Dogsborough’s BUTLER
Bodyguards
Gunmen
Vegetable dealers of Chicago and Cicero
Reporters
Prologue
The Announcer steps before the curtain. Large notices are attached to the curtain: ‘New developments in dock subsidy scandal’ … ‘The true facts about Dogsborough’s will and confession’… ‘Sensation at warehouse fire trial’… ‘Friends murder gangster Ernesto Roma’… ‘Ignatius Dullfeet blackmailed and murdered’ … ‘Cicero taken over by gangsters’. Behind the curtain popular dance music.
THE ANNOUNCER:
Friends, tonight we’re going to show –
Pipe down, you boys in the back row!
And, lady, your hat is in the way! –
Our great historical gangster play
Containing, for the first time, as you’ll see
The truth about the scandalous dock subsidy.
Further we give you, for your betterment
Dogsborough’s confession and testament.
Arturo Ui’s rise while the stock market fell.
The notorious warehouse fire trial. What a sell!
The Dullfeet murder! Justice in a coma!
Gang warfare: the killing of Ernesto Roma!
All culminating in our stunning last tableau:
Gangsters take over the town of Cicero!
Brilliant performers will portray
The most eminent gangsters of our day.
You’ll see some dead and some alive
Some by-gone and others that survive
Some born, some made – for instance, here we show
The good old honest Dogsborough!
Old Dogsborough steps before the curtain.
His hair is white, his heart is black.
Corrupt old man, you may step back.
Dogsborough bows and steps back.
The next exhibit on our list
Is Givola –
Givola has stepped before the curtain.
– the horticulturist.
His tongue’s so slippery he’d know how
To sell you a billy-goat for a cow!
Short, says the proverb, are the legs of lies.
Look at his legs, just use your eyes.
Givola steps back limping.
Now to Emanuele Giri, the super-clown.
Come out, let’s look you up and down!
Giri steps before the curtain and waves his hand at the audience.
One of the greatest killers ever known!
Okay, beat it!
Giri steps back with an angry look.
And lastly Public Enemy Number One
Arturo Ui. Now you’ll see
The biggest gangster of all times
Whom heaven sent us for our crimes
Our weakness and stupidity!
Arturo Ui steps before the curtain and walks out along the footlights.
Doesn’t he make you think of Richard the Third?
Has anybody ever heard
Of blood so ghoulishly and lavishly shed
Since wars were fought for roses white and red?
In view of this the management
Has spared no cost in its intent
To picture his spectacularly vile
Manoeuvres in the grandest style.
But everything you’ll see tonight is true.
Nothing’s invented, nothing’s new
Or made to order just for you.
The gangster play that we present
Is known to our whole continent.
While the music swells and the sound of a machine-gun mingles with it, the Announcer retires with an air of bustling self-importance.
1
a
Financial district. Enter five businessmen, the directors of the Cauliflower Trust.
FLAKE: The times are bad.
CLARK: It looks as if Chicago
The dear old girl, while on her way to market
Had found her pocket torn and now she’s starting
To scrabble in the gutter for her pennies.
CARUTHER: Last Thursday Jones invited me and eighty
More to a partridge dinner to be held
This Monday. If we really went, we’d find
No one to greet us but the auctioneer.
This awful change from glut to destitution
Has come more quickly than a maiden’s blush.
Vegetable fleets with produce for this city
Still ply the lakes, but nowhere will you find
A buyer.
BUTCHER: It’s like darkness at high noon.
MULBERRY: Robber and Clive are being auctioned off.
CLARK: Wheeler – importing fruit since Noah’s ark –
Is bankrupt.
FLAKE: And Dick Havelock’s garages
Are liquidiating.
CARUTHER: Where is Sheet?
FLAKE: Too busy
To come. He’s dashing round from bank to bank.
CLARK: What? Sheet?
Pause.
In other words, the cauliflower
Trade in this town is through.
BUTCHER: Come, gentlemen
Chin up! We’re not dead yet.
MULBERRY: Call this a life?
BUTCHER: Why all the gloom? The produce business in
This town is basically sound. Good times
And bad, a city of four million needs
Fresh vegetables. Don’t worry. We’ll pull through.
CARUTHER: How are the stores and markets doing?
MULBERRY: Badly.
The customers buy half a head of cabbage
And that on credit.
CLARK: Our cauliflower’s rotting.
FLAKE: Say, there’s a fellow waiting in the lobby –
I only mention it because it’s odd –
The name is Ui …
CLARK: The gangster?
FLAKE: Yes, in person.
He’s smelled the stink and thinks he sees an opening.
Ernesto Roma, his lieutenant, says
They can convince shopkeepers it’s not healthy
To handle other people’s cauliflower.
He promises our turnover will double
Because, he says, the shopkeepers would rather
Buy cauliflower than coffins.
They laugh dejectedly.
CARUTHER: It’s an outrage.
MULBERRY, laughing uproariously:
Bombs and machine guns! New conceptions of
Salesmanship! That’s the ticket. Fresh young
Blood in the Cauliflower Trust. They heard
We had insomnia, so Mr Ui
Hastens to offer us his services.
Well, fellows, we’ll just have to choose. It’s him
Or the Salvation Army. Which one’s soup
Do you prefer?
CLARK: I tend to think that Ui’s
Is hotter.
CARUTHER: Throw him out!
MULBERRY: Politely though.
How do we know what straits we’ll come to yet?
They laugh.
FLAKE, to Butcher:
What about Dogsborough and a city loan?
To the others.
Butcher and I cooked up a little scheme
To help us through our pesent money troubles.
I’ll give it to you in a nutshell. Why
Shouldn’t the city that takes in our taxes
Give us a loan, let’s say, for docks that we
Would undertake to build, so vegetables
Can be brought in more cheaply? Dogsborough
Is influential. He could put it through.
Have you seen Dogsborough?
BUTCHER: Yes. He refuses
To touch it.
FLAKE: He refuses? Damn it, he’s
The ward boss on the waterfront, and he
Won’t help us!
CARUTHER: I’ve contributed for years
To his campaign fund.
MULBERRY: Hell, he used to run
Sheet’s lunchroom. Before he took up politics
He got his bread and butter from the Trust.
That’s rank ingratitude. It’s just like I’ve been
Telling you, Flake. All loyalty is gone!
Money is short, but loyalty is shorter.
Cursing, they scurry from the sinking ship
Friend turns to foe, employee snubs his boss
And our old lunchroom operator
Who used to be all smiles is one cold shoulder.
Morals go overboard in times of crisis.
CARUTHER: I’d never have expected that of Dogsborough.
FLAKE: What’s his excuse?
BUTCHER: He says our proposition
Is fishy.
FLAKE: What’s fishy about building docks?
Think of the men we’d put to work.
BUTCHER: He says
He has his doubts about our building docks.
FLAKE: Outrageous!
BUTCHER: What? Not building?
FLAKE: No. His doubts.
CLARK: Then find somebody else to push the loan.
MULBERRY: Sure, there are other people.
BUTCHER: True enough.
But none like Dogsborough. No, take it easy.
The man is good.
CLARK: For what?
BUTCHER: He’s honest. And
What’s more, reputed to be honest.
FLAKE: Rot!
BUTCHER: He’s got to think about his reputation.
That’s obvious.
FLAKE: Who gives a damn? We need
A loan from City Hall. His reputation
Is his affair.
BUTCHER: You think so? I should say
It’s ours. It takes an honest man to swing
A loan like this, a man they’d be ashamed
To ask for proofs and guarantees. And such
A man is Dogsborough. Old Dogsborough’s
Our loan. All right, I’ll tell you why. Because they
Believe in him. They may have stopped believing
In God, but not in Dogsborough. A hard-boiled
Broker, who takes a lawyer with him to
His lawyer’s, wouldn’t hesitate to put his
Last cent in Dogsborough’s apron for safe keeping
If he should see it lying on the bar.
Two hundred pounds of honesty. In eighty
Winters he’s shown no weakness. Such a man
Is worth his weight in gold – especially
To people with a scheme for building docks
And building kind of slowly.
FLAKE: Okay, Butcher
He’s worth his weight in gold. The deal he vouches
For is tied up. The only trouble is:
He doesn’t vouch for ours.
CLARK: Oh no, not he!
‘The city treasury is not a grab bag!’
MULBERRY: And ‘All for the city, the city for itself!’
CARUTHER: Disgusting. Not an ounce of humour.
MULBERRY: Once
His mind’s made up, an earthquake wouldn’t change it.
To him the city’s not a place of wood
And stone, where people live with people
Struggling to feed themselves and pay the rent
But words on paper, something from the Bible.
The man has always gotten on my nerves.
CLARK: His heart was never with us. What does he care
For cauliflower and the trucking business?
Let every vegetable in the city rot
You think he’d lift a finger? No, for nineteen years
Or is it twenty, we’ve contributed
To his campaign fund. Well, in all that time
The only cauliflower he’s ever seen
Was on his plate. What’s more, he’s never once
Set foot in a garage.
BUTCHER: That’s right.
CLARK: The devil
Take him!
BUTCHER: Oh no! We’ll take him.
FLAKE: But Clark says
It can’t be done. The man has turned us down.
BUTCHER: That’s so. But Clark has also told us why.
CLARK: The bastard doesn’t know which way is up.
BUTCHER: Exactly. What’s his trouble? Ignorance.
He hasn’t got the faintest notion what
It’s like to be in such a fix. The question
Is therefore how to put him in our skin.
In short, we’ve got to educate the man.
I’ve thought it over. Listen, here’s my plan.
A sign appears, recalling certain incidents in the recent past.*
b
Outside the produce exchange. Flake and Sheet in conversation.
SHEET: I’ve run from pillar to post. Pillar was out
Of town, and Post was sitting in the bathtub.
Old friends show nothing but their backs. A brother
Buys wilted shoes before he meets his brother
For fear his brother will touch him for a loan.
Old partners dread each other so they use
False names when meeting in a public place.
Our citizens are sewing up their pockets.
FLAKE: So what about my proposition?
SHEET: No. I
Won’t sell. You want a five-course dinner for the
Price of the tip. And to be thanked for the tip
At that. You wouldn’t like it if
I told you what I think of you.
FLAKE: Nobody
Will pay you any more.
SHEET: And friends won’t be
More generous than anybody else.
FLAKE: Money is tight these days.
SHEET: Especially
For those in need. And who can diagnose
A friend’s need better than a friend?
FLAKE: You’ll lose
Your shipyard either way.
SHEET: And that’s not all
I’ll lose. I’ve got a wife who’s likely to
FLAKE: But if you sell …
SHEET: … she’ll last another year. But what I’m curious
About is why you want my shipyard.
FLAKE: Hasn’t
It crossed your mind that we – I mean the Trust –
Might want to help you?
SHEET: No, it never crossed
My mind. How stupid of me to suspect you
Of trying to grab my property, when you
Were only trying to help.
FLAKE: Such bitterness
Dear Sheet, won’t save you from the hammer.
SHEET: At least, dear Flake, it doesn’t help the hammer.
Three men saunter past: Arturo Ui, the gangster, his lieutenant Ernesto Roma, and a bodyguard. In passing, Ui stares at Flake as though expecting to be spoken to, while, in leaving, Roma turns his head and gives Flake an angry look.
SHEET: Who’s that?
FLAKE: Arturo Ui, the gangster … How
About it? Are you selling?
SHEET: He seemed eager
To speak to you.
FLAKE, laughing angrily: And so he is. He’s been
Pursuing us with offers, wants to sell
Our cauliflower with his tommy guns.
The town is full of types like that right now
Corroding it like leprosy, devouring
A finger, then an arm and shoulder. No one
Knows where it comes from, but we all suspect
From deepest hell. Kidnapping, murder, threats
Extortion, blackmail, massacre:
‘Hands up!’ ‘Your money or your life!’ Outrageous!
It’s got to be wiped out.
SHEET, looking at him sharply: And quickly. It’s contagious.
FLAKE: Well, how about it? Are you selling?
SHEET, stepping back and looking at him:
No doubt about it: a resemblance to
Those three who just passed by. Not too pronounced
But somehow there, one senses more than sees it.
Under the water of a pond sometimes
You see a branch, all green and slimy. It
Could be a snake. But no, it’s definitely
A branch. Or is it? That’s how you resemble
Roma. Don’t take offence. But when I looked
At him just now and then at you, it seemed
To me I’d noticed it before, in you
And others, without understanding. Say it
Again, Flake: ‘How about it? Are you selling?’
Even your voice, I think … No, better say
‘Hands up!’ because that’s what you really mean.
He puts up his hands.
All right, Flake, Take the shipyard!
Give me a kick or two in payment. Hold it!
I’ll take the higher offer. Make it two.
FLAKE: You’re crazy!
SHEET: I only wish that that were true.
2
Back room in Dogsborough’s restaurant. Dogsborough and his son are washing glasses. Enter Butcher and Flake.
DOGSBOROUGH: You didn’t need to come. The answer is
No. Your proposition stinks of rotten fish.
YOUNG DOGSBOROUGH: My father turns it down.
BUTCHER: Forget it, then.
We ask you. You say no. So no it is.
DOGSBOROUGH: It’s fishy. I know your kind of docks.
I wouldn’t touch it.
YOUNG DOGSBOROUGH: My father wouldn’t touch it.
BUTCHER: Good.
Forget it.
DOGSBOROUGH: You’re on the wrong road, fellows.
The city treasury is not a grab bag
For everyone to dip his fingers into.
Anyway, damn it all, your business is
Perfectly sound.
BUTCHER: What did I tell you, Flake?
You fellows are too pessimistic.
DOGSBOROUGH: Pessimism
Is treason. You’re only making trouble for
Yourselves. I see it this way: What do you
Fellows sell? Cauliflower. That’s as good
As meat and bread. Man doesn’t live by bread
And meat alone, he needs his green goods.
Suppose I served up sirloin without onions
Or mutton without beans. I’d never see
My customers again. Some people are
A little short right now. They hesitate
To buy a suit. But people have to eat.
They’ll always have a dime for vegetables.
Chin up! If I were you, I wouldn’t worry.
FLAKE: It does me good to hear you, Dogsborough.
It gives a fellow courage to go on.
BUTCHER: Dogsborough, it almost makes me laugh to find
You so staunchly confident about the future