that one would help the other and they would both be 22
happy ever after.
23
I don’t remember the particulars, but the brownie was 24
freed and Bootsie was found. I spent years after that search-25
ing my ancestral woods for a door in a tree or the ground.
26
I believed that somewhere there was a beneficent genie who S 27
I could free in exchange for happiness for all times.
R 28
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I had found that door after thirty years of searching. It 2
was the hatch to my own basement, and the brownie was 3
a white man who wanted to be caged. No matter the dif-4
ferences the main story was the same. I went to bed think-5
ing that I’d never fall asleep. But after only a moment I was 6
unconscious beneath the heads of my ancestors.
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“Good morning,” the naked man said to me. The pris-C 14
oner was standing in the middle of his cell, his pajamas 15
hung neatly from the back of the cage. The concrete sur-16
rounding his cell was dark from the water he must have 17
thrown there. “I washed both pair last night. I wasn’t at all 18
tired.”
19
Anniston Bennet had a huge uncircumcised penis. It 20
was the biggest one I had ever seen on a human male. It 21
just hung down flaccid and heavy between his thighs.
22
“I was thinking about our talk,” he said, seemingly un-23
conscious of his nakedness or endowment. “I don’t usually 24
think about things much. Usually there’s too much to get 25
done. I’ve lived a pretty active life, you know. But you had 26
me thinking last night. And to answer your question —”
S 27
“What question?”
R 28
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“About killing —”
2
“I have to go, Mr. Bennet,” I said. I put down the fried 3
eggs and heated potato patties and pushed them under 4
the door to his cage. I was rattled by his ease at being 5
naked. He wasn’t a powerfully built man, small except for 6
that big dick. And there was a cascading series of cross-7
hatched scars down his right shoulder that was painful to 8
see. His feet were tiny. Something about standing there 9
conversing with the naked man was too much for me.
10
“I’ll be back this afternoon,” I said. “We could talk 11
then.”
12
“Where you going?”
13
“To see my friend. We said we’d get together today.”
14
He wanted to keep on talking, but I had to get out of 15
there. I rushed up the stairs and slammed the hatch shut.
16
I threw the newly attached bolts and secured them with 17
the padlocks and went straight to my car.
18
I never did figure out what it was exactly that drove me 19
from the cellar that morning. I have what I always thought 20
was a normal-size penis. I’ve never measured or anything, 21
but it has the feel of average. The women I’ve known were 22
never surprised, one way or the other, when my erection 23
was finally exposed to them. And even when they whis-24
pered sweet compliments, it had to do with how hard it 25
got rather than how deep it went. Some men, I knew, 26
were better endowed. Bethany had told me that it was 27 S
just this fact that kept her attached to Clarance for so 28 R
long. There were stories about Clarance’s sexual prowess, 162
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but I had seen him in the boys’ gym and he didn’t hold a 1
candle to Anniston Bennet.
2
I’d never felt embarrassed or inferior before that morn-3
ing. And it wasn’t just Bennet’s anatomy but also his ease 4
at being naked. As a child I learned to be ashamed of ex-5
posing my genitals or buttocks. Some dresses that women 6
wear today make me avert my eyes.
7
I was halfway to Clarance’s house before I realized that 8
I had not lied to Bennet. It was Tuesday. Clarance always 9
took Tuesdays off and worked the lighter Sunday shift. I 10
got there a little after 10:00. His oldest daughter, Athalia, 11
was sitting on the front porch. She was a big girl, sixteen 12
I believe, and a magnet for boys.
13
“Hi, Mr. Blakey!” she shouted. “Daddy’s havin’ break-14
fast.”
15
Even that small piece of information was delivered 16
across the lawn in an engaging manner. Athalia was what 17
is known as a daddy’s girl. She loved to see men happy.
18
I’ve often thought that Clarance must have sold his soul 19
at some East Hampton crossroads to be blessed in so 20
many ways.
21
“How’s summer school, Thalia?”
22
“They suspended me ’cause I had a dirty magazine,”
23
she said, her smile dimming for a moment.
24
“You in trouble?”
25
“Naw. Momma’s mad but Daddy just laughed.”
26
She was wearing loose shorts and a pink blouse that S 27
didn’t make it down to her navel. She caught my eye and R 28
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I thought about Anniston Bennet — about how he was 2
as unashamed as a child.
3
“When can you go back?” I asked.
4
“I gotta go Friday. I don’t see why I can’t just have the 5
whole week off.” She was bothered, but nothing kept 6
Athalia down for long. She gave me a big grin and opened 7
the door for me. I went through the small ranch-style 8
house toward the back. There was no one in the dining 9
room. Through the window I could see big Clarance sit-10
ting down to a meal at his cast-iron patio table. He was 11
wearing shorts like his daughter, with a strap undershirt 12
and red thongs. The iron table and chair were painted 13
lime green. Behind him was a child’s rubber pool in the 14
middle of the back lawn. Clarance’s house was a small af-15
fair, built in the midfifties. His family had lived in the 16
Harbor for at least a hundred years, but they came from 17
slaves down in Georgia. He still had cousins in Atlanta.
18
He saw me through the window and waved a turkey 19
drumstick at me.
20
Once outside I hailed him. “Hey, Clarance.”
21
“Charles.” He used his drumstick to point out an iron 22
chair, which I dragged to the table.
23
“You want some food?” he asked me.
24
“No, thanks.”
25
“You look like you could use somethin’, man,” he said.
26
“You losin’ weight?”
27 S
That was what was different about my image in the 28 R
mirror.
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“How are you, Clarance?”
1
“Can’t complain. Athalia had a Playgirl magazine at 2
school and they kicked her out. Can you imagine that?
3
Here they had lawyers holding up the president’s dick on 4
TV every night and they wanna suspend a girl for buyin’
5
a magazine off the rack.”
6
“Sorry if I was rude when I saw you at the train sta-7
tion,” I said.
8
That raised Clarance’s eyebrows a notch. It might have 9
been the first apology that I ever gave without being 10
forced into it.
11
“That’s okay,” he said. “You okay?”
12
“Been thinkin’. Been thinkin’.”
13
“About what?”
14
“I don’t know, Clarance. I guess I’m wondering why I’m 15
out here doin’ what I do. You know, there’s nothing to it.”
16
“What you mean?”
17
“It’s like I’ve been asleep my whole life,” I said. “And 18
even now it feels like I’m still asleep, or almost out. I wake 19
up for a minute and then three days go by and I wake up 20
again.”
21
“You mean you been up in your bed all this time?”
22
“Naw, man. Not sleeping — sleepwalking. I wake up 23
and I’m in a store buying pot roast. Or somebody’s talk-24
ing to me, I mean I’m in the middle of a conversation, 25
and I don’t even know what the person just said. I don’t 26
even know what we’re talking about or how I even got S 27
there. You know?”
R 28
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I could tell that Clarance was concerned because he 2
stopped eating.
3
“Like you black out?” he asked.
4
“No. If I think about it, I remember, but it’s hard to 5
concentrate. It’s like nothing is important enough to 6
think about.”
7
What I was saying to Clarance had always been true for 8
me — my whole life. Not a single day went by that I 9
wasn’t lost in daydreams. Teachers talking at you, my 10
mother or father telling me what was right or wrong. The 11
reason I didn’t watch TV was because I couldn’t sit still for 12
a movie or sitcom. Halfway through a war film I still 13
wasn’t sure which side was which. I could read books, fun 14
books, and I could follow an animal through the woods 15
for hours. A blaze in the fireplace could keep my atten-16
tion for a whole night. But anybody telling me anything 17
was just a waste of good breath, as my uncle Brent used 18
to say.
19
“Maybe you drinkin’ too much,” Clarance said.
20
“Maybe.”
21
“You want a job, Charles?”
22
“What kind of job?”
23
“Driving a taxi. I could hook you up there.”
24
I looked at Clarance, feeling like I had just come awake 25
again. His act of kindness felt like the gentle nudge my 26
mother used to give me when I was too tired to get up the 27 S
first time she called.
28 R
“I got money,” I said.
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“How’d you get that?”
1
“Cat introduced me to Narciss Gully. She has an an-2
tique business. She specializes in quilts, but she’s helping 3
me sell the stuff that was in my cellar. It’s a lotta money.”
4
“How much?”
5
“Enough for the mortgage and a couple’a years or so.”
6
Clarance didn’t have much money. He worked hard at 7
the taxi business, and his wife, Mona, was a nurse at the 8
hospital in Southampton. Their families had nothing to 9
give them. They spent everything on their kids. And so 10
when Clarance still had concern on his face for my di-11
lemma, I understood that he was a real friend. We’d 12
known each other for thirty-three years, my whole life, 13
and that was the first moment that I knew he really cared 14
for me.
15
“I got to go, Mr. Mayhew,” I said.
16
“You just got here. Stay for a while. Maybe we could go 17
pick up Cat after work and go to some bars.”
18
“No,” I said. “But thank you. Thank you. And I’m 19
sorry if I ever made you mad, man. You know I was just 20
jealous. See ya.”
I stood up from the iron chair and walked out past the 22
teenager on the front porch. I glanced at her and realized 23
that she was thumbing through the naked photographs in 24
the Playgirl magazine that got her suspended.
25
“Bye, Thalia.”
26
“Bye, Mr. Blakey. You come on back, okay?”
S 27
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Bennet was dressed when I returned. Seated in the red 15
chair, he wasn’t reading or doing anything else as far as I 16
could see.
17
“Mr. Dodd-Blakey,” he said in greeting.
18
“Mr.
Bennet,” I replied.
19
It was an acknowledgment, the beginning of an under-20
standing.
21
I pulled the trunk up to his cell and sat.
22
“What do you want?” I asked.
23
“To serve out my time. To pay my debt.”
24
“Pay who?”
25
“Every minute I’m in here costs me something, 26
Charles. May I call you Charles?”
27 S
“It’s my name,” I said.
28 R
“My business relations are delicate, Charles. My atten-168
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tion is needed sometimes within moments of certain 1
events. When my phone rings I’m supposed to answer. If 2
I fail to respond there are consequences.”
3
“What kind of consequences?”
4
“That depends on the event.” He shrugged and crossed 5
one leg over the other. “Money might be lost, a political 6
player could be discredited. Someone might die.” He 7
looked up at the ceiling. “Later on I’ll be held responsible.”
8
“By the law?”
9
“By the rules.”
10
“Are the rules different than the law?”
11
He smiled in that knowing way. “The rules don’t need 12
a judge’s interpretation. There’s no defense. When you’re 13
absent you’re dealt out. And then no one recognizes you 14
but your enemies.”
15
“All that’s going to happen, but you still want to stay in 16
here?”
17
“No.” His impossible eyes looked straight into mine.
18
“Then why?”
19
“Have you ever been in love?” was his reply.
20
I stalled, not wanting to. I would have liked to have said 21
Of course. Everybody’s been in love. But it wasn’t true. It 22
wasn’t true and I didn’t want to lie to my new mentor.
23
I’d never been in love. Never even for a moment. I 24
adored, idolized, lusted after, and cared for many women.
25
I dated, kissed, had sex with; I waited for, stood by, and 26
wanted. But I’d never been like those deer that moved to-S 27
gether through the woods, keeping each other company R 28
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as a matter of course. I’d never been attached by the sense 2
of smell and warmth and security. I once read in a novel 3
that love and gravity are the same thing, that natural at-4