BOOKS BY STUART WOODS
FICTION
Indecent Exposure†
Fast & Loose†
Below the Belt†
Sex, Lies & Serious Money†
Dishonorable Intentions†
Family Jewels†
Scandalous Behavior†
Foreign Affairs†
Naked Greed†
Hot Pursuit†
Insatiable Appetites†
Paris Match†
Cut and Thrust†
Carnal Curiosity†
Standup Guy†
Doing Hard Time†
Unintended Consequences†
Collateral Damage†
Severe Clear†
Unnatural Acts†
D.C. Dead†
Son of Stone†
Bel-Air Dead†
Strategic Moves†
Santa Fe Edge§
Lucid Intervals†
Kisser†
Hothouse Orchid*
Loitering with Intent†
Mounting Fears‡
Hot Mahogany†
Santa Fe Dead§
Beverly Hills Dead
Shoot Him If He Runs†
Fresh Disasters†
Short Straw§
Dark Harbor†
Iron Orchid*
Two-Dollar Bill†
The Prince of Beverly Hills
Reckless Abandon†
Capital Crimes‡
Dirty Work†
Blood Orchid*
The Short Forever†
Orchid Blues*
Cold Paradise†
L.A. Dead†
The Run‡
Worst Fears Realized†
Orchid Beach*
Swimming to Catalina†
Dead in the Water†
Dirt†
Choke
Imperfect Strangers
Heat
Dead Eyes
L.A. Times
Santa Fe Rules§
New York Dead†
Palindrome
Grass Roots‡
White Cargo
Deep Lie‡
Under the Lake
Run Before the Wind‡
Chiefs‡
COAUTHORED BOOKS
Smooth Operator**
(with Parnell Hall)
Barely Legal††
(with Parnell Hall)
TRAVEL
A Romantic’s Guide to the Country Inns of Britain and Ireland (1979)
MEMOIR
Blue Water, Green Skipper
†A Stone Barrington Novel
‡A Will Lee Novel
§An Ed Eagle Novel
**A Teddy Fay Novel
††A Herbie Fisher Novel
G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS
Publishers Since 1838
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
Copyright © 2017 by Stuart Woods
Excerpt from Quick & Dirty © 2017 by Stuart Woods
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Woods, Stuart, author. | Hall, Parnell, author.
Title: Barely legal : a Herbie Fisher novel / Stuart Woods and Parnell Hall.
Description: New York : G. P. Putnam’s Sons, 2017.
Identifiers: LCCN 2017010098 | ISBN 9780735217232 (hardback) | ISBN 9780735217256 (epub)
Subjects: | BISAC: FICTION / Action & Adventure. | FICTION Suspense. | FICTION Thrillers. | GSAFD: Suspense fiction. | Adventure fiction.
Classification: LCC PS3573.O642 B37 2017 | DDC 813/.54—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017010098
p. cm.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Version_2
CONTENTS
Books by Stuart Woods
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Chapter 99
Chapter 100
Chapter 101
Chapter 102
Chapter 103
Chapter 104
Chapter 105
Chapter 106
Chapter 107
Chapter 108
Chapter 109
Chapter 110
Chapter 111
Author’s Note
Excerpt from Quick & Dirty
About the Authors
1
BENNY SLICK’S LIFE was flashing before his eyes. It was flashing upside down becaus
e two goons were hanging him by his heels from the window of his fourteenth-floor office. The elderly bookmaker had been hit with financial reversals. A horse running at two hundred to one had finished first; a surprising number of people had bet on the nag to win, and in order to pay them off, Benny had been forced to borrow more money than he had any realistic hope of repaying.
The result was a visit from the one man in the world you didn’t want to see. Mario “Payday” Capelleti, so named for his habit of walking into the shops of those who owed him money with two thugs and proclaiming “It’s Payday!,” had quite a reputation, and it wasn’t good. Those who didn’t pay were left with a reminder of why this behavior might not be the wisest course of action. Benny Slick was receiving such a reminder.
Mario Payday was puffing on a big cigar. He walked over to the window and blew smoke in Benny’s direction. It barely reached him, but the effect was chilling.
“Hi, Benny. Remember me? You should. You took my money. And you failed to pay me back. Not only did you fail to pay me the principal, you failed to pay me the vig. No one fails to pay Mario Payday the interest on a loan. How could you forget that?”
“I didn’t forget!” Benny cried desperately.
Mario’s eyes narrowed. “You mean you did it deliberately? Benny, you know such disrespect cannot be tolerated.”
“I didn’t do it deliberately!”
“But you do remember that you owe me money?”
“Yes, yes, I remember.”
Mario smiled and spread his arms. “He remembers. It’s amazing how quickly people remember when they’re upside down. So where is my money?”
Benny’s life was still flashing before his eyes, but then he was ninety-two years old and there was a lot to flash. From somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind the right image emerged. “I got it!”
“What have you got, Benny?”
“I got your money!”
“How much money have you got, Benny?”
“I got ninety grand!”
Mario nodded approvingly. “Pull him up.”
Mario’s goons pulled Benny back into the office. His legs were weak and he could barely stand.
Mario’s glare was not helping. “Ninety grand, Benny? You have ninety grand and you couldn’t pay me?”
“It’s not in cash.”
Mario snapped his fingers, pointed to the window. “Put him back.”
Benny put up his hands. “No, no, no. You don’t have to do that. I have a marker for ninety grand. It’s good as cash. You can have it.”
“What marker?”
“Vinnie the Vig owed me money, and he didn’t have the cash so he gave me a marker.”
“Vinnie the Vig is dead.”
“It’s not his marker. Vinnie was holding another guy’s marker for ninety grand. When he went into my debt, he transferred the marker to me, and I will now pass it on to you.”
“You have a marker for ninety grand and you never cashed it?”
“I couldn’t. I was in prison.”
“Where’s this marker now?”
“It’s in my desk.” Benny hurried to his desk and began rifling through the drawers, praying he could find the marker he’d promised was in them. He hadn’t cashed it because he’d forgotten it was there. Shortly after he’d received it he was sent off to the state penitentiary for indulging in his chosen profession. By the time he got out he’d forgotten all about the marker, and only recalled it with eternity staring him in the eye.
Benny pulled out his petty cash box, took out the money tray, and searched through the papers in the bottom.
Mario watched him with growing skepticism. “You have a marker for ninety grand and you keep it with the petty cash receipts?”
Benny hoped he did, but it was looking less likely.
And then, suddenly, victory.
Benny clutched the slip of paper and held it up. “Here! Here!”
Mario took the marker. “All right, let’s see who owes me ninety thousand dollars.”
He held it up, read the name.
“Herbie Fisher.”
2
STONE BARRINGTON AND Dino Bacchetti were having dinner at Patroon, one of their usual haunts since Elaine’s had closed. Their entrées had just arrived when Dino looked over Stone’s shoulder and his eyes widened. “Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“Look who’s here.”
Stone was contentedly inspecting his steak. “I’m busy. Who is it?”
“Herbie Fisher.”
“Oh, great.”
“Not necessarily.”
“Oh?”
Stone turned and looked. The young man approaching their table was indeed Herbie Fisher. He was impeccably dressed in a suit and tie. He looked like a corporate lawyer, which indeed he was.
Herbie Fisher, the youngest lawyer ever to make senior partner at Woodman & Weld, was a shining star, as adept at attracting clients as he was at handling their legal problems. It was hard to believe he had once been Stone’s client, and not in the most savory of cases. Were it not for Stone’s legal gymnastics, Herbie probably would have been in jail.
Stone had taken Herbie under his wing, and the young man had flourished under his mentorship. Not only had he straightened out his life, but Stone had taught him where to buy the right suits, where to get the right haircut—in short, how to be a respectable member of high society.
Since turning his life around, Herbie had never caused Stone a moment’s concern. On the contrary, he was the attorney to whom Stone was most likely to refer important clients.
At the moment Herbie was grinning from ear to ear, and the cause was undoubtedly the young woman with him. Her beauty was enough to turn any man’s head. Though as conservatively dressed as any third-grade schoolteacher, her radiant smile exuded more than a hint of mischief.
Herbie ushered her up to the table.
“Herbie,” Stone said.
Herbie shot him a look. Since joining the law firm of Woodman & Weld he had adopted a less juvenile appellation.
Stone quickly corrected himself. “Herb. And who is this charming young lady?”
Herbie positively beamed. “Yvette, these are the men I’ve been telling you about. Allow me to introduce Stone Barrington and Dino Bacchetti. Gentlemen, this is Yvette Walker, my fiancée.”
The young couple exchanged glances.
So did Stone and Dino. It was momentary, however. Then they were greeting Yvette enthusiastically, congratulating young Herbie, and hoping the two would be happy together.
Dino took the lead. “Yvette, I’m so happy for you. How did you meet? Are you a lawyer, too?”
She smiled. “Heaven forbid. I have nothing against lawyers, I just don’t want to be one.”
“What do you do?”
“I’m an actress.”
“Really? What have I seen you in?”
“You probably haven’t. I’m just getting started.”
“You acted in college?”
“Yes.”
“Where did you go?”
“Yale drama school.”
Dino smiled. “Well, that’s a coincidence. Our sons went to Yale. Ben Bacchetti and Peter Barrington. Perhaps you knew them.”
“It’s a big school.”
“They were in the theater department. Peter got a play produced while he was still in school.”
“I know of them. Award-winning Hollywood director and the head of Centurion Studios. They were way before my time.”
“Not necessarily. Our kids started young.”
Yvette’s eyes twinkled. “If you think I’m going to tell you my age in front of my fiancée, you can forget it. I’ve told him just as much as he needs to know, no more, no less. If you prove I’m older than I said I was and he dumps me, I’ll sue you for damages.”
“And I’d handle the case,” Herbie said with a smile. “But that’s not going to happen. We’re very happy.”
“Would you care to join us?” Stone said.
Yvette and Herbie looked at each other. They clearly wished to be alone.
Yvette politely declined. “Thanks, but we’ve got a lot to talk about. Come on, Herbie.”
The happy couple chose a table for two in the back and out of earshot.
“I notice she can call him Herbie,” Dino said.
“Was that nice?” Stone said.
“Was what nice?”
“You were vetting her.”
“Was I?”
“You know you were.”
Dino shrugged. “Force of habit.”
“No, it wasn’t. You’re suspicious of her.”
“Well, can you blame me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you kidding me? Ten years ago Herbie was a total fuckup, couldn’t tie his shoe. He’d make the worst choices, often endangering his life.”
“So?”
“That was nothing compared to his taste in women. He was always showing up with some hooker or other he was madly in love with, despite the fact that he had just met her.”