The work for the project is still ongoing, and I am grateful to all donors for their assistance.

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    Cause Celeb

      Helen Fielding
     Cause Celeb

Available for the first time in the United States, Cause Celeb is the hilarious debut novel by British literary sensation Helen Fielding. With the same wit and candor that shot Bridget Jones's Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason to the top of bestseller lists and forever altered the vocabulary of dating, Fielding executes a remarkable spoof on the altruistic endeavors of commoners and celebrities alike as they unite to combat the horror of famine and neglect in Africa. Populated by larger-than-life characters from London's West End and the unsung heroes toiling anonymously on the Continent, Cause Celeb is a cunning and poignant tale that discloses the romantic underpinnings of life and love in the 21st century. Rosie Richardson, a frothy young woman trapped in the cauldron of the publishing world, finds herself involved in a dysfunctional relationship with TV personality Oliver Marchant, a Teflon-coated Romeo who slips in and out of her life with greater frequency than she'd like. Disenchanted with their glamorous lifestyle, Rosie packs her bags and (quite literally) heads for the hills, embarking on a personal odyssey through the majestic deserts of Africa to the fictional state of Nambula, where each day's sunrise brings a daunting challenge. Upon arrival in the sparse refugee camp, Rosie immediately gets a sense of just how eccentric some of her new neighbors are. Muhammed, a local go-between with a flair for melodrama, the burly Irish doctor O'Rourke, and two seasoned nurses are all catalysts for the story who keep spirits alive and send emotions on a roller-coaster ride. When a carpet of locusts wreaks havoc among vestiges of the season's last crops, disease and starvation become a palpable threat that plagues the proud refugees of Nambula with fear. But stubborn government regimes turn a blind eye to the dangers facing the village, the relief workers' pleas for food and assistance are ignored, and fever and calamity run rampant, forcing Rosie to return to London and enlist the help of her former lover and the motley crew of friends they once shared. In a final, inspired act of desperation, the former publicity flak miraculously pulls off an international appeal with results that far surpass anything she had imagined. With a winning combination of pathos and humor, Fielding suggests that the real voyage of discovery is not simply in the quest for new landscapes, but in having new eyes to view them with. Ultimately, Rosie does find the peace of mind and passion she so desperately sought, and the success of her cause adds substance to her life and a depth to her character she had never suspected. Like the Bridget Jones novels, Cause Celeb is an easy, enjoyable read. But despite its seeming frivolity, the book paints an insightful and sanguine portrait of modern-day philanthropy. It's just that in the world according to Helen Fielding, even saving lives can be cause for merriment. --Lauren Foster

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    The Ayatollah's Money

      Richard Dorrance
     The Ayatollah's Money

Gwenny and Roger June are in London where they meet a beautiful Iranian woman. They spend time together visiting cultural sites, and then she follows them home to Charleston, South Carolina. What they don't find out until later is that before she left her home in Tehran, she stole ALL of The Ayatollah's money, and now some nasty boys in turbans are after her ass with malice aforethought.Gwenny and Roger June are eating dinner in The Savoy Hotel in London when they meet a beautiful Iranian woman. They spend time together visiting the great cultural sites, and then she follows them home to Charleston, South Carolina, America's most beautiful town. What they don't find out until later is that before she left her home in Tehran, she stole ALL of The Ayatollah's money, and now some nasty boys in turbans are after her ass with malice aforethought.

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    Our Children Are Not Our Children

      Kevin Brennan
     Our Children Are Not Our Children

In this brief collection of short-shorts, Kevin Brennan (Parts Unknown) offers five case studies in bad parenting. From a father who won’t pull over to let his boy pee on the roadside to a couple who unwisely lock their twin toddlers in a closet all day while they’re at work, these parents embody the adage that it takes a village -- to save innocent kids from idiots like them!Poet Kahlil Gibran has said, Your children are not your children. In this collection of short-shorts, Kevin Brennan (Parts Unknown) turns that simple idea on its head with five case studies in bad parenting. From a father who won’t pull over to let his boy pee on the roadside to a couple who unwisely lock their twin toddlers in a closet all day while they’re at work, these parents embody the adage that it takes a village -- to save innocent kids from idiots like them!

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    Katfish

      Obert Skye
     Katfish

Rob Burnside's life is in ruins. After his escapades with Pinocula and his resulting outrageous lies, everyone is fed up with him. In this Creature from My Closet book by Obert Skye, Rob needs help. And his science laboratory closet is there to give him a hand. Meet Katfish, a mashup of Katniss from the Hunger Games and the Little Mermaid. This girl is strong as nails and sports a tail. Everyone at Rob's school is excited about an upcoming riff on the Hunger Games created by Principal Smelt: the Fun-ger Games. Rob is less excited because the principal and his mom have roped him into participating. But Katfish is sticking around to help Rob out with girl advice, Fun-ger Games tips, and how to get people to stop hating him. What could go wrong?

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    Marionette

      Stephen Cote
     Marionette

Mitch Tacit is Hyperion Dazzle's best friend, and being best friends with the universe's most famous media star requires going to extreme lengths. With Hyperion's new album ready to be released, Mitch uncovers a coup threatening his position as best friend. Thankfully, Mitch has his own network of friends to rely on for support.Mitch Tacit is Hyperion Dazzle's best friend, and being best friends with the universe's most famous media star requires going to extreme lengths. With Hyperion's new album ready to be released, Mitch uncovers a coup threatening his position as best friend. Thankfully, Mitch has his own network of friends to rely on for support, including a hive mind and his employer, the entity responsible for his best friend's persona.

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    New Cat in Town!

      Ashlynn Elliott
     New Cat in Town!

He's back! He's cool(er)! And he's got a cat?! This cat can talk, too! She's four, nerdy, nasty, and she's got a secret! What happens when this cat "Spills the BeanZ'?" Chaos!!!! Ashlynn's got a secret, too! Can you keep a secret? Shhhhhhh..............Do you have a cat? Probably so. Do you have a dog? Probably so. Do you have a talking cat and a talking dog? Probrably NOT!!! Yeah, Ashlynn does. She's got a dancing dog and a VERY gross cat. How gross? She laid a stink bomb in a cake. How's that? She's got a secret too! She supposedly ACCIDENTLY spilled the BeanZ. The people who hear the secret, well, they can't keep it! Then, this little trio of a dog, girl, and cat must figure out a soulution! Join these crazy kids in this really suspenseful (not really) tale!

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    Full Blast

      Janet Evanovich
     Full Blast

There's never a dull moment for the residents of Beaumont, South Carolina. Lately, a heat wave's spiked the mercury-and everyone's sex drive! These days, when Jamie runs into Max, it's all she can do not to tear his clothes off-and the feeling is mutual. But trouble seems to follow Max like moths to a flame, and Jamie suspects he's all wrong for her. Meanwhile, the lingerie shop is having a sale on edible underwear, while the bakery's selling aphrodisiac-laced brownies and x-rated birthday cakes. Even Jamie's dog, Fleas, is dodging passes from the amorous French poodle next door! But when someone starts bumping off some of the town's more annoying citizens, all clues lead straight to the new personals section in Jamie's newspaper. Pretty soon, things are getting hot and heavy, as Max and Jamie start uncovering secrets-and undressing each other...

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    The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

      Christopher Moore
     The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

The town psychiatrist has decided to switch everybody in Pine Cove, California, from their normal antidepressants to placebos, so naturally—well, to be accurate, artificially—business is booming at the local blues bar. Trouble is, those lonely slide-guitar notes have also attracted a colossal sea beast named Steve with, shall we say, a thing for explosive oil tanker trucks. Suddenly, morose Pine Cove turns libidinous and is hit by a mysterious crime wave, and a beleaguered constable has to fight off his own gonzo appetites to find out what's wrong and what, if anything, to do about it.

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    A Free Vacation

      Guy Tiphane
     A Free Vacation

John and Janet Carpenter responded to a telemarketer's call to sell them a condo in Hawaii. They attend the sales presentation that will get them a free trip.Set in the distant future, Donors, is a short story of a world where every citizen is expected to pay any price for the state.

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    Presidential Soup - By Zack Mitchell

      Zack Mitchell
     Presidential Soup - By Zack Mitchell

Much to his regret, Gordon McKenzie eats canned soup for dinner.Betrayed - Alternate Ending gives Brook the chance to retaliate against her antagonists from the popular novel Betrayed. This is not a stand-alone publication, but starts at Chapter 49 of the novel Betrayed and then takes the tale in a new direction, with an entirely different ending. Written especially for readers of Betrayed, this alternate ending explodes with drama and suspense, and contains scenes not included in the original novel. To understand and appreciate Betrayed - Alternate Ending, the original novel must be read beforehand. Summary: After being abused for several days, Brook escapes into the snowy wilderness, where her captors assume she will perish. Then their victim shows up on the news months later, very much alive. They don't intend for her to stay that way. "I loved the original novel, but the alternate ending blew me away!" ~Randi Canning, Reviewer

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    Pi in the Sky

      Wendy Mass
     Pi in the Sky

Joss is the seventh son of the Supreme Overlord of the Universe, and all he gets to do is deliver pies. That's right: pies. Of course these pies actually hold the secrets of the universe between their buttery crusts, but they're still pies. Joss comes from a family of overachievers, and is happy to let his older brothers shine. But when Earth suddenly disappears, Joss is tasked with the not-so-simple job of bringing it back. With the help of an outspoken girl from Earth named Annika, Joss embarks on the adventure of a lifetime and learns that the universe is an even stranger place than he'd imagined.

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    Baby

      Andrew Wheeler
     Baby

A bloodthirsty dictator tries to change his behavior to please a small baby that has floated down from the sky and been declared an omen of the gods.A bloodthirsty dictator tries to change his behavior to please a small baby that has floated down from the sky and been declared an omen of the gods.…"Penance!" cried the witchdoctor, so the portly dictator was forced to get on his hands and knees and play horsey for an hour, much to Millicent’s delight. She gave him a big, sloppy kiss.He pardoned a number of political opponents and tribal enemies, and hoped no one noticed when they were quietly hunted down and dispatched by his security forces in the dead of night."You’re not trying," said the one of many wives."It’s difficult," he conceded, and played horsey again…Baby is a story from The World Is Round, available now.A great philosopher's masterwork is unravelled by a duck, an influential talk show host begins executing his guests, and a baby enchants a murderous African dictator in this collection of seventeen short stories. A work of poignant satire and extraordinary imagination, The World Is Round is always weird, sometimes bleak, and frequently hilarious.

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    Lust & Wonder

      Augusten Burroughs
     Lust & Wonder

First came Running with Scissors. Then came Dry. Now, there's Lust & Wonder. In chronicling the development and demise of the different relationships he's had while living in New York, Augusten Burroughs examines what it means to be in love, what it means to be in lust, and what it means to be figuring it all out. With Augusten's unique and singular observations and his own unabashed way of detailing both the horrific and the humorous, Lust and Wonder is an intimate and honest memoir that his legions of fans have been waiting for.

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