Betsinda wandered on and on, till she passed through the town
gates, and so on the great Crim Tartary road, the very way on
which Giglio too was going. 'Ah!' thought she, as the diligence
passed her, of which the conductor was blowing a delightful tune
on his horn, 'how I should like to be on that coach!' But the
coach and the jingling horses were very soon gone. She little
knew who was in it, though very likely she was thinking of him
all the time.
Then came an empty cart, returning from market; and the driver
being a kind man, and seeing such a very pretty girl trudging
along the road with bare feet, most good-naturedly gave her a
seat. He said he lived on the confines of the forest, where his
old father was a woodman, and, if she liked, he would take her so
far on her road. All roads were the same to little Betsinda, so
she very thankfully took this one.
And the carter put a cloth round her bare feet, and gave her some
bread and cold bacon, and was very kind to her. For all that she
was very cold and melancholy. When after travelling on and on,
evening came, and all the black pines were bending with snow, and
there, at last, was the comfortable light beaming in the
woodman's windows; and so they arrived, and went into his
cottage. He was an old man, and had a number of children, who
were just at supper, with nice hot bread-and-milk, when their
elder brother arrived with the cart. And they jumped and clapped
their hands; for they were good children; and he had brought them
toys from the town. And when they saw the pretty stranger, they
ran to her, and brought her to the fire, and rubbed her poor
little feet, and brought her bread and milk.
'Look, father!' they said to the old woodman, 'look at this poor
girl, and see what pretty cold feet she has. They are as white
as our milk! And look and see what an odd cloak she has, just
like the bit of velvet that hangs up in our cupboard, and which
you found that day the little cubs were killed by King Padella,
in the forest! And look, why, bless us all! she has got round
her neck just such another little shoe as that you brought home,
and have shown us so often--a little blue velvet shoe!'
'What,' said the old woodman, 'what is all this about a shoe and
a cloak?'
And Betsinda explained that she had been left, when quite a
little child, at the town with this cloak and this shoe. And the
persons who had taken care of her had--had been angry with her,
for no fault, she hoped, of her own. And they had sent her away
with her old clothes--and here, in fact, she was. She remembered
having been in a forest--and perhaps it was a dream--it was so
very odd and strange--having lived in a cave with lions there;
and, before that, having lived in a very, very fine house, as
fine as the King's, in the town.
When the woodman heard this, he was so astonished, it was quite
curious to see how astonished he was. He went to his cupboard,
and took out of a stocking a five-shilling piece of King
Cavolfiore, and vowed it was exactly like the young woman. And
then he produced the shoe and piece of velvet which he had kept
so long, and compared them with the things which Betsinda wore.
In Betsinda's little shoe was written, 'Hopkins, maker to the
Royal Family'; so in the other shoe was written, 'Hopkins, maker
to the Royal Family.' In the inside of Betsinda's piece of cloak
was embroidered, 'PRIN ROSAL'; in the other piece of cloak was
embroidered 'CESS BA. NO. 246.' So that when put together you
read, 'PRINCESS ROSALBA. NO. 246.'
On seeing this, the dear old woodman fell down on his knee,
saying, 'O my Princess, O my gracious royal lady, O my rightful
Queen of Crim Tartary,--I hail thee--I acknowledge thee--I do
thee homage!' And in token of his fealty, he rubbed his
venerable nose three times on the ground, and put the Princess's
foot on his head.
'Why,' said she, 'my good woodman, you must be a nobleman of my
royal father's Court!' For in her lowly retreat, and under the
name of Betsinda, HER MAJESTY, ROSALBA, Queen of Crim Tartary,
had read of the customs of all foreign courts and nations.
'Marry, indeed, am I, my gracious liege--the poor Lord Spinachi
once--the humble woodman these fifteen years syne. Ever since
the tyrant Padella (may ruin overtake the treacherous knave!)
dismissed me from my post of First Lord.'
'First Lord of the Toothpick and Joint Keeper of the Snuffbox? I
mind me! Thou heldest these posts under our royal Sire. They
are restored to thee, Lord Spinachi! I make thee knight of the
reserved for crowned heads alone). Rise, Marquis of Spinachi!'
And with indescribable majesty, the Queen, who had no sword
handy, waved the pewter spoon with which she had been taking her
bread-and-milk, over the bald head of the old nobleman, whose
tears absolutely made a puddle on the ground, and whose dear
children went to bed that night Lords and Ladies Bartolomeo,
Ubaldo, Catarina, and Ottavia degli Spinachi!
The acquaintance HER MAJESTY showed with the history, and noble
families of her empire, was wonderful. 'The House of Broccoli
should remain faithful to us,' she said; 'they were ever welcome
at our Court. Have the Articiocchi, as was their wont, turned to
the Rising Sun? The family of Sauerkraut must sure be with
us--they were ever welcome in the halls of King Cavolfiore.' And
so she went on enumerating quite a list of the nobility and
gentry of Crim Tartary, so admirably had Her Majesty profited by
her studies while in exile.
The old Marquis of Spinachi said he could answer for them all;
that the whole country groaned under Padella's tyranny, and
longed to return to its rightful sovereign; and late as it was,
he sent his children, who knew the forest well, to summon this
nobleman and that; and when his eldest son, who had been rubbing
the horse down and giving him his supper, came into the house for
his own, the Marquis told him to put his boots on, and a saddle
on the mare, and ride hither and thither to such and such people.
When the young man heard who his companion in the cart had been,
he too knelt down and put her royal foot on his head; he too
bedewed the ground with his tears; he was frantically in love
with her, as everybody now was who saw her: so were the young
Lords Bartolomeo and Ubaldo, who punched each other's little
heads out of jealousy; and so, when they came from east and west
at the summons of the Marquis degli Spinachi, were the Crim
Tartar Lords who still remained faithful to the House of
Cavolfiore. They were such very old gentlemen for the most part
that Her Majesty never suspected their absurd passion, and went
among them quite unaware of the havoc her beauty was causing,
until an old blind Lord who had joined her party told her what
the tr
uth was; after which, for fear of making the people too
much in love with her, she always wore a veil. She went about
privately, from one nobleman's castle to another; and they
visited among themselves again, and had meetings, and composed
proclamations and counterproclamations, and distributed all the
best places of the kingdom amongst one another, and selected who
of the opposition party should be executed when the Queen came to
her own. And so in about a year they were ready to move.
The party of Fidelity was in truth composed of very feeble old
fogies for the most part; they went about the country waving
their old swords and flags, and calling 'God save the Queen!' and
King Padella happening to be absent upon an invasion, they had
their own way for a little, and to be sure the people were very
enthusiastic whenever they saw the Queen; otherwise the vulgar
took matters very quietly, for they said, as far as they could
recollect, they were pretty well as much taxed in Cavolfiore's
time, as now in Padella's.
XIII. HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD COUNT
HOGGINARMO
Her Majesty, having indeed nothing else to give, made all her
followers Knights of the Pumpkin, and Marquises, Earls, and
Baronets; and they had a little court for her, and made her a
little crown of gilt paper, and a robe of cotton velvet; and they
quarrelled about the places to be given away in her court, and
about rank and precedence and dignities;--you can't think how
they quarrelled! The poor Queen was very tired of her honours
before she had had them a month, and I dare say sighed sometimes
even to be a lady's-maid again. But we must all do our duty in
our respective stations, so the Queen resigned herself to perform
hers.
We have said how it happened that none of the Usurper's troops
came out to oppose this Army of Fidelity: it pottered along as
nimbly as the gout of the principal commanders allowed: it
consisted of twice as many officers as soldiers: and at length
passed near the estates of one of the most powerful noblemen of
the country, who had not declared for the Queen, but of whom her
party had hopes, as he was always quarrelling with King Padella.
When they came close to his park gates, this nobleman sent to say
he would wait upon Her Majesty: he was a most powerful warrior,
and his name was Count Hogginarmo, whose helmet it took two
strong negroes to carry. He knelt down before her and said,
'Madam and liege lady! it becomes the great nobles of the Crimean
realm to show every outward sign of respect to the wearer of the
Crown, whoever that may be. We testify to our own nobility in
acknowledging yours. The bold Hogginarmo bends the knee to the
first of the aristocracy of his country.'
Rosalba said, 'The bold Count of Hogginarmo was uncommonly kind.'
But she felt afraid of him, even while he was kneeling, and his
eyes scowled at her from between his whiskers, which grew up to
them.
'The first Count of the Empire, madam,' he went on, 'salutes the
Sovereign. The Prince addresses himself to the not more noble
lady! Madam, my hand is free, and I offer it, and my heart and
my sword to your service! My three wives lie buried in my
ancestral vaults. The third perished but a year since; and this
heart pines for a consort! Deign to be mine, and I swear to
bring to your bridal table the head of King Padella, the eyes and
nose of his son Prince Bulbo, the right hand and ears of the
usurping Sovereign of Paflagonia, which country shall thenceforth
be an appanage to your--to OUR Crown! Say yes; Hogginarmo is not
accustomed to be denied. Indeed I cannot contemplate the
possibility of a refusal: for frightful will be the result;
dreadful the murders; furious the devastations; horrible the
tyranny; tremendous the tortures, misery, taxation, which the
people of this realm will endure, if Hogginarmo's wrath be
aroused! I see consent in Your Majesty's lovely eyes-- their
glances fill my soul with rapture!'
'Oh, sir!' Rosalba said, withdrawing her hand in great fright.
'Your Lordship is exceedingly kind; but I am sorry to tell you
that I have a prior attachment to a young gentleman by the name
of--Prince Giglio--and never--never can marry any one but him.'
Who can describe Hogginarmo's wrath at this remark? Rising up
from the ground, he ground his teeth so that fire flashed out
of his mouth, from which at the same time issued remarks and
language, so LOUD, VIOLENT, AND IMPROPER, that this pen shall
never repeat them! 'R-r-r-r-rr--Rejected! Fiends and
perdition! The bold Hogginarmo rejected! All the world shall
hear of my rage; and you, madam, you above all shall rue it!'
And kicking the two negroes before him, he rushed away, his
whiskers streaming in the wind.
Her Majesty's Privy Council was in a dreadful panic when they
saw Hogginarmo issue from the royal presence in such a towering
rage, making footballs of the poor negroes--a panic which the
events justified. They marched off from Hogginarmo's park very
crestfallen; and in another halfhour they were met by that
rapacious chieftain with a few of his followers, who cut,
slashed, charged, whacked, banged, and pommelled amongst them,
took the Queen prisoner, and drove the Army of Fidelity to I
don't know where.
Poor Queen! Hogginarmo, her conqueror, would not condescend to
see her. 'Get a horse-van!' he said to his grooms, 'clap the
hussy into it, and send her, with my compliments, to His
Majesty King Padella.'
Along with his lovely prisoner, Hogginarmo sent a letter full
of servile compliments and loathsome flatteries to King
Padella, for whose life, and that of his royal family, the
HYPOCRITICAL HUMBUG pretended to offer the most fulsome
prayers. And Hogginarmo promised speedily to pay his humble
homage at his august master's throne, of which he begged leave
to be counted the most loyal and constant defender. Such a
WARY old BIRD as King Padella was not to be caught by Master
Hogginarmo's CHAFF and we shall hear presently how the tyrant
treated his upstart vassal. No, no; depend on's, two such
rogues do not trust one another.
So this poor Queen was laid in the straw like Margery Daw, and
driven along in the dark ever so many miles to the Court, where
King Padella had now arrived, having vanquished all his
enemies, murdered most of them, and brought some of the richest
into captivity with him for the purpose of torturing them and
finding out where they had hidden their money.
Rosalba heard their shrieks and groans in the dungeon in which
she was thrust; a most awful black hole, full of bats, rats,
mice, toads, frogs, mosquitoes, bugs, fleas, serpents, and
every kind of horror. No light was let into it, otherwise the
gaolers might have seen her and fallen in love with her, as an
owl that lived up in the roof of the tow
er did, and a cat, you
know, who can see in the dark, and having set its green eyes on
Rosalba, never would be got to go back to the turnkey's wife to
whom it belonged. And the toads in the dungeon came and kissed
her feet, and the vipers wound round her neck and arms, and
never hurt her, so charming was this poor Princess in the midst
of her misfortunes.
At last, after she had been kept in this place EVER SO LONG,
the door of the dungeon opened, and the terrible KING PADELLA
came in.
But what he said and did must be reserved for another chapter,
as we must now back to Prince Giglio.
XIV. WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO
The idea of marrying such an old creature as Gruffanuff
frightened Prince Giglio so, that he ran up to his room, packed
his trunks, fetched in a couple of porters, and was off to the
diligence office in a twinkling.
It was well that he was so quick in his operations, did not
dawdle over his luggage, and took the early coach, for as soon
as the mistake about Prince Bulbo was found out, that cruel
Glumboso sent up a couple of policemen to Prince Giglio's room,
with orders that he should be carried to Newgate, and his head
taken off before twelve o'clock. But the coach was out of the
Paflagonian dominions before two o'clock; and I dare say the
express that was sent after Prince Giglio did not ride very
quick, for many people in Paflagonia had a regard for Giglio,
as the son of their old sovereign; a Prince who, with all his
weaknesses, was very much better than his brother, the
usurping, lazy, careless, passionate, tyrannical, reigning
monarch. That Prince busied himself with the balls, fetes,
masquerades, hunting-parties, and so forth, which he thought
proper to give on occasion of his daughter's marriage to Prince
Bulbo; and let us trust was not sorry in his own heart that his
brother's son had escaped the scaffold.
It was very cold weather, and the snow was on the ground, and
Giglio, who gave his name as simple Mr. Giles, was very glad to
get a comfortable place in the coupe of the diligence, where he
sat with the conductor and another gentleman. At the first
stage from Blombodinga, as they stopped to change horses, there
came up to the diligence a very ordinary, vulgar-looking woman,
with a bag under her arm, who asked for a place. All the
inside places were taken, and the young woman was informed that
if she wished to travel, she must go upon the roof; and the
passenger inside with Giglio (a rude person, I should think),
put his head out of the window, and said, 'Nice weather for
travelling outside! I wish you a pleasant journey, my dear.'
The poor woman coughed very much, and Giglio pitied her. 'I
will give up my place to her,' says he, 'rather than she should
travel in the cold air with that horrid cough.' On which the
vulgar traveller said, 'YOU'D keep her warm, I am sure, if it's
a MUFF she wants.' On which Giglio pulled his nose, boxed his
ears, hit him in the eye, and gave this vulgar person a warning
never to call him MUFF again.
Then he sprang up gaily on to the roof of the diligence, and
made himself very comfortable in the straw.
The vulgar traveller got down only at the next station, and
Giglio took his place again, and talked to the person next to
him. She appeared to be a most agreeable, well-informed, and
entertaining female. They travelled together till night, and
she gave Giglio all sorts of things out of the bag which she
carried, and which indeed seemed to contain the most wonderful
collection of articles. He was thirsty--out there came a pint
bottle of Bass's pale ale, and a silver mug! Hungry--she took
out a cold fowl, some slices of ham, bread, salt, and a most
delicious piece of cold plum-pudding, and a little glass of
brandy afterwards.
As they travelled, this plain-looking, queer woman talked to
Giglio on a variety of subjects, in which the poor Prince
showed his ignorance as much as she did her capacity. He
owned, with many blushes, how ignorant he was; on which the
lady said, 'My dear Gigl-- my good Mr. Giles, you are a young
man, and have plenty of time before you. You have nothing to
do but to improve yourself. Who knows but that you may find
use for your knowledge some day? When--when you may be wanted