Weep, My Heart
Zeev Kachel, 1988
Weep, my heart, with not a tear
In the dark, in secret
Let no one see me, for I fear
Their scheme, their plot, their threat
Let the traitors never see me
Those who mock me now
Let them not pretend to save me
That I won't allow
Behind my back, those gossipmongers
I sense them point at me
The fools, I hear them in large numbers
Laughing at my calamity
Not to Think
Zeev Kachel, 1988
The place has sunk in darkness, almost dead
One light's out there, flickering in that window
You're here across the bed, eagle spread
She out there, in her home, waiting for you
Strange, too!
You're lying here, and on your head—the pillow.
In your brain, thoughts keep turning, grinding
How to lift the darkness?
How not to think?
Like flesh off a prey, you at yourself keep tearing
If only you could love again, again you could caress—
I’m Not Sorry
Zeev Kachel, 1988
I'm not sorry for the hours that I wasted
Suspended in my dreams and idle thought
I'm not sorry for the days I ruined
The only thing I care about is the luster I did blot
I care that that’s the way our lives are going
In power games, for which we'll pay the price,
I ache, because of our misunderstanding
Because that which is between us turned hard as ice
I care nothing for the roses that have withered
Over their fleeting fragrance I will shed no tears
What pains me now is the way I hurt you
And that if I ask forgiveness, no one hears
No way to settle this, to heal the cuts
In this world there's a price for everything
The echo of our steps is the witness left behind us
As the light that glowed upon us is already blackening.
Not One is Home
Zeev Kachel, 1987
Two apartments I own—not one is home
I have acquaintances, among whom I'm alone
And a laurel wreath, with thorns around my dome.
I've cast in the anchor
And yet, I'm far blown
My arrogance is buried, my stupidity too
I've climbed higher than my ladder would allow
Wrapped in a different garb I walked among you
But fell short of reaching heaven, somehow
I had a shock of hair, but now completely bald
My feathers have been plucked off, one by one
I built a nest, where now a guest I’m called
With the crowd I march away, undone
Your Advocate, Your Voice
Zeev Kachel, 1989
I've been your advocate, your voice
Against my own allegations that be
You pulled sideways, or so I imagined; by choice
I’ll blame no one else now but me.
Where's the hand for which I've been waiting
The hand of the one under a mask
My savior, for whom I've been praying
When would he execute me, I ask?
I bolted and chained every lock here
Thinking of the noose he would tie
So weary am I, suspended in fear
Dreading to live or to die.
My Girl of Innocence, from Time to Time
Zeev Kachel, 1990
Accept regards from a lonely wolf like me
Regards sent without a single word
At the end of the day, a cost dispute is but poverty,
Again here comes the Sabbath, and we are separate.
Four years have passed since the day you left home
And in the closet hangs a single dress,
It’s nightfall. There sits the Prince of Verse
Surrounded by four walls, entirely alone.
What have you solved there?
You too alone each evening
Facing that stupid TV, there you stare:
A cost dispute, like a double sword, is cutting
Inflicting injuries on either side.
A newborn wonders about our strange existence
And someone thinks, for what purpose was he born?
Do you still remember our bouts of silence?
Descending here again comes Sabbath Queen, forlorn
Gone are those days of anger, of blind jealousy
And something inside me has vanished in its prime
If sadness has passed away, so soon will felicity
My girl of innocence, from time to time
My Ties Unhitched
Zeev Kachel, 1988
My ties unhitched, now I am glum.
A tad sad, to be neglected
Today I celebrated being lonesome
My joy was somewhat limited.
Sit here with me, and let us talk
Of what was gained, what lost, and why
Let us somehow try, take stock
You're confused, and so am I
Please tell me something more about you
The problems, the family
Of all your friends, who remained true
And who turned his back on your agony?
I'm so exhausted of the journey
I can muster no more strength
All this is claptrap, it’s all but corny
Every kin—a stranger, at arm's length
I’m left to my own soul searching
Yet taking account I find so hard
I’d rather send my soldiers charging:
Load mud into the artillery; bombard!
Chiribim-chiribom, all's upside
What is left for me to try?
Life is but a suicide
Not even worth a single sigh.
We Met Here
Zeev Kachel
We met here for a fleeting moment
Bonded by a glance, which now is absent:
Again you're gone, again not here. Bereft
Of having you, alone I'm left
Somewhere There
Zeev Kachel
Somewhere there, are you too crouching in a corner
Recalling me to mind, your eye agleam?
Or have you forgotten me, in love no longer
Are you thinking now: that was but a dream
In My Dream I Hear
Zeev Kachel, 1989
In my dream I hear your voice, the voice I lack
You're here beside me. You care for me, you’ve come back
And that deceitful shadow moved away, no longer black...
We're back together, just like in the past
The heart's aglow, no darkness, at long last—
Another Time
Zeev Kachel, 1988
Another time, in another town
Faraway from here, on some other shore,
Like a memory you go down
Under a foreign sky that can’t soar
Facing the sea I sit in darkness
Upon a single bench, there on the beach
And then, then I dream: perhaps happiness
Will again emerge from out of reach
Infinity, shine upon me... I beseech.
Never have the Days
Zeev Kachel, 1989
Never have the days passed by so slowly
Never has time crawled, ever so frightfully
The bad time, it stretches on, up to no end
The good
time fleets, like lightning you can't wend.
And what shall we remember? Both times as yet
One day, perhaps, good and bad we'll regret
We Pass
Zeev Kachel
We pass by each other without speaking, dumbly
We look at each other—blindly
Loneliness crying out of our eyes
But we keep on, silently.
Each one of us carrying a load
Each one suffering, utterly slowed
Each one going on, down this road
See there, a couple just passed in embrace.
We used to walk this way, do you still remember?
You looked forward to my coming.
In the midst of spring blossom, here's the sorrow of fall.
And the recognition that it's all over.
Today, between us came a wall.
Now, never to return, life has all
But passed. That is fall.
No one to shake a hand, no one to give a nod.
You and me, through this isolation we plod.
It's fall: all flawed.
Glass Eyes
Zeev Kachel
We pass each other
As if strangers, in disguise
We look at each other
Out of glass eyes
We pass each other
Unable to hear
Our hearts crying out, brother!
Give a hand, come here!
Our ears blocked to hearing
And the heart—in a foreskin
Who was that? Just a trace of something
Not a human, not a kin
Please, do not fear me,
It's not your purse I want; please stay
Tomorrow is as empty
As yesterday
Among a bustling crowd I stare
Searching for just one friend,
And none is there.
Not one. A bitter end.
Here passes a 'replacement'
Casting a look. Again
Your prayers were in vain.
Not in Good Spirits
Zeev Kachel, 1988
Today I am not in good spirits
Today I will laugh at myself,
Against me I will lay all my bets
And come face to face with myself
Today I’m sad, my heart beats
In vain will I search for a friend,
Today I will wander the streets
And into temptations descend.
Soon night will fall, it will blacken
My own hand I’ll see only barely,
As always I’ll go on, forsaken
Before long I shall no longer be
Will my friends talk of me with contempt
Will she listen? I am betrayed,
Will they pass me by and attempt
To evade me in the grand masquerade?
Crossroad
Zeev Kachel, 1990
At a crossroad here I stand
I kick the past, I kick it, and
I find my lodging somewhere near
I find that I am not quite here
I am not here, I am not there
Not awake, not asleep, unable to bear
And you, a dove, will fly away
Will not return come spring day
The blessed moments don’t return
I’ve ruined everything, my life I spurn
The hours pass, here comes the night
The day is gone, are you alright?
I’m not alive, I am not dead
I kick the past, and on I tread.
No Need to Worry Anymore
Zeev Kachel, 1988
No need to worry anymore
It’s all coming to an end
No need to rage anymore.
Silence's here, 'bout to descend.
Only the notes of the piano
Are trembling here, in the still
No need to sob anymore
It’s a world of deceit
Weeping here is the mandolin
Wailing is the string
This evening’s reward is the bitterness of night
I’ll never understand why I'm fated to blight
A Different Man
Zeev Kachel, 1992
I'm a different man today.
Not the one you know
You can come back
If you will.
I'm a different man today, without a hat I go
But in my heart—there's still.
I'm a different man.
Just the way you preferred
I fulfilled your wish
Wandering along your street without a word
Looking for you—in vain, in anguish.
I'm different today.
Not the man you left.
Not pressuring anyone—
The way you wanted me to be,
Just looking for you everywhere—
But you, a stranger, moving on
And after all—you have been wishing well for me
.
I am different—
Not the one you know
You can come back
Just confirm
I am different—
Not raging anymore
But in my heart—a worm.
I'm different today—
Refraining from correcting everything.
Silent, not a word
My journey at its end:
Time to go back, here I'm done...
I won’t bother anyone.
Everything has Long Lost Its Weight
Zeev Kachel, 1988
Everything has long lost its weight:
Wife, and values, and stock
All that's left is a confused haze of fate
A night with no time and no clock
Left here is a pensive old man
Consumed by the waves, shelled, expelled
And also your dear memory, then
That suddenly sprouted and swelled
Should I Fall
Zeev Kachel, 1985
Should I fall, stranger's hands will lift me,
Take me to a place, who knows where
Only celestial bodies from afar will follow me
And a garden bench will mourn me, lonely and bare.
A bench where I sat will be left there, behind
As orphaned as I am, down in the meadow
And the figure with whom I became one in my mind
Will not happen to pass by, nor take in the echo
Should I fall.
Now I Cry
Now I cry but not with tears; inside
After long, long years
Of holding it
Now I cry
Out of a burst of pain
And howl in darkness out of loneliness
Now I give my pain its full release
With no shame, no stops. Dead hopeless
Tired. Tired of life
Tired of people
Of betrayals, of being double-crossed
I am tired.
The phone is silent.
No one calls anymore
The wall in front of me speaks, its language—hard
The phone is silent.
No one cares anymore
The only sound amidst the silence is writing in my mind.
When Life Becomes a Curse
Zeev Kachel, 1990
When life becomes a curse
Like a stone-mill you must heft �
�
No one's here to ask for help
Not a single friend is left
Then your soul is bitter, cleft.
The children flew, one far, one distant...
Four walls, the home is vacant
How can you hug her, she is absent
No one left but memories
Then the heavy burden slaps
A man on the verge of his collapse.
Without a Compass
Zeev Kachel, 1974
A sad story about a happy man, a man who
Loved poems, women, and a calm core
A sad story that crashed against the cliff, crashed onto
A cold, indifferent shore
Hey, captain of our fates, let your hand be firm
Amidst the torque of time, amidst the murk
Navigate our ship through this night, this storm
Towards the light that beacons from the dark
Save us from the gulf deep here within us
And from a smile that bares sharp teeth
Give us strength to withstand our faults, our weakness
Against ourselves give us a shield, a sheath
Oh God! The sunrise comes upon us
But inside—still night, without a compass
The Wolf
Zeev Kachel, 1970
Fini la comédie! Adieu, dear friends!
The spectators wipe their noses... I'm all yours!
Like a philosopher, the body now contends
With a damp grave, and worms, scores and scores
No wails, my friends, and no fake sympathy
Nothing do I want, no one do I miss
Please, no crocodile tears, and no fake eulogy,
In front of a silent grave, no praise, no hiss
The wolf, he's alone, once more.
Amongst the crowd of mourners
Here are the frog, the snake, the jackal I abhor
Pretty lizards, a worm in the corner,
And one blue wolf, so sore.
Let the sea under my headstone forever hum and spread,
Let the wind thrum, strum my mandolin
And let the moonlight gently kiss the forehead
That pondered love, and so alone has been.
The Easiest Demise
Zeev Kachel, 1993
Oh Wind, where will you carry me
Toward what fate, what shore, what bay?
Will I be dropped to an open sea
Or else become an eagle’s prey?
For what is death? I can’t tell
How beastly, really, might it be?
They say that death will never fell
A young-old person such as me.
And so, who knows? I have no answer
No need to trust all those deceits,
Lift me slowly, oh wind, oh mother
Or I’ll take cover under sheets
Perhaps it’s better to seek protection
Across the ocean, in a distant town?
I have a passport, a profession
Can apply some makeup, like a clown
On the other hand, to live forever
Is not so good and not preferred,
And it’s not written in any charter
What in my life still lies ahead
All my acquaintances have long expired
For me, I think, it is a sin,
To be the last one is undesired
I do not wish to lose my kin
So if to die, then with no haggling
I choose the easiest demise,
A prayer, “God is full of pity”
A headstone for a modest price
With a rotating slab of granite!
A splendid cantor, a deep voice too,
The two trees, I say, cut down, just cut
And let them not obscure my view.
Here’s how I wish to be interred:
No eulogy at the graveside plot,
Not nude; but with a flag, thus covered
And never mind the proper spot
Across a stunning slab of granite
My name inscribed in golden letters
There’s my poem, and my portrait
A funeral procession during stormy hours
The largest crowd with scores of cars
Pretty women sob in abundant grief
Wiping their nose with a handkerchief.
Obituaries in the newspaper
Some large, some small, both bold and dainty,
And that is all. And with no torture.
For now just bring me a cup of tea.
Bent over Memories
Zeev Kachel, 1988
No longer will I carry you in my arms, little girl
You grew up fast. And daddy’s back has bent.
You learned to walk by yourself
Yet for me you’ll always remain a baby
Even though you’ve spread your wings, left the nest
And your own nest built, somewhere out there.
Now I am alone.
Supported by memories...
Sitting in the park for hours
Watching someone else’s children.
Time ticks slowly
But it vanishes fast!
And a seagull up above
Soars overhead
Oh, white-winged seagull
Carry my prayer
Faraway over the interval
To the roof shielding my daughter.
I Plucked a Wildflower
Zeev Kachel, 1993
I plucked a wildflower from my resting place
And it was blue, as if it wore my name, my face
But I was startled suddenly by a snake
Who slinked across the path with one tail shake
I plucked a wildflower from my grave, behind
And in silence, my daughter came to mind
Where are you now? The wave swept you away
In a velvety evening, an eve of dew and ray
I was penetrated by a pouring rain
And for a moment, somehow, I felt alive again
Sensing me, the worms began to rave
I plucked a wildflower from my grave.
And a chorus of crickets kicked off a singsong
Climbing up the wall I danced away, so long!
There's no death in life, no need to feel so sad,
I would've come back already if it were all that bad
There were a few I didn't know among the mourners
I asked myself where they came from, what far corners
The crowd was small, such pity! Some were sad
To those who cried, I smiled and waved a tad.
I left countless bills behind me, heavy debts
Come over, I'll pay them back, you bet!
I stare at you across the big divide
With obvious advantage: no interest on this side
The Heart of Space
Zeev Kachel, 1989
I’ve laid down on my back
And a horizontal logic
Dictates its stages.
I shut my eyes
To watch my life, from lows to highs
Go through its changes.
Amidst the nightly surge
I see myself submerge
Afloat at the heart of space.
With neither left or right
Above, or down at base
Time is about to take
Its casualties.
No seasons and no fighting
Only dead silence hiding
Its fallacies.
The film of its changes
Plays out with no stop.
And with no sign, no cue,
In secret it starts to throb
The future, breaking through
I Live Here on Paint and on Toxoid
Zeev Kachel, 1992
I live here on paint and on toxoid
My step faltering, against walls, against barriers
Around me I see nature destroyed
Replaced by some structures for settlers.
I live here with no joy, no regret
And scribble little rhymes just for me
I live... No longer preach at the gate,
Nor squash any ants carelessly.
In their hiding place they seem to await
And observe me, in all probability.
I live with no account and no friend
No longer try to right wrongs in the world,
I cannot tell my future, my end
Simply listen to the waves, to my heart.
At set, prescribed times I just swallow
Pills encoded by various pigments
And let my mind labor to follow
The secret paths of this universe.
It is clear to me now: There is no amity
There has never been any beginning,
And all that is here, that is growing
Was here and it always will be.
In space there is no upper or lower
No right and no left all around,
The moment is here—no past, no forever
There is no first, no last or well-found.
Only an unending, unstoppable flow
And shapes that are shifting at will
There is no heaven, only hell and owe
There is time, there is space, there is still.
There is no happiness, no sorrow, no feeling
Only waves dancing without and within
In a struggle with no hatred, no foaming
Without saints, without angels or sin.
So call this entirety: Yin.
The Time is Near
Zeev Kachel, 1989
The time is near
The verdict—known
I have no fear
I shall go alone
Fall
Zeev Kachel, 1989
Encircled by leaves, flying
I'm afloat at last
Somewhere a fire's dying
Anther day about to pass
Autumn’s Gold
Zeev Kachel, 1989
Autumn's gold is dripping from the trees
And no one's gathering it
Golden light escaping through my fingers, no way to seize
No point in chasing it
On My Body
Zeev Kachel, 2000
On my body, time leaves its traces
On my body, time jots down its warnings
My heart is throbbing—when will it stop?
In it, time carves its phrases
Time writes its verdict, then on it paces.
Tired of Fighting
Zeev Kachel, 2000
Tired of battles, I wish to take a rest
Under a green, lush tree
I'll lie down, stretch and fall asleep in the bosom of Time,
And the wind shall caress me
And when the dream comes I'll say, now I see!
Sweet vision, let me reach for you, embrace me as I dream.
It All Passes
Zeev Kachel
It all passes: teacher after teacher,
Parents, childhood, pain of knowledge,
Friendship, love, with its fever
School, going abroad, then college,
Hunger, jobs of odds and ends
Trying hard to earn dough
Girls, women come and go...
Finally silence here descends
It all passes: the good, the bad
Family, brothers, sisters,
Meetings, farewells, glad and sad
Enemies, war after war
Hate, loathing, victims, gore
And dreams of something you can't reach
For peace to come, not just in speech
Despite the criminal acts of war
Despite the hatred for no reason
Dreams of prophets' vision for
Our heritage in a future season
Maybe
Zeev Kachel, 1989
Maybe I’ll never reach the shore
The shore, perhaps, never existed for me
And the dream that I carried, that dream may call for
Someone else to discover a new land, a new sea
My hour may not have arrived yet, I'm worried.
The seed that I planted has been blown off by a gust
But this I know: the dream that I carried
Will take root, it shall come to full blossom, it must
Maybe I would leave here peculiar, unknown,
Those of small stature would ignore me, these days
But my poem, the one that was torn and blown
One of these days shall set all ablaze
Perhaps
Zeev Kachel, 1989
Perhaps poems would promise you nothing
Perhaps poems are just a waste of time
Perhaps the audience would deem them not fit to sing
And try to define something else as sublime.
Perhaps I'll be left here bald-headed, alone
And no one will even remember my name
But a yearning shall remain for something unknown
And a search, never weary, for what’s far from the same
Perhaps they will wrap with my poem a herring
Unable to sense which one yields the flavor; and with force
They will cast me right back into the sea, sparing
Me, somehow, as a matter of course
Maybe
Zeev Kachel, 2001
Maybe my boat shall never reach the shore
Maybe I'll be forced down, into the abyss
Or maybe I'll emerge, and with a sudden roar
Unload my burden; no more of this.