59. God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts
60. 50,070 killed for looking into the ark of the Lord
61. The Lord thundered great thunder upon the Philistines
62. Another Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired, body-part message)
63. Jonathan’s very first slaughter (not counting the one before)
64. God forces the Philistines to kill each other
65. The Amalekite genocide
66. Samuel hacks Agag to death before the Lord
67. In the valley of Elah: Goliath
68. David buys a wife with 200 Philistine foreskins
69. The Lord said to David, Go and smite the Philistines
70. God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff)
71. David commits random acts of genocide (as a mercenary for the Philistines)
72. David spends the day killing Amalekites
73. God killed Saul (and his sons and soldiers) for not killing all the Amalekites
74. David killed the messenger
75. David killed Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hung their bodies over the pool
76. God helps David smite the Philistines from the front and the rear
77. God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling
78. David killed two-thirds of the Moabite POWs and enslaved the rest
79. The Lord gave David victory wherever he went
80. David killed every male in Edom
81. Thus did David unto all the children of Ammon
82. God slowly kills a baby
83. Famine and human sacrifice: Seven sons of Saul are hung up before the Lord
84. David’s mighty men and their amazing killings
85. God killed 70,000 because David had a census that God (or Satan) told him to do
86. Solomon carried out the deathbed wish of David by having Joab and Shimei murdered
87. A tale of two prophets
88. Jeroboam’s son: God kills another child
89. Jeroboam’s family
90. Baasha’s family and friends
91. Zimri burns to death
92. The drought of Elijah
93. Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest
94. The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians
95. God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a god of the hills
96. God killed 27,000 Syrians by making a wall fall on them
97. God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet
98. God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king
99. God burned 102 men to death for asking Elijah to come down from his hill
100. God killed Ahaziah (of Israel) for asking the wrong God
101. God sent two bears to rip apart 42 boys for making fun of a prophet’s bald head
103. A skeptic is trampled to death
104. God’s seven year famine
105. Jehoram of Israel
106. Jezebel
107. Ahab’s sons: Seventy heads in two heaps
108. Ahab’s hometown family, friends, and priests
109. Jehu killed Ahaziah’s family
110. Jehu and his partner show their zeal for the Lord by killing the rest of Ahab’s family
111. Jehu assembles the followers of Baal and then slaughters them all
112. The priest of Baal and Queen Athaliah
113. God sent lions to eat those that didn’t fear him enough
114. An angel killed 185,000 sleeping soldiers
115. God caused King Sennacherib to be killed by his sons
116. Josiah killed all the priests of the high places
117. Just another holy war
118. God killed a half million Israelite soldiers
119. Jeroboam
120. God killed a million Ethiopians
121. Friendly Fire: God forced “a great multitude” to kill each other
122. God made Jehoram’s bowels fall out
123. God killed Jehoram’s sons
124. Ahaziah (of Judah)
125. Joash, the princes, and army of Judah
126. God destroyed Amaziah
127. God smote Ahaz with the king of Syria
128. God killed 120,000 valiant men for forsaking him
129. The fall of Jerusalem
130. God and Satan kill Job’s children and slaves
131. Hananiah
132. Ezekiel’s wife
133. Ananias and Sapphira
134. Herod Aggripa
135. Jesus
Afterword
A list of God’s killings
Illustrations
Acknowledgments
About the author