Shedoubtedtheywouldrecognizeherrightnow.
Sheshookherhead.Whatevertheywanted,shewouldn’tgiveittothem.
Iftheywantedhertobeaplaingirlthenshewouldbeaplaingirl.Shewouldgo toherclassesjustlikeanormalgirl.Thatwouldshowthemshewasn’tsoeasy tobreak.
Withnewresolvesheemergedfromthestall.Shegatheredupherbooks andthenboltedintothehallwayagain.Rightawayshewasknockedtothe floor.Whoeverhadcollidedwithherhadn’tseemedtonotice.Withanother sigh,shescrambledtofindherglassesandbooksagain.
***
Jerifoundherclasseseasyenough.Shedidn’tknowmuchaboutsewing, cooking,orchildrearing,butitdidn’tmatter.Sheseemedasinvisibletoher teachersastoherclassmates.Throughouther“classes,”shehunkereddownand lookedawayiftheteachereverlookedinherdirection.Theyneveroncecalled onher.
Atsomepointtheymightnoticeher,butbythenshewouldhavefounda wayoutofhere.Shehadneverbeenmuchofasoldierintermsofthephysical attributes,butshedidn’tneedthose.Thisrequiredcunningmorethanstrength.
Afterherchildrearingclass,abellrangandtheotherchildrenshuffledoff.
Jerifollowedthemintoamesshall.Fromwhatshecouldtell,thesocial
structurewasthesameaswhenshe’dgonetohighschool.Girlsclustered togetherbasedonsocialstatus.Theprettiestgirlssatatonetablewhileplainer girlssatatothers.
Shestartedtowardsthetableofprettygirls.Thensherememberedshewas nolongertheprettiestgirlinschool.Shewasahomelygeek,notfittoevensit withthelessattractivegirls.Withoutlookingatherclassmates,sheshuffled overtothebackofthemesshallandsettledattheveryendofanemptytable.
Thiswaswhereshebelongedfornow.
Thisthoughtalmostbroughttearstohereyes.Thensherememberedthis waswhattheywanted.Theywantedhertofeelsorryforherself,tobawlover whathadbefallenher.Theyprobablywantedhertobegthemtomakeherpretty again.Whileapartofherwantedthat,shecouldn’tdoit.Shecouldn’tgive themthesatisfactionafterallthey’ddonetoherandhercrew.Shewouldfinda waytobeatthem.
Asshesatthereandnibbledonasandwichandapple,shethoughtabout howtoescape.Theobviousproblemwasshedidn’tknowtheenemy.Shehad noideawhotheywereorwhattheyreallywanted.Shehadnoideahowthey couldreachallthewayoutintospaceandtwistthePherashehadknowninto somethingelse.
Thatwaswhereshewouldhavetobegin.Shewouldhavetolearnabout thisenemy.Thenshecouldfindaweaknesstoexploit.Atleastshehopedthere wasaweakness.Jerisighedandthenpushedasideherhalf-eatenlunch;sheno longerfelthungry.
***
Shehadthreemoreclassesbeforeitwastimetogohomefortheday.She watchedtheotherchildrentrudgeoutthedoors,outontothesidewalks.Some wenttothebigyellowtransportvehicleswhileothersleftonfoot.
Jerihadnoideawheresheshouldgo.Shedidn’tknowwhereshelivedin thisplace.Ahandtouchedhershoulder.Shejumpedbackwithsurprise.Then shesawthemanwho’dtakenherfromhercell.
“Haveagooddayofschool?”
“Yes,sir,”shemumbled.
“MindifIwalkyouhome?”
“No,sir.”Shewasgratefulthatsomeoneknewwhereshelived.She followedafterhimashewalkeddownthesidewalk,intothetown.Jerididn’t recognizetheplace.Itlookedlikesomethingfromamuseumexhibitwithits tinyshopsmadeofbrick,wood,andglass.Shestoppedateachwindowtostare attheancientitemsinside.Whenshedidthis,shealsosawherpale, bespectacledface,whichnearlybroughttearstohereyeseverytime.Shehated
tolooksoplain,so ordinary.
Themantouchedhershoulderagainandagainshejumped.“I’msorry.I don’tmeantofrightenyou.”
“I’mjustalittlenervous,itbeingmyfirstdayandall,”shesaid.She lookedawayfromanotherwindow,downatheruglybrownshoes.
“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Aboutwhat?”
“Aboutthisworld.Doyoulikeit?”
“Idon’tknow,”shesaidnoncommittally.
“Youdon’thavetobeafraidofme,Jeri.I’dlikeforustobefriends.”
“Thenwhydidyoudothistomeandmycrew?”
“AsItoldyou:tomakeyouseethelight.Soyoucanseehowmuchbetter thingsarethisway.”Whenshesaidnothing,hegesturedtothetownaround him.“Lookatthisplace.Seehowpeacefulitis.Nocrowdsrushingtoandfro.
Noaircarsscreamingoverheadinalldirections.Nosteriletowersofplascrete.
Thisisreallya town.”
“Uh-huh.”
Jerisnortedatthis.“Mennearlydestroyedourplanet.You’renothingbuta bunchofsavages.”
Hedidn’thither,butshefeltapaininhernose.Sheputahandtoitonlyto feelithadswollen.Sheturnedbacktotheshopwindowandsawalong,hooked beakinplaceofhernose.“Ohno,”shesaid.Hervoicehadgainedanasal twangtoitfromherenlargednose.Tearsfinallycametohereyes.“Allthis doesisprovemypoint!Onelittlecriticismandyouattackme.”
Themanbentdowntotakeherinhisarms.Shetriedtopullaway,butshe wastooweak.Hestrokedherplatinumhairandwhispered,“I’msorry,Jeri.I didn’twanttodoanythingtoyou.Theothersarenotsoforgiving.”
“Whatothers?”
“Ican’tsayrightnow.Theyhaveearseverywhere.”
“Andnoses,”shesaidwithagrin.
Hetookherarm.“Comeon,I’llshowyouhome.”
***
Herhomewasn’tmuchtolookat.ItwasashackcomparedtoMother’s estate,aramshackleone-storybuildingwitharoofthatlookedreadytocavein andwallsthathadlostalltheirpaint.Themanledherupacrackedpathwayto thesaggingporch.“ThisiswhereIlive?”
“I’mafraidso.It’snotsobadontheinside.”
“Right.”
Hepattedherontheshoulder.“Havecourage,sweetheart.Youcanbeat this.”
“Thanks—”Hercheeksturnedwarmassherealizedshehadn’teverasked forhisname.“What’syourname?”
“Bene.”
“That’sanicename.”
“Thankyou,younglady.”Hesmiledatherandthensaid,“Tellyourgreat-grandmotherIsaidhello.”
“Iwill.Seeyouatschooltomorrow.”
“I’llbelookingforwardtoit.”
ShewatchedBenesaunteraway.Thensheopenedthetatteredscreendoor, followedbythescarredwoodenone.Benehadsaiditwasbetterontheinside, butJerididn’tseeanysignofthat.Shesawpilesofpaperstackednearthedoor andthesmell!Ittookherhugenoseamomenttoseparatethecatpissandshit odorsfromthehumanones.
“Great-Grandma?”shecalledout.Shewastemptedtorunoutofthehouse, butwherewouldshego?Shewasjustakid;shedidn’thaveanymoneyfora moteloranapartmentofherown.Sheputahandtohermouthandthenbegan tosearchthehouse.
Shefoundhergreat-grandmotherinthelivingroom,surroundedbyahorde ofmangycats.Jerisquintedandrealizedher“great-grandmother”wasreally hermother.ExceptMotherhadbecomeawitheredcronewithwildwhitehair andcladinabluehousedressstainedwiththeremainsofdozensofmeals.
Motherdozedonthecouchinfrontofanancienttelevisionthatonlyshowed black-and-whiteimages.
Jerishookhermother’sshoulder.“Mama?”
Theoldwomanfinallycametowithaloudsnort.Sheblinkedrheumyblue eyesafewtimesbeforesheasked,“Mari?”
“No,Mama.It’sme.It’sJeri.Doyouremember?”
�
�Jeri?”
“That’sright.I’myourdaughter.Doyouremember?”
“Idon’thavenodaughter.Shediedyearsago.”Theoldwomanreached forawoodencane.JeribackedawaybeforeMothercouldhitherwithit.“Who areyou?”
“I’mJeri.Yourgreat-granddaughter.”
Motherconsideredthisforamoment.“Ah,yes,you’rethatimpudentthing theysenttolivewithme.Didn’tthinkIcouldtakecareofmyselfnomore.”
Shesnortedagainatthis.“AsifIneedsomelittlegirlto—”Mother’shead
lolledtoherchestinmid-sentence.AtfirstJeriworriedMotherhaddied,but thentheoldwomanbegantosnore.
Jerisighed.SheshovedthecatsfromMother’slapinordertoputablanket overher.ThenJerisetdownherbookbagandbegantoutilizehercleaning, cooking,andchildrearingclasses.
***
ThealarmclockrangandJeriflailedaroundtofindherglasses.Alongthe wayshemanagedtoslaptheclocktoshutitoff.Shewishedshecouldgoback tosleep,butshecouldn’t.Onceshefoundherglasses,shesawitwasfourinthe morning.Withasigh,shepushedherselfuptoherfeet.
Everymorningforthelasttwoweeksshe’dgonethroughthesameroutine.
Shehadtogodownthehalltofeedthecatsandcleanupallthemessesthey’d madeduringthenight.ThenshehadtomakebreakfastforherselfandMother.
Whilethewaterfortheoatmealboiledandcoffeepercolated,Jeriwentbackto Mother’sroomtogetherup.
ItwasalaboriousprocesstogetMotheroutofbed.Foronething,Mother foughtlikeoneofherpreciouscatsagainstJeri.“It’stooearly!”shewhined.
“Iknow,butIhavetogotoschool.”
“Icantakecareofmyownself.”
“Iknow,Great-Grandma,”Jerisaid.Thenshehelpedhermotheroutofthe bed.WithMotherproppedonhercane,Jeriwalkedherintothebathroomto batheherlikealittlegirl.ThroughoutthisMothercontinuedtoprotest,butJeri keptatitanyway.
Aftershe’dgottenMotherdriedoffanddressed,theywentintotheliving room,whereJerisettledMotheronthecouchfortheday.Jeribroughther breakfastoutthereandthenturnedonthetelevision.WhileMotherate,Jeri wolfeddownherfoodandthenpreparedforschool.
Despitehowearlyshegotup,shestillalwaysmanagedtobelatetoclass.
Notthatanyoneseemedtonotice.Theteachershadstillnevercalledonher.
Noneoftheothergirlsevertalkedtoher,unlessshegotintheway.Sometimes shedeliberatelygotinthewayjusttomakesureshehadn’tdisappeared.
TheonlyonewhodidnoticeherwasBene.Hewalkedherhomefrom schooleveryday.Shestillhadn’tfoundoutwhowasdoingthistoher—andthe restofPhera—butBeneassuredherhewasworkingonherbehalf.“Itwon’tbe muchlonger.They’veseenhowstrongyouare.”
“Youthinkso?”
“Iknowso.”Hecheckedtomakesurenoonewaslookingandthenkissed heronthecheek.Shefoundherselfwishinghewoulddoalotmorethanthat.
Everynightwhenshewenttobed,shestaredattheceilingandthoughtofhim.
Shehadneverthoughtshecouldfeelthatwayaboutaman.Buthewasn’t likethemenshe’dknown,likeTery.Hewaskindandconsiderateandgentle.
Hewasmorelikeawomanthanamantoher.
Todayastheywalkedhome,heasked,“Areyougoingtothemixer?”
“What?”
“Thedance.Theboy-girldance?”
Thensherememberedseeingthesignsaroundschool.Itwasaformal dancebetweenherschoolandaschoolforboys.Sheshookherhead.“No.I don’tthinkso.”
“Whynot?Itshouldbefun.”
“Great-Grandmaneedsme.Andthecats.Ican’tbeoutallnight.”The reasonwasthatshedidn’twanttogothereandstandaroundforhours.She didn’twanttobeawallflowerallnight.AtleastathomewithMothershe wouldn’thavetoendurethathumiliation.
“Comeon,itsoundsfun.Andyoudeserveanightout.”
Shestoppedatthepharmacytolookinthedisplaywindow.Sheranahand throughherplatinumhair.“Dancesaren’tforgeekslikeme.They’refor pretty girls.”
Heputahandonhershoulder.“Ithinkyou’reverypretty.”
“You’rejustsayingthat.”Tearscametohereyesashepressedhercloseto himandstrokedherhair.
“Hey,comeon.IfIwerethirteenI’ddefinitelygooutwithyou.”
“Noyouwouldn’t.Youwouldn’tevennoticeme.Justlikeeveryoneelse.”
“Jeri—”
“Justleavemealone.”Shedroppedherbookbagandtookoffrunning.
Shecouldn’tseewhereshewasgoingwiththetearsinhereyes.Asshedarted acrossthestreet,acar’sbrakesscreeched.Shehadjustenoughtimetoseeits frontendcomingforher.Sothiswashowshewoulddie,asaplainlittle nothinginthemiddleoftheroad.
Atthelastsecond,shewaspushedoutoftheway.Shelandedhardonthe sidewalk.Shelookedupattheskyforamoment.ThenBene’sfaceloomed downoverher.“Jeri?Areyouallright?Whydidyoudothat?”
“I’msorry,”shewhimpered.“Ididn’tmeanto—”
Hescoopedherupinhisarmstocarryhertherestofthewayhome.She criedintohischestashecarriedherandwhisperedcomfortingwords.He finallysetherdownonthedoorstep.Shecontinuedtosobashestrokedherhair.
“I’msorry,Jeri.Ifyoudon’twanttogo,thenit’sallright.Ijustwantyou tobehappy.”
“Iamhappy.Now,”shesaidandkissedhimonthelips.Hequickly
pushedheraway.Shelookeddownatherfeet.“I’msorry.”
“It’sallright.It’sbeenanexcitingday.”
“IbettergocheckonGreat-Grandma.I’llseeyoutomorrow.”
“Right.”Benehurriedaway.Jericursedherselfforbeingsostupid.Not onlytoalmostgetrunover,buttotrytokissBene.Hewouldneverwantagirl likeher.Notageekythirteen-year-old.Withasigh,shewentinsidethehouse.
***
Itdidn’tcomeasasurprisewhenBenewasn’ttherethenextafternoon.She waitedafullhalf-hourjusttomakesurehewasn’trunninglate.Ofcoursehe wasn’t.Hedidn’twanttoseeheragainafterthewayshe’dembarrassedherself theafternoonbefore.
Shebegantotrudgehome,hereyesdownonherfeet.Asshewalked,she triedtofigureoutwhyshe’ddoneit.Whenshe’dbeenthirteenbeforeshe hadn’twantedany males.HowhadBenebewitchedherlikethis?
Thebestexcuseshecouldcomeupwithwasthisyoungbodyshe’dbeen cursedwith.Shestoppedatthewindowofabankandstudiedherreflectionin theglassagain.Whenyouwerethirteenitwaseasytofallpassionatelyinlove withsomeone;thatwaswhathadhappenedwithherandVal.Jerihadnever experiencedanotherlovelikethatinherlife,notuntilyesterday.
Sheturnedawayfromthewindowandtrudgedon.Shecametothespot whereshe’dfoolishlyrunoutintotheroadyesterday.Perhapsthatwastheroot ofit.Benehadsavedherlife;itwouldbeeasythentomisreadthatasa romanticgesture.Shecheckedbothwaysbeforeshehurriedacrossthestreet thistime;therewasstillnosignofhim.
Shefinallysawhimwhenshereachedherhouse.Hesatonthefrontsteps, alongpinkboxonhislapwithawhitebowattachedtoit.Heheldthisoutto her,butsheignoredit.“Whatareyoudoinghere?Youwantmetoembarrass myselfsomemore?”
“Ibroughtyouagift.”Heheldtheboxouttoheragain.
“Idon’tneedanypitygifts.Nowexcuseme,Great-Grandmaneedsme.”
Shetriedtoslippasthim,butheeasilyshiftedhimselftoblockherpath.
“Jeri,please.Youdon’thavetobeembarrassedaboutyesterday.It’sperfectly naturalforagirlyourage—”
“St
opit!Idon’twanttohearit.Juststandasidetoletmegoinside.
Please.”
Hesetthepackagedownontheporchandthenyankedthebooksfromher hand.Hetookthepackageagaintopressitintoherhands.“I’msorry.I shouldn’thavesaiditlikethat.Iunderstandwhyyoudidwhatyoudid yesterday—”
“BecauseI’mayoungfool?Ascatterbrainedgirlwho’stoonaivetoknow better?”
“Jeri,please—”
“Justleavemealone.Idon’tneedyoucondescendingtome.”
Withasigh,heopenedthebox.Fromithetookoutapinkformaldress madeofsilkwithdelicatelacearoundtheedges.“Iknowyousaidyoudidn’t wanttogotothemixer,butIreallythinkyoushouldgo.”
“Why?Sothewholeschoolcanseememakeafoolofmyself?”
“Jeri,please,thisiswhattheywant.Theywantyoutoretreatfromthe world.Theywantyoutobecometheweird,shygirlwhogrowsintoalonely spinster.Gotothatdanceandyou’llshowthemyouhaven’tbrokenyet.”
“Andthenthey’lljustdosomethingworsetome,won’tthey?”
“Maybe,butsowhat?Ifyourollovernowthenthey’vealreadywon.”
“Idon’tcare.I’mnotgoingtothestupiddance.Youcankeepyourstupid dress.”
Shewantedtostorminside,buthegotinthewayagain.Hewasfartoobig forhertomoveonherownandshedoubtedifshescreamedhermotherwould come.“Leavemealone. Please.”
Heputhishandsonhershouldersandthenlookedintohereyes.“Jeri,I promiseifyougotothedanceyouwon’tbealone.Dothisforme,please?”
Shewantedtorefuseagain,butsawnopointtoit.Hewouldkeep houndingheruntilshesaidyes.Soshenoddedandtookthedressfromhim.He steppedawayfromthedoortogatherupherbooks.Beforeshecouldscurry inside,hekissedheronthecheek.“Youwon’tregretthis.”
Sheonlynoddedagain.Justbecauseshe’dtakenhisstupiddressdidn’t meanshehadtoactuallygotothedance.Shetoldherselfthisasshedumped theboxintothebackofhercloset,buriedbeneathheroldclothesandtoys.