with us, your arrival in town must be known, for my friend Gus
Hoskins dines with us likewise; and has done so nearly every day
since my aunt went."
He laughed too, and said, "We must swear Gus to secrecy over a
bottle." And so we parted till dinner-time.
The indefatigable lawyer pursued his attack after dinner, and was
supported by Gus and by my wife too; who certainly was
disinterested in the matter--more than disinterested, for she would
have given a great deal to be spared my aunt's company. But she
said she saw the force of Mr. Smithers's arguments, and I admitted
their justice with a sigh. However, I rode my high horse, and
vowed that my aunt should do what she liked with her money; and
that I was not the man who would influence her in any way in the
disposal of it.
After tea, the two gents walked away together, and Gus told me that
Smithers had asked him a thousand questions about the office, about
Brough, about me and my wife, and everything concerning us. "You
are a lucky fellow, Mr. Hoskins, and seem to be the friend of this
charming young couple," said Smithers; and Gus confessed he was,
and said he had dined with us fifteen times in six weeks, and that
a better and more hospitable fellow than I did not exist. This I
state not to trumpet my own praises,--no, no; but because these
questions of Smithers's had a good deal to do with the subsequent
events narrated in this little history.
Being seated at dinner the next day off the cold leg of mutton that
Smithers had admired so the day before, and Gus as usual having his
legs under our mahogany, a hackney-coach drove up to the door,
which we did not much heed; a step was heard on the floor, which we
hoped might be for the two-pair lodger, when who should burst into
the room but Mrs. Hoggarty herself! Gus, who was blowing the froth
off a pot of porter preparatory to a delicious drink of the
beverage, and had been making us die of laughing with his stories
and jokes, laid down the pewter pot as Mrs. H. came in, and looked
quite sick and pale. Indeed we all felt a little uneasy.
My aunt looked haughtily in Mary's face, then fiercely at Gus, and
saying, "It is too true--my poor boy--ALREADY!" flung herself
hysterically into my arms, and swore, almost choking, that she
would never never leave me.
I could not understand the meaning of this extraordinary agitation
on Mrs. Hoggarty's part, nor could any of us. She refused Mary's
hand when the poor thing rather nervously offered it; and when Gus
timidly said, "I think, Sam, I'm rather in the way here, and
perhaps--had better go," Mrs. H. looked him full in the face,
pointed to the door majestically with her forefinger, and said, "I
think, sir, you HAD better go."
"I hope Mr. Hoskins will stay as long as he pleases," said my wife,
with spirit.
"OF COURSE you hope so, madam," answered Mrs. Hoggarty, very
sarcastic. But Mary's speech and my aunt's were quite lost upon
Gus; for he had instantly run to his hat, and I heard him tumbling
downstairs.
The quarrel ended, as usual, by Mary's bursting into a fit of
tears, and by my aunt's repeating the assertion that it was not too
late, she trusted; and from that day forth she would never never
leave me.
"What could have made Aunt return and be so angry?" said I to Mary
that night, as we were in our own room; but my wife protested she
did not know: and it was only some time after that I found out the
reason of this quarrel, and of Mrs. H.'s sudden reappearance.
The horrible fat coarse little Smithers told me the matter as a
very good joke, only the other year, when he showed me the letter
of Hickson, Dixon, Paxton and Jackson, which has before been quoted
in my Memoirs.
"Sam my boy," said he, "you were determined to leave Mrs. Hoggarty
in Brough's clutches at the Rookery, and I was determined to have
her away. I resolved to kill two of your mortal enemies with one
stone as it were. It was quite clear to me that the Reverend
Grimes Wapshot had an eye to your aunt's fortune; and that Mr.
Brough had similar predatory intentions regarding her. Predatory
is a mild word, Sam: if I had said robbery at once, I should
express my meaning clearer.
"Well, I took the Fulham stage, and arriving, made straight for the
lodgings of the reverend gentleman. 'Sir,' said I, on finding that
worthy gent,--he was drinking warm brandy-and-water, Sam, at two
o'clock in the day, or at least the room smelt very strongly of
that beverage--'Sir,' says I, 'you were tried for forgery in the
year '14, at Lancaster assizes.'
"'And acquitted, sir. My innocence was by Providence made clear,'
said Wapshot.
"'But you were not acquitted of embezzlement in '16, sir,' says I,
'and passed two years in York Gaol in consequence.' I knew the
fellow's history, for I had a writ out against him when he was a
preacher at Clifton. I followed up my blow. 'Mr. Wapshot,' said
I, 'you are making love to an excellent lady now at the house of
Mr. Brough: if you do not promise to give up all pursuit of her, I
will expose you.'
"'I HAVE promised,' said Wapshot, rather surprised, and looking
more easy. 'I have given my solemn promise to Mr. Brough, who was
with me this very morning, storming, and scolding, and swearing.
Oh, sir, it would have frightened you to hear a Christian babe like
him swear as he did.'
"'Mr. Brough been here?' says I, rather astonished.
"'Yes; I suppose you are both here on the same scent,' says
Wapshot. 'You want to marry the widow with the Slopperton and
Squashtail estate, do you? Well, well, have your way. I've
promised not to have anything more to do with the widow and a
Wapshot's honour is sacred.'
"'I suppose, sir,' says I, 'Mr. Brough has threatened to kick you
out of doors, if you call again.'
"'You HAVE been with him, I see,' says the reverend gent, with a
shrug: then I remembered what you had told me of the broken seal
of your letter, and have not the slightest doubt that Brough opened
and read every word of it.
"Well, the first bird was bagged: both I and Brough had had a shot
at him. Now I had to fire at the whole Rookery; and off I went,
primed and loaded, sir,--primed and loaded.
"It was past eight when I arrived, and I saw, after I passed the
lodge-gates, a figure that I knew, walking in the shrubbery--that
of your respected aunt, sir: but I wished to meet the amiable
ladies of the house before I saw her; because look, friend
Titmarsh, I saw by Mrs. Hoggarty's letter, that she and they were
at daggers drawn, and hoped to get her out of the house at once by
means of a quarrel with them."
I laughed, and owned that Mr. Smithers was a very cunning fellow.
"As luck would have it," continued he, "Miss Brough was in the
drawing-room twangling on a guitar, and singing most atrociously
out of tune; but as I entered at the door, I cr
ied 'Hush!' to the
footman, as loud as possible, stood stock-still, and then walked
forward on tip-toe lightly. Miss B. could see in the glass every
movement that I made; she pretended not to see, however, and
finished the song with a regular roulade.
"'Gracious Heaven!' said I, 'do, madam, pardon me for interrupting
that delicious harmony,--for coming unaware upon it, for daring
uninvited to listen to it.'
"'Do you come for Mamma, sir?' said Miss Brough, with as much
graciousness as her physiognomy could command. 'I am Miss Brough,
sir.'
"'I wish, madam, you would let me not breathe a word regarding my
business until you have sung another charming strain.'
"She did not sing, but looked pleased, and said, 'La! sir, what is
your business?'
"'My business is with a lady, your respected father's guest in this
house.'
"'Oh, Mrs. Hoggarty!' says Miss Brough, flouncing towards the bell,
and ringing it. 'John, send to Mrs. Hoggarty, in the shrubbery;
here is a gentleman who wants to see her.'
"'I know,' continued I, 'Mrs. Hoggarty's peculiarities as well as
anyone, madam; and aware that those and her education are not such
as to make her a fit companion for you. I know you do not like
her: she has written to us in Somersetshire that you do not like
her.'
"'What! she has been abusing us to her friends, has she?' cried
Miss Brough (it was the very point I wished to insinuate). 'If she
does not like us, why does she not leave us?'
"'She HAS made rather a long visit,' said I; 'and I am sure that
her nephew and niece are longing for her return. Pray, madam, do
not move, for you may aid me in the object for which I come.'
"The object for which I came, sir, was to establish a regular
battle-royal between the two ladies; at the end of which I intended
to appeal to Mrs. Hoggarty, and say that she ought really no longer
differences. Well, sir, the battle-royal was fought,--Miss Belinda
opening the fire, by saying she understood Mrs. Hoggarty had been
calumniating her to her friends. But though at the end of it Miss
rushed out of the room in a rage, and vowed she would leave her
home unless that odious woman left it, your dear aunt said, 'Ha,
ha! I know the minx's vile stratagems; but, thank Heaven! I have a
good heart, and my religion enables me to forgive her. I shall not
leave her excellent papa's house, or vex by my departure that
worthy admirable man.'
"I then tried Mrs. H. on the score of compassion. 'Your niece,'
said I, 'Mrs. Titmarsh, madam, has been of late, Sam says, rather
poorly,--qualmish of mornings, madam,--a little nervous, and low in
spirits,--symptoms, madam, that are scarcely to be mistaken in a
young married person.'
"Mrs. Hoggarty said she had an admirable cordial that she would
send Mrs. Samuel Titmarsh, and she was perfectly certain it would
do her good.
"With very great unwillingness I was obliged now to bring my last
reserve into the field, and may tell you what that was, Sam my boy,
now that the matter is so long passed. 'Madam,' said I, 'there's a
matter about which I must speak, though indeed I scarcely dare. I
dined with your nephew yesterday, and met at his table a young man-
-a young man of low manners, but evidently one who has blinded your
nephew, and I too much fear has succeeded in making an impression
upon your niece. His name is Hoskins, madam; and when I state that
he who was never in the house during your presence there, has dined
with your too confiding nephew sixteen times in three weeks, I may
leave you to imagine what I dare not--dare not imagine myself.'
"The shot told. Your aunt bounced up at once, and in ten minutes
more was in my carriage, on our way back to London. There, sir,
was not that generalship?"
"And you played this pretty trick off at my wife's expense, Mr.
Smithers," said I.
"At your wife's expense, certainly; but for the benefit of both of
you."
"It's lucky, sir, that you are an old man," I replied, "and that
the affair happened ten years ago; or, by the Lord, Mr. Smithers, I
would have given you such a horsewhipping as you never heard of!"
But this was the way in which Mrs. Hoggarty was brought back to her
relatives; and this was the reason why we took that house in
Bernard Street, the doings at which must now he described.
CHAPTER X
OF SAM'S PRIVATE AFFAIRS AND OF THE FIRM OF BROUGH AND HOFF
We took a genteel house in Bernard Street, Russell Square, and my
aunt sent for all her furniture from the country; which would have
filled two such houses, but which came pretty cheap to us young
housekeepers, as we had only to pay the carriage of the goods from
Bristol.
When I brought Mrs. H. her third half-year's dividend, having not
for four months touched a shilling of her money, I must say she
gave me 50L. of the 80L., and told me that was ample pay for the
board and lodging of a poor old woman like her, who did not eat
more than a sparrow.
I have myself, in the country, seen her eat nine sparrows in a
pudding; but she was rich and I could not complain. If she saved
600L. a year, at the least, by living with us, why, all the savings
would one day come to me; and so Mary and I consoled ourselves, and
tried to manage matters as well as we might. It was no easy task
to keep a mansion in Bernard Street and save money out of 470L. a
year, which was my income. But what a lucky fellow I was to have
such an income!
As Mrs. Hoggarty left the Rookery in Smithers's carriage, Mr.
Brough, with his four greys, was entering the lodge-gate; and I
should like to have seen the looks of these two gentlemen, as the
one was carrying the other's prey off, out of his own very den,
under his very nose.
He came to see her the next day, and protested that he would not
leave the house until she left it with him: that he had heard of
his daughter's infamous conduct, and had seen her in tears--"in
tears, madam, and on her knees, imploring Heaven to pardon her!"
But Mr. B. was obliged to leave the house without my aunt, who had
a causa major for staying, and hardly allowed poor Mary out of her
sight,--opening every one of the letters that came into the house
directed to my wife, and suspecting hers to everybody. Mary never
always a smiling face for her husband when he came home from his
work. As for poor Gus, my aunt had so frightened him, that he
never once showed his nose in the place all the time we lived
there; but used to be content with news of Mary, of whom he was as
fond as he was of me.
Mr. Brough, when my aunt left him, was in a furious ill-humour with
me. He found fault with me ten times a day, and openly, before the
gents of the office; but I let him one day know pretty smartly t
hat
I was not only a servant, but a considerable shareholder in the
company; that I defied him to find fault with my work or my
regularity; and that I was not minded to receive any insolent
language from him or any man. He said it was always so: that he
had never cherished a young man in his bosom, but the ingrate had
turned on him; that he was accustomed to wrong and undutifulness
from his children, and that he would pray that the sin might be
forgiven me. A moment before he had been cursing and swearing at
me, and speaking to me as if I had been his shoeblack. But, look
you, I was not going to put up with any more of Madam Brough's
airs, or of his. With me they might act as they thought fit; but I
did not choose that my wife should be passed over by them, as she
had been in the matter of the visit to Fulham.
Brough ended by warning me of Hodge and Smithers. "Beware of these
men," said he; "but for my honesty, your aunt's landed property
would have been sacrificed by these cormorants: and when, for her
benefit--which you, obstinate young man, will not perceive--I
wished to dispose of her land, her attorneys actually had the
audacity--the unchristian avarice I may say--to ask ten per cent.
commission on the sale."
There might be some truth in this, I thought: at any rate, when
rogues fall out, honest men come by their own: and now I began to
suspect, I am sorry to say, that both the attorney and the Director
had a little of the rogue in their composition. It was especially
about my wife's fortune that Mr. B. showed HIS cloven foot: for
proposing, as usual, that I should purchase shares with it in our
Company, I told him that my wife was a minor, and as such her
little fortune was vested out of my control altogether. He flung
away in a rage at this; and I soon saw that he did not care for me
any more, by Abednego's manner to me. No more holidays, no more
advances of money, had I: on the contrary, the private clerkship
at 150L. was abolished, and I found myself on my 250L. a year
again. Well, what then? it was always a good income, and I did my
duty, and laughed at the Director.
About this time, in the beginning of 1824, the Jamaica Ginger Beer
Company shut up shop--exploded, as Gus said, with a bang! The
Patent Pump shares were down to 15L. upon a paid-up capital of 65L.
Still ours were at a high premium; and the Independent West
Diddlesex held its head up as proudly as any office in London.
Roundhand's abuse had had some influence against the Director,
certainly; for he hinted at malversation of shares: but the
Company still stood as united as the Hand-in-Hand, and as firm as
the Rock.
To return to the state of affairs in Bernard Street, Russell
Square: my aunt's old furniture crammed our little rooms; and my
aunt's enormous old jingling grand piano, with crooked legs and
half the strings broken, occupied three-fourths of the little
drawing-room. Here used Mrs. H. to sit, and play us, for hours,
sonatas that were in fashion in Lord Charleville's time; and sung
with a cracked voice, till it was all that we could do to refrain
from laughing.
And it was queer to remark the change that had taken place in Mrs.
Hoggarty's character now: for whereas she was in the country among
the topping persons of the village, and quite content with a tea-
party at six and a game of twopenny whist afterwards,--in London
she would never dine till seven; would have a fly from the mews to
drive in the Park twice a week; cut and uncut, and ripped up and
twisted over and over, all her old gowns, flounces, caps, and
fallals, and kept my poor Mary from morning till night altering
them to the present mode. Mrs. Hoggarty, moreover, appeared in a
new wig; and, I am sorry to say, turned out with such a pair of red
cheeks as Nature never gave her, and as made all the people in
Bernard Street stare, where they are not as yet used to such