that boy would rather be
than with
you.
That’s the power.
When you’re the only thing that matters,
the world could come to an end
but the both of you would still be in that happy,
drunk but not drunk,
it should be illegal for a body to feel this good
state of mind.
OF COURSE,
you won’t have any power
if people think you’re a slut.
And if you’re a girl,
and you like to fool around,
you can get a bad rep, fast.
To mess with the rules of the game
you have to know what they are.
That’s why I usually hang
with guys
from other schools.
GOOD ENOUGH
But there’s this one guy
at my school
I think I’ll check out.
This girl named Josie is going around telling everybody
he’s no good.
Wanted me to read all about him
in the back of some old library book.
I tell you what, though,
I think she’s just a goody-goody.
I have seen this guy and he looks pretty good to me.
I mean REAL good.
Finger- lickin’ good.
She probably just didn’t know how to take care of him.
I’ve got his number,
and he’s about to get mine.
HEY
I walk straight over to him
as he’s digging for stuff in his locker.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Nicolette, right?”
“That’s right.”
“Aren’t you the girl who used to hang with
Tyler Jones sophomore year?”
For a second I worry how he heard
about me hooking up
with a guy from another school.
But I figure a little mystery can be used to my
advantage.
I fiddle with my top button and give a little sexy smile
like I’m remembering some steamy memory of
me and Tyler.
“Yeaahhh, that’s me.”
“How’s junior year treating you so far?”
“Can’t complain,” I say.
“You and Josie split, huh?” I say.
“You heard about that?”
“Kind of. She told me to stay away from you.”
“But here you are,” he says.
“Here I am.”
He smiles.
I smile back.
“Wanna grab a burger at Paul’s later?” he says.
“Okay.”
And that’s
how it’s done.
BURGER AND SHAKE
“Can I get some fries with that shake?”
He laughs at me with that sexy laugh
as I slink on over to his car with our burgers in a bag.
“So what all happened with you and Josie, anyway?”
“Ah, she’s just a kid. No hard feelings,” he says.
“She’s not like you, Nic. I’ve got a feeling you’re
all woman.”
He takes that burger right out of my hand and slides
his tongue right in my mouth.
He’s kissing me so good
I’m hoping he doesn’t try much else
because sometimes
to make things go
the way you want
you need to know when
to take it
slow.
FINE
Dad’s been gone since
I was five,
but we’re fine,
Mom and me.
We look out for each other.
Sure, she spends a lot of time
on the dating scene, but that has its perks.
I have the freedom I need,
access to tons of hot clothes—
we’re about the same size, and she’s got good taste.
Some people say she dresses too young for her age,
but she’s got a great body and she’s proud of it.
Why shouldn’t she be?
She taught me to be proud too.
Powerful and proud,
that’s how Mom says a woman’s got to be
to get what she wants
out of this world.
NICOLETTE
I’ve always liked my name.
It’s different and kind of sexy.
But it’s never sounded half as sexy
as when it’s his voice
saying it over and over and over and over
right in my ear
as his fingers tangle through
my thick blond hair
and his hands travel around
my back
my neck
my belly
my boobs.
Nicolette. Ohh, Nicolette.
Nicolette, you’re so soft.
Nicolette, you feel so good.
Nicolette.
AFTER PRACTICE
I’m waiting for him
like he asked,
which I’m sort of kicking myself for.
I should be making him wait for me,
not the other way around.
But here he comes
running off the field
over to me.
He’s got my full attention.
Can’t seem to help myself.
“Hey, you,” he says.
“Hey.”
“You look great,” he adds.
My “thanks”
cut off
by his mouth on mine.
Overpowered
by the force of his kiss
bulk of his uniform
smell of his sweat.
Hands everywhere.
Then,
“Thanks, babe,
gotta get home for dinner!”
and he sprints toward the gym
before
I can
say
anything,
like,
“Hey,
I thought we had
plans!”
RED LIGHT
There’s an old art supply closet at the end of
Yellow Hall.
I never knew it was there until he showed it to me
the other day.
It’s got this red lightbulb in the ceiling because it used
to be a darkroom or something.
He says it’s our very own red-light district,
whatever that means.
I like that we have a place all our own.
He put a piece of dark tape over the outside switch,
that way nobody can tell when the red light’s lit.
None of the teachers or janitors seem to notice, or care.
There are shelves with leftover art supplies,
like paint and brushes.
It smells good in there,
like potential,
like anything
is just waiting to be made
into something.
GREEN LIGHT
Here he comes, looking right at me with that grin.
But he doesn’t say anything, just shoves
a note in my hand and
brushes on past.
“Isn’t that the girl you were telling us about?”
one of his friends says.
I hear him say, “Yeah, that’s her,”
and I’m caught off guard by my insides jumping
at the thought of him
talking to his friends about me.
Could he really like me,
for real?
And could I
really like him,
too?
I open my palm.
RLD: 10:15
At 10:10, I change to Green and GO.
THE
CLOSET
I open the door and slip inside,
he’s not here yet, oh great,
I wish I hadn’t gotten here first.
Too late.
Here he is.
“How much time do you have?”
“Only a few minutes, I’ve gotta get to my next class,”
I say.
“Well, I’ve gotta get to you.
I’ve been thinking about you all morning,” he says.
My body’s pulsing and my cheeks are probably flushing,
I’m glad our red light is hiding that.
“C’mere.”
He holds me against him and kisses me,
Omigod I love how he kisses me,
a little bit forceful but gentle at the same time.
Each kiss
hotter and wetter
our bodies pressing closer and closer
his jeans stretched tight against his hard-on.
I’m getting that tingle down low
my body wanting him more and more and more
my head trying to keep it together.
Just as I’m finding the strength to stop,
he reaches down to my pants
spreads his palm open
presses his fingers against me.
“Nic, you’re so . . .”
his words crumble into a moan.
Now I’m needing him
but I still don’t want him to feel
how much.
Too late.
His hand disappears into my pants.
I’m so hot for him,
too hot, really.
I can feel my
I say who and
I say what
slipping.
Who’s got the power now?
Is it still me?
My chest feels warm
almost
burning.
It’s me,
losing
control.
Losing
my
cool.
The bell rings.
He whips his hand out,
looks me dead in the eye and says,
“Gonna be late for English. Catch ya later, Nic.”
And he leaves.
Just like that.
And now, I’m gonna be late too.
I straighten my clothes,
take a deep breath,
and get my ass to class.
WE HAD
the same lunch period today.
I thought it might be nice to sit with him,
but when I looked for a seat
there was no room anywhere at his table
and he never caught my eye.
I don’t know how he didn’t see me,
I walked pretty near his table.
I thought it was obvious I was looking for a seat,
but I guess he didn’t see me.
POWER OUTAGE
It’s been two days since those mind-blowing minutes
in our closet.
In bed at night
my hands retrace
every move his hands
made.
Why hasn’t he called me,
or found me in school to say something— anything?
Is he trying to make me crazy?
I can’t believe it,
but for once, I actually want a guy
to pay more attention to me,
take me out,
show me off,
meet his friends,
even some of the girls,
since most of the ones at P.B.H.
don’t give me the time of day.
I think they think I’m a threat or something,
even though I hardly ever go after their guys.
I wouldn’t mind him
treating me like his
girlfriend.
I don’t think I’m playing
anymore.
It never occurred to me I couldn’t change
the way things are
whenever I wanted to.
I mean, I’ve always
been the one
calling the shots.
I saw him a few times in the halls
and he winked at me,
but we never seem to get a chance to talk.
I was starting to wonder if I was imagining
what was happening
between us
when his car pulls up next to me
about a block from school
and he asks if I want a ride home.
I let my breath out.
I didn’t even realize I was holding it.
I climb in and flash my sexiest smile.
“How are you? I’ve been missing you,”
trying to sound casual,
but wishing right away I could take it back.
“Oh yeah?” he says.
He looks at me.
“Me too.
There’s something special about you, Nic,” he adds.
Mmmmmm.
THE LONG WAY HOME
“I know a place where we can stop
on the way home,” he says.
“Okay, and then we can study together at my house.”
“Okay.”
We pull onto Fowler Field and he stops the car.
“Let’s go for a walk.”
We walk toward the baseball diamond,
then right into the empty dugout.
“What’s here?”
“Us,” he says.
We sit on the bench.
“You know I really like you, right?” he says.
What I’m thinking is,
What I say is,
“Sure, I get that.”
“So, will you do something for me?”
He starts unzipping his jeans.
“I promise to return the favor,” he says.
And there he is, in broad daylight,
standing right in front of me
jeans around his ankles.
Guys.
Not a bashful bone in their bodies.
Why can’t we be like that?
“I think we’re going too fast,
I mean, we haven’t even gone out on a date yet,”
I hear myself say.
(I can’t remember the last time I used the word date.)
“We will, Nic, I promise. But we’re here now,
and I’m dying for you. Please, baby.”
I put my mouth on him
and he groans,
making me want
to please him
even more.
I know how
to take him
over
the
edge.
“Now it’s your turn,” he says.
Most guys don’t think about what the girl’s getting,
they’re just out for themselves.
He pulls me to my feet and turns me around
so he’s standing in back of me.
“C’mere.”
It’s chilly enough to see our breath.
I should be
shivering
but he’s wrapped himself around me
strong body
and hands
warming me all over.
He turns me around again so I’m facing him,
unzips my pants
eases them down over my hips
and kisses me,
gently guiding me back down
to the bench.
Then his mouth leaves mine.
The back of me
stings
from the cold dugout against my skin,
the front of me
steams
from his touch.
I’m
buzzing.
My eyes are open
but things
aren’t
quite
in
focus.
His hair so soft through my fingers,
I close my eyes and my head falls back
against the wall.
My heart
might actually pound
right out of my chest.
I couldn’t move myself from this spot
if the dugout caught fire.
On the way home,
head on his shoulder, his
“you’re the best”
whispers down
reaching a spot
in my soul.
I didn’t realize until later that night
that he never came in to study
when he dropped me off.
FAVOR
Phone rings.
It’s him.
“Do me a favor?”
“Another one?”
He laughs.
“Wear a skirt tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“ ’Cause.”
“ ’Cause why?”
“You’ll see.”
I couldn’t help it.
I thought about him
all night.
SECOND THOUGHTS
When I find the note on my locker:
RLD: Study Hall
I have second thoughts.
He had to have seen me in the cafeteria
this time.
Either that, or he’s blind
or he doesn’t think I’ll like his friends,
or that they’ll like me.
I decide to go
just so I can find out
what his deal is.
He’s waiting for me when I get there.
He looks at my clothes and grins.
“I just happened to want to wear a skirt today.”
“And what a lovely skirt it is.”
“How come you didn’t invite me over at lunch?”