Benvolio
Ugh, hold on. The Capulets are texting me.
Mercutio
IDGAF.
Group text: Benvolio, Mercutio, Tybalt
Benvolio
Adding Mercutio here.
Mercutio
Wut is it, Ty?
Tybalt
Good afternoon, boys. I’d like to have a word with you.
Mercutio
Psh. Just 1?
Tybalt
Mercutio, you hang out with Romeo, right?
Mercutio
Hang out? Like we’re in a band?
Benvolio
Do we have to talk about this now? Maybe we should meet in person.
Tybalt
Yes, we have to talk about it. In fact, let’s get Romeo in on this.
Group text: Tybalt, Mercutio, Benvolio, Romeo
Tybalt
Romeo, there’s only one thing I can call you: a villain.
Romeo
Tybalt, I’m not even gonna sweat that. I have a reason to like you now. Plus, it’s obvs you don’t know me at all.
Tybalt
That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done to me. We’re fighting this afternoon. Meet me on the streets.
Romeo
I haven’t done anything to you. And I you now—I just can’t tell you why yet. Let’s not fight.
Mercutio
Romeo, wut r u doing? Y r u backing down from him? If u won’t fight him, I will.
Tybalt
What do you want from me?
Mercutio
2 fight u. Now.
Ty, hurry up n draw ur sword.
Tybalt
Fine. If that’s what you want, that’s what you get.
Romeo
Mercutio, stop! What are you doing? Ben, we’ve got to stop them. Fighting in the streets is banned here. Stop it, you guys!
Mercutio, Tybalt, Benvolio, and Romeo have checked into the Streets of Verona.
Group text: Mercutio, Romeo, Benvolio
Mercutio
Romeo. Where are you? I’m hurt. His sword got me. Did Ty get away
Benvolio
What? You’re hurt?
Mercutio
I just need 2 see a doctor, that’s all.
Romeo
Okay. Be brave.
Mercutio
It’s not deep, but it hurts like a mofo. I’ll b a goner by 2morrow.
Ugh, I can’t believe it was Ty who killed me. I hope a plague curses his . Y did u try to stop us, Romeo?
Romeo
IDK. I thought it was the right thing to do.
Mercutio
Ben, take me inside somewhere. This is the end.
I hope a plague curses both of ur houses, Romeo.
Romeo:
Omg. OMFG. Mercutio was killed defending me! WTF! #RIP
REPLY
Benvolio
Mercutio is dead. He’s in Heaven now.
Romeo
This is very bad, Ben. The future is bleak.
Group text: Benvolio, Romeo, Tybalt
Benvolio
OMG. Tybalt, you suck!
Romeo
You’re alive…and Mercutio is dead. I dare you to call me a villain again, Tybalt. Do it and you’ll join Mercutio in Heaven.
Tybalt
It’s you who will be joining him next.
Romeo:
Benvolio likes this.
REPLY
Benvolio: Romeo! You have to get out of here. You’ll be put to death.
Group text: The Prince, Benvolio, Lady Capulet, Montague
The Prince
Just saw Romeo’s status update. Is it true? He killed Tybalt?
Benvolio
It was insanity, Prince. Tybalt killed Mercutio. Then Romeo killed Tybalt.
Lady Capulet
What! Tybalt was my nephew. This can’t—this can’t be happening. Prince, you have to take revenge. You have to kill someone from the Montague family. Angrily, LC.
The Prince
Ben, who started this fight?
Benvolio
Tybalt did. Romeo tried to talk him down, but Tybalt stabbed Mercutio.
Something snapped in Romeo. He killed Tybalt too.
I tried to break it up, but it was no use!
Lady Capulet
Ben is a Montague. He’s lying. The Montagues jumped Tybalt and killed him. Prince, you know that Romeo must die. Grr, LC.
The Prince
So if Romeo killed Tybalt, and Tybalt killed Mercutio, then who should pay for Mercutio’s life?
Montague
Not Romeo. He was only avenging his friend.
The Prince
Then I have no choice but to kick Romeo out of Verona. And now you’ve gotten me involved in your rivalry.
Mercutio was my family. I’ll punish you all for this. There’s no use or begging. Tell Romeo to leave immediately or else he’ll be joining Mercutio and Tybalt…in the grave.
[Scene 2]
Nurse
Girl, I got some bad news.
Juliet
what is it??
Nurse
He’s dead.
Juliet
WHO?? ROMEO?!
Nurse
It was bad. I saw it with my own . He’s gone. Dead as a doornail.
Juliet
omg. plz not romeo. plz!
Nurse
No, girl. It’s Tybalt. Romeo killed him and now Romeo’s been exiled, oof.
Juliet
are you kidding me? did romeo do it? did he kill tybalt?
Nurse
Yeah.
Juliet
i can’t believe it. how could i have ever trusted him? i’m a fool!
Nurse
That’s ’cause all men are , girl. Ya can’t trust any of ’em.
Juliet
don’t say that about romeo. he’s not a , i swear.
Nurse
Say what? Now you’re going to DEFEND him? Did you hear what I just said? He killed your cousin.
Juliet
i know what he did, but he’s my husband. i think i’m allowed to be confused right now, k?
Nurse
Try to have a little perspective, hon.
Juliet
try to have some compassion, hon! nothing will make me feel better until i see romeo again.
Nurse
Okay, okay, quit cryin’, girl. I know where he is. I’ll go find him for you.
Juliet
you will?? THANK YOU! here, give him my . and tell him to hurry!
[Scene 3]
Romeo has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.
Friar Laurence
You here, Romeo? —FL
Romeo
Yes, I’m hiding out. What’s going to happen to me? Am I going to die?
Friar Laurence
You’re being exiled from Verona. —FL
Romeo
That’s worse than death!
Friar Laurence
Romeo
It is worse! It means I’ll never see Juliet again.
Friar Laurence
You’re being overdramatic. —FL
Romeo
Ugh. You just don’t understand.
Nurse has checked into Friar Laurence’s Church.
Group text: Romeo, Nurse, Friar Laurence
Romeo
Nurse!!
Nurse
R? Wait…why are we texting?
Romeo
I can’t be heard talking about Juliet. How is she? Does she hate me? What did she say?
Nurse
Boy, she’s just crying and crying. And keeps asking for ya.
Romeo
OMG, what have I done? I want to die.
Friar Laurence
SNAP OUT OF IT! You can’t kill yourself. Nurse, tell Juliet that Romeo is on his way. —FL
Nurse
I’ll go right now. R, she wanted me to give you something. Leaving it here for you. TT4N!
Romeo
Her ring! I feel so much better.
Friar Laurence
You better go now. Don’t waste time. —FL
[Scene 4]
Group text: Paris, Capulet, Lady Capulet
Paris
Any luck yet with Juliet?
Capulet
I’m sorry, Paris, but we’ve been a little busy lately.
Paris
NP. I understand. With Tybalt dead and all that.
K, good night. Tell Juliet I say hello.
Lady Capulet
Of course, Paris. I’ll talk to her tomorrow. She’s locked herself in her room right now. Love, LC.
Capulet
Don’t worry. Juliet will do what her father says.
Can you be ready to marry her in three days?
Paris
Absolutely!
Capulet
It’s settled then. We’ll talk to her in the meantime. See you later!
[Scene 5]
Romeo has checked into the Grounds Below Juliet’s Balcony.
Romeo
Juliet, tonight was great. But it’s morning. So I’m leaving before I get killed.
Juliet
no! don’t go yet. plz. it’s not quite daylight.
Romeo
You’re right. I’m coming back. I never want the night to end.
Juliet
me neither.
Nurse
J! Your is coming to check on you! You in danger, girl.
Juliet
shoot. you’ve got to get going. my mom is on her way. ttyl!
Romeo
Okay. Juliet! Even though things are crazy now, think of all the stories we’ll have to tell later on. TTYS!
Lady Capulet
Yoo-hoo! Juliet, you awake? Love, Mom.
Juliet
mooom. i don’t feel so well.
Lady Capulet
Oh, honey. Are you going to stay in there and cry forever? Your tears won’t bring Tybalt back. Love, Mom.
Juliet
easy for you to say. i can’t stop crying.
Lady Capulet
Are you crying for your cousin? Or are you really crying for that horrible Romeo? Love, Mom.
ugh, mom doesn’t get anything. romeo is not a villain! if only she knew the truth… i’ve got to find a way to fix this mess.
Juliet
gee, mom, you’re right. he is horrible. i wish i could make everything right.
Lady Capulet
Don’t worry, sweetie. Your mom is on top of it. I plan on sending someone to find Romeo and poison his drink. We’ll finally have justice. Love, Mom.
And…more good news! Your father has arranged for you to marry Paris in three days! Isn’t that wonderful?! Love, Mom.
Juliet
mom, how can i marry someone i don’t even know?
tell dad to forget it.
Lady Capulet
Why don’t you tell him yourself, in that case? We’ll get the Nurse too. Love, Mom.
Group text: Lady Capulet, Juliet, Capulet, Nurse
Lady Capulet
I told your daughter your news and, well, Juliet, why don’t you tell him what you told me. Love, LC.
Juliet
i won’t marry paris. it’s as simple as that.
Capulet
Excuse me? Aren’t you happy about this match? Aren’t you thankful? There’s no better man you could possibly marry!
Juliet
i am NOT happy or thankful for any of this. i WON’T marry him.
Capulet
You will be at the church in three days to marry Paris. And that! is! final, young lady!
Juliet
plz, i am begging you, dad! do not make me do this.
Capulet
I can’t even talk to you anymore. I’m so disappointed in you. I can’t believe we’re even related.
Nurse
Hey now! Ya shouldn’t say that to your own flesh and blood.
Capulet
You stay out of this! It’s none of your GD business.
Nurse
Oh, excuse me? I think I’m allowed to speak my mind.
Capulet
Save it for later. No one is interested in what you have to say.
Lady Capulet
Dear! I think you better watch your temper. You know what it does to your blood pressure. Love, LC.
Capulet
Well, dear, I’m angry! Paris is a perfect match for her. And either you marry him, Juliet, or you can forget you even have a family. I don’t care where you go or what happens to you. But you’re not welcome here. Choose wisely.
Group text: Juliet, Lady Capulet, Nurse
Juliet
this is so unfair!
Lady Capulet
I’m sorry, but I agree with your father. It’s up to you to figure it out. Love, Mom.
Juliet
omg. nurse, what am i going to do??
romeo is out there and they want me to go through with this!
Nurse
Listen, girl. I know ya married Romeo.
But he doesn’t even live here anymore. He’s as good as dead. Maybe you should look into Paris. At least you can actually, ya know, see him.
Juliet
you really mean that?
Nurse
Yeah, J. I do.
Juliet
i guess i see your point.
k, tell mom i’m going to friar laurence’s. i need to ask for major forgiveness.
[Scene 1]
Paris
Thursday it is for the wedding!
Friar Laurence
But that’s so soon. —FL
Paris
Capulet wants what he wants.
It’s Juliet, you see. She’s been crying nonstop over Tybalt’s death. Her father wants us to get married so she’ll be happy again.
Group text: Paris, Juliet, Friar Laurence
Paris
Hey there, Juliet! Adding you to this convo, my wife.
Juliet
we aren’t married, paris.
Friar Laurence
I should talk to Juliet. Paris, could you leave us alone? —FL
Paris
Of course. I don’t want to interfere.
See you on Thursday, my love.