more time to think about all this.”
15
“It sounds like you got it all figured out already,” I said.
16
“To save the world or whatever, you’ve got to be a 17
badass.”
18
“The words I say to you are just words. But the child I 19
sold into death, the corpses I robbed — these are the 20
truths that I can no longer avoid. I have to make peace 21
with them. I have to make peace with them or I’ll go 22
crazy.”
23
You’re not too far from that already, I thought to myself.
24
“Just another week,” he said. “Just seven more days.”
25
“Let me think about it.”
26
“Thank you, Charles. Thank you,” he said.
27 S
28 R
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1
2
3
4
26
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
I brought him breakfast and didn’t unlock the cage, so C 14
he could stay for at least the day. Maybe I’d free him that 15
evening — that’s what I thought.
16
He wanted to talk more, but I refused. Just the few hints 17
at the violence and pain he had caused set off a shaking in-18
side me. I wandered around the floor of my house; then I 19
tried to read a book. My mouth was producing too much 20
saliva, and I had to swallow and spit continually. I had gas 21
pains relieved only by foul-smelling farts. My fingers and 22
toes felt numb. My teeth hurt at the gums.
23
I was scared to death. I felt like a man riding an ava-24
lanche; it was only a matter of time before I’d be plowed 25
under and crushed.
26
I wanted my mother or father. Even a bad word from S 27
R 28
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1
Uncle Brent would have been a relief from my fears. I 2
went to the liquor cabinet but couldn’t stomach the idea 3
of drinking.
4
Finally I sat down on the floor in the middle of the liv-5
ing room and closed my eyes. It was something I had 6
done when I was a small boy. When everything got too 7
exciting, I’d sit on the floor and think about the shadows 8
on my eyelids. On a sunny day the darks and lights, the 9
blues, grays, and reds that appeared behind closed eyes 10
were like the ocean. I imagined myself as a little octopus, 11
seeing the sea world and feeling safe because I had so 12
many arms. Sometimes I’d make up little songs, hum-13
ming a tune about nothing and floating in the ocean 14
among fishes and sea kings.
15
I had crossed over from turmoil to childish ecstasy by 16
the time the doorbell rang. I don’t know how long I had 17
been sitting, but my feet were asleep and it was painful 18
and slow for me to rise. I didn’t know how long the bell 19
had been ringing either, but it stopped before I could 20
hobble to the front door. I remember laughing at my ex-21
aggerated limp. Like an old man, I thought. And for some 22
reason that made me happy.
23
She was headed back down the front stairs. Across the 24
street, Miss Littleneck was watching.
25
“Extine,” I called out.
26
The woman with the big blond hair hesitated a mo-27 S
ment and then turned around.
28 R
“Hi,” she said. “I came over to say that I was sorry.”
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The Man in My Basement
She was wearing jeans and a button-up blue-cotton 1
blouse that didn’t cover her midriff. Both articles of cloth-2
ing were tight. She had yellow rubber flip-flops on her 3
feet and a yellow-and-white scarf around her neck.
4
memory.
6
“Come on in,” I invited. She accepted with a bowed 7
head.
8
9
10
“How did you find where I lived?” I asked Extine in the 11
breakfast nook next to the kitchen. I had poured her 12
some apple juice, which she wasn’t drinking.
13
“Petey said that he knew a guy who knew where your 14
house was,” she answered.
15
Petey was the regular bartender at Curry’s. Somebody 16
in town must have recognized me.
17
I was struck and scared by her appearance at my door.
18
It’s not that I cared about Extine finding me, but I real-19
ized that my feeling of invisibility was false. People did see 20
me. They knew when I passed in the street. My actions 21
were noted no matter how small I thought I was.
22
“So I decided,” she continued, “to come over and apol-23
ogize for leaving you out there like that.”
24
“Why did you leave me?” I asked.
25
“Jodie and By left and I told them that I would drive 26
you home. They were mad at me because they thought I S 27
slept with you, and Byron and Sanderson are friends. I R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
don’t know. I guess I got mad at you. I thought that you 2
had taken advantage of me . . .”
3
“I passed out,” I complained. “And then you left me 4
without a ride.”
5
“You put your hands on my breasts and jerked me by 6
the arm,” she countered. “I thought you were going to 7
rape me.”
8
“I don’t remember,” I said. And I didn’t. “I remember 9
kissing you. I remember that. But I thought that that was 10
okay. I thought you liked it.”
11
“That doesn’t mean I wanted your hands all over me.”
12
She was getting angry. I could see that she was deeply 13
bothered.
14
“I’m sorry, Extine,” I said. “It was a bad mix — whiskey 15
and horsehair. Please accept my apology. You know I 16
didn’t want to make you mad.”
17
“Okay,” she said as if it was the apology she had come 18
for. “And I’m sorry too, about leaving you out there with 19
no way to get home.”
20
“Why did you leave me?” I asked again.
21
The question surprised her. By her face I could see that 22
she thought the answer was obvious.
23
“I mean,” I continued. “Did you think that you just 24
wanted to get away from me? That you couldn’t stand one 25
more minute in my company and you just had to leave? Or 26
was it that you were mad at me and wanted to hurt me by 27 S
making me walk all those miles lost in the woods?”
28 R
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She thought about the question for a moment, and 1
then a moment more.
2
“I don’t know,” she said. “I was mad. I didn’t want to 3
see you. And I didn’t know what you would be like in the 4
morning all alone out there. When By and Jodie left, it 5
was only you and me. I was afraid, I guess.”
6
“Afraid that I’d hurt you?”
7
“I guess.”
8
“Then why did you come here?”
9
“I felt guilty. That’s why.”
10
“Guilty because you kissed me? Or guilty that you left?”
11
Extine frowned and did not answer.
12
I stood up and she scrambled to her feet.
13
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I wouldn’t have hurt you even in 14
those woods. I’m a safe Negro. You could put a soap bub-15
ble in my hand and it’d never even pop.”
16
Extine liked neither the sound of my voice nor the 17
words that I said.
18
“I have to go,” she said.
19
“Yeah. I know.”
20
21
22
I watched her drive away in a convertible Jaguar sports 23
car. I don’t remember the model, but it was expensive, no 24
doubt.
25
“Charles,” Miss Littleneck called from across the street.
26
“Yes, ma’am?”
S 27
R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
“Who was that white girl?”
2
“Just somebody I met.”
3
4
5
For a long time after she was gone, I thought about Ex-6
tine. Her presence, her kisses, meant very little to me.
7
Our physical relationship, what little of it there was, was 8
no more than an exercise. I realized that most physical in-9
timacy was like that for me. I liked sex, but it was only a 10
bodily pleasure. It wasn’t an expression of love but just a 11
need, a pleasant moment, sometimes even a chore.
12
What mattered about Extine was that she sought me 13
out, that she found me. All of the women I had gotten to 14
know after meeting Anniston Bennet had that in com-15
mon. They made me real by seeking me. It’s not that they 16
knew what they were looking for. Bethany only liked me 17
because I resisted her erotic power. Extine . . . Extine 18
liked horses, and at the end of a satisfying day in the sad-19
dle, she found me at her side. Narciss called me Mr.
20
Blakey. She refused to see the solitary and jobless man 21
who hadn’t accomplished one thing in his entire life.
22
It wasn’t that she was trying to form me with her blind-23
ness. She could only see in me what she needed. But 24
because of the purity of her vision, I changed. I didn’t be-25
come what she needed, but the force she exerted on me —
26
the impact of her desire — caused love of a sort. Not the 27 S
kind of feeling that would bring us together but love still 28 R
and all.
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The Man in My Basement
To a lesser extent I was changed by Bethany and Extine.
1
We had shared a moment of transformation — like in 2
one of my science-fiction novels.
3
After going through that long tunnel of thought, I 4
emerged realizing that I could now answer Anniston Ben-5
net’s question about love.
6
7
8
I went straight to the cellar and found Mr. Bennet with 9
an erection. You could see the enormous arching contour 10
under his hand-washed prison pants. I imagined that he 11
had been masturbating when I opened the hatch and 12
didn’t have time to calm down. I didn’t ask him about it 13
though. I had more important things on my mind.
14
“Did you really sell a baby to a man’s dog?” I asked even 15
before perching on the trunk.
16
I had thought that we would talk about love. I hoped to 17
impress him with my self-realization. But once I under-18
stood my own impulses, I found that I was hungry for 19
more understanding.
20
“Yes,” Bennet answered in an almost silent whisper.
21
“Did you know about Rwanda before it happened and 22
didn’t say a word?”
23
“Yes,” he said a little louder. “But that’s different. Every-24
one knew that it was about to explode down there. Saying 25
words wouldn’t have mattered. I don’t know if anything I 26
could have done would have made a difference.”
S 27
“And you stole that painting?”
R 28
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Walter Mosley
1
He nodded.
2
“. . . and killed that sergeant?”
3
He nodded again.
4
“. . . and you bought human organs from a man who 5
dealt in that trade?”
6
Bennet hesitated a moment and then nodded again.
7
“But you still don’t think you’re a murderer? Even 8
though somebody’s got to die to give up a heart.”
9
Bennet almost answered that but then swallowed and 10
stayed silent.
11
“What was your failure?” I asked him.
12
“I thought you didn’t want to know about that?”
13
“I don’t,” I said. “But I have to. I have to know what I 14
got down here. I can’t be too afraid to ask.”
15
“Why not, Charles?”
16
“Because it’s here. I took your money and now I have to 17
know what I sold.”
18
Bennet’s face was filled with an emotion that I could 19
not decipher.
20
“It was a device,” he said. “A device that could cause 21
terrible damage if put into the wrong hands. I knew 22
about a youthful indiscretion of a man who had some 23
overseas contacts, influence. We knew ea
ch other socially, 24
as chance would have it. But it was through e-mail, 25
anonymously, that I delivered my threat. It wasn’t black-26
mail exactly because he stood to become a wealthy man 27 S
with our transaction. But circumstances threw the deal 28 R
out of whack. It didn’t work out.”
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The Man in My Basement
“What circumstances?”
1
“A case of conscience and subsequent suicide.” Bennet’s 2
words were completely emotionless.
3
“So he saved his name without giving in to you.” I felt 4
the victim’s triumph.
5
“He didn’t give in,” Bennet agreed. “But his secret was 6
still leaked. It was in all the papers nine months ago. I had 7
to punish him even though he was dead because there 8
would be other candidates and they should realize that 9
consequences go beyond the grave.”
10
“You are evil,” I said.
11
“I’m a tool, Charles. A precision tool. A tool of de-12
struction. A tool of the dollar and the euro and the yen.
13
But my actions are not mine alone. All the possibility of 14
the world exists without me. That man would have died 15
anyway. And the target of that device will one day be 16
destroyed. That’s the way of the world. It’s not a question 17
of good or evil. It’s a question of humanity and what is 18
done in that name.”
19
“Then why put yourself down here?” I asked again.
20
Bennet’s erection was gone. He winced and grimaced, 21
clutched his hands into fists.
22
“Don’t you understand yet? I can’t explain it like the in-23
structions to put together a box. It’s powerful stuff. Pow-24
erful stuff. Powerful enough to destroy.”
25
“Do you want to get out of here?”
26
“No.”
S 27
“Will you answer my question?”
R 28
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1
“I’ve already answered as well as I could.”
2
“I don’t believe that. So you either answer me right now 3
or leave or spend four more days in the hole.”
4
“I can’t leave and I’ve already answered.”
5
I brought him more bread and condensed milk, which 6
I opened for him since I had confiscated his opener. Then 7
I left him with ninety-six more hours to contemplate his 8