Twitch, the school yard squirrel, has really gotten himself into a bind this time. While trying to escape from a hungry owl, he roused the principal's dog and got chased into the school. Now he's locked in for a dangerous and disastrous night. Can Green Eggs and Hamster, Sweetie the library rat, and the other school pets save Twitch from the crazed dog, Cuddles? In this uproarious chapter book, a group of small animals manages to turn an elementary school into a real zoo.

James Thurber was the unique, unpredictable wild card of American humorists, at once whimsical fantasist and deadpan chronicler of everyday absurdities. The comic persona he invented, a modern citydweller whose zaniest flights of free association are tinged with anxiety, is as hilarious now as when he first appeared in the pages of The New Yorker—and his troubled side is even more striking. Here, The Library of America presents the best and most extensive Thurber collection ever assembled. Only a book of this scope can do justice to Thurber’s extraordinary career and to the many unexpected turns of his comic genius. Here are the acknowledged masterpieces: “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,” “The Catbird Seat,” the anti-war parable The Last Flower, the brilliantly satirical Fables for Our Time, the children’s classic The 13 Clocks, and My Life and Hard Times, which Russell Baker calls “possibly the shortest and most elegant autobiography ever written.” Here too are the best pieces from The Owl in the Attic, Let Your Mind Alone!, My World—And Welcome To It, and The Beast in Me and Other Animals. From his other famous collections are included such favorites as “The Pet Department,” “The Black Magic of Barney Haller,” "Nine Needles,’ “the Macbeth Murder Mystery,” and “File and Forget,” revealing an astonishingly diverse mix of literary parodies, eccentric portraits, stories of domestic warfare and inner terror, reminiscences both tender and farcical, extravagant feats of wordplay, freewheeling burlesques of popular culture (from detective novels to self-help fads), and exasperated protests against the mechanized impersonality of the modern world. Thurber’s wonderful drawings—spontaneous creations of which he once said, “I don’t think any drawing ever took me more than three minutes”—are here in profusion, with their population of husbands, wives, dogs, seals, and various species of Thurber’s own invention. His first great cartoon collection, The Seal in the Bedroom, is presented complete, along with such celebrated sequences like “The Masculine Approach” and “The War Between Men and Women,” and his devastatingly straightforward illustrated versions of once-canonical poems such as “Barbara Frietchie” and “Excelsior.” Rounding out this volume is a selection from The Years with Ross, his memoir of New Yorker publisher Harold Ross, and a number of pieces, previously uncollected by Thurber, including some early work never before reprinted.

Warning: this ebook file may be malicious. Or not. "Malicious" is such a value-laden word. At least give it a chance to explain itself, and you can decide for yourself...Twenty poems by Bill Yarrow:1. Playing for Keeps2. Burying the Hatchet3. Staring at Waves4. Searching for the Word5. Looking at Waffles (8 Different Ways)6. Drinking an Orange Julius While Listening to Pink Floyd7. Crossing the Center Line 8. Getting Home Alive9. Annulling the Future10. Theorizing Salsa11. Playing Pinochle in Your Snout12. The Knitting Needle13. The Learning Curve14. The Sticking Point15. Not Drowning16. Just Foundering17. Disappearing Ink18. Ash Coming on Second Wednesday19. Here's Looking at Euclid20. Villon, Stop Following Me Around!

Odd Craft, Complete is presented here in a high quality paperback edition. This popular classic work by W. W. (William Wymark) Jacobs is in the English language, and may not include graphics or images from the original edition. If you enjoy the works of W. W. (William Wymark) Jacobs then we highly recommend this publication for your book collection.

She exorcises spirits from a distant time and place in Africa.The Feng Shui woman is not prepared for Grandpop and his harem. He has taken over one of the upstairs bedrooms. He is loud, smells of sulfur and brimstone and a general nuisance. All of this began the day he was buried. As the Feng Shui woman approaches the top of the stairs, she hears the trumpet of an elephant, the roar of a lion and the crazy laugh of a hyena. All coming from the last bedroom.

A hit using a car crash? Not the original plan, but who cares? It worked, didn´t it?A town at the center of a broken universe, Newt Run was never meant to exist; it is a town of artists, drug dealers, miners and steam. There are holes here, gaps in the fabric of things, and some of them are wide enough for people to slip through. Rumours have been spreading about disappearances in the mines, and someone has been defacing the town's walls with rings of painted blood. Strangest of all are the tales of outsiders - mysterious visitors who can only be seen by users of the drug known as powder.Newt Run is also a novel, but the world of Newt Run was much too large to fit inside a single book. These short stories, or 'modules', extend this world, probing into its deepest, smallest secrets.In 'Ghost Story' a young man is visited by his dead grandfather, who shows up with a bottle of whiskey and a story about what happens after you die.

Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg have teamed up for a dynamic new series featuring an FBI agent who’s on the hunt—and a master con artist who’s enjoying the chase. The con is on in this eBook original short story that’s a triumphant prequel to The Heist. FBI special agent Kate O’Hare has made it her mission to nail international con artist Nicolas Fox. When she discovers his plot to plunder a venture capitalist’s twentieth-story Chicago penthouse of all its cash and treasures at the same time that the self-proclaimed “King of Hostile Takeovers” is getting married, Kate is 85 percent—okay maybe 92 percent—sure that she’s finally going to bag Nick Fox. Problem is, first Kate has to convince her boss, building security, and maybe even herself, that wedding planner Merrill Stubing is actually Nicolas Fox. Second, she has to figure out how to corner and capture him without disrupting the event of the year. And third, what’s going to happen once O’Hare finally gets her hands on Fox? It’s going take a pro to catch a con before the fireworks over Lake Michigan go off. Includes a sneak peek of The Heist, the first novel in the highly anticipated new series from Janet Evanovich and Lee Goldberg!

Narrated in the form of a Powerbook entry by Dan Underwood, a computer programmer for Microsoft, this state-of-the-art novel about life in the '90s follows the adventures of six code-crunching computer whizzes. Known as "microserfs," they spend upward of 16 hours a day "coding" (writing software) as they eat "flat" foods (such as Kraft singles, which can be passed underneath closed doors) and fearfully scan the company email to see what the great Bill might be thinking and whether he is going to "flame" one of them. Seizing the chance to be innovators instead of cogs in the Microsoft machine, this intrepid bunch strike out on their own to form a high-tech start-up company named Oop! in Silicon Valley. Living together in a sort of digital flophouse --"Our House of Wayward Mobility" -- they desperately try to cultivate well-rounded lives and find love amid the dislocated, subhuman whir and buzz of their computer-driven world. Funny, illuminating and ultimately touching, Microserfs is the story of one generation's very strange and claustrophobic coming of age.

Cyril Zyk must hold back naked protestors who want to bring down an entire dystopian system where people are "men-women" and nothing is ever what it seems."Cyril Zyk sat at the kitchen table in his underpants and dipped a hard bread roll into a bowl of tepid water. The bread tasted as good as it did everyday, he told himself, to avoid thinking the obvious—that not only did his mother refuse to stop writing poetry that used words like wet and enter me, but Mamica, he used her first name because the regime deemed everyone should be equal, had also become a protestor."

The disappearance of a multi-millionaire in the small town of Los Hombres triggers a comic and horrifying search for his briefcase stuffed with cash.Teddy Redburn returns to his hometown of Los Hombres after selling his mattress factory in Las Vegas. On his first night home, several townspeople glimpse Teddy's satchel which is crammed with cash. Teddy subsequently vanishes and this triggers a crazed search of his childhood mansion and the town environs.

He had walked the earth as Nostradamus, Uther Pendragon, Count Cagliostro and Rodrigo Borgia. He could open a tin of sardines with his teeth, strike a Swan Vesta on his chin, rope steers, drive a steam locomotive and hum all the works of Gilbert & Sullivan without becoming confused or breaking down in tears. He died, penniless, at a Hastings boarding house, in his ninetieth year. His name was Hugo Artemis Solon Saturnicus Reginald Arthur Rune, and he was never bored. Hailed as the 'guru's guru', Rune penned more than eight million words of genius including his greatest work, The Book of Ultimate Truths. But vital chapters of The Book were suppressed, chapters which could have changed the whole course of human history. Now, seventeen-year-old Cornelius Murphy, together with his best friend Tuppe, sets out on an epic quest. Their mission - recover the missing chapters. Re-publish The Book of Ultimate Truths. And save the world.

This story should be used with caution, not taken internally, and avoided by those who have a congenital lack of humor, who take themselves and the world too seriously, and those looking for something serious to read. This little saga pokes fun at bureaucracy, paperwork, heroes, and the latest fad in looming environmental crises. Find out how to save the world in six easy lessons, or not.No trees were harmed or paperwork filed in the creation of this document, but the author has done it again: wasting precious cyberspace with another piece of silly drivel. So take another romp through the fickle world of Foible, where a sense of humor is your only weapon against incomprehension. There is no redeeming value in this story whatsoever, except perhaps to make you smile. At least there are no Princesses involved this time. Follow an Official Investigator to the hamlet of Happytown to prevent the emergence of a Prophesied Hero, but what happens next would even flummox Prophecy itself.

Grace and Gary work together. They also plan to play together. That's all I'll tell you. Click the blue below to see why. Here it suffices to say that the story is short and free. Why read a summary when with little more effort you can read the whole thing? If you can't spare a moment more, you shouldn't be wasting time reading fiction anyway. Go back to work!"One can not judge a book by its cover." So we are told. But a cover is usually the only thing a reader has to base a judgment on. Smashwords tries to aid readers by providing summaries, one short, one long, for each book it distributes. For non-fiction this works well. But this, it seems to me, defeats the whole purpose of fiction. After all, one reads a story to find out what will happen. It’s the uncommon twists and turns that make a story interesting. But if a summary has told all this beforehand, what fun is to be had in the reading? Therefore, no summary of the present short story is given. It's short and it’s free! So read the whole thing and see if you like it. I ask you to do this because I think it is the best book judging method. To find fiction you like you must first read around enough to learn something of the style and stories of different authors. Then you can judge books, not by their cover, but by the your opinion of the writer. I'd like to help you do this. The present short story is one of several which I will make available free at Smashwords. Read a few (or all of them) and decide if you like them. It won't cost you a dime. If you like them, you can then purchase some of my not free (but still inexpensive) longer stories. All these stories are of one particular kind. To reflect this similarity all have the same cover picture, the Kitty & Rose shown above. So after you’ve read a few, you can, in fact, judge them by their cover. The common theme of the Kitty & Rose stories is human sexuality. This is not unusual. Most fiction concerns sex in one way or another; ranging from romances so sedate and demure an extraterrestrial could never know sex is at the root of everything described, to erotica so unrestricted even an extraterrestrial might blush. Kitty & Rose stories are in the middle of this range. All deal with human sexuality, but none do so explicitly. Rather, they are seemly. The dictionary gives three meanings for seemly: Attractive or agreeably fashioned; Decorous or conventionally proper; and Appropriate or suited to its purpose. With respect to appropriateness, seemly sex stories range from the humorous to the inspirational, but all concern human sexuality. So they are clearly appropriate. These stories are also seemly in the decorous and conventionally proper sense. For, while they treat sex candidly, they do not do so graphically. There is nothing pornographic nor erotic in any seemly sex story. Of course, different persons’ opinions about this may differ. A few consider frank pornography decorous. At the opposite extreme are those like the abbot of the monastery where the great biologist Gregor Mendel did his epochal research. This abbot thought Mendel’s studies were decidedly indecorous because they involved the sex of pea plants! Finally, there is the principal sense of seemly, attractive and agreeably fashioned. Like every author I exert my every effort and ability trying to make these stories seemly in this regard. But like every author, I must await your determination of the degree of my success. Since both of us will be pleased if you find them attractively seemly, I very much hope you do.Happy reading!BobbyBP.S. This is Kitty & Rose story #7, uploaded 2-23-17.

An adult contemporary, comedy action adventure, loaded with twists and turns that take a father and son on an epic trip of a life time.An adult contemporary, comedy action adventure, loaded with twists and turns that take a father and son on an epic trip of a life time. A physics teacher named Russell in the town of Portland Oregon comes across a thesis research paper turned in by one of his own students lead him to quit his job to focus on how to prepare for what he called an upcoming shit storm. This book is based on Russell and his son's quest for survival from a hypothesized pole shift that turns into an indubitable reality.The quest leads them to meet a group of old military veterans that soon become family after their aid against waves of outlander North Koreans trying to invade Oregon in an attempt to search, kill, and conquer.Travel across the states in their vehicles uncover many roller coasters before they become close to a safe house rumored by one of the veteran's uncle to be there.

A sidesplitting classic from Newbery Medalist and National Book Award winner Louis Sachar (Holes), with a brand-new cover! Gary W. Boone knows he was born to be a stand-up comedian. It’s the rest of the kids in his class who think he’s just a goon. Then the Floyd Hicks Junior High School Talent Show is announced, and he starts practicing his routine nonstop to get it just right. Gary’s sure this will be his big break—he’ll make everyone laugh and win the $100 prize. But when an outrageous surprise threatens to turn his debut into a disaster, it looks as if the biggest joke of all may be on Gary himself.