was the best decision she had ever made
in her entire life.
PETROCULOS: Ulysses is dead.
The sea has consumed him
and spat him out as a dead fish on the shore.
AGATHY: I have more than what he had [again he touches his genitals].
I have youth and beauty
and a mighty healthy respect and appreciation of woman.
PETROCULOS: Has that tapestry not finished yet?
You can’t go near her room to find out.
AGATHY: You can’t go near her!
Have you ever tried walking beside her on one of her walks?
You can feel her concealed knife
that she keeps on her upper arm
rubbing against your ribs if you dare get near her.
As soon as that wretched tapestry is finished,
as soon as that useless material with threads is finished,
she will choose me,
and she will be lucky to have me
in her cold and empty womb.
PETROCULOS: Ah, the fire of youth!
So you are telling me what I already know.
Penelope does not find you an Adonis.
I cannot see why not!
She can probably hear your knuckles
scraping the ground as you approach her.
Let me amend that:
not only your knuckles but your full testicles also.
AGATHY: I thank you for telling me what is obvious—
that I possess male potency.
It has to do with your male glands,
and this gives off a certain odour
that women—any woman—finds irresistible.
I am a real man.
PETROCULOS: And is your aroma a seasonal thing?
Or do you have the good fortune
to have this sexual smell about you all the year?
AGATHY: Penelope lusts for me.
She just doesn’t want to have a war on her hands
among the suitors,
and she is following the law.
I am not like those others
who lie about in her courtyard
waiting to catch a glimpse of her
or to speak with her on her walks.
PETROCULOS: I heard one reading poetry to her,
another philosophy,
another comforting her about Ulysses’s absence.
AGATHY: I mean, what does all that courting prove?
Nothing. Not a thing.
It is all about sex.
And why wait for later
when you can have it yesterday or now?
My father told me the worst thing
you can do with a woman
is to give her too much freedom.
Well, that is how he explained it
when my mother ran away from him
with another woman!
PETROCULOS: And how did your father
explain the loss of your mother to another woman?
AGATHY: It was obvious
my mother could not find another like him
and she would remain faithful to him all her life.
That is why she chose a woman for companionship.
PETROCULOS: Have you not heard of Sappho from Lesbos?
AGATHY: I have heard of Lesbos the island,
but what is a Sappho?
Is it some type of food they eat there?
PETROCULOS: Agathy, Agathy, my boy.
Look upon me as your father
or at least your older brother
and take my advice concerning Penelope.
You are correct in observing
that she is not your ordinary, mediocre woman.
She has had philosophers and poets as teachers,
and Ulysses as her lover and advisor
who has encouraged her vibrant
and charismatic temperament.
She is respected by others in the region
for her patience, intelligence and wisdom
in the affairs of her home and country.
If that is not enough,
she is as accomplished in battle as you are.
AGATHY: Are you telling me
that I would have to swordfight with her
before she took me to bed?
What a woman!
She really knows how to consume, drain, and exhaust.
PETROCULOS: You would not be saying
that if you had her sharp blade pressing up your throat,
or better still—up your left testicle!
And as for her not having sex—
When I have spoken with her
I can see both of them swimming
in the sea of her eyes.
You will need more than what you know,
more and maybe less
than what your father has taught you about woman.
And do not watch the sheep or goats anymore!
They are seasonal, bad-tempered, and have a bad smell.
AGATHY: So what do you want me to do?
How does one seduce Penelope?
PETROCULOS: I don’t think you can seduce her.
I don’t think any man will ever seduce her.
She is like the stars in the sky.
You can look upon them
but you cannot change their direction.
And since we follow the stars
to find our way to the shore
and our way home
we also must follow Penelope
to find her weakness in the law,
her bed, her wealth and kingdom.
She has the ability to see into appearances
and is not fooled by flattery.
Her weakness is her son.
He is inexperienced in life and in battle
and reads poetry.
He depends on Penelope.
Her strength is Ulysses.
He is always with her even in his absence.
There is something living
and connecting between them—even in absence.
What we need to do
is to make sure she chooses me for her husband
when the time comes,
when this wretched tapestry is finished.
I have seen through her craftiness and cunning ways.
She is using the tapestry to gain time,
hoping that Ulysses will return in time.
AGATHY: He will not come back.
He is dead or swimming with the sirens.
And even if he does come back
I will make sure he is murdered
before he reaches Penelope.
Penelope will have to choose.
By being clever she has used the laws of the land
to protect her.
But now the laws of the land
will coil and coil around her pretty neck
and pull her into my bed.
[Beat]
And what do you mean—choose you?
PETROCULOS: Penelope must be forced, through fear
to choose me.
The other suitors out in the courtyard
do not have my advice and assistance.
They are too weak and feeble and disorganised.
They dote on her!
AGATHY: So you believe that between you and I,
we can net her and bind her
with the permanen
cy of law.
I have observed that she does speak with you.
I hope you are telling her
that I am a Greek god,
even better than Ulysses.
PETROCULOS: What else could I be saying to her?
Of course I tell her
that Zeus gave birth to you.
I have explained to you
when we started to collaborate together,
that what I seek is the security of Ithaca
and the regions around it.
I am a law maker not a law breaker.
I believe in law and order,
and I am a civilised and educated man.
AGATHY: I am the only suitor worth her consideration.
PETROCULOS: I will offer her my counsel.
And here is the plan, my boy.
If she was going to choose you,
she would have done this already.
She is not going to betray the memory of Ulysses,
and I don’t even think she likes you—
no offence to your high sexual drive.
So you and I need to work together
to obtain the wealth we want,
since neither one of us
cares for her or her son.
I recommend and advise,
—and I suggest you take it in,
Son of Zeus—
that you frighten her a little bit—
put sexual pressure on her, but don’t rape her;
traumatise her, but don’t bruise her.
She will not reach out to any other suitors for assistance,
so we are protected.
She will come and find me, Agathy,
and she will seek my services for the safety of her son.
Of course, I will marry her but I will not bed her.
You can have her
or send her home to your family as a servant.
It will work.
When she feels threatened by you,
she will be drawn to me
for the safety and security of both herself and her son.
When she chooses me it will be
because I have told her that she can trust me
and that I will protect her and her son from all others.
AGATHY: And what do you want for your services?
PETROCULOS: I want the regions and some of Ithaca
under my orders and control.
AGATHY: You are right!
I have noticed that she heats up
when I follow her on her walks,
walks fast and tries to avoid me.
PETROCULOS: How do you know that she “heats up”?
And is the heating from the waist down
or the neck up?
AGATHY: I told you before,
I have made it my life’s work to study women.
Of course she heats neck upwards
for her cheeks become red
and her hands are clenched.
I tell you she is hiding her deep desire for me.
I understand that she is baiting me
and playing the game of the vixen.
She wants to save face by not being too eager
to have me sexually.
I have seen her shake her head
and walk fast away from me.
Are you saying this is not
sexual attraction towards me?
PETROCULOS: Well, my boy,
you’ve already done the hard work in getting her attention.
AGATHY: She . . . Quick, Petroculos! I can hear her steps!
Leave her with me
and I will show her what she is missing.
PETROCULOS: I will leave you alone with Penelope.
Remember that the other men must not know
of your physical aggression towards her.
And for heaven’s sake and for your life’s sake,
do not bruise her!
[AGATHY exits.]
PETROCULOS: Yes, you fool.
Drive her into my arms.
I will have Penelope legally
and you will make sure that she trusts only me.
For I will offer her my loyalty,
my devotion and compassion, and my understanding.
And I will offer myself to her as her loving, caring friend.
I will seek to protect her son
(until we are married, at least),
and I will offer to her
the love of her father, her brother, and her sister.
In all our talks, she often refers to me
as her sister.
I will promise her to keep peace in the region,
to legally remove the suitors,
and allow her to wait for Ulysses.
She would believe that a sister
would allow her to wait for her husband.
If and when he returns,
I shall be happy for both of them.
And why should I be happy?
Because I love her in a platonic way.
She will choose me.
My age and wisdom will help me.
She will choose security and safety.
Yes, you fool!
Drive her into my arms
and then I will have you killed
for being too intimate
with my wifely sister.
[PETROCULOS exits.]
Act V
The Suitors
Colours of the Forest
Scene 1 – The Wolf
[AGATHY approaches PENELOPE as she walks towards him. She tries to walk away from him to escape into the forest, but he steps in front of her and she has to speak with him.]
AGATHY: Penelope, I heard you in the garden
and wanted to walk with you.
PENELOPE: I like to walk alone.
AGATHY: Dear Penelope, you do not have to be alone.
Why are you tormenting yourself with this self-denial
and not being with a man who can make you happy?
I can make you happy.
Being with me will remove
this gloom and depression
that travels with you.
PENELOPE: I am not that depressed.
And if I suffered from this self-indulgence
I would marry one of you
so that I could torment you
and make your life a living hell.
In fact, I would marry all of you,
so that you all could suffer from my depression.
AGATHY: Penelope, Penelope.
My love, my dear one, my only one—
PENELOPE: Now I am feeling depressed.
AGATHY: I’m feeling excited by such talk.
Is this your foreplay?
All this and humour also!
My sweet little woman.
PENELOPE: Oh, but I was not humouring you, little man.
AGATHY: This is serious for me.
I know you like to play with my deep feelings for you,
and I will allow you some fun,
but I must talk with you.
Has anyone told you
that you are beautiful, truly beautiful?
I have been with many women,
so many that I have lost count,
but you are truly beautiful!
PENELOPE: Oh, do you really believe
after being surrounded by over a hundred suitors
that I not would hear such words from other men?
But they are empty words, to catch the fish,
to net the wild creature.
Only empty words.
AGATHY: My love, men are hunters and fishermen.
You are correct—they are baiting you.
But you must believe me when I say to you
that I have not
thought of any other woman
all the time I have been on your island.
All other women, compared to you,
look like my grandfather.
PENELOPE: Go and be with your grandfather.
AGATHY: Dear Penelope, my concern
is for you from the other men.
They are getting restless.
And for how long do you think
you will be able to call them brothers and fathers and sisters?
You need a strong man who will protect you
and send them back to their homes,
back to their mistresses.
PENELOPE: Please do not concern yourself
with my welfare and safety.
AGATHY: Does it not drive you mad
to have so many men around you and with you
and not sleep with any?
You sleep in an empty bed every night.
Where is Ulysses? Should he not have returned by now?
All the others have returned to their homes.
He has found someone else.
How can you continue to resist for so long
for a lie?
Aren’t you like other women?
Aren’t you wanting and longing?
Don’t you lust for man?
PENELOPE: I have chosen this Journey,
and I have chosen to remain
faithful and devoted
to my heart, vision, and destiny.
Ulysses is alive!
And why he is not with me
is because something or someone
is preventing his return home.
But he will return!
Until he does,
I am not afraid to be alone in my bed.
I am not afraid to be alone with my thoughts.
And I am not afraid of abandonment and betrayal.
Betrayal is here.
Betrayal is all around us.
Look around you. Look in you.
It is all around you.
As for you, Agathy, you are a common species of man.
You work in a pack, as wolves do,
to achieve your ends.
I do not trust you.
I do not lust for you.
I do not want your company.
AGATHY: Come, Penelope my love,
give up this madness.
It is not healthy for you as a woman.
You are playing with me
so that I can come over and touch you,