Silly Jokes for Silly Kids
by Silly Willy
Illustrations © Copyright 2014
All rights reserved. No illustrations are to be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the Illustrator.
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Question: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Answer: Because it wasn’t peeling well!
Q: What did the banana say to the elephant?
A: Nothing. Bananas can't talk, silly!
Q: What did the pencil say to the other pencil?
A: You’re looking sharp!
Q: What fruit teases you a lot?
A: A Ba na..na..na..na..na!
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investi-gator!
Q: What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed!
Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A chimp off the old block!
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver!
Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!
Q: What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A: A water bed!
Q: What do you call a retired vegetable?
A: A has-bean!
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them!
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite!
Q: What ended in 1895?
A: 1894!
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring time.
Q: What did the alien say to the garden?
A: Take me to your weeder!
Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew"!
Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
A: Ouch!
Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: Never mind, it's over your head!
Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Because they arrrrr.
Q: What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A: You look boo-tiful tonight!
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones!
Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A: Hi Cliff!
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I'm coming down with something!
Q: How do you make an Octopus laugh?
A: With ten-tickles!
Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse!
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck!
Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A: To draw the curtains!
A: A bellybutton!
Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A: Odor in the court!
Q: Why was the Egyptian girl worried?
A: Because her Daddy was a Mummy!
Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts!
Q: Why was the student's report card wet?
A: It was below C level!
Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: Don't look, I'm changing!
Q: What streets do ghosts haunt?
A: Dead ends!
Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop!
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He felt crummy!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!
Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: Stick with me and we will go places!
Q: When do you stop at green and go at red?
A: When you're eating a watermelon!
Q: How did the farmer mend his pants?
A: With cabbage patches!
Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A: Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A: She couldn't control her pupils!
Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A: Bare-foot!
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneakers!
Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A: I better not tell you, it might spread!
Q: What can you serve but never eat?
A: A tennis ball.
Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A: A refrigerator!
Q: Why did the boy eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A: Because you dribble on the floor!
Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop him a line!
Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A: To the Baa Baa shop!
Q: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter?
A: Jellyfish!
Q: Why can a leopard not hide?
A: Because he'll always be spotted!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A: A sour puss!
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: It’s easier than walking!
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
I don’t like my job as an origami teacher, too much paperwork.
Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Because they dropped out of school!
Q: What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?
A: It wooden go!
Q: When’s the best time to go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-hurty!
Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?
A: He wanted a higher education!
Q: Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie?
A: Because it was rated arrrrr!
Q: What's the difference between Ms. and Mrs.?
A: Mr.
Q: Where does a tree store their stuff?
A: In their trunk!
Q: What did the nose say to the finger?
A: Stop picking on me!
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Q: Why ca
n you never trust atoms?
A: They make up everything!
Q: Where does bad light go?
A: To prism!
Want to hear a dirty joke? A kid jumped into a mud puddle.
Want to hear a clean joke? A kid jumped into the bath.
Q: What is square and green?
A: A lemon in disguise!
Q: What did they say to the man who went for a job at the print shop?
A: Sorry, you're not the right type!
Q: What did the lettuce say to the celery?
A: Quit stalking me!
Q: What do fish call a submarine?
A: A can of people!
Q: Why do witches ride broomsticks?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grump-pea!
Q: What did the fly say when it flew into a window?
A: If I had more guts I'd do that again!
I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
Q: Why did the hen cross the road?
A: To prove she wasn't chicken!
Q: What do you call two banana peels?
A: A pair of slippers!
Q: What did the eye say to the other eye?
A: Between you and me something smells!
Q: What goes ha ha ha plonk?
A: A skeleton laughing his head off!
Q: What did the hammer say to the piece of wood?
A: We nailed it!
Q: Which vegie plays sport?
A: Squash.
Q: What is the different between a piano and a fish?
A: You can't tuna fish!
Q: Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
A: Because he ran out of juice.
Q: Why was the piano on the porch?
A: Because he forgot his keys!
Q: What do you call a banana that likes to dance?
A: A banana shake!
Q: Why is a snail the strongest animal?
A: Because it can carry its house on its back!
Q: Why did the man get thrown out of the banana factory?
A: Because he kept throwing the bent ones away!
Q: What did the banana in the sun say to the other banana in the sun?
A: I'm starting to peel!
Q: Why did the spider go on the internet?
A: To make a Webpage!
Q: What is red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator!
Q: Why did Phillip think he was built upside down?
A: Because his feet smelt and his nose ran!
Q: If you had 5 oranges in one hand and 5 pears in the other hand what would you have?
A: Massive hands!
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 ate 9!
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet!
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to go to high school!
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it!
Q: What is a ghost's favorite dessert?
A: I-scream!
Q: What kind of mistake does a ghost make?
A: A boo-boo!
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers!
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office!
Q: What did the polite ghost say to her son?
A: Don't spook until your spooken to!
Q: Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?
A: She stole his heart!
Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Q: What did one volcano say to the other?
A: I lava you.
Q: What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?
A: Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
Q: What do ghosts eat for dinner?
A: Spook-eti!
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it is Halloween!!
Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
A: Spelling!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no BODY to go with!
Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room!
Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!
Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?
A: His “ghoul” friend!
Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
A: Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me lemonade?
Witch: Poff! You are lemonade!
Q: What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?
A: A sandwich!
“Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf.”
“Please be quiet and comb your face.”
Q: Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?
A: Because they have a lot of spirit.
Q: What did one owl say to the other owl?
A: Happy Owl-ween!
Q: Why is a skeleton so mean?
A: He doesn’t have a heart!
Q: What did the ghost say to the other ghost?
A: Do you believe in humans?
Q: Why do Mummies like the holidays?
A: Because of all the wrapping!
Q: Why does everybody like a Snowman?
A: Because he is so cool!
Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A: The letter C.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that rests all day?
A: Lazy bones!
Q: What did the boy ghost ask the girl ghost?
A: Will you be my ghoul-friend?
Q: What happened when the young witch misbehaved?
A: She was sent to her broom!
Q: Why don’t witches ride their brooms when they are angry?
A: They are afraid of flying off the handle!
Q: What makes a skeleton laugh?
A: When someone tickles his funny bone!
Q: What do goblins mail to friends from their holidays?
A: Ghost-cards!
Q: What is a ghost's favourite position playing soccer?
A: Ghoul keeper!