I've lost it all to this beast once more
I've lost what we had, of that I am sure
I place all the blame on this little beastie
Yet this much I know, the beast he is me
The Blending Of The Days
One day flows into the other
Never different, always the same
Yet some are filled with joy
And the others filled with pain
They blend together in a big blur
Mixed together as if in a blender
I can't tell them apart, not a one
It drives me to go off on a bender
Anything to differentiate these days
To keep them from running together
Sometimes I wonder why I care
It's all the same, even the weather
Nothing ever changes, day in day out
Nothing but the pain, here today
But gone tomorrow, always threatening
Like a sword of Damocles dangling away
Today is what? Just another day
I can't even tell the day of the week
Just give me a way to tell them apart
Because it's not surcease I seek
Does the sun shine down
with it's everlasting light?
Else I just cannot tell
Is it day or is it night?
Is it me or is it not?
There's no telling them apart
These days that run on
Blurred together right from the start
The only differences in the day are that there's
Happiness one day the very next there's the pain
Never an end to it, it goes round and round
It all makes the tears run down, falling like rain
All mixed and jumbled up in my head
Why can I not tell these days apart?
I'm not dimwitted, nor close to stupid
If I say so myself I am quite smart
First the pain, then the joy
Next thing I'm feeling so numb
Yes the blending of the days
Makes me feel worse then dumb
The Blossom Failing (Haiku)
The blossom failing
Overcome by gravity
Giving all, it ends
The Debt Is Mine To Pay
He came for us sinners
Now we are the winners
That's what we are told
But if I may be so bold
I will not add my missteps
Lay them on His doorsteps
Adding to His inhuman pain
Would be totally beyond insane
I am the one who failed
Yet He the one impaled
The debt is mine to pay
Not His, never, no way
When that bill comes due
The judge I'll answer to
The Cheshire Cat
When is it ok to give it all up?
When is it ok to be all alone?
Is it possible to do this
Without having to atone?
How many years must go by
Before you're locked in?
When leaving it all is
nothing but a sin?
How much wasted time must go by?
Does it ever get any easier
To say good by
without feeling sleazier?
How much of my life
Must I give to this lie?
For how many years
Must I continue to try?
How much despair
Must I continue to take?
For how much time
Must I live a fake?
How many times
must I set myself aside?
How many times
Must I continue to hide?
When do I count?
when does it matter?
I feel like the Cheshire cat
Or even the mad hatter.
I've given my life
To this mad tea party
It's not fun anymore
It never was hardy
How much must I take
Before I let go?
Before I say no?
Soon all that's left
Will be my fake smile
Pasted on my face
Like a ceramic tile
I'll wither away
And vanish in the air
But my smile will stay
And I won't even care
Like the Cheshire cat
All that's left is my smile
The rest of me lays
on the floor in a pile
That smile's been glued
on my face forever
It's not real you know
It is whatever
The Dying Of The Light
The darkness approaches time after time
It comes without reason, it comes without rhyme
Slowly it creeps up to my soul
To attack it without a drum roll
With stealth and cunning it sneaks up on me
To try to best me before it I can see
It can't be stopped, it comes like the tide
There is no escape, nowhere to hide
I sense it's coming, I'm not unaware
That onward it creeps right over there
Raise the drawbridge, lock up the gates
This is the onslaught that my heart hates
Even to my last breath will I fight
Battle to halt the dying of the light
The Darkness Within Me
The darkness within me
It never goes away
It fills my life
Each night and day
It turns good into bad
It makes joy into pain
Tears flow down my face
Like never ending rain
Sunlight never falls
Clean winds never blow
I'm trapped in the land
Of hell from below
The darkness within me
It defines all my life
It turns all pleasure
Into nothing but strife
No shadows are here
For that you need light
None of that shines here
Look hard as you might
It's blacker then hell
Not the velvety black
The blackness of death
It is darker then black
The darkness within me
All my world it destroys
It sucks all the life
Out of all of my joys
It's nothing but pain
Joyless and dark
There never is light
Not one little spark
It fills all my thoughts
And devours my soul
Gnaws away at my ego
Like a huge evil troll
The darkness within me
Consumes me you see
It's replaced all that's here
It defines all that's me
The Elevator
Riding the elevator from the sub sub sub basement
The tinkle of inanity wafts from the speaker grill
Intended to distract from a most alarming fact
The lack of a door is a frighteningly bitter pill
It's roots deeply buried in the cold, dank pit
Warmed not at all by the searing flames of hell
That blacken heart, soul and mind turned on a spit
Until evil agony and despair inside you upwell
The other end far removed way up out of sight
Buffeted by gales, ceaseless blasts of thunder
Jagged cracks of wild bolts of lightning's energy
Ever threatening to rip the structure asunder
There are no stops between pit and spire
Not one single pause in the relentless rise
At times it creeps but others it rockets
A se
amless cube on a path into the skies
Don't let distraction elude the most vital fact
Despite shooting up above all things around
Eternally heed this most dire of warnings
What goes up must inevitably come back down
The Eternal Battle
The lines formed bravely upon the field
Trumpets sounded and drummers rolled
Tender youths determined not to yield
Faced each other in attitudes so bold
One side dressed in white and shining gold
Bravely bathed in warm sunshine so bright
Standing forth for right in lines so bold
Willingly they'll bleed for what is right
Opposing forces wrapped in darkest black
The grave's own chill hidden by the night
Hating the light they are eager to attack
To assert mastery over the denizens of light
Bugles sound and so begins the endless fight
Chaos reigns, death has come, a river of blood
Will life win out or shall come eternal blight
The price, the pain, the red flows in a flood
Crimson fields upon which the battle does rage
The blood that flows from the drum's first roll
Each side steadfastly refusing to disengage
They war and bleed and die to be master of my soul
The Eyes In The Mirror
Not warm
Not cold
No invitation
Repulsive
Soulless
Lifeless
Empty
Gateways to hell
Devoid of everything
Dead
Where did they come from?
Who do they belong to?
Why do they stare at me?
What do they see?
Who do they see?
Or do they see anything at all?
The Fog
Cold, damp, musty fog comes creeping
Blotting the light across the landscape
Into life's bones the chill is seeping
Muffles the soul with a thick gray cape
All about are dim shapes without form
Colorless specters of what once had been
Twisting and swirling as they transform
Fade away as their substance grows thin
A cold lightless universe of thick gray
Direction and distance lose all import
In stasis or moving impossible to say
Is it a long way to go or is it so short
The Invisible Man
Faces look but they don't see
The jagged shards inside of me
Not a soul even dares to ask
Just what is behind the mask
Buried deep behind iron walls
No one hears the pleading calls
To keep them safe from me at least
Those walls protect them from the beast
Among all souls across the land
I am in indeed an invisible man
The Geometry Of The Cycles
Can you picture the steep and craggy alps?
Lately that has been the sine wave
Of the hated beast driven cycles
That drove me deep into the cave
Depression and mania bringing madness
Like blitzkreig warfare against my mind
Frequency and amplitude ever rising
Until peace I just couldn't find
The beast raging completely unchecked
Alien thoughts and emotions filled me
Slicing bloody ribbons from my soul
No matter what they refused to let me be
To the cave I went and dumped it all
In self defense to keep me sane
Poured out all of the madness
Left behind all of the pain
Until the frequency and amplitude
Eventually gentled and began to wane
Like Pa's gently rolling foothills
Allowing me to again feel sane
Now the sine wave has morphed into a line
Just above the center of the scale
Mild hypomania is now ruling all
That's all there is to this tale
Except to tell you that at last
I've left the cave for the world
And the light and love there contained
And hope's flag is once again unfurled
The Hand Of The Fates
Jagged, sharp flashes of light, crash, boom
Spears from on high, pronouncements of doom
Eyes rattling deep in their sockets
Fists clenched tighter deep in pockets
Gale force winds uprooting the trees
The demon smiles at what he sees
As the solid earth splits asunder
He knows this soul is his to plunder
No more just ahead does madness wait
It's swallowed all, it's now too late
Claws shredding pale skin on the face
Bright red rivulets downward race
In a tree a dangling noose grimly waits
Irresistible, it's the hand of the fates
The Land Of The Lost
The land is dark as midnight on a moonless night
in the middle of the sea
The landscape empty and barren as the great salt flats
Nothing grows there, nothing lives there
It is a lifeless land, full only of pain
Light never reaches it, life never touches it
It is empty and shall always remain so
It is the land of the lost
To enter this terrain is to give up your life
To a life of loneliness and pain
Abandon all hope all you who enter for there is no escape
The land will suck you dry,
It drains the very life from you
It doesn't respect what you've done in life
Nor who you love or who loves you
It matters not what you've accomplished
It will eat you
A lone figure strides this land,
full of the pain delivered by the land
More dead then alive the figure roams
The land looking for escape
But escape is not to be found
Soul as empty as the land,
The figure knows no hope of surcease
Lost in this land it would welcome even death
Anything to escape the pain
The figure roams the land
And is as empty and lost as the land itself
There is no light for this figure
Not from without, nor from within
It's soul is black as the night of the land
Nowhere to turn, it matters not where it roams
No release, no comfort, no help, no hope
It is as lost as the land itself
It yearns for the release of death,
Anything to escape the land within which it's trapped
It longs for the joy of a welcoming voice,
The comfort of a firm handshake
The peace and contentment of a loving heart
Someone to love and to be loved by
A friend on whose shoulder to cry,
To release some of the terrible pain
To break the loneliness,
To fill the emptiness
A light to push back the darkness
Who is this pitiful figure?
Who is it that is trapped in this dreadful land?
Who is it that is lost in this vast emptiness?
Who is it that has to struggle so to maintain hope
In such a hopeless and joyless land?
Who is this sorrowful figure,
So bereft of comfort and joy,
So lost in the darkness of this land?
Who is this lost figure?
It is I.
The Light At The End Of The Storm
During a thunderstorm the sky is dark and full of clouds
Filling the sky from end to end they bump together
And lightning bolts are released! KABOOM! goes the thunder!
The wind, whipped by the storm, thrashes your hair and pulls at your
clothes
It nearly bowls you over in it's intensity and ferocity
The rain pours down in buckets, droplets big as a nickel
Sometimes hail bounces off the sidewalk
And all the while the dark lumbering clouds loom threateningly overhead
You feel their weight even more then the rain soaked jacket upon your
shoulders
They weigh heavily not just on your body but on your very soul
They hang there, dark, foreboding, causing your spirit to cringe at
their evil intent
The ferocity of nature unleashed.
But then the storm ends.
Slowly the wind dies
The hail ends, the rain trickles to a stop
The clouds begin to break up
And like a promise from God the sun breaks through
It's rays form a halo where they shoot through the clouds
The sun peeps out, shy at first but ever more confidently
Light falls upon the earth below and your spirit soars
The weight on your soul lifts and you feel like you could dance for joy
All is right with the world. Nature is once again at peace.
That's exactly where I am right now.
The storm has ended and the sun's rays shine down upon me
Life has returned to my soul and my spirit soars
I am at peace as the peace of the world seeps into my bones.
I've weathered this one and it was very violent in nature
This has not been the worst storm I've had thrown at me
But it ranks up there with them.
I have seen the sunlight follow the storm and I know
I've made it through this one, I can make it through the next
And the next, and the one after that
For always there is an end to the storm and the sun shines forth again
I feel God's promise. Never will He give me more then I can handle, with