as a pregnant woman I certainly know better now
Aaaaaaaaanyway the guy is all You can’t treat her like this,
there’s some kind of mistake, do you know who she is, do
you know who I am, blah blah blah, I was kind of
embarrassed for him to tell you the truth
Especially when Security was like, She’s wanted
by the Department of Health
Because HIS family is actually DOH and they’re despicably
rich la la la and powerful la la la so he gets this look on
his face like Oh you are gonna be sorry and he makes a
call and five minutes later I’m being picked up
in a driverless for my first appt with the head of the
Completionist clinic at New Chicago University Hospital
and he’s all, I’m coming with you
to make sure you’re safe
and that’s when I was like good because you’re the father.
Jun 06 7:42 PM
OMG. SCREAMING.
Jun 06 7:42 PM
So it has been rather a theatrical day.
Jun 06 7:43 PM
I’m sorry but I can’t even breathe I’m laughing
so hard. You are PRICELESS.
Jun 06 7:43 PM
Well. That’s an interesting word choice.
And it would be nice if it were true.
But as it turns out there’s quite a price
All that stuff you said
the administrative charges, the retroactive Care Hours
the point penalties
all of it
It’s unreal
I’m not kidding
I’ve never even seen numbers like that
Before Ken intervened they were talking about
stuff they can do to me
To Pop
To you
Gard, I’m fucking terrified
Jun 06 7:46 PM
Will he help?
Jun 06 7:46 PM
That’s part of why I’m fucking terrified
He’s already applying for us to get married
It’ll be expedited
bc of who his family is
I feel like
I know how this is going to sound I guess
but I feel like I just got sold to someone
Jun 06 7:50 PM
Fred. I want to tell you I’m sorry.
I’ve been feeling like
such a shit for even suggesting it, that you
actually marry some guy just
for the Care Hours.
You don’t have to go through with it.
We’ll figure out something. I’ll help you.
Pop can help you. Even Carter could help you,
I know he would want to if he knew—
families can arrange to pool Care Hours,
I’ve seen it. It’s complicated but
a lot of the women at my night clinic are
doing it now, pooling with their sisters and
aunts and parents if the father’s not in the
picture for whatever reason or if they couldn’t
get a marriage approval.
I can help set that up for you!
Jun 06 7:56 PM
BTW I’m three months already. I’m due in January.
Jun 06 7:56 PM
Oh my God. No wonder.
You must be
how many Care Hours did
wait
that’s got to be in the millions
Jun 06 7:58 PM
It is.
I think I have a plan.
In the meantime I have no choice but to keep working
because I’ve got to sell my company and I have to
do it fast.
They can come for my whole family if I can’t pay the balance.
I assume you know that.
Jun 06 8:00 PM
Yeah.
Jun 06 8:01 PM
I’ve got to go.
Jun 06 8:01 PM
OK. I love you.
Jun 06 8:01 PM
Love you too.
JULY 3
Jul 03 6:12 PM
Pop told me.
You don’t have to do this.
Too late. It’s all arranged.
It’s the only way.
Jul 03 6:13 PM
This is crazy.
Jul 03 6:14 PM
Is it? To me it makes total sense. It makes me feel
like a princess in a fucking fairy tale. Or like a fucking
fourteenth-century farmer’s daughter getting married
off for a field full of fucking goats. I’ve got a fucking
DOWRY, how many women can say that in this day and age?
Jul 03 6:17 PM
Not funny
Jul 03 6:17 PM
Oh I’ve just been laughing and laughing about it
Now don’t go getting all sad and fucking shit up for me
It all still has to be made official
And it’s all a little bit under the table
Like most masterful negotiations are, ho ho
No shitting I’m really pretty fucking proud of myself
Jul 03 6:20 PM
But what’s Ken’s family even going to do with
a technology consulting firm? What are they
going to do with your business, just hold it for you?
Jul 03 6:22 PM
Well, Ken’s family isn’t going to buy it, not exactly.
Ken’s father’s friends are going to carve it up and
buy the pieces, and he gets an ownership stake in
all the pieces so he really gets like 3 businesses for the
price of one son. Plus bragging rights. The guy is legit over
the moon to be having a grandchild, and one born of LOVE
and not CHEMICALS (actual quote). In exchange I get someone
to share my points quota with, after the baby’s born, plus a few
million bucks to pay off some of the Care Hours I’ve
already accrued. In just a couple short months we’ll all be
free and clear, but it’s all got to go down exactly as I
planned it and no fuckups. But I think it’ll all be okay. I made
a good deal for myself. No worries. Your big sister’s
no dumb-ass. A little bit of a whore maybe but no dumb-ass
Jul 03 6:25 PM
Jesus, Fred
Jul 03 6:25 PM
KIDDING I’M KIDDING God
Such a fucking puritanical goody
Don’t worry
Jul 03 6:26 PM
I’m worried about you
Jul 03 6:26 PM
I’m the one who’s worried about YOU
not like you’ll let me do anything about it.
Don’t worry about me. I’ve got this shit covered.
Jul 03 6:27 PM
If that’s true, then congratulations. I mean it.
I’m proud of you. We’ve all always been so
proud of you, Fredlet.
Jul 03 6:28 PM
Me? What did I ever do? You’re the one who made Pop’s
dreams of having all his kids bloody up to the
elbows in other people’s guts come at least 1/3 of the way true
Jul 03 6:28 PM
You’re kind of gross when you’re exultant.
Jul 03 6:29 PM
You know, no one’s ever said that to me before.
Go to bed.
Love you. Good night.
SEPTEMBER 13
Sep 13 3:03 AM
Gard something’s wrong
I’m scared to call my Completionist
But I’m scared something’s really wrong
Can I come over? Please please please
There’s blood I think it’s blood
Sep 13 3:04 AM
Stay where you are I’m coming to you
don’t mo
ve and don’t call anyone until I
get there
Sep 13 3:05 AM
If I lose this baby I lose everything
Sep 13 3:05 AM
Fred just hang on
I’m at work
But I’ve got a driverless coming
to pick me up in
3 minutes
Sep 13 3:06 AM
OK
hurry
Sep 13 3:07 AM
What are you feeling?
Sep 13 3:07 AM
Cramping? Or maybe
contractions?
I can’t tell what’s happening
I didn’t want this to happen
Sep 13 3:09 AM
Fred I’m on my way just sit still
breathe
and get off this thing I don’t think it can
possibly be helping
SEPTEMBER 15
Sep 15 5:22 PM
Hey.
Sep 15 5:24 PM
Hi. Thank you. Again.
For trying.
Sep 15 5:24 PM
You don’t need to thank me. I’m just sorry I
couldn’t do more. What happened?
Sep 15 5:25 PM
It’s okay. I’m at Ken’s parents’ place now.
They’re taking care of everything
Sep 15 5:25 PM
That’s what Mr. Walker told me.
Sep 15 5:26 PM
They’re all DOH and H2.0
It’s good
I’m covered
Don’t worry
I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you
I didn’t wait for you
Sep 15 5:27 PM
It’s OK.
How are you feeling?
Sep 15 5:27 PM
Tired
Sep 15 5:27 PM
Let me know if you need anything
Anything at all
SEPTEMBER 19
Sep 19 6:42 AM
Fred. I was thinking.
Have you told CQ what’s going on yet?
I think he should know, right?
It’s time someone told him.
Let me know if you want me to do it.
Sep 19 6:42 AM
No. I will. I will today.
Sep 19 6:48 AM
Fred, I need to ask you something
Sep 19 6:49 AM
What’s up
Sep 19 6:51 AM
Gard. You there
Sep 19 6:52 AM
Yeah
I just wanted to ask
are you mad?
Sep 19 6:52 AM
Why would I be mad?
Sep 19 6:53 AM
Because I didn’t get there fast enough
that night that you had your scare.
I’ve been thinking about it
and feeling terrible.
I was at work
and I told you to sit there and wait for me
instead of calling DOH
like you did
which is what I should have told you to do
in the first place.
I didn’t take you seriously enough
and I just didn’t get there
fast enough. I didn’t get to you in time
to see how serious it was
or to help you
or even just hold your hand.
I’m really really sorry.
I really wanted to help.
Sep 19 6:57 AM
It’s fine. Really.
The baby is fine. I’m fine.
Everything ended up fine.
Please don’t worry.
Sep 19 6:58 AM
OK.
Love you.
Sep 19 6:58 AM
Love you too
SEPTEMBER 20
Sep 20 9:58 PM
Fred.
Sep 20 9:58 PM
What’s up?
Sep 20 9:59 PM
I’m sorry.
Sep 20 9:59 PM
It’s okay.
Sep 20 10:00 PM
And I wanted to tell you why.
If you want to hear.
I wanted you to know why I couldn’t leave
the clinic right away, why I
couldn’t get to you right away.
Sep 20 10:02 PM
Gard, it’s all right.
Whatever happened, it’s all right.
Trust me.
Sep 20 10:04 PM
I owe you so much, Fred.
Sep 20 10:04 PM
What are you talking about?
You don’t owe me anything.
Sep 20 10:05 PM
Yes I do. Yes I totally do. It was you who
took care of us when we were kids, after
Mom. You protected me and
CQ, all the way, until we were way too old for it.
You made it possible for me to be who
I am and to do what I’m doing. I owe you a lot.
And I love you for it. That’s all I wanted to say.
But also I thought you deserved to know.
If you want to. If you want to hear.
I’ll tell you if you want to hear.
Sep 20 10:08 PM
You know I do.
It’s only ALL I’ve been asking you to tell me
this whole year
It’s why I made this private portal connection for our
wearables. You KNOW I have been asking you
and asking you and sick with worry for you
YES COME ON AND TELL ME
At this point I haul myself into the kitchen and throw open Gard’s freezer door and stick my wearable arm inside, up to the shoulder. After a moment’s hesitation I put my head inside, too, and rest my throbbing forehead on a plastic packet of what feels like engineered mixed vegetables. My eyeballs feel like they’re being dragged out of their sockets by invisible hooks and my arm is a streak of flames.
Otherwise, I feel great.
I don’t know how much time I just spent in the middle of my sisters’ messages flicking back and forth, but it felt comfortingly like being back on base flipping through old messages on my wearable. Or, really, like being a little kid, faking sleep, listening to them whispering back and forth across our bedroom in the dark. I don’t remember if I ever actually did that, but right now it feels like I did.
Breathing in the cold air of Gard’s freezer, feeling my lungs tighten and my muscles contract, I also can’t help but notice that my head doesn’t hurt. I don’t even think I’m that drunk anymore. I would take this, whatever this is, over another dose of Dr. Rafiq’s mystery meds any fucking day. I guess it’s no mystery; it’s just love. Big, dumb, backward brother-love for these two fucked-up girls I ended up sharing DNA and a pair of painful parents with. I don’t know half of what they’ve been doing while I’ve been at the Wars, but I’ve always known I would do anything for them, anything at all. Even though from what I’m reading now, I barely feature in this version of their lives. Pop and me both, we’re hardly even mentioned. Fred knew she was pregnant all the way back in June, and didn’t tell anybody but Gard till just a few months ago. I don’t know why I don’t feel more surprised, or jealous. But I don’t.
To close my eyes and keep reading, keep hearing their voices in my head, is all I want to do on earth right now, but with the portal across the room it feels like my eyes and my wearable are both straining harder than I really want to deal with. So I stagger back into the other room, swipe up the portal, make my way back to the freezer, prop the portal up on some notional corn and carrots. I’ve skipped a page and I can’t figure out how to go backward but I don’t care. It’s Gard’s voice, so clear and strong and sad it’s like she’s really here, although I don’t think in reality I could bear to hear her say these things.
Sep 20 10:12 PM
While I was in training to become a nurse,
I sometimes saw
women coming in to the hospital with self-inflicted
injuries, saying they’d had
accidents. These women
always had little kids. Or their sisters did. Or their kids did.
Birth rate is way down,
we all know that, and we all know it’s because of H2.0,
but all that doesn’t mean there aren’t still women
all around us
going through Completion in some stage or other.
We have a theory about it at our clinic
I’ll tell you about it sometime.
Anyway.
Eventually one of the other NCs explained it to me.
If you have an accident or get hurt badly enough
the number of Care Hours you have to log goes down
a prorated amount that’s
proportional to the severity of the injury.
This NC told me,
“A kitchen burn gets you off the hook
for an hour—
which is enough time to, say, go to a job interview.”
She wouldn’t say anything else but I never forgot that.
And I learned it myself, of course
eventually.
A broken toe gets you about 20 hours a week
for 6 to 8 weeks, which is enough time to cover
a second job. That’s a
popular Markup at my night clinic, especially since
the pain isn’t bad and you’re still pretty mobile
while you heal up.
Sep 20 10:25 PM
Gard. Fuck.
Sep 20 10:25 PM
I know how it sounds.
Believe me I know.
Listen. I know you’re new to the Care Hours
system.
But all women, regardless of whether
they can afford it, are expected to spend 80 hours
per week on childcare, even if they also work 40
hours per week. If a woman has 2 jobs, which many
do, then the math becomes unsustainable.
And women are good at finding a way out of no way.
Sep 20 10:29 PM
I don’t know what to say.
A Markup? That’s what you call
breaking a woman’s toe? A Markup?
Who would ask for something like that?
Sep 20 10:31 PM
They’re all just barely making it.
I don’t think you understand.
Anyway once that nurse put the idea in my head,
I just saw it happening more. You’d be surprised.
At almost any hospital, you’ll find nurses
who will inflate the severity of an injury report