Where we are tortured and remain for ever.
Hell hath no limits, nor is circumscribed
In one self place, for where we are is hell,
And where hell is must we ever be.
FAUSTUS
Come, I think hell’s a fable.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Ay, think so still, till experience change thy mind.
FAUSTUS
Why, think’st thou then that Faustus shall be damned?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Ay, of necessity, for here’s the scroll
Wherein thou hast given thy soul to Lucifer.
FAUSTUS
Ay, and body too, but what of that?
Think’st thou that Faustus is so fond
To imagine that after this life there is any pain?
Tush, these are trifles and mere old wives’ tales.
MEPHISTOPHELES
But, Faustus, I am an instance to prove the contrary, for I am damned, and am now in hell.
FAUSTUS
How? Now in hell? Nay, and this be hell, I’ll willingly be damned here. What? Walking, disputing, et cetera? But leaving off this, let me have a wife, the fairest maid in Germany, for I am wanton and lascivious and cannot live without a wife.
MEPHISTOPHELES
How a wife? I prithee, Faustus, talk not of a wife.
FAUSTUS
Nay, sweet Mephistopheles, fetch me one, for I will have one.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Well, thou wilt have one. I’ll fetch thee a wife, in the devil’s name.
Exit MEPHISTOPHELES and return with a DEVIL dressed like a woman, with fireworks.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Tell, Faustus, how dost thou like thy wife?
FAUSTUS
A plague on her for a hot whore!
MEPHISTOPHELES
Tut, Faustus, marriage is but a ceremonial toy. If thou lovest me, think no more of it.
Exit DEVIL.
MEPHISTOPHELES
I’ll cull thee out the fairest courtesans,
And bring them ev’ry morning to thy bed.
She whom thine eye shall like, thy heart shall have,
Be she as chaste as was Penelope,
As wise as Saba, or as beautiful
As was bright Lucifer before his fall.
(Presenting a book.)
Hold, take this book. Peruse it thoroughly.
The iterating of these lines brings gold;
The framing of this circle on the ground
Brings whirlwinds, tempests, thunder, and lightning.
Pronounce this thrice devoutly to thyself,
And men in armour shall appear to thee,
Ready to execute what thou desir’st.
FAUSTUS
Thanks, Mephistopheles. Yet fain would I have a book wherein I might behold all spells and incantations, that I might raise up spirits when I please.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Here they are in this book.
They turn to them.
FAUSTUS
Now would I have a book where I might see all characters and planets of the heavens, that I might know their motions and dispositions.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Here they are too.
They turn to them.
FAUSTUS
Nay, let me have one book more, and then I have done, wherein I might see all plants, herbs, and trees that grow upon the earth.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Here they be.
They turn to them.
FAUSTUS
O, thou art deceived.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Tut, I warrant thee.
Exit FAUSTUS and MEPHISTOPHELES.
SCENE 5
LUCIFER
Learned Faustus to find the secrets of Astronomy,
Graven in the book of Jove’s high firmament,
Did mount him up to scale Olympus’ top,
Where sitting in a chariot burning bright,
Drawn by the strength of yoked dragons’ necks;
He views the clouds, the planets, and the stars,
The tropic, zones, and quarters of the sky.
From east to west his dragons swiftly glide,
And in eight days did bring him home again.
SCENE 6
Enter FAUSTUS and MEPHISTOPHELES.
FAUSTUS
When I behold the heavens, then I repent
And curse thee, wicked Mephistopheles,
Because thou hast deprived me of those joys.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Why, Faustus,
Think’st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, ’tis not half so fair as thou,
Or any man that breathes on earth.
FAUSTUS
How provest thou that?
MEPHISTOPHELES
FAUSTUS
If it were made for man, ’twas made for me.
I will renounce this magic and repent.
Enter the GOOD ANGEL and the EVIL ANGEL.
GOOD ANGEL
Faustus, repent yet, God will pity thee.
EVIL ANGEL
Thou art a spirit, God cannot pity thee.
FAUSTUS
Who buzzeth in mine ears I am a spirit?
Be I a devil, yet God may pity me;
Ay, God will pity me, if I repent.
EVIL ANGEL
Ay, but Faustus never shall repent.
Exit ANGELS.
FAUSTUS
My heart’s so hardened I cannot repent.
Scarce can I name salvation, faith, or heaven
But fearful echoes thunder in mine ears:
‘Faustus, thou art damned!’
Then swords and knives,
Poison, guns, halters, and envenomed steel
Are laid before me to despatch myself;
And long ere this I should have slain myself,
Had not sweet pleasure conquered deep despair.
Have not I made blind Homer sing to me,
Of Alexander’s love and Oenone’s death?
And hath not he that built the walls of Thebes
With ravishing sound of his melodious harp
Made music with my Mephistopheles?
Why should I die, then, or basely despair?
I am resolved Faustus shall ne’er repent.
Come, Mephistopheles, let us dispute again.
Tell me who made the world?
MEPHISTOPHELES
I will not.
FAUSTUS
Sweet Mephistopheles, tell me.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Move me not, for I will not tell thee.
FAUSTUS
Villain, have I not bound thee to tell me anything?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Ay, that is not against our kingdom, but this is. Think thou on hell,
Faustus, for thou art damned.
FAUSTUS
Think, Faustus, upon God, that made the world.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Remember this!
Exit MEPHISTOPHELES.
FAUSTUS
Ay, go, accursèd spirit, to ugly hell!
’Tis thou hast damned distressed Faustus’ soul.
Is’t not too late?
Enter the GOOD ANGEL and the EVIL ANGEL.
EVIL ANGEL
Too late.
GOOD ANGEL
Never too late, if Faustus can repent.
EVIL ANGEL
If thou repent, devils shall tear thee in pieces.
GOOD ANGEL
Repent, and they shall never raze thy skin.
Exit ANGELS.
FAUSTUS
Ah, Christ, my Saviour,
Seek to save distressèd Faustus’ soul!
Enter LUCIFER and MEPHISTOPHELES.
LUCIFER
Christ cannot save thy soul, for he is just.
There’s none but I have int’rest in the same.
FAUS
TUS
O, who art thou that look’st so terrible?
LUCIFER
I am Lucifer.
FAUSTUS
O Faustus, he is come to fetch away thy soul!
LUCIFER
I come to tell thee thou dost injure us.
Thou talk’st of Christ, contrary to thy promise.
Thou shouldst not think of God. Think of the devil –
And of his dame, too.
FAUSTUS
Nor will I henceforth. Pardon me in this,
And Faustus vows never to look to heaven,
Never to name God, or to pray to him,
To burn his Scriptures, slay his ministers,
And make my spirits pull his churches down.
LUCIFER
Do so, and we will highly gratify thee.
Faustus, we are come from hell to show thee some pastime.
Sit down, and thou shalt see all the Seven Deadly Sins appear in their proper shapes.
FAUSTUS
That sight will be as pleasing unto me as paradise was to Adam the first day of his creation.
LUCIFER
Talk not of Paradise, nor creation, but mark this show. Talk of the devil, and nothing else.
(Calling offstage.)
Come away!
FAUSTUS sits. Enter the SEVEN DEADLY SINS.
LUCIFER
Now, Faustus, examine them of their several names and dispositions.
FAUSTUS
What art thou, the first?
PRIDE
I am Pride. I disdain to have any parents. I am like a flea: I can creep into every corner of a wench. Sometimes like a periwig I sit upon her brow; or like a fan of feathers I kiss her lips. Indeed I do – what do I not? But fie, what a scent is here! I’ll not speak another word, except the ground were perfumed and covered with cloth of arras.
FAUSTUS
What art thou, the second?
COVETOUSNESS
I am Covetousness and might I have my wish, I would desire that this house and all the people in it were turned to gold, that I might lock you up in my good chest. O my sweet gold!
FAUSTUS
What art thou, the third?
WRATH
I am Wrath. I had neither father nor mother. I leaped out of a lion’s mouth when I was scarce half an hour old. And ever since I have run up and down the world with this case of rapiers, wounding myself when I had nobody to fight withal. I was born in hell, and look to it, for some of you shall be my father.
FAUSTUS
What art thou, the fourth?
ENVY
I am Envy. I cannot read, and therefore wish all books were burnt. I am lean with seeing others eat. O, that there would come a famine through all the world, that all might die, and I live alone! Then thou shouldst see how fat I would be. But must thou sit and I stand? Come down, with a vengeance!
FAUSTUS
Away, envious rascal! What art thou, the fifth?
GLUTTONY
Who? I, sir? I am Gluttony. O, I come of a royal parentage. My grandfather was a gammon of bacon, my grandmother a hogshead of claret wine. Now, Faustus, thou hast heard all my progenitors, wilt thou bid me to supper?
FAUSTUS
No, I’ll see thee hanged. Thou wilt eat up all my victuals.
GLUTTONY
Then the devil choke thee!
FAUSTUS
Choke thyself, glutton! What art thou, the sixth?
SLOTH
I am Sloth. I was begotten on a sunny bank, where I have lain ever since, and you have done me great injury to bring me from thence. Let me be carried thither again by Gluttony and Lechery. I’ll not speak another word for a king’s ransom.
FAUSTUS
What are you, Mistress Minx, the seventh and last?
LECHERY
Who I, sir? I am one that loves an inch of raw mutton better than an ell of fried stockfish, and the first letter of my name begins with lechery.
LUCIFER
Away, to hell, to hell!
Exit the SINS.
LUCIFER
Now, Faustus, how dost thou like this?
FAUSTUS
O, this feeds my soul!
LUCIFER
Tut, Faustus, in hell is all manner of delight.
FAUSTUS
O, might I see hell and return again, how happy were I then!
LUCIFER
Thou shalt. I will send for thee at midnight.
(Presenting a book.)
In meantime, take this book. Peruse it throughly, and thou shalt turn thyself into what shape thou wilt.
FAUSTUS
(Taking the book.)
Great thanks, mighty Lucifer. This will I keep as chary as my life.
LUCIFER
Farewell, Faustus, and think on the devil.
FAUSTUS
Farewell, great Lucifer. Come, Mephistopheles.
They exit.
SCENE 7
In the scene change, we hear the end of the previous scene through a tannoy, followed by the eruption of applause.
The lights rise on a dressing room: a mirror ringed with lights, a costume trunk covered in stickers, a clothing rail. A rider of food and drink sits on a table. Stage left a door to the shower and toilet, stage right a door to corridor, stage and stage door.
WAGNER, in stage blacks and wearing a utility belt, headphones etc. is eating a sandwich, drinking a Coke and reading a book.
Enter FAUSTUS from corridor, perspiring, make-up running, wired. He is dressed as before and carries the book LUCIFER gave him. He eats and consults his magic book for new tricks as WAGNER attempts to change him from his previous costume into the conjuror’s suit.
WAGNER
Good house?
FAUSTUS
Slow.
WAGNER
I thought we’d sold out.
FAUSTUS
I did, back home, weren’t you listening?
(Laughs at his own joke.)
Packed to the rafters, they’re just slow.
WAGNER
Seem to like you.
FAUSTUS
They love me, they fucking love me, Wagner.
FAUSTUS goes to plant a kiss on WAGNER.
WAGNER
(Swatting him away.)
Get off!
FAUSTUS
Now I’m a celebrity, I can misbehave.
WAGNER
Not with me you can’t.
FAUSTUS half-dressed, playfully follows her around.
WAGNER
Get off, I said!
FAUSTUS
It’s Mephistopheles I worry about.
WAGNER
Why?
FAUSTUS
She seems a bit down, morose, don’t you think? Like she’s stuck, in a dead-end job with twenty more years ahead of her, or a shit relationship she can’t get out of.
Enter MEPHISTOPHELES as a conjuror’s assistant.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Worry about yourself, Faustus, I am beyond your pity or your prayers.
FAUSTUS
But what have I to worry about?
FAUSTUS points stage left – a stage bomb. Plays a chord on an air guitar, a heavy metal chord is heard.
FAUSTUS
How does he do it, they ask, how does he do it?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Does he do it? They should be asking.
FAUSTUS ignores her.
FAUSTUS
(To WAGNER.)
All the years of studying, all the hard work –
MEPHISTOPHELES
Wagner dear –
FAUSTUS
All the tedious old bastards I had to listen to, to respect –
MEPHISTOPHELES
Some tit-tape.
FAUSTUS
To hell with that!
MEPHISTOPHELES
Only I don’t want a boob popping out.
FAUSTUS
To hell with all that, I said. Trier, Naples, Paris, everywhere I go, they love me. This
is the life I dreamed of.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Consider it, how far the mind of man stretches! Barely to the end of his garden.
FAUSTUS inhales deeply, but is struck by something.
FAUSTUS
Wagner, have you changed shampoo recently?
WAGNER
(To FAUSTUS.)
Get off.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Wagner dear …
WAGNER
(To MEPHISTOPHELES.)
Yes.
FAUSTUS
There’s something about you …
MEPHISTOPHELES
Tit-tape.
FAUSTUS
Something …
WAGNER
(To MEPHISTOPHELES.)
There’s some in my bag. Under the props desk.
Exit WAGNER.
FAUSTUS
Long ago.
MEPHISTOPHELES
(Mimicking.)
Wagner, have you changed your shampoo recently? Only you smell like something, the milk of human kindness dripping from my mother’s tit.
FAUSTUS
Are you jealous, Mephistopheles? Is that it?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Of Wagner?
FAUSTUS
Her? Of me. Of my adoring public.
MEPHISTOPHELES
If that’s the love you dream of, you’re welcome to it.
FAUSTUS
What love do you dream of then, Mephistopheles?
MEPHISTOPHELES
Of that which is gone forever.
FAUSTUS
Surely there’s always someone new. Especially in eternity.
MEPHISTOPHELES
Spare me another date with a soul in torment.
FAUSTUS
Well, you still have me and I am not in torment. For all you say that this is hell, if it is, it is a very tolerable hell.
MEPHISTOPHELES turns away.
FAUSTUS
They love me. They want to eat me up, my every word. Like you, they slaver in the hope of gobbling up my soul –
MEPHISTOPHELES
They might live in hope, I live in expectation.
FAUSTUS
I suppose it’s not surprising you’re jealous. Once Asiatic Emperors cowered under your sword, dead souls writhed under the wrath of Lucifer’s right-hand man, now you totter about in fishnets, high heels and tit-tape, doing my bidding, while I get all the adulation. And the only limit to how far I go, is my imagination.
MEPHISTOPHELES
The world is safe then.
FAUSTUS
You’ll see how far my mind can stretch.
Enter WAGNER with tape which she hands to MEPHISTOPHELES.
WAGNER
Here.
MEPHISTOPHELES
You are a darling, Wagner.
STAGE MANAGEMENT
(Over tannoy.)
Ladies and Gentlemen this is your beginners call.
WAGNER helps FAUSTUS into his suit. FAUSTUS, when he thinks MEPHISTOPHELES is not looking and WAGNER is busy with pins etc. smells WAGNER’s hair again.