more omg shakespeare!
srsly Hamlet
YOLO Juliet
A Midsummer Night #nofilter
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carbone, Courtney.
Macbeth #killingit / William Shakespeare and Courtney Carbone.
pages cm
Summary: “William Shakespeare’s tragedy told in the style of texts, tweets, and status posts”—Provided by publisher.
ISBN 978-0-553-53880-9 (trade) — ISBN 978-0-553-53881-6 (ebook)
[1. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616. Macbeth—Adaptations.] I. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616. Macbeth. II. Title. III. Title: Macbeth hashtag killingit. IV. Title: Macbeth #killing it.
PZ7.C1863Mac 2016 [Fic]—dc23 2015008606
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
v4.1
a
For all the slackers being quizzed on this tomorrow , good luck.
—C.B.C.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Who’s Who
Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book
Act 1
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Act 2
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Act 3
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Act 4
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Act 5
Scene 1
Scene 2
Scene 3
Scene 4
Scene 5
Scene 6
Scene 7
Scene 8
The 411 for Those Not in the Know
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
About the Authors
FOMO? Read on for a peek at A Midsummer Night
Who’s Who
Macbeth, Thane of Glamis and co-commander of Duncan’s army
Lady Macbeth
Duncan, king of Scotland
Malcolm, Duncan’s older son
Donalbain, Duncan’s younger son
Banquo, co-commander of Duncan’s army and Macbeth’s friend
Fleance, Banquo’s son
The Three Witches
Hecate, goddess of witchcraft
Macduff, a Scottish noble
Lady Macduff
Seyton, Macbeth’s servant
The Three Murderers
Doctor
Gentlewoman
Porter
Lennox, a Scottish noble
Ross, a Scottish noble
Angus, a Scottish noble
Menteith, a Scottish noble
Caithness, a Scottish noble
Siward, commander of the English soldiers
Young Siward, Siward’s son
Captain in Duncan’s army
Apparitions: an Armed Head, a Bloody Child, a Crowned Child, and eight nonspeaking kings
The Three Servants
Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book
(aka People w/o Smartphones)
An Old Man
A Doctor at the English court
A Soldier
Attendants, Servants, Lords, Thanes, Soldiers (all nonspeaking)
[Scene 1]
Group text: The Three Witches
Witch #1
When do u witches wanna meet up next? In thunder , in lightning , or in rain ?
Witch #2
When the hurly-burly’s done. When the battle’s lost and won .
Witch #3
Right b4 the setting sun.
Witch #1
Location TBD?
Witch #2
Upon the heath.
Witch #3
There we’ll find Macbeth. *heh heh*
Witch #1
G2g. My needs kibble!
Witch #2
And my needs his .
Witch #3
Kk I’ll b here.
Witch #1
= and = #WitchesBCrazy
[Scene 2]
Captain has posted a new picture to album: The Battle for Scotland #BattleSelfie
REPLY
Duncan: What’s up w/ the battle, Captain? The pics pretty intense—you must have been rite in the middle of everything!
Malcolm: Dad, this is the soldier who saved my life!
Captain: It was a storm for a while—but we won! And Macbeth saved the day by slicing thru that traitor Macdonwald like ! #MacbethFTW
Duncan: Thx 4 the good ! So proud of u. Now stop taking selfies and get 2 the b4 u bleed out!
Group text: Duncan, Ross, Malcolm
Duncan
What’s going on, Ross? How’s my favorite Thane?
Ross
God save the king!
Malcolm
*cough* a$$ *cough*
Ross
Shut it, Malcolm. FYI, the Thane of Cawdor is a traitor. He sold us out to the enemy , but we caught him, NBD.
Duncan
WTF?! Really? That guy was great at parties. Guess the only thing 2 do now is take away his title and give it to…wait for it…
Ross
ME
Duncan
MACBETH
Ross
*MACBETH #AutocorrectFail
Malcolm
Ha, riiight.
Duncan
Macbeth sure chose a good day 2 b a hero.
[Scene 3]
Witch #1
It’s ! Where my girls @?
REPLY
Witch #2: Oh, you know, killing .
Witch #3: U?
Witch #1: Well, I won’t bore u w/ the details, but there was a and a and some s. She didn’t want to share, . Let’s just say, it didn’t end well for her. LMAO.
Witch #3: I a drum! Macbeth is almost here. U guys remember the chant?
Witch #1: We weird sisters …
Witch #2: in , travel all over the …
Witch #3: , 3 + 3 + 3 = 9. Yay! The spell is ready.
Macbeth
Banquo, I’m almost there. This weather is TERRIBLE!! At least we won! Did you I’m #Trending?!
Banquo
Congrats!
Hey, can you see those ? WTF! They have longer beards than me.
Witch #1
Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Glamis.
Macbeth
Who are you & how did you get our numbers?!
Witch #2
Hail, Macbeth, Thane of Cawdor.
Banquo
Huh? Macbeth, did u get promoted w/o telling me?
Witch #3
Hail, Macbeth, soon 2 b king.
Banquo
Um, if u can see the future , can u give me good 2?
Witch #1
Banquo, < lesser than Macbeth and greater >.
Witch #2
Not as happy , but much happier .
Witch #3
You’ll have s, but you won’t be yourself.
All hail Macbeth & Banquo!
Macbeth
Huh? I’m Thane of Glamis already. But IDK anything about Cawdor. Last I heard, that guy was still alive. (And the life of every party! ) And ? Well, that’s just crazy ! Tell me more…?
Not Delivered
Banquo
Hello??
Not Delivered
Banquo
Hey, Macbeth, my txts to aren’t goin thru.
Macbeth
They prob heard you comment on their beards. #SlowClap #TypicalBanquo
Sux 2 be u, man. All those royal s, but never urself?
Banquo
Ha, right. Like ur actually gonna be !
Group text: Ross, Angus, Macbeth, Banquo
Ross
Hey. I know ur still OTW from battle, but just FYI the king is pretty w/ u, Macbeth.
Angus
And…
Ross
He chose u as the new Thane of Cawdor.
Macbeth
But the old Thane of Cawdor’s still alive…rite? I don’t wear borrowed kilts, if u know what I mean. #ThaneLife
Ross
Yeah, he’s alive, but to the . He admitted to treason and everything. It’s all you.
Macbeth
Wow, thx!
Macbeth
Banquo, I’m Thane of Cawdor! Do you think this means your s will be after all?
Banquo
They said u were gonna be remember?! But we should b careful. Maybe it’s all a trick.
Macbeth
Yeah, the best trick EVER!
Banquo
Can the tell the truth?
The Three Witches like this.
REPLY
Okay. Let’s look @ the facts. The Cawdor thing is great , but I can’t become , can I? Not until Duncan dies, anyway. And IMHO I don’t that happening any soon.
To-Do List:
1. Patiently wait for Duncan 2 die
2. Become king of Scotland when old & feeble
3. Cry about my wasted life
PS: Unless Duncan invites himself to my , my wife and an imaginary convince me 2 stab him, I blame it on some servants , his heirs mysteriously disappear, etc. etc. Like THAT would ever happen! I feel guilty just thinking about it. My is racing.
#WishfulThinking
Macbeth looks kinda weird rite now. His hair is standing up & I can literally his pounding. Gonna keep my on him.
#Creeper
[Scene 4]
Duncan
Hey, son, has the old Thane of Cawdor been “taken care of” yet?
Malcolm
Yep, I’ve gotten that Cawdor is officially .
Duncan
About ! How’d it go?
Malcolm
He was surprisingly brave. Prob the most impressive thing he ever did in life was die lol. (Too soon??)
Duncan
I still can’t believe it. I rly trusted that guy! Never shoulda bought those matching BFF kilts…
Group text: Duncan, Macbeth, Banquo
Duncan
Congrats and thx, Macbeth. You’ve given me more than I could ever repay.
Macbeth
Just having ur is enough, D.
Duncan
Still, I’ll out for you from now on & Banquo 2 .
Banquo
U gave us the chance to succeed! #Blessed
Duncan
Speaking of succeed—I have an announcement 2 make. Brb.
Duncan
FYI my son Malcolm is next in line to become king of Scotland! In the meantime, he’ll be @PrinceOfCumberland. Just in case n-e-1 else was thinking they might become king soon lol.
Malcolm likes this.
REPLY
Duncan: PS Party @ Macbeth’s tonight!
Malcolm: THX DAD
Donalbain: FML #SecondBorn
Malcolm
Oh, I just can’t wait to be…sued for copyright infringement.
REPLY
UGH! MALCOLM is Prince of Cumberland now? Well, that sux. It’s gonna be a lot harder to become . #AlwaysTheThane Hmm, I gotta keep these s&my black out of the .
Long short, I need to look !
[Scene 5]
Welcome, Lady Macbeth! You’ve got 2 new messages marked “Urgent.”
Macbeth Oh, NBD, just Glamis, Cawdor, and soon-to-be KING
Duncan Party tonight @ Inverness! All ages! No cover!
OMG?! Me, queen of Scotland?? Better start trying on crowns! But Macbeth can be such a . He’s 2 nice to speed up the process, if u know what I mean. I’ll have 2 do some convincing.…
Come, , and change me from a to a . Fill me from head 2 with cruelty. #SorryNotSorry
Lady Macbeth has added How to Kill Friends and Influence Peasants to cart.
Macbeth has just checked into Inverness Castle.
Lady Macbeth likes this.
Lady Macbeth
Bae! Such awesome ! U r going to be KING !
Macbeth
About that…u heard Duncan is coming here tonight?
Lady Macbeth
Yes. When is he leaving?
Macbeth
Tomorrow.
Lady Macbeth
Don’t worry. I will make all “the plans” for Duncan. *wink wink* Just act natural, look but be a .
[Scene 6]
Duncan has checked into Inverness Castle—with 15 others.
Lady Macbeth likes this.
Duncan
I love ur ! This is gonna b the best trip ever!
Lady Macbeth
Of course! My is your . We’re thrilled you could come.
[Scene 7]
Okay. So now the king is IN my . It’s almost like he WANTS me 2 kill him. My wife is pressuring me, but ing a is kinda a big deal. I gotta make a of pros & cons.
Reasons NOT 2 Kill Duncan:
1. He is a guest in my .
2. What goes around comes around.
3. He just gave me, like, one billion presents.
4. Everyone him and will be super depressed.
5. Killing another human is TERRIFYING.
Reasons 2 Kill Duncan:
1. Ambition
2. Umm…
Lady Macbeth
Where r u? Why did u leave the ?
Macbeth
Are ppl 4 me?
Lady Macbeth
Obvi! Ur the HOST!!!
Macbeth
FYI it’s not happening.
Lady Macbeth
What’s not happening?
Macbeth
U know what. Duncan just gave me a big and every1 keeps liking my statuses. I’m not throwing it all away so quickly.
Lady Macbeth
WTF is wrong with you?!?! Do you want 2b the or not?!
Macbeth
Babe. STOP.
Lady Macbeth
SMH, u said b4 that u’d do it if u had the chance , but now u actually have the chance & ur too SCARED?! That’s bull .
Macbeth
U don’t understand.