books by amanda lovelace
the
series:
the princess saves herself in this one (#1)
the witch doesn’t burn in this one (#2)
the mermaid’s voice returns in this one (#3)
slay those dragons: a journal for writing your own story
***
the
things that h(a)unt
duology:
to make monsters out of girls (#1)
to drink coffee with a ghost (#2)
***
the
you are your own fairy tale
series:
break your glass slippers (#1)
for those who
break glass slippers
as well as glass ceilings.
trigger warning
this book contains
sensitive material relating to:
child abuse,
toxic friendships,
toxic romantic relationships,
sexual harassment,
eating disorders,
fatphobia,
suicide,
trauma,
& possibly more.
remember to practice self-care
before, during, & after
reading.
contents
i
ii
iii
foreword
When I was a child, I learned fairy tales are dangerous. If you believe in them too much as they are, you may find yourself under a darker spell of your own devising—wishing for princes and hoping someone saves you from the troubles in your life. It was only a few years ago, when I stumbled onto amanda lovelace’s luminous work on a cold, foggy English evening in a bookstore, that I realized how empowering fairy tales can be.
In break your glass slippers, amanda brings to life a story that many of us have loved as children and questioned as we got older. Her words exquisitely bind the contemporary with the traditional, creating a lyrical tale of hope, inner power, and fearlessness.
The Cinderella in this book is a survivor in every way. She rises from the depths of an abyss created by despair and becomes a force to be reckoned with—all while showing us how there is strength in vulnerability and true courage in accepting who you are.
The message in this captivating book of poetry is clear: take this modern fairy tale, treasure it, and share it with someone you love. Let it teach you that the magic you are looking for already rests inside you, waiting for a spark. Let it remind you of your spirit through mystical words that awaken the flames inside you.
Here, we all get to be Cinderella, our own Fairy Godmother, and best of all, our own Prince.
May the magic help you build your own happily ever after.
May your soul feel full and bright when it does.
Nikita xxx
a note from the author
at the heart of this poetry collection is a retelling of one of the world’s most recognizable & beloved fairy tales, cinderella. in that way, i suppose you might consider this to be a work of fiction. however, this story is also very much based on a number of my own lived experiences, as well as experiences i know to be true for many.
she is cinderella.
i am cinderella.
you may even be cinderella, too, if you find that any part of this story happens to speak to you.
laced with love,
amanda
let me tell you a sad story
there is a girl who
sings only when
every window
is shut.
like most girls,
she’s been learning
the trait of silence
since birth.
everyone
underestimates
how important
her voice is,
& the greatest
tragedy of all is
that she does,
too.
let me tell you an even sadder story
there is a girl who
dances only when
every curtain
is closed.
like most girls,
she’s been learning
the trait of invisibility
since birth.
no one
ever bothers
to see how
special she is,
so she
decides to dance
with her own
shadow.
i
once there lived a man who gifted his daughter a pair of glass slippers. she clutched them to her chest, tears welling up in her eyes. it was then that he spoke, “these were made with my two hands, some sweat, & a sprinkle of fairy dust. they’ll always fit you, even if you grow taller than a beanstalk. they’ll never slip, even if you’re forced to walk over ice all night long. best of all, they’ll never, ever break, except in the case of an emergency.
whenever she walks past, the boys whisper to each other, “be on the lookout for ugly ducklings like her. treat her badly now & you risk her forgetting all about you once she transforms into a beautiful swan.” none of them ever considered the fact that she could hear what they were saying.
—she heard everything.
fairy godmother says
it has
never been
within
your duty
to be
pretty.
“no one could ever want a fat girl like you.”
—stepmother.
fairy godmother says
you don’t need to look a certain way
to deserve someone’s heart.
no matter your shape—
no matter your size—
be proud of all the space
your body dares to take up.
there are sisters
who see each other
as lifelong
rivals
when they should be
seeing each other
as lifelong
allies,
which is to say:
some sisters
are no sisters
at all.
—she had to learn this the hard way.
fairy godmother says
some people are simply committed to being unkind, & it is not your job to convince them to change. all you can do is give them all the kindness you have, & if they don’t return it, then they aren’t worth your sugar.
isn’t the love
of a family
supposed
to be
unconditional?
unbreakable?
if they don’t
love me,
then who
ever could?
she thinks
to herself.
—the first heartbreak.
fairy godmother says
i don’t know if anyone
has ever told you this, but:
their lack of love for you
does not make you
any less loveable.
inside the cramped fitting room, she slips into dress after dress as if she’s trying to slip into someone else’s life.
—much to her dismay, her reflection stays the same.
fairy godmother says
when you spend
all y
our time
imagining yourself
in other people’s shoes,
your own story
goes unwritten,
& there is nothing
more painful
than that.
every night when she’s finally alone, she takes a red marker & circles the parts of herself she would most like to see disappear—her thighs, her stomach, her upper arms—until there’s no part of her left untouched.
—“nothing will ever be enough,” she whispers.
fairy godmother says
some days,
your body will feel like a cage.
on those days,
lace flowers through the bars.
whenever somebody asks her how she’s been holding up, she can never bring herself to tell them how she’s truly feeling inside. it’s always fine or great or amazing, but how are you? the last thing she would ever want to do is inconvenience them—or worse, seem self-involved.
—she just wants one person to catch her in the lie.
fairy godmother says
speak your truth—
no matter what.
afterward,
of who not only
listens
but steps up to
applaud your bravery.
there are times when she sees another girl on the train or in a magazine & she can’t be sure what she wants to do:
i.become her.
ii.be her best friend.
iii.kiss her.
—kaleidoscope.
fairy godmother says
who you want to kiss
is not a problem
as long as you
get permission first.
“if you want to wear the crop top, then wear the crop top. if anyone dares to point out your stretch marks or the size of your belly, just remind them that our bodies were all crafted from the same handful of stardust, & isn’t that just wonderful? isn’t that so special?”
—her best friend.
fairy godmother says
there is something
almost unearthly
about the friendship
between two girls,
isn’t there?
all they ever want to do is
protect, protect, protect.
fiercely now.
fiercely now.
my advice for you:
don’t take her for granted.
ever.
he has the best laugh,
forever-untied shoes,
& a heart bigger
than a blue whale’s.
she only wishes
she could love him
the way he loves her,
but she can’t.
when she tells him,
he explains to her
that she owes it to him
to love him back.
—the boy with all the wrong intentions.
fairy godmother says
villains almost never look like cackling witches, cruel stepmothers, or bratty stepsisters. they’re so much quieter than that, & i think that’s what makes them so menacing. in some chapters of your storybook, you’ll find them hiding everywhere—even in the faces of those you hold dearest. they never reveal their true intentions until you’ve already trusted them too much, & just like that, everyone you know has turned into a stranger.
she’s always checking in on people, even though they never do the same in return. whether they simply don’t care enough or consider her to be better armored for this life than they are, she’s not entirely certain. sometimes her mind goes to the darkest of places—that place where she wonders if any of them would notice if she disappeared altogether one night.
—forgotten.
fairy godmother says
without you here,
the moon & the stars
would fall.
mountains would crack
down the middle.
castles would crumble
into nothingness.
books would burst
into flames.
it’s not time to go just yet.
where does she go
whenever she’s feeling
deeply, deeply
blue?
up into the clouds,
filling her head with
fanciful ideas of what
her future looks like:
the clearest sky.
a handsome man in a suit.
a house with halls wide enough
for their children to run down.
—her biggest mistake is forgetting herself along the way.
fairy godmother says
you are limitless.
you can have the lipstick.
you can have the sword.
there’s a story she’s been telling herself ever since she was a little girl. in order to create her, a witch had to pour a bunch of ingredients into her bubbling cauldron—things like glitter, courage, & a hunger for fairy tales with happy endings. nowadays, she finds herself wondering if the witch forgot the most important ingredient of them all: the thing that would have made her good enough.
—potion.
fairy godmother says
it’s not an easy thing
to accept yourself the way you are.
some people spend their entire lives
trying to master it.
but if anyone is strong enough
to face the challenge,
it’s you.
finally, finally.
—the unseen girl.
fairy godmother says
more forgetting time.
more midnight dances with yourself.
more, always more.
she wants nothing more
than to be the kind of girl
worthy of standing
next to him.
—she doesn’t always want what’s best for her.
fairy godmother says
he is not the standard by which you should be measuring your worth in this world. before he came along, you were a fierce wonder to behold. you will continue to be that long after he walks away from you.
her heart
is a gilded thing.
his hands
were made to melt.
together,
they drip liquid gold.
—she doesn’t care if it burns.
fairy godmother says
he may have a pretty face,
but that doesn’t mean he isn’t dangerous.
as though she’s been put under an enchantment, she constantly finds herself smiling at odd times of the day. for the first time, it’s not due to daydreams of a brave prince on a white horse or a fearsome princess with a sword.
with him, it’s the real thing.
—at least, that’s what she keeps telling herself.
fairy godmother says
infatuation is not love,
just like a love potion
is only temporary
& often causes
more harm than good.
a unicorn,
he calls her—
a miracle,
he calls her—
for somehow
managing
to remain
untouched
&nbs
p; by another
boy.
—she wonders why she can’t be magical either way.
fairy godmother says
you are not a thing
that can ever be
claimed, conquered,
or irreparably ruined
by someone else’s hands.
he may like to think
he wields that much power,
but he doesn’t.
“you’re too good for me.”
—charming.
fairy godmother says
people have a habit of
telling on themselves;
most of the time,
by accident.
you’ll see it in
one wrong word,
or how they react when
they think no one’s looking.
don’t ever take it
lightheartedly,
for there is always some truth in these moments.
be sure to armor your
kind, kind heart.
be trusting,
but be vigilant.
there’s this literary cliché where a character will, in the middle of a tense conversation, suddenly let out a breath they didn’t realize they’d been holding. how can they just forget to breathe? breathing is automatic, she always thought to herself. then she meets him & quickly finds out that it’s not that ridiculous of a notion. the truth is, even the way he holds the steering wheel makes her forget she has lungs.
—sometimes the impossible is possible.
fairy godmother says
while you’re getting drunk on him,
he’s only getting drunk
on the way the attention
makes him feel—
there’s a difference.
she’s so giddy
at the very thought of him
she tosses & turns