No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on, I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band.
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.
Exit
Act 3 Scene 2
running scene 7
Enter Prince [Don Pedro], Claudio, Benedick and Leonato
DON PEDRO I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and
then go I toward Aragon.
CLAUDIO I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe
me.
DON PEDRO Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of
your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him
to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company,
for from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all
mirth. He hath twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string and
the little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as
sound as a bell and his tongue is the clapper, for what his
heart thinks his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK Gallants, I am not as I have been.
LEONATO So say I, methinks you are sadder.
CLAUDIO I hope he be in love.
DON PEDRO Hang him, truant! There’s no true drop of blood in
him to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants
money.
BENEDICK I have the toothache.
DON PEDRO Draw it.
BENEDICK Hang it.
CLAUDIO You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards.
DON PEDRO What? Sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO Where is but a humour or a worm.
BENEDICK Well, everyone cannot master a grief but he that
has it.
CLAUDIO Yet say I, he is in love.
DON PEDRO There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be
a fancy that he hath to strange disguises — as to be a
Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow. Unless he have a
fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for
fancy, as you would have it to appear he is.
CLAUDIO If he be not in love with some woman, there is no
believing old signs: a brushes his hat o’mornings, what
should that bode?
DON PEDRO Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
CLAUDIO No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him,
and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed
tennis-balls.
LEONATO Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of
a beard.
DON PEDRO Nay, a rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him
out by that?
CLAUDIO That’s as much as to say the sweet youth’s in love.
DON PEDRO The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
CLAUDIO And when was he wont to wash his face?
DON PEDRO Yea, or to paint himself? For the which, I hear what
they say of him.
CLAUDIO Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is now crept into a
lute-string and now governed by stops.
DON PEDRO Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude: he
is in love.
CLAUDIO Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO That would I know too. I warrant, one that knows
him not.
CLAUDIO Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despite of all, dies
for him.
DON PEDRO She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior,
walk aside with me: I have studied eight or nine wise words
to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear.
[Exeunt Benedick and Leonato]
DON PEDRO For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
CLAUDIO ’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played
their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite
one another when they meet.
Enter[Don] John the Bastard
DON JOHN My lord and brother, God save you.
DON PEDRO Good den, brother.
DON JOHN If your leisure served, I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO In private?
DON JOHN If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for
what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO What’s the matter?
DON JOHN Means your lordship to be married
To Claudio
tomorrow?
DON PEDRO You know he does.
DON JOHN I know not that, when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DON JOHN You may think I love you not: let that appear
hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest.
For my brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of
heart, hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage — surely
suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO Why, what’s the matter?
DON JOHN I came hither to tell you, and, circumstances
shortened — for she has been too long a talking of — the
lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO Who, Hero?
DON JOHN Even she: Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s
Hero.
CLAUDIO Disloyal?
DON JOHN The word is too good to paint out her wickedness. I
could say she were worse: think you of a worse title, and I
will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant. Go but with
me tonight, you shall see her chamber window entered, even
the night before her wedding-day. If you love her then,
tomorrow wed her. But it would better fit your honour to
change your mind.
CLAUDIO May this be so?
DON PEDRO I will not think it.
DON JOHN If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that
you know. If you will follow me, I will show you enough,
and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed
accordingly.
CLAUDIO If I see anything tonight why I should not marry
her tomorrow in the congregation where I should wed, there
will I shame her.
DON PEDRO And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join
with thee to disgrace her.
DON JOHN I will disparage her no farther till you are my
witnesses. Bear it coldly but till night, and let the issue show
itself.
DON PEDRO O day untowardly turned!
CLAUDIO O mischief strangely thwarting!
DON JOHN O plague right well prevented! So will you say when
you have seen the sequel.
Exeunt
[Act 3 Scene 3]
running scene 8
Enter Dogberry and his compartner [Verges] with the Watch
DOGBERRY Are you good men and true?
VERGES Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
DOGBERRY Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if
they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for
the prince’s watch.
VERGES Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
DOGBERRY First, who think you the most desertless man to be
constable?
FIRST WATCHMAN Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they
can write and read.
DOGBERRY Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God
Second Watchman steps forward
hath
blessed you with a good name: to be a
well-favoured man is the gift of fortune, but
to write and read comes by nature.
SECOND WATCHMAN Both which, master constable—
DOGBERRY You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well, for
your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of
it. And for your writing and reading, let that appear when
there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be
the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch: therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:
you shall comprehend all vagrom men, you are to bid any
man stand, in the prince’s name.
SECOND WATCHMAN How if a will not stand?
DOGBERRY Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go, and
presently call the rest of the watch together, and thank God
you are rid of a knave.
VERGES If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none
of the prince’s subjects.
DOGBERRY True, and they are to meddle with none but the
prince’s subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets,
for for the watch to babble and talk is most tolerable and not
to be endured.
WATCHMAN We will rather sleep than talk: we know what
belongs to a watch.
DOGBERRY Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend: only
have a care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call
at all the ale-houses, and bid them that are drunk get them
to bed.
WATCHMAN How if they will not?
DOGBERRY Why then, let them alone till they are sober: if they
make you not then the better answer, you may say they are
not the men you took them for.
WATCHMAN Well, sir.
DOGBERRY If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue
of your office, to be no true man: and for such kind of men,
the less you meddle or make with them, why the more is for
your honesty.
WATCHMAN If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands
on him?
DOGBERRY Truly, by your office, you may, but I think they that
touch pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if
you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is, and
steal out of your company.
VERGES You have been always called a merciful man,
partner.
DOGBERRY Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much
more a man who hath any honesty in him.
VERGES If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to
the nurse and bid her still it.
WATCHMAN How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?
DOGBERRY Why then, depart in peace, and let the child wake
her with crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb
when it baas will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERGES ’’Tis very true.
DOGBERRY This is the end of the charge: you, constable, are to
present the prince’s own person. If you meet the prince in
the night, you may stay him.
VERGES Nay, by’r lady, that I think a cannot.
DOGBERRY Five shillings to one on’t, with any man that knows
the statues, he may stay him: marry, not without the prince
be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and
it is an offence to stay a man against his will.
VERGES By’r lady, I think it be so.
DOGBERRY Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night, an there be
any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows’
counsels and your own, and good night. Come, neighbour.
Starts to go
WATCHMAN Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here
upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed.
DOGBERRY One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you
watch about Signior Leonato’s door, for the wedding being
there tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu. Be
vigitant, I beseech you.
Exeunt [Dogberry and Verges]
Enter Borachio and Conrad
BORACHIO What, Conrad?
WATCHMAN Peace! Stir not.
Aside
BORACHIO Conrad, I say!
CONRAD Here, man, I am at thy elbow.
BORACHIO Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a
scab follow.
CONRAD I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward
with thy tale.
BORACHIO Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it
drizzles rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.
WATCHMAN Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.
Aside
BORACHIO Therefore know, I have earned of Don John a
thousand ducats.
CONRAD Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?
BORACHIO Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any
villainy should be so rich, for when rich villains have need of
poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will.
CONRAD I wonder at it.
BORACHIO That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest
that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing
to a man.
CONRAD Yes, it is apparel.
BORACHIO I mean the fashion.
CONRAD Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
BORACHIO Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. But seest
thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is?
Aside
thief this seven years, a goes up and down like a gentleman.
I remember his name.
BORACHIO Didst thou not hear somebody?
CONRAD No, ’twas the vane on the house.
BORACHIO Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this
fashion is, how giddily a turns about all the hot bloods
between fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning
them like Pharaoh’s soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime
like god Bel’s priests in the old church-window, sometime like
the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,
where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?
CONRAD All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out
more apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy
with the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale
into telling me of the fashion?
BORACHIO Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight
wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the
name of Hero. She leans me out at her mistress’ chamber-window,
bids me a thousand times good night — I tell this
tale vilely — I should first tell thee how the prince, Claudio
and my master, planted and placed and possessed by my
master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
encounter.
CONRAD And thought they Margaret was Hero?
BORACHIO Two of them did, the prince and Claudio, but the
devil my master knew she was Margaret, and partly by his
oaths, which first possessed them, partly by the dark night,
which did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did
confirm any slander that Don John had made. Away went
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was
appointed next morning at the tem
ple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o’er-night,
and send her home again without a husband.
FIRST WATCHMAN We charge you in the prince’s name, stand!
SECOND WATCHMAN Call up the right master constable. We have
here recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever
was known in the commonwealth.
FIRST WATCHMAN And one Deformed is one of them. I know him, a
wears a lock.
CONRAD Masters, masters—
SECOND WATCHMAN You’ll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.
CONRAD Masters—
FIRST WATCHMAN Never speak, we charge you. Let us obey you to
go with us.
BORACHIO We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being
taken up of these men’s bills.
CONRAD A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come,
we’ll obey you.
Exeunt
Act 3 Scene 4
running scene 8
Enter Hero and Margaret and Ursula
HERO Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice, and desire
her to rise.
URSULA I will, lady.
HERO And bid her come hither.
URSULA Well.
[Exit]
MARGARET Troth, I think your other rabato were better.
HERO No, pray thee good Meg, I’ll wear this.
MARGARET By my troth’s not so good, and I warrant your
cousin will say so.
HERO My cousin’s a fool, and thou art another. I’ll wear
none but this.
MARGARET I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair
were a thought browner, and your gown’s a most rare
fashion, i’faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan’s gown that they
praise so.
HERO O, that exceeds, they say.
MARGARET By my troth’s but a night-gown in respect of
yours — cloth a gold, and cuts, and laced with silver, set
with pearls, down sleeves, side sleeves, and skirts, round
underborne with a bluish tinsel: but for a fine, quaint,
graceful and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on’t.
HERO God give me joy to wear it, for my heart is exceeding
heavy.
MARGARET ’Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man.
HERO Fie upon thee, art not ashamed?
MARGARET Of what, lady? Of speaking honourably? Is not