Depression lives and rules each day
How much longer will it last
I do not know, I just can't say
Is this present, future or the past?
The days blend one into the next
Stretching on forever, they never end
This sadness will never, ever pass
It's wounds and scars I just can't tend
It's feeling too much, too deeply
Or not feeling any thing at all
Ever down, and down so steeply
Stop! Let it end! I cry and I call
The sounds of my yell echo off the walls
But the days are heedless of my cry
They ignore me and taunt me to no end
And leave me forever wondering why
By the movement of the sun in the sky
Do I count the passing of each day
But when it's ended do I know the difference?
Not on my life, no how, no way
The light has passed, this day is ended
And so as this day draws to a close
As the sun settles deep into the earth
Do I steel myself for another of those
Tomorrow will be today as today passes away
To become yesterday as it does always
But today will remain ever the same
In an endless string of unbroken days
Tonight May God Grant Me Some Sleep
Need to talk, dunno what to say
It's been a crazy sort of day
Not a wink of sleep last night
Nor today to make it right
In circles do my thoughts spin
Oh what sad shape I am in
Mouth wants to run a mile a minute
But there's just no sense in it
Through the roof is my energy level
It seems to be God's own Devil
Drinking beer to try and kill it
But my hands shake so that I spill it
Tonight may God grant me some sleep
And my soul in His hands may He keep
I pray He blesses all of you too
With peace with the morning dew
Treasured Days
Some days are simply treasures
Full of love and life's pleasures
Sunlight and warmth fill the sky
Loved ones bring tears to the eye
In contrast to the long dark night
Fires of hell, a despairing blight
Magical is the return of the light
To find love and life shining bright
Regardless how rare the bright times
Of life and hope they're ringing chimes
Empowering me to keep marching on
Until next time all light is gone
Truthful Honesty At Least In Part
Skin caressed by a gentle breeze
Soul bathed in warm sunshine
A pure miracle, my mind at ease
Drifting, floating, outside of time
A most precious life began today
So important to most dear friend
May he be the light to show the way
That proves life's worth to defend
God grant peace to all my friends
Past, present and any yet to be
Never forget one beyond life's ends
Happiness ever be what they see
It's always been them that I failed
With wife, kids and grands there too
Never deserving the love they hailed
Or the pain I force them to accrue
If only I could do it all one more time
Never would I allow one heart to care
Not even once permit myself to slime
The beautiful hearts that once did dare
Wander The Silvery Magical Ethereal Way
Wander the silvery magical ethereal way
Up an down, in and out, round and round
Passing beauteous mysteries and phantasms
All the wondrous mysteries of life abound
Here a tender mother suckling newborn life
Young children's first steps towards their wings
Giddy teenagers exploring first love's debut
New adults embattled struggle to find their place
Young parents challenged to do their very best
At best dimly aware that they build the future
As years pass and progeny stray from the nest
Into the gentle and golden age of seniority
Where experience born wisdom at last if found
Earned with deep scars and aches and pains
With leisure to enjoy the life that abounds
And when at last the path leaves this plane
Who is to say that it is that is the end
Amid the unknown wonders of this universe
Can it not be only the start has been penned?
Weeping Heavens - A Quinzane
Leaden gray skies dropping tears
Who are the heavens
Weeping for?
When Evil Beastie's Head First Reared
One pill, two pill, three pill, four
Never see sanity, never, no more
Slingshot propels me to outer space
Among humanity there's simply no place
A Saturn V lights off under my ass
Beyond go I will never again pass
Damn it all there exists no solution
To the voices that are mind's pollution
Tears they kill me, there's no reason
Even worse dark comes with the season
Crumbling, dissolving soon nothing left
My heart and soul are of life bereft
Reality last night with madness imbued
On and on destruction was rainbow hued
Sanity, stability long ago disappeared
When evil beastie's head first reared
When My Hearts Stops It's Beating At Last
I sit and watch and I wait
For it to stop before it's too late
It's back and seems it's here to stay
No matter what I do it won't go away
It draws me down into that dark hole
It's my life and dreams that it stole
Pervasive darkness is all around
Not a spark of light to be found
The chill black that of the grave
Me no one will never, ever save
The hole is so deep I can't climb out
And no one can hear me when I shout
There is no bottom and so I free fall
The walls echoing with my sharp call
Help me please is my pointed plea
It tears the heart right out of me
There's no one to hear, no one to listen
As hot, burning tears on my cheeks glisten
It's light at last from the fires of hell
A welcome sight though my soul I will sell
A welcome reprieve is hell's searing heat
It seers my soul and stops my heart beat
And when my heart stops it's beating at last
I will have found peace, surcease at the last
Where Have You Gone
Where have you gone
I really need to know
I keep waiting and hoping
For you to show
When I look in the mirror
I see you in there
But when I search inside
I find you nowhere
All that I find
Inside of me now
Is an evil darkness
That hides you somehow
So I ask the darkness,
No, I beg it to give
You back to me now
I want you to live
It answers with thoughts
That belong to a stranger
The emotions that come
Are even more of a danger
So
come back to me now
I cry out to you
For if you're gone forever
Then I've lost me too.
Where Once Upon A Morn So Dreary
Where once upon a morn so dreary
I woke miserable in mood so weary
And moped about in attitude foul
Returning hugs with a nasty scowl
The sun break through and did shine
Upon that ugly countenance of mine
Lo and behold a bright smile birthed
Then my better joyful self unearthed
Whispers Of Madness
the world goes up and down, all around
left and right, inside, outside, never found
wrung out like a rag til every drop hits the ground
a river of scarlet screaming madness piercing sound
in screaming silence the echoes endlessly pound
tormented souls, tortured hearts in isolation bound
in despair and loneliness the last hope is drowned
lost lives never lived in mere existence crowned
Who Am I
Who am I, I want to know
If you know me tell me so
In the mirror that's not me
Dead, empty eyes all I see
Wild, mad thoughts in my mind
In them me I just do not find
An alien heart beats in my chest
Just not me is my best guess
Tell me please what you know of me
There has to be more than I see
Where There Once Was Dark
Yesterday all was dark and gloomy
My life's outlook was all dreary
My heart was broken, my soul tattered
Couldn't see, my eyes were all teary
My world was ending bit by bit
The pain - it was indescribable
Loneliness was tearing me in two
The despair was insurmountable
I stood in the pit and all was black
I never thought I'd climb out of it
I simply could not see any way out
I was dying inside, bit by bit
Then along came a miracle
And though for you it be small
It changed things for me
Changed them once and for all
And today where there once was dark
Now I can see naught but the light
My world has changed for the better
It is truly a most wonderful sight
Where pain once wracked my soul
Where yesterday my heart was broken
Now I sing songs of joy and love
For at last my heart has spoken
It tells me tales of wonders great
Of joy and peace and wondrous love
Tales to rival those told in the Bible
Tales told Of God's own heaven above
My heart and soul both leap and bound
Through fields of the most verdant green
Under a sun made of glowing gold
It's the grandest thing I've ever seen
And though I know not what tomorrow brings
Darkness and despair or joy and light
Right here and now, for this wonderful day
I will bask in the joy of all that's right
Who Am I? Where Have I Gone?
Who am I? Where have I gone?
I remember me, the one I loved
A person who was always strong
Now I'm weak and always sad
Seems I've thrown away
The happy life that I had
Who's this stranger sitting here?
Filled with pain so fierce
And the stasis of fear
Who am I? Where have I gone?
I'm nowhere to be found
I've been gone so long
The mirror shows a stranger's face
One I don't recognize
Even with God's good grace
It's an image I've grown to hate
But I'm stuck with it now
Seems like that is my fate
Who am I? Where have I gone?
I listen intently
But no one's singing my song
I used to be strong, full of pride
Now I retreat to my room
Where I do nothing but hide
By a code of honor I used to live
Now self respect leaks away
As if through a sieve
Who am I? Where have I gone?
I've looked deep inside
What I found is just wrong
I had an intellect sharp and bright
Now my thoughts are dulled
By the alcohol's bite
I was full of love for the world around
Now I'm just empty inside,
No heart to be found
Who am I? Where have I gone?
Wired
Wired. Twisting and turning
Running hot. All out burning
Heart racing, pulse pounding
Full ahead with no sounding
Spinning round, all around
No landing to be found
CRACK! Thoughts flash through my mind
No connection in me do they find
Jagged bolts of lightning flash
Thunderous peals of sound crash
Muscles jumping as nerves thrum
Energy singing a sonorous hum
Out of control, way over the top
When will it ever, ever stop
Yeah....
What to do when you cannot live and cannot die?
When every second of every day is naught but a lie?
Why condemned to go on dying in a hell ever lasting?
Many masks to fit in yet never a role to be was casting
You Don't Know...
You don't know what it's like to be empty inside
To be breathing and moving but hollow inside
You don't know the sound of your thoughts echoing in your head
Nor do you know what it's like to not be able to get out of bed
You don't know how the darkness of forever waits for you
How it's eager to suck the light and the life too
You don't know the insanity made of all the pain
That gnaws at your insides time and again
You don't know the loneliness of life
The gratefulness even for some strife
You don't know the longing for human contact
When you feel that you're in life's last act
You don't know how wonderful a kind word can be
Until you're lost in the dark, the light you can't see
You don't how valuable is the presence of a friend
Until you're hollow inside and just want it to end
You don't know how important are the sounds of a voice
Until you're at your wit's end and left with no choice
You don't know the joy of a sunrise on a crisp cool morn
Until you've seen the darkness of hell in which you were born
Or the beauty of birds' songs ringing out like the tones of a bell
Until you've heard you own sobs echoing like the chant of a spell
You don't know regret if you never tried to atone
You don't know peace until you've felt pain
You don't know solitude until you've been alone
You don't know sanity until you've been insane
You don't know.... until you do
You Prayed For Help
You prayed for help
And so to you I came
To lend you strength
To withstand the pain
You just could not see
Lost in deepest despair
It was too difficult
To accept I did care
Those pills were never
Your life meant to end
To answer your prayers
Is why me God did send
hank you for reading books on Archive.