Acumen, 271
addiction, 46, 174, 211, 215, 258
codependency, 210–11
resources for, 314–16
Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi, 20
Afghan Connection, 79
affirmations, 4, 17, 43
acceptance, 108
being right vs. happy, 133
fear release, 156
gentleness, 20
gratitude, 11
humility, 180
joy, 265
kindness, 290
love, 242
meditation, 45
peace, 206
self-care, 37
self-honesty, 82
stories and, 113–14, 115
alcoholism, 174
Alcott, Louisa May, 40
Allende, Isabel, 208
Amritanandamayi, Mata (Amma), 206
Angelou, Maya, 288
anger, 123, 132, 133, 205
bucket exercise, 118–19
forgiveness and, 172
releasing safely, 116–19
resentment and, 121, 123
Anne of Green Gables (Montgomery), 260
Appell, Elizabeth, 217
appreciation:
of others, 235
of your body, 30–31, 178
see also gratitude
Arendt, Hannah, 170
Armstrong, Karen, 50
Armstrong, Kristin, 5
artistic creativity, 246–48
artist’s life exercise, 250–51
Artist’s Way, The (Cameron), 246
attack thoughts, 160–61, 200
self-blame, 160, 161, 213
Aung San Suu Kyi, 267
Austen, Jane, 70
avoidance, 92–94, 97, 186, 214–15, 277
fear as, 149
B
Backhouse, Helen, 244
bad and good, fable about, 193–94
Baez, Joan, 51
Baker, Ella, 240
Ball, Lucille, 252
Banitt, Susan Pease, 316
Bates, Daisy, 174
Beattie, Melody, 8
beauty:
in nature, 249–50
in personal appearance, 26, 32–33, 63, 304–5
behaviors, in circle exercise, 190–91
Bhutan, 300
blood sugar, 25
body, 24–26, 60
appreciation of, 30–31, 178
beauty and cultural norms, 26, 32–33, 63, 304–5
exercise and, 28–29, 177
food and, 26–28, 177
gratitude for, 32
HALT and, 25–26
hormones and, 33–36
menopause and, see menopause
menstruation and, 33–34
rest and, 29–30
weight and, 26, 27, 29
Body Shop, 288
body-mind connection, 140–41
boundaries, 255
brain, neural pathways in, 146–47, 150
Bron, Mila, 143
Brown, Brené, 6
Buck, Pearl S., 186
Bunch, Charlotte, 319
C
Cain, Susan, 182
Caine, Christine, 180
camel, tying up, 148–49
Cameron, David, 117
Cameron, Julia, 246
Campbell, Rebecca, 264
Cantacuzino, Marina, 171
cause, finding, 284–85
changes, making, 73, 103–6
charities, 282–83
child, inner, see inner girl
Child, Lydia M., 207
childhood, 75–76, 117, 161
abuse in, 214, 237
relationship patterns and, 214–16, 231
Children’s Defense Fund, 275, 306
Chödron, Pema, 183
choices, 270, 271–72, 282, 283, 298
daily, 273
Clinton, Hillary, 117
codependency, 210–11
Codependent No More (Beattie), 8
coincidences, 201, 263
Colette, 250
comforting yourself, 21, 23
community(ies), 284, 286
WE, 330–31
comparison, 154–55, 158, 162–65, 180, 282
social media and, 162–63
compassion, 155, 164–65, 179, 214, 218, 277, 291, 297
acting from ego vs., 279–80
“enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218–20
competition, 154–55, 158, 162, 163–64, 179, 180, 225
complaining, 163–64, 277
connection, 164–65, 260–61, 284
conscious living, 194–96
Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After (Thomas), 233
Constructive Cs, 164–65, 177
consumer purchases, 271
control, 158, 163–64
illusion of, 140
cooperation, 155, 164–65, 179
cortisol, 140
courage, 109–33
releasing anger, 116–19
releasing resentment, 121–31
and seeking help, 120
stories and, 110–16, 122
in wider world, 131–32
Cox, Laverne, 222
creativity, 246–48
artist’s life exercise, 250–51
crime, 173–75
criticizing, 163–65
Curie, Marie, 156
C words:
Constructive, 164–65, 177
Toxic, 163–65, 177
D
daily miracles, 6–8, 196
dating, 222–25
drawing up a partner spec, 223–24
Golden Rule for, 225
historical baggage and, 222–23
De Angelis, Barbara, 109
de Beauvoir, Simone, 67
decisions, 199
see also choices
DeGeneres, Ellen, 45
depression, 119, 120, 123, 211, 243, 277
clinical, 120
de Staël, Madame, 300
Dickinson, Emily, 280
Didion, Joan, 82
difficulty, transforming, 202
divine, 257–58
see also spirituality
doing vs. thinking, 51–52
drama, 84, 93, 101, 107, 206
E
Earhart, Amelia, 136
Earth, 178–79, 291
Eat Pray Love (Gilbert), 64
economic inequality, 298
economic systems, 300–301, 303, 305
GDP, 300, 302
Edelman, Marian Wright, 275, 306
ego, 50, 115, 157–80, 186, 264, 268
acting from compassion vs., 279–80
comparison and, 162–63
as Edging Goodness Out, 158–59
forgiveness and, 170–72
intellectual stimulation and, 170
kind actions and, 276, 278–80, 285
love and, 209, 211–12
rightsizing and, 176–78
spiritual gym exercise, 166–69
thinking and, 159–61
Toxic Cs and, 163–65, 177
uncertainty and, 200
Emma (Austen), 70
emotional archaeology, 172–73
emotions, 64, 74–75, 76, 97, 123, 131–32, 197, 202, 203
acceptance of, 83–86, 92–102
anger, see anger
avoidance of, 92–94, 97, 149, 186
fear, see fear
feeling and releasing, 97–99, 197
grief, 96
HALT and, 25–26
love as action vs., 209
noticing and naming, 70–72, 74, 91–92, 97, 99, 101, 117–18, 197
overwhelming, instant relief from, 216–17
releasing past hurts, 172–73
resentment, see resentment
shaking to release, 102
synthetic pain, 94–96, 122, 297
thoughts and, 101, 159–60
empathy, 234–35
endurance, 104
“enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218�
��20
Ensler, Eve, 108
enthusiasm, 254
Ephron, Nora, 133
equality:
economic, 298
for women, 62, 301–6
Essential Practices, 1–47, 74, 177–78, 211
about, 2–4
Four Essentials to self-care, 26–31, 177–78
gentleness, 13–20
gratitude, see gratitude
meditation, see meditation
responsibility (self-care), see self-care
exercise, physical, 28–29, 177
yoga, 324–26
exercises, 3–4, 52
Acceptance Cup, 86–88
artist’s life, 250–51
befriending yourself, 22–23
centering yourself before, 4
daily choices, 273
daily miracles, 6–8
discarding ideas about yourself, 65–67
drawing up a partner spec, 223–24
emotional archaeology, 172–73
enemy’s shoes, 218–20
feeling and releasing emotions, 98–99
finding your cause, 284–85
gaining perspective, 269
identifying and rewriting stories, 111–14
identifying buried truths, 73–74
inner circle, 190–91
internal landscape, 183
joy in practice, 252–54
living proof of positive outcomes, 137, 201
magic listening, 233–34
meditation, 41–43, 187–88; see also meditation
money matters, 281–82
moving from fear to trust, 151–53
mundane tasks, 194–95
new script, 16–18
reconnecting with your authentic self, 57–59
releasing toxicity, 125–29
reprogramming fear-based response system, 142–43
spiritual gym, 166–69
expectations, 130
F
“faking” new behaviors, 150
Fane, Sarah, 79
fear, 14, 64, 65, 135–56, 158, 192, 297
as avoidance, 149
biological function of, 139, 140
body-mind connection and, 140–41
choosing trust over, 136, 141, 143, 155
inner girl and, 144
mind map and, 142–43, 146
moving from fear to trust, exercise for, 151–53
new direction and, 143–44
reprogramming exercise for, 142–43
self-fulfilling, 141
Three-Second Rule and, 144
trusting in opposite of, 145–46
uncertainty and, 200
unmasking, 138–41
what-ifs and, 148
feelings, see emotions
Feminine Mystique, The (Friedan), 60
fight-or-flight response, 140
flow, 247
focus, 141, 178
living in the present, 174–76
food, 26–28, 177, 299, 307
Ford, Debbie, 85, 106
forgiveness, 170–72
Forgiveness Project, 171
Four Essentials, 26–31, 177–78
Frank, Anne, 270
Friedan, Betty, 60
friendships, 212, 221, 254
ending, 239
see also relationships
Furstenberg, Diane von, 37
G
gadgets, 186
Gannon, Sharon, 324
Gbower, Leymah, 135
GDP, 300, 302
genetic inheritance, 65
gentleness, 13–20
new script, 16–18
Gilbert, Elizabeth, 64
giving, 270, 278–84
to charities, 282–83
resources for, 324
goal pursuit, 159, 165, 268
God, 257–58
reaction against, 258
see also spirituality
Golden Rule, xviii, 255
for dating, 225
good and bad, fable about, 193–94
gossip, 213
government, see politics and government
gratitude, 5–11, 40, 195, 235, 262, 263, 289
for body, 32
daily miracles, 6–8, 196
grief, 96
gross domestic product (GDP), 300, 302
group solidarity, 240
guilt, 213, 275, 281
H
habits, 146–47
“faking” a new behavior, 150
HALT, 25–26
happiness, 243, 263, 300
flow and, 247
kindness and, 277
wealth vs., 300
see also joy
Herbert, Anne, 274
Hillesum, Etty, 203
honesty, 122
acceptance and, 91
in relationships, 225–26
about self, see self
in wider world, 79–81
hormones, 33–36
stress, 140
Huffington, Arianna, 202
Huffington Post, 202
hugging, 236
human, being, 203
humility, 157–80
Constructive Cs and, 164–65, 177
forgiveness and, 170–72
and living in the present, 174–76
rightsizing and, 176–78
spiritual gym exercise, 166–69
in wider world, 178–79
hunger, 299, 307
I
Iceland, 302–3
imperfections, 227
indecision, 199
infatuation, 230–31
inner circle, 190–91
inner girl, 75–77, 216
fear and, 144
inner knowing, 285
inner light, 244
inner voice, 199
inspiration, 254
intellectual stimulation, 170
internal landscape, 183
intimacy dance, 232
J
jails, 173–74
Japan, 304
Jeffers, Susan, 14
joining, 270, 284–88
Jong, Erica, 103
joy, 41, 243–65
activism and, 264
artist’s life exercise, 250–51
availability of, 245
boundaries and, 255
creating space for, 252–56
creativity and, 246–48
flow and, 247
in nature and beauty, 249–50
necessity of, 243, 244–45
in practice, 252–54
in wider world, 243, 264–65
judgement, 212, 240, 291, 297
“enemy’s shoes” exercise, 218–20
K
Kacungira, Nancy, 161
Keller, Helen, 242
Kidd, Sue Monk, 55
Kilpatrick, Martha, 157
kindness, 264, 267–90, 291, 299
acting, 270, 274–77
choosing, 270, 271–72, 282, 283
ego and, 276, 278–80, 285
finding your cause, 284–85
giving, see giving
happiness and, 277
joining, 270, 284–88
in wider world, 288–89
King, Coretta Scott, 297
Kingma, Daphne Rose, 116
Klein, Naomi, xv
knowing, 192
inner, 285
what’s good and bad, 193–94
Koirala, Anuradha, 284
Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth, 181
L
Labdrön, Machig, 159
labiaplasty, 63
Lamott, Anne, 265
Landers, Ann, 123
Latifah, 21
Law of Attraction Plain and Simple, The: Create the Extraordinary Life That You Deserve (Ricotti), 189
legal rights and protections, 62, 238
light, stepping into, 89–90
Linn, Denise, 154
listening, 233–34
living in the present, 174–76
Lorde, Audre, 24
love, 14, 24, 207–42
appreciation and, 235
and choosing to be single, 221
codependency and, 210–11
dating, see dating
ego and, 209, 211–12
as feeling vs. action, 209
Golden Rule and, xviii
how you view and treat others, 212–13
infatuation vs., 230–31
infinite supply of, 209, 239–40
key to, 208–10
kindness and, see kindness
listening and, 233–34
receiving too little or too much, in childhood, 214–15
romantic, 208, 220
romantic, three stages of, 231–32
search for, 208–9, 220
self and, 210–12
sexual, 228–29
template for, 214–16, 231, 237
unconditional, 209
understanding and, 217–20
in wider world, 240–41
see also relationships
Lucas, Caroline, 290
luck, 282, 289
M
Maathai, Wangari, 322
Macpherson, Miranda, 158
magic listening, 233–34
magic multiplying effect, 9, 18, 129, 155, 209, 277
Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati, 327
manifesto, 293–95
mantra meditation, 187–88
marriage, 222–23
legal protections and, 238
masturbation, 229–30
maternity leave, 302
Mead, Margaret, 294
meaning, 267–68
gaining perspective, 269
Meat-Free Monday, 286–87
meditation, 39–45, 77, 182, 184–85, 186–87, 201–5, 285
benefits of, 183–84, 190
daily practice of, 41–43
deepening practice of, 185, 189–90, 203
mantra, 187–88
methods for, 186–87
place for, 43
prayer and, 262
resources for, 327–28
time for, 185, 189–90
menopause, 34
resources for, 324
menstruation, 33–34
messages we get from others, 60–61, 64
discarding ideas about yourself, 65–67
messages we give ourselves:
changing, 13–20
negative, 13–18, 31
new script exercise, 16–18
stories, 110–16, 122
Meyer, Joyce, 14
mind:
detox for, 191–92
as garden, 146
internal landscape and, 183
peace of, see peace
see also thoughts, thinking
mindful living, 194–96
miracles, 136
daily, 6–8, 196
money:
giving, 281–84
keeping track of spending, 281–82
monkey trap, 124
Montgomery, L. M., 260
Morrison, Toni, 121
Mother Teresa, 13
movement:
exercise, 28–29, 177
shaking, 102
thoughts and, 198
yoga, 324–26
multiplying effect, 9, 18, 129, 155, 209, 277
mundane tasks, 194–95
Murdoch, Iris, 249
Murphy, Carmel, 197
N
naming, see noticing and naming
nature and beauty, 249–50