Dedication
For all the Lilys . . .
Contents
Title Page
Dedication
The Friend of the Family
It’s Been Two Endless Years
When Luke Left
I’ve Tried On Everything in My Closet
Then Mom’s Shouting
Driving to the Airport
Not That I’m a Particularly Sad Person
Suddenly
In Baggage Claim
Then—There He Is
And Then
Luke Slings His Luggage into the Trunk
Luke Will Be Sleeping in the Guest Room
Dinner
I’m Imagining Him Standing Up
It’s August
Luke Says It’s Time for Presents
Luke’s Always Given Alice and Me
It’s After Midnight
My Parents Have to Work
At the Cineplex
Because the Truth Is
Alice Lobbied Hard for Bowling
But When We’re with Dad
Because I Do Love Him
And I’m Pretty Sure He Doesn’t Regret It
Luke’s Been My Dad’s Best Friend Forever
If You’ve Just Done the Math in Your Head
For Example:
When I Was Seven
When I Was Ten
He Was Sort of Like a Character from a Novel
And Books Aren’t All We Have in Common
This Morning
The Next Day, It’s Pouring Out
But, of Course, She Does
He Holds Out Both Hands to Help Me Up
I’ve Been Wearing Luke’s Necklace 24/7
I Mean, Like I Literally Bump Right into Him
I Close the Door Behind Me
But I’m an Idiot
Now I Know
I Just Googled It
Sometimes
It’s Saturday
I Don’t Want to Eavesdrop on Dad and Luke
My Phone Buzzes in My Pocket
Saturday Night
What Is It About Being Alone in a Car?
Suddenly Luke’s Laughing
As We Turn Left onto Kingsley
As We Turn onto Rose’s Street
When We Pull Up in Front of Rose’s House
Then I Thank Him for the Ride
I Ring the Bell
So She Tells Us
Taylor Laughs
But When We Ask Him About Going All the Way
When We Finally Stop Laughing
I’m Trying to Fall Asleep
The Next Morning
At the Beach
And Then Alice Is Tugging Us Toward the Water
Now the Air Feels Icier Than the Water
In Fact
We Watch the Waves Rolling In and In and In
Whoa . . .
Then Suddenly—It’s Over
But
I’m Lying Here in Bed
The Next Day Is Labor Day
He Opens the Cellar Door
When We Get to the Bottom Step
Each Time
Then Uncle Mike and Aunt Pat Arrive
I’m Lying in Bed
The First Day of High School
But Then I Walk into French Class
In Creative Writing Class
I’m Plowing Through the Multitudes
At Lunch with the Triatomics in the Quad
Photography Class
In Chemistry
After School
I Tug Open the Heavy Oak Door
Bella Goes Behind the Cash Register
When the Guy
You’d Think Rose Would Realize
Finally
But Then My Phone Rings
As We Circle Around and Around
A Few Minutes Later
But Then
They Are My Flowers
It’s the Middle of the Night
But I Don’t Turn It
In Creative Writing
Photography Class
In Madame Melvoin’s Class
I Hop into Luke’s Car
But Then I Realize
On Thursday After School
Thursday Night
Friday After School
I Didn’t Realize Luke Overheard Me Yesterday
It’s So Strange
And Then, to Make Matters Worse—
On Saturday Morning
He Gathers Me into His Arms
Then We Hear a Car
Then—Wham!
After the Animals Take Their Final Bows
Because It Just Dawned on Me
What I Pack in My Overnight Bag:
When Mom Drops Me Off at Rose’s
The Question Hangs in the Air Like Smoke
I Feel Like Screaming at Them
I Wait Just Long Enough
I Don’t Want to Be Here
It’s Exhausting
In the Morning
Then
But By the Time We Get There
Before We Leave
I Text Mom to Tell Her I’m Sick
Alice Leaps Up
When Your Mother
After a Nap, I’m Feeling a Little Better
When I Wake Up on Monday
He Nuzzles the Nape of my Neck
When Luke Said
Luke Steers Me Toward the Living Room
As We Cross the Room
Then Somehow—We’re There
He Looks into My Eyes
But All of a Sudden
His Crotch!
And That’s When I Remember
I Try to Pull Away
But
His Words Burn
He Moans
He Sighs
The Next Morning in Photography
But Then
At Lunch with the Triatomics
Luke Isn’t Able to Get Me Alone Again
Love Is Strange
Not to Mention Confusing
On Sunday
Which Luke Thinks Isn’t Nearly Often Enough
Now That the Mall Is Closed
In Photography
As Soon as We Get Outside
And When the Bell Rings
Saturday Morning
Saturday Afternoon
A Few Seconds Later
Luke Grins at Us
Rose Swings Open Her Door
Then Rose Gets a Text and Almost Faints
Rose’s Brother Drives Us Over
And Pretty Soon
Sunday Morning
Rose Gets Some Toast and Advil into Me
How He Treats Me Now
How That Makes Me Feel
Every Single Night
And School Is No Better
And Presley’s Been a Problem Too
Then
The Next Day, He’s Waiting for Me After School
He Drives Us Over to the Research Library
He’s Kissing Me
When We Finally Come Up for Air
When It’s Over
I Shudder and Bite My Lower Lip
I’m Sitting Here in Chemistry
At Lunch
A Few Days Later
He Presses My Hand Down onto Him
On the Way Home
On Saturday, I Go to a Sleepover
The Next Morning
At Lunch with the Triatomics
At Our Third “Tutoring” Session
Luke Pulls Me onto His Lap
It’s Hard to Come Up with a Costume
Before the Dance
Rose’s Brother Drops Us Off at School
After a Half Hour
I Glance Back Over My Shoulder
&nb
sp; Here We Are
As the Song Nears Its Finish
The Second the Music Stops
We’re Driving Through the Dark Streets
My Blood Freezes
Twenty Minutes Later
A Shudder Runs Through Me
My Heart Flings Itself Against My Ribs
He Unties the Bow at the Neck of My Cape
And That’s When I Notice
Luke Pours Two Glasses of Champagne
I’m Feeling So Light-Headed Now
My Eyes Pop Open
He Starts Fumbling with His Fly
And That’s When
“Nooooo!”
And Then—
He’s Telling Me He’s Sorry
That’s All He’s Ever Cared About
And When Both of Us
He Pauses Then
Luke Stares at Me Like He Can’t Believe His Ears
His Words
How Could I Ever Have Loved This Man?
Then
When We Get Home
I Force a Smile onto My Face
Later
And Then
And I Can’t Tell Mom Either
If Only
What I Should Have Done:
On Sunday
Later
At School the Next Morning
In Creative Writing
In French Class
And Lunch Isn’t Any Easier
So
In Geometry
In Photography
Homework Assignment: Self-Portrait
On Wednesday After School
That Night
Now
At School
Especially Not with My Parents
My Mother Hugs Me
Later That Night
I Wade Through the Next Week and a Half
The Day Before Thanksgiving Break
And Run Right into Presley
Thanksgiving Dinner
I’ve Been Avoiding Taylor and Rose
But When Rose’s Brother Drops Us Off
After That
But in the Morning
When I Walk into the House
And When Luke
I Back Away
My Feet Fly Over the Pavement
My Churning Thoughts
Suddenly
But
I Peer Through the Window
Bella Looks Up
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Books by Sonya Sones
Back Ad
Copyright
About the Publisher
The Friend of the Family
I’ve always been in love
with Luke.
For as far back
as I can remember.
I used to climb into his lap,
throw my arms around his neck,
and tell him I was gonna marry him
when I grew up.
And Luke would smile down at me
and say,
“I’ll wait for you, Lily.
I promise.”
It’s Been Two Endless Years
Since he left for Kenya.
But today—
he’s finally coming back.
When Luke left,
I was flat as an ironing board.
Now I’m more like an ironing board with boobs.
When Luke left, I had a billion zits.
Now I’ve only got a million.
Plus, I’ve mastered the magic of makeup.
When Luke left, my mouth was so full of braces
it felt like my teeth were wrapped
in barbed wire.
Yesterday I got them off.
Now my teeth feel smoother
than my iPhone screen.
I can’t stop running my tongue over them.
I’ve been smiling so much my cheeks hurt.
And everyone’s been smiling back.
When Luke Left
I felt like
a caterpillar.
Like
this blobby
thing
waiting to happen.
Now
I feel more like a butterfly—
a butterfly who can’t decide
which wings to wear.
I’ve Tried On Everything in My Closet
Twice.
I’ve rifled through all my drawers.
I’ve even braved the spidery depths
beneath my bed.
But it’s no use—it’s all too old
or tight or loose, or just plain ugly.
I text Taylor and Rose for emergency
wardrobe advice, but they don’t text back.
Then I hear my little sister Alice
clomping down the stairs in my shoes.
She’s always playing dress-up with my stuff
and “forgetting” to return it.
I dash down the hall and dig through her drawers
till I find my clingy pink top—the one that’s been
missing so long I figured I’d left it at Rose’s
after one of our sleepovers.
I race back to my room to put it on.
I shimmy into my favorite jeans,
swipe on some Kiss Me Quick lip gloss,
and pause to study myself in the mirror.
How will I look to Luke?
Will he notice how much I’ve changed?
Have I changed as much
as I think I have?
Then Mom’s Shouting
She’s saying we have to leave right now
or we won’t be there when Luke’s plane lands.
But I haven’t started on my hair yet . . .
I’m not even close to ready!
I rake my fingers through my crazed curls,
then heave a sigh.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I’ll never be ready.
“Lily,” Mom shouts. “I’m counting to ten.
One . . . two . . . three . . .”
“Wow,” I shout back.
“You’re so good at that.”
I grab the point-and-shoot camera
Luke gave me on my eighth birthday,
flip open the jewelry box
he gave me on my tenth,
and search for the gold earrings
he gave me on my twelfth,
just before he went to Kenya.
I slip them on and dash down the stairs.
Dad’s standing by the door, sending a text.
I ask him how I look.
He says, “Great . . .” without even glancing up.
It sucks. But I’m used to it.
Driving to the Airport
Mom’s sitting next to Dad
and I’m in back with Alice,
beating my curls into submission.
Alice is squirmier than a puppy,
chanting, “We’re gonna see Luke!
We’re gonna see Luke!”
Which would probably
be totally annoying
if she were some other little kid.
But she’s Alice.
And those pink cheeks of hers,
that halo of golden curls—
well, it’s sort of like having
an actual angel for a sister.
And it’s not just her looks.
I swear to God, the kid’s got a sixth sense.
She’s only six, but she always knows if I’m sad.
Even when I’m trying to hide it.
And once she decides I need some cheering up,
she’ll cross her eyes till she’s half-blind
if she thinks it’ll help.
Not That I’m a Particularly Sad Person
I’m basically pretty upbeat.
Mom says I was born that way.
She claims I popped out of her womb,
and instead of crying, I said,
“Whoa! That was am
azing!”
Though when Luke left,
I felt like I’d lost a limb or something.
He was so deep in the rain forest,
searching for a cure for malaria,
we couldn’t even text or talk on the phone.
I missed the sound of his voice.
That beautiful English accent of his . . .
Mom was too sad to even notice how sad I was.
And as usual, Dad worked late most nights,
or just sat in front of the TV watching sports.
But Alice
never left my side—
putting on “ballet recitals” for me,
prancing around in her tutu nonstop,
doing her best to distract me.
And whenever I got a little weepy,
she’d pop my camera into my hands,
telling me she needed a new head shot.
And as soon as I started snapping away,
I’d begin to feel better.
Suddenly
Alice spots the first sign for the airport
and ramps up her chanting:
“Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke! Luke!”
Now it is totally annoying.
I can’t go on like this much longer.
I yank my camera out of my pocket.
It’s pretty beat up,
but it still works fine.
And it makes me feel more like . . .
Well, more like a serious artist, I guess,
than when I just use
my cell phone camera.
I focus my lens on Alice and say,
“Stop chanting. I wanna get a picture of you
without your mouth open.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” she says.
But then she flashes her most angelic smile.
The kid could win a cuteness contest. Seriously.
It was Alice who got me into photography.
She was such an adorable baby, I just had
to take her picture. Pretty much all the time.
And then I started taking pictures of everything else.
In Baggage Claim
My heart’s thumping like crazy
as I stare down the long hallway,
trying to spot Luke in the crowd.
I feel like maybe I’m gonna swoon—
like I’m the heroine of one of those
love stories I’m always reading.
And as I wait for my first glimpse of him,
my whole life seems
to hold
its breath . . .
Then—There He Is
Waving at us and smiling,
looking tan and sort of lumberjack-ish.
And even more beautiful
than I remember.
I snap a photo,
to try to capture it.
Then Alice is slipping her hand into mine,
whispering, “He’s home.”
And Luke’s rushing over,
pulling my parents into a hug.