attended in my capacity as a shareholder, and had great pleasure in
hearing Mr. Brough, in a magnificent speech, declare a dividend of
six per cent., that we all received over the counter.
"You lucky young scoundrel!" said Brough to me; "do you know what
made me give you your place?"
"Why, my aunt's money, to be sure, sir," said I.
"No such thing. Do you fancy I cared for those paltry three
thousand pounds? I was told you were nephew of Lady Drum; and Lady
Drum is grandmother of Lady Jane Preston; and Mr. Preston is a man
who can do us a world of good. I knew that they had sent you
venison, and the deuce knows what; and when I saw Lady Jane at my
party shake you by the hand, and speak to you so kindly, I took all
Abednego's tales for gospel. THAT was the reason you got the
place, mark you, and not on account of your miserable three
thousand pounds. Well, sir, a fortnight after you were with us at
Fulham, I met Preston in the House, and made a merit of having
given the place to his cousin. 'Confound the insolent scoundrel!'
said he; 'HE my cousin! I suppose you take all old Drum's stories
for true? Why, man, it's her mania: she never is introduced to a
man but she finds out a cousinship, and would not fail of course
with that cur of a Titmarsh!' 'Well,' said I, laughing, 'that cur
has got a good place in consequence, and the matter can't be
mended.' So you see," continued our Director, "that you were
indebted for your place, not to your aunt's money, but--"
"But to MY AUNT'S DIAMOND PIN!"
"Lucky rascal!" said Brough, poking me in the side and going out of
the way. And lucky, in faith, I thought I was.
CHAPTER VIII
RELATES THE HAPPIEST DAY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH'S LIFE
I don't know how it was that in the course of the next six months
Mr. Roundhand, the actuary, who had been such a profound admirer of
Mr. Brough and the West Diddlesex Association, suddenly quarrelled
with both, and taking his money out of the concern, he disposed of
his 5,000L. worth of shares to a pretty good profit, and went away,
speaking everything that was evil both of the Company and the
Director.
Mr. Highmore now became secretary and actuary, Mr. Abednego was
first clerk, and your humble servant was second in the office at a
salary of 250L. a year. How unfounded were Mr. Roundhand's
aspersions of the West Diddlesex appeared quite clearly at our
meeting in January, 1823, when our Chief Director, in one of the
most brilliant speeches ever heard, declared that the half-yearly
dividend was 4L. per cent., at the rate of 8L. per cent. per annum;
and I sent to my aunt 120L. sterling as the amount of the interest
of the stock in my name.
My excellent aunt, Mrs. Hoggarty, delighted beyond measure, sent me
back 10L. for my own pocket, and asked me if she had not better
sell Slopperton and Squashtail, and invest all her money in this
admirable concern.
On this point I could not surely do better than ask the opinion of
Mr. Brough. Mr. B. told me that shares could not be had but at a
premium; but on my representing that I knew of 5,000L. worth in the
market at par, he said--"Well, if so, he would like a fair price
for his, and would not mind disposing of 5,000L. worth, as he had
rather a glut of West Diddlesex shares, and his other concerns
wanted feeding with ready money." At the end of our conversation,
of which I promised to report the purport to Mrs. Hoggarty, the
Director was so kind as to say that he had determined on creating a
place of private secretary to the Managing Director, and that I
should hold that office with an additional salary of 150L.
I had 250L. a year, Miss Smith had 70L. per annum to her fortune.
What had I said should be my line of conduct whenever I could
realise 300L. a year?
Gus of course, and all the gents in our office through him, knew of
my engagement with Mary Smith. Her father had been a commander in
the navy and a very distinguished officer; and though Mary, as I
have said, only brought me a fortune of 70L. a year, and I, as
everybody said, in my present position in the office and the City
of London, might have reasonably looked out for a lady with much
more money, yet my friends agreed that the connection was very
respectable, and I was content: as who would not have been with
such a darling as Mary? I am sure, for my part, I would not have
taken the Lord Mayor's own daughter in place of Mary, even with a
Mr. Brough of course was made aware of my approaching marriage, as
of everything else relating to every clerk in the office; and I do
believe Abednego told him what we had for dinner every day.
Indeed, his knowledge of our affairs was wonderful.
He asked me how Mary's money was invested. It was in the three per
cent. consols--2,333L. 6S. 8D.
"Remember," says he, "my lad, Mrs. Sam Titmarsh that is to be may
have seven per cent. for her money at the very least, and on better
security than the Bank of England; for is not a Company of which
John Brough is the head better than any other company in England?"
and to be sure I thought he was not far wrong, and promised to
speak to Mary's guardians on the subject before our marriage.
Lieutenant Smith, her grandfather, had been at the first very much
averse to our union. (I must confess that, one day finding me
alone with her, and kissing, I believe, the tips of her little
fingers, he had taken me by the collar and turned me out of doors.)
But Sam Titmarsh, with a salary of 250L. a year, a promised fortune
of 150L. more, and the right-hand man of Mr. John Brough of London,
was a very different man from Sam the poor clerk, and the poor
clergyman's widow's son; and the old gentleman wrote me a kind
letter enough, and begged me to get him six pairs of lamb's-wool
stockings and four ditto waistcoats from Romanis', and accepted
them too as a present from me when I went down in June--in happy
June of 1823--to fetch my dear Mary away.
Mr. Brough was likewise kindly anxious about my aunt's Slopperton
and Squashtail property, which she had not as yet sold, as she
talked of doing; and, as Mr. B. represented, it was a sin and a
shame that any person in whom he took such interest, as he did in
all the relatives of his dear young friend, should only have three
per cent. for her money, when she could have eight elsewhere. He
always called me Sam now, praised me to the other young men (who
brought the praises regularly to me), said there was a cover always
laid for me at Fulham, and repeatedly took me thither. There was
but little company when I went; and M'Whirter used to say he only
asked me on days when he had his vulgar acquaintances. But I did
not care for the great people, not being born in their sphere; and
indeed did not much care for going to the house at all. Miss
Belinda was not at all to my liking. After her engagement with
Captain Fizgig, and after Mr. Tidd had paid hi
s 20,000L. and
Fizgig's great relations had joined in some of our Director's
companies, Mr. Brough declared he believed that Captain Fizgig's
views were mercenary, and put him to the proof at once, by saying
that he must take Miss Brough without a farthing, or not have her
at all. Whereupon Captain Fizgig got an appointment in the
colonies, and Miss Brough became more ill-humoured than ever. But
I could not help thinking she was rid of a bad bargain, and pitying
poor Tidd, who came back to the charge again more love-sick than
ever, and was rebuffed pitilessly by Miss Belinda. Her father
plainly told Tidd, too, that his visits were disagreeable to
Belinda, and though he must always love and value him, he begged
him to discontinue his calls at the Rookery. Poor fellow! he had
paid his 20,000L. away for nothing! for what was six per cent. to
him compared to six per cent. and the hand of Miss Belinda Brough?
Well, Mr. Brough pitied the poor love-sick swain, as he called me,
so much, and felt such a warm sympathy in my well-being, that he
insisted on my going down to Somersetshire with a couple of months'
leave; and away I went, as happy as a lark, with a couple of brand-
new suits from Von Stiltz's in my trunk (I had them made, looking
forward to a certain event), and inside the trunk Lieutenant
Smith's fleecy hosiery; wrapping up a parcel of our prospectuses
and two letters from John Brough, Esq., to my mother our worthy
annuitant, and to Mrs. Hoggarty our excellent shareholder. Mr.
Brough said I was all that the fondest father could wish, that he
considered me as his own boy, and that he earnestly begged Mrs.
Hoggarty not to delay the sale of her little landed property, as
land was high now and MUST FALL; whereas the West Diddlesex
Association shares were (comparatively) low, and must inevitably,
in the course of a year or two, double, treble, quadruple their
present value.
In this way I was prepared, and in this way I took leave of my dear
Gus. As we parted in the yard of the "Bolt-in-Tun," Fleet Street,
had made my little present to the landlady's family accordingly.
She said I was the respectablest gentleman she had ever had in her
house: nor was that saying much, for Bell Lane is in the Rules of
the Fleet, and her lodgers used commonly to be prisoners on Rule
from that place. As for Gus, the poor fellow cried and blubbered
so that he could not eat a morsel of the muffins and grilled ham
with which I treated him for breakfast in the "Bolt-in-Tun" coffee-
house; and when I went away was waving his hat and his handkerchief
so in the archway of the coach-office that I do believe the wheels
of the "True Blue" went over his toes, for I heard him roaring as
we passed through the arch. Ah! how different were my feelings as
I sat proudly there on the box by the side of Jim Ward, the
coachman, to those I had the last time I mounted that coach,
parting from my dear Mary and coming to London with my DIAMOND PIN!
When arrived near home (at Grumpley, three miles from our village,
where the "True Blue" generally stops to take a glass of ale at the
Poppleton Arms) it was as if our Member, Mr. Poppleton himself, was
come into the country, so great was the concourse of people
assembled round the inn. And there was the landlord of the inn and
all the people of the village. Then there was Tom Wheeler, the
post-boy, from Mrs. Rincer's posting-hotel in our town; he was
riding on the old bay posters, and they, Heaven bless us! were
drawing my aunt's yellow chariot, in which she never went out but
thrice in a year, and in which she now sat in her splendid cashmere
shawl and a new hat and feather. She waved a white handkerchief
out of the window, and Tom Wheeler shouted out "Huzza!" as did a
number of the little blackguard boys of Grumpley: who, to be sure,
would huzza for anything. What a change on Tom Wheeler's part,
however! I remembered only a few years before how he had whipped
me from the box of the chaise, as I was hanging on for a ride
behind.
Next to my aunt's carriage came the four-wheeled chaise of
Lieutenant Smith, R.N., who was driving his old fat pony with his
lady by his side. I looked in the back seat of the chaise, and
felt a little sad at seeing that SOMEBODY was not there. But, O
silly fellow! there was Somebody in the yellow chariot with my
aunt, blushing like a peony, I declare, and looking so happy!--oh,
so happy and pretty! She had a white dress, and a light blue and
yellow scarf, which my aunt said were the Hoggarty colours; though
what the Hoggartys had to do with light blue and yellow, I don't
know to this day.
Well, the "True Blue" guard made a great bellowing on his horn as
his four horses dashed away; the boys shouted again; I was placed
bodkin between Mrs. Hoggarty and Mary; Tom Wheeler cut into his
bays; the Lieutenant (who had shaken me cordially by the hand, and
whose big dog did not make the slightest attempt at biting me this
time) beat his pony till its fat sides lathered again; and thus in
this, I may say, unexampled procession, I arrived in triumph at our
village.
My dear mother and the girls,--Heaven bless them!--nine of them in
their nankeen spencers (I had something pretty in my trunk for each
of them)--could not afford a carriage, but had posted themselves on
the road near the village; and there was such a waving of hands and
handkerchiefs: and though my aunt did not much notice them, except
by a majestic toss of the head, which is pardonable in a woman of
her property, yet Mary Smith did even more than I, and waved her
hands as much as the whole nine. Ah! how my dear mother cried and
blessed me when we met, and called me her soul's comfort and her
darling boy, and looked at me as if I were a paragon of virtue and
genius: whereas I was only a very lucky young fellow, that by the
aid of kind friends had stepped rapidly into a very pretty
property.
I was not to stay with my mother,--that had been arranged
beforehand; for though she and Mrs. Hoggarty were not remarkably
good friends, yet Mother said it was for my benefit that I should
stay with my aunt, and so give up the pleasure of having me with
her: and though hers was much the humbler house of the two, I need
not say I preferred it far to Mrs. Hoggarty's more splendid one;
let alone the horrible Rosolio, of which I was obliged now to drink
gallons.
It was to Mrs. H.'s then we were driven: she had prepared a great
dinner that evening, and hired an extra waiter, and on getting out
of the carriage, she gave a sixpence to Tom Wheeler, saying that
was for himself, and that she would settle with Mrs. Rincer for the
horses afterwards. At which Tom flung the sixpence upon the
ground, swore most violently, and was very justly called by my aunt
an "impertinent fellow."
She had taken such a liking to me that she
would hardly bear me out
of her sight. We used to sit for morning after morning over her
accounts, debating for hours together the propriety of selling the
Slopperton property; but no arrangement was come to yet about it,
for Hodge and Smithers could not get the price she wanted. And,
moreover, she vowed that at her decease she would leave every
shilling to me.
Hodge and Smithers, too, gave a grand party, and treated me with
marked consideration; as did every single person of the village.
Those who could not afford to give dinners gave teas, and all drank
the health of the young couple; and many a time after dinner or
supper was my Mary made to blush by the allusions to the change in
her condition.
The happy day for that ceremony was now fixed, and the 24th July,
1823, saw me the happiest husband of the prettiest girl in
Somersetshire. We were married from my mother's house, who would
insist upon that at any rate, and the nine girls acted as
bridesmaids; ay! and Gus Hoskins came from town express to be my
groomsman, and had my old room at my mother's, and stayed with her
for a week, and cast a sheep's-eye upon Miss Winny Titmarsh too, my
dear fourth sister, as I afterwards learned.
My aunt was very kind upon the marriage ceremony, indeed. She had
desired me some weeks previous to order three magnificent dresses
for Mary from the celebrated Madame Mantalini of London, and some
elegant trinkets and embroidered pocket-handkerchiefs from Howell
and James's. These were sent down to me, and were to be MY present
to the bride; but Mrs. Hoggarty gave me to understand that I need
never trouble myself about the payment of the bill, and I thought
her conduct very generous. Also she lent us her chariot for the
wedding journey, and made with her own hands a beautiful crimson
satin reticule for Mrs. Samuel Titmarsh, her dear niece. It
contained a huswife completely furnished with needles, &c., for she
hoped Mrs. Titmarsh would never neglect her needle; and a purse
containing some silver pennies, and a very curious pocket-piece.
"As long as you keep these, my dear," said Mrs. Hoggarty, "you will
never want; and fervently--fervently do I pray that you will keep
them." In the carriage-pocket we found a paper of biscuits and a
bottle of Rosolio. We laughed at this, and made it over to Tom
Wheeler--who, however, did not seem to like it much better than we.
I need not say I was married in Mr. Von Stiltz's coat (the third
and fourth coats, Heaven help us! in a year), and that I wore
sparkling in my bosom the GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND.
CHAPTER IX
BRINGS BACK SAM, HIS WIFE, AUNT, AND DIAMOND, TO LONDON
We pleased ourselves during the honeymoon with forming plans for
our life in London, and a pretty paradise did we build for
ourselves! Well, we were but forty years old between us; and, for
my part, I never found any harm come of castle-building, but a
great deal of pleasure.
Before I left London I had, to say the truth, looked round me for a
proper place, befitting persons of our small income; and Gus
Hoskins and I, who hunted after office-hours in couples, bad fixed
on a very snug little cottage in Camden Town, where there was a
garden that certain SMALL PEOPLE might play in when they came: a
horse and gig-house, if ever we kept one,--and why not, in a few
years?--and a fine healthy air, at a reasonable distance from
'Change; all for 30L. a year. I had described this little spot to
Mary as enthusiastically as Sancho describes Lizias to Don Quixote;
and my dear wife was delighted with the prospect of housekeeping
there, vowed she would cook all the best dishes herself (especially
jam-pudding, of which I confess I am very fond), and promised Gus
that he should dine with us at Clematis Bower every Sunday: only
he must not smoke those horrid cigars. As for Gus, he vowed he
would have a room in the neighbourhood too, for he could not bear