MEPHISTOPHELES
Careful, Faustus, you have renounced love, remember, for the hot whore of celebrity.
FAUSTUS
Who said anything about love? To have is not to love, is it
Wagner? You’ve loved and not had, haven’t you?
WAGNER
(Distracted.)
I don’t think I understand you, Dr Faustus.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Whereas you’ve been had and not been loved, Faustus.
FAUSTUS
And so I love to have, Mephistopheles. And I’ll have and I’ll have.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Dr Faustus and Mephistopheles, to the stage please.
FAUSTUS
Now, my audience awaits me.
Exit FAUSTUS and MEPHISTOPHELES.
SCENE 8
A different dressing room, only much the same as the last. There is a hubbub off. WAGNER is packing a trunk. At length the door opens and squeezing in through a throng of screaming people, FAUSTUS arrives.
From the throng he pulls SAXON BRUNO, a fifty-something rockstar who in turn pulls on his twenty-something girlfriend ROBYN. They close the door to keep out the throng. FAUSTUS whoops and strikes his air guitar. Chords resound.
FAUSTUS
Sax the Axe! Sax the Axe!
They high five. FAUSTUS performs brief air guitar solo.
SAXON BRUNO
How do you do that, man?
ROBYN
It’s like magic, real magic.
FAUSTUS
This is Wagner, Sax. Wagner, Saxon Bruno, the lead singer and axeman of Cursëd Necromancy.
FAUSTUS does an air guitar solo.
WAGNER
Cool. I mean hi –
SAXON BRUNO
Buenas babe, whatever.
Pause.
SAXON BRUNO
And this is … what’s this your name is babe?
ROBYN
Don’t listen to him. He’s only yanking my … you know.
ROBYN pulls imaginary chain and holds her nose, she is astonished to hear a real toilet flush.
ROBYN
You are just so magic! And that bit where you read my mind, it was like you could, I don’t know, read my mind.
FAUSTUS
There’s not much to it.
ROBYN laughs unsure.
ROBYN
I’m Robyn, only Sax’s girlfriend.
Proffering hand to WAGNER.
FAUSTUS
How rude of me –
FAUSTUS goes to pass a beer to SAXON BRUNO.
SAXON BRUNO
Not like a pussy! Give the beast some air.
FAUSTUS throws SAXON BRUNO a beer. SAXON BRUNO shakes it violently then opens it. FAUSTUS follows suit. Beer explodes from the cans.
FAUSTUS
Yeah, like we give a shit!
The toilet door opens. Enter MEPHISTOPHELES.
FAUSTUS
Mephistopheles, this is Saxon Bruno.
SAXON BRUNO
Sax, please.
ROBYN
I thought you were very good too, Mrs Topheles.
SAXON BRUNO raises his shades to inspect MEPHISTOPHELES.
SAXON BRUNO
Say babe, weren’t you backstage at Red Rocks in ’77? The one where I bit the head off that live rat.
MEPHISTOPHELES
No. But I once sucked the eye out of a man and ate it in front of him.
SAXON BRUNO
Mescalin and speed can fuck you up.
MEPHISTOPHELES
You should try falling from the light of God.
SAXON BRUNO
Fuck God, the devil’s got the best tunes.
FAUSTUS
Got to give him his due.
SAXON BRUNO
We’ve all had to stare the motherfucker in the eye on old Highway 61.
FAUSTUS
With you on that, man.
SAXON BRUNO
I meant us rockers. Dealing with the devil ain’t no game for pussies. Pussies are for after the gig. Know what I mean?
MEPHISTOPHELES grabs SAXON BRUNO’s crotch squeezes it very tightly, then lets him go. He gasps.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Just wondering if you were all talk, or if there was something in those trousers.
SAXON BRUNO
(In pain, gasping.)
I like a chick with something between her legs.
MEPHISTOPHELES
I assure you, this chick has depths you could not hope to plumb, especially with that equipment.
SAXON BRUNO
(In pain, gasping.)
Well you going to show me or are you just a cockteaser?
ROBYN
Ahem, Sax. Please.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Yeah, stick to the ones who can’t tell the difference between a cock, and bull.
SAXON BRUNO
We should be going, babe.
ROBYN
So soon?
FAUSTUS
Please don’t go –
SAXON BRUNO
Long and winding road back to the old vecchio castello. I’ll leave you to your two clams, man, that one [Wagner], and the razor one [Mephistopheles]. But one thing, hermano, the reason I dropped by, we’ve got a tour coming up, and …
FAUSTUS
(Excited.)
Yes?
SAXON BRUNO
I was wondering whether you might be interested in, you know …
FAUSTUS
(Excited.)
Joining the band?
SAXON BRUNO
(Laughing/scoffing.)
You? Joining the Necros? What would you play? Fucking air guitar?
I meant come do the special effects man.
FAUSTUS
The special effects?
ROBYN
Sax and the boys love illusions.
FAUSTUS
Illusions?
SAXON BRUNO
Yeah man, you could come be our pyro man. A few stage bombs, a few tricks.
FAUSTUS
Tricks?
SAXON BRUNO
Hey, what gives? It’s an honour to be asked.
Beat.
FAUSTUS
You want to see a new trick?
SAXON BRUNO
Yeah, sure man. Why not?
FAUSTUS grabs ROBYN’s crotch.
SAXON BRUNO
Hey man, hands off my taco.
FAUSTUS
It’s all yours.
FAUSTUS grabs SAXON BRUNO’s crotch.
SAXON BRUNO
Oi you fucking poof.
FAUSTUS releases them.
SAXON BRUNO
What the fuck? I’ve done better tricks with my dick.
FAUSTUS
Not any more.
ROBYN’s dress rises.
ROBYN
O my God, Sax, O my God!
SAXON BRUNO
What the …?
SAXON BRUNO peeks into his jeans. He is aghast.
FAUSTUS
Maybe you need to hang with the pussies for a change.
ROBYN
O my God, Sax, what do I do? It’s like I’ve no control over it.
Involuntarily ROBYN’s new genitalia homes in on BRUNO’s. He runs to escape her. FAUSTUS plays an air guitar solo. Eventually BRUNO escapes and exits. ROBYN follows. FAUSTUS has a moment of jubilation, and then is deflated.
FAUSTUS
They say you should never meet your heroes.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Is this not what you wanted?
FAUSTUS, to the accompaniment of the real sounds, smashes his air guitar. Then watches WAGNER as she goes about her business.
FAUSTUS
Yes. No. I want something, something real, something tangible.
MEPHISTOPHELES waves her hand, a phone rings. WAGNER answers it.
FAUSTUS
Or else –
WAGNER passes phone to FAUSTUS who covers the mo
uthpiece and continues talking.
FAUSTUS
Why should I not just go back, back to my study, back to my books? To the way it was, Wagner and me?
(Answering phone.)
Dr John Faustus?
FAUSTUS listens with growing interest.
WAGNER
(Excited.)
Back home?
FAUSTUS
(Distracted.)
Yes.
WAGNER
I’ll pack.
FAUSTUS
No.
WAGNER
Don’t pack?
FAUSTUS
No, do pack. But we’re not going home.
WAGNER
Why?
FAUSTUS
Because this is it, Wagner, this is what I’ve been waiting for.
The big break. Las Vegas.
He strikes an air guitar chord.
FAUSTUS
We’re headlining the President’s surprise birthday party.
MEPHISTOPHELES
What a disappointment man invariably turns out to be. Makes me
long for Lucifer’s ravening embrace.
FAUSTUS
O for once, Mephistopheles would you stop your moaning.
SCENE 9
A dressing room similar to the last, though perhaps glitzier. The rider has been cleared. A largely empty buffet table with sits in its place. A chaise longue downstage. FAUSTUS dressed in his sharpest suit yet reads his book, restlessly looking for a new trick. Enter WAGNER who crosses with trays of canapés which she places on the buffet table.
WAGNER
There’s a line of limos out there. The special guests are arriving.
FAUSTUS tries not to be distracted by her, but he cannot help himself. He sneaks one of the canapés. Then another. He is just about to eat a third when WAGNER sees. FAUSTUS puts the canapé down and smiles guiltily. She smacks his hand.
WAGNER
Some day I’ll have to take you in hand.
FAUSTUS
(Smiling.)
Why someday?
An awkward beat.
WAGNER
It’s just a saying.
They both revert to what they were doing.
FAUSTUS
If you could do anything by magic, Wagner, what would it be?
WAGNER
I can’t do magic.
FAUSTUS
But if you could, would you use it to do something big, something good? Like wars, or hunger?
WAGNER
If something like that were possible, someone would have tried it long ago.
FAUSTUS
Maybe there hasn’t been someone with my powers.
WAGNER
Yeah, sure. Dream on!
(Thinking as she works.)
But even if you could fix something by magic, like wars or hunger, they wouldn’t stay fixed. You’d have to fix people. And to fix them you’d have to fix their abilities to fuck things up. Which is sort of what makes us human.
WAGNER smacks FAUSTUS’ hand as he reaches for another canapé.
FAUSTUS
But if I had real magic?
WAGNER
In which case, you’d be, like, God? In which case, what would you be waiting for? The world is full of people trying to be God, or thinking they’re God. The best we can do is try to be decent to those around us, and then maybe if the next person does that, and the next … Maybe then.
WAGNER goes to lift a crate of glasses.
FAUSTUS
Let me.
FAUSTUS attempts to take them from her.
WAGNER
Get off! You’ve got a show to do and I’ve got a million and one things to sort for the after party.
Beat.
FAUSTUS
(Risking it, serious.)
Do you like me, Wagner?
WAGNER for the briefest moment stops what she’s doing, then starts again.
WAGNER
What kind of a question’s that?
FAUSTUS
You know.
Beat.
WAGNER
Yeah, sure. But lots of people like you. You’re famous, remember.
FAUSTUS
But as a person, do you like me as a person?
WAGNER
You seem happier with many people liking you.
FAUSTUS
You think I’m shallow?
WAGNER
I didn’t say that. Some people want to be loved by many. Others just want to love one person, and be loved by one person in return. The first are called celebrities, the second … losers, I suppose.
Awkward beat. FAUSTUS looks for something to say.
FAUSTUS
What’s your first name, Wagner? You never told me.
WAGNER
Grace.
FAUSTUS
Grace. Call me John, Grace.
Beat.
WAGNER
Sometimes, though, what people want, it can change. If they’re willing –
Enter MEPHISTOPHELES. She is dressed for the show. She busies herself, making up, going and returning to the bathroom, but always keeping an ear out for their conversation.
FAUSTUS
Why should I want to change, when I have everything I want?
WAGNER
And you’ve got her and she’s got you.
FAUSTUS
You don’t like her?
WAGNER
Something not quite right about her. Like under the surface there’s nothing there. Just a void. An emptiness.
FAUSTUS
It is purely a business arrangement, if that’s what you are thinking.
WAGNER
FAUSTUS
Maybe I can change, Grace, maybe I can –
MEPHISTOPHELES vomits into one of FAUSTUS’ shoes.
WAGNER
O my goodness! Are you okay?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Something just got stuck in my craw.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
House is open. Curtain in five.
WAGNER
I’ll get you some soda water.
MEPHISTOPHELES
You are a dear.
WAGNER exits.
MEPHISTOPHELES
(Under her breath.)
Like Bambi’s mother.
FAUSTUS consults his book with renewed interest. He takes notes.
MEPHISTOPHELES regards him. He stops.
FAUSTUS
I think you are jealous!
MEPHISTOPHELES bursts out laughing.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Of you?
(Laughing.)
Of her? Are you forgetting, that I was once a man, and that as a man I knew love, a love that makes your skin-crawling stammerings of dumb affection the potato prints of a child upon the nursery wall.
FAUSTUS
You were once in love?
MEPHISTOPHELES
I loved. It was a garden. Walled. Secret. Cooled by streams and fountains. And I lost it. And after, I burned the garden to the ground. And the village, the town, the city. I burned and I burned. What is love? Enough of love. Burn love. The world awaits you. Forget her, forget Wagner.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your beginners call.
FAUSTUS
She’s called Grace.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Forget Grace.
FAUSTUS
Why should I? I want her.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Why her when you could have any woman you want? She is so common or garden, so nothing. And in time she will come to seem so nothing to you. How many years have passed since we struck our bargain?
FAUSTUS
Some. A few.
MEPHISTOPHELES
But those that have passed now seem briefer than a dream?
FAUSTUS shrugs, reluctant to admit it.
MEPHISTOPHELES
And when all twenty-four have gone, will your life then not seem shorter than a day? Will you want to be able to say that this … this lackey, this skivvy –
FAUSTUS
She’s not, she’s my student. She was my student.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Will that husk of a memory keep you warm for eternity?
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Orchestra. Dancers. Stand by for curtain.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Listen, the village, the town, the city is out there for the taking. Fame or infamy, it doesn’t matter, they are the only immortality available to man. To sin big is to rise above the mediocrity of the masses. Sin big. Sin famously.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Dr Faustus, Mephistopheles to the stage please.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Time to light those flames.
FAUSTUS nods. MEPHISTOPHELES opens the door.
FAUSTUS is about to go when stops. He conjures a flower and places it for Wagner. Exit FAUSTUS.
MC
(Over tannoy.)
And now please put your hands together for the world famous master of concealed arts, Dr John Faustus.
The scene continues to:
SCENE 10
A montage of scenes.
WAGNER returns with a soda. As the introductory music strikes up over the tannoy, she realises she is too late. She sits on the chaise longue. The introductory music comes to an end. She sips the soda.
FAUSTUS
Mr President, your Highness, Holy Father, distinguished ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my humble show –
Over the tannoy a crash of Cursëd Necromancy cords evolves into the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ to great applause. WAGNER is about to open her book when she sees the flower.
Cross fade to:
WAGNER now holds the flower and listens tensely.
FAUSTUS
Now, look in your breast pockets, Gentlemen … cheques for millions of pounds. Made out to? Save the Children, Save the Animals and Save the Planet. Please give our banker, media mogul and politician friends a big round of applause.
Applause. Cross fade to:
The dressing room is empty, WAGNER enters, with yet more plates of canapés, and drinks etc. The flower is now in a vase. She stops and listens.
FAUSTUS
Bell, book and candle, candle book and bell,
Holy Father, damn all these sinning priests to hell.
POPE
(Over tannoy.)
In nomine patris, filii, spiritus sancti in perpetuo ad infernum damno
Over the tannoy, gasps and wild applause.
WAGNER is impressed. Cross fade to:
WAGNER is wrestling with a champagne bottle cork, but intent upon the show.
FAUSTUS
And now, specially for you, from the grave, Mr President, your predecessor, President Abraham Lincoln.