And his loud bawdy songs
Seem a little bit wrong
Since ol' Captain Blackbeard shaved.
Now no one is fearing his look or his lash Or his threats of a watery grave.
And things ain't the same
In the piratin' game
Since ol' Captain Blackbeard shaved.
[illustration: pages 104 & 105: a pirate, bald and beardless, is sitting on a railing. A parrot above is screeching at him. Three other pirates with beards, one with a moustache, are pointing at him and laughing.]
104 & 105
[illustration: a child flying through the starry sky on a magic carpet]
MAGIC CARPET
You have a magic carpet That will whiz you through the air, To Spain or Maine or Africa
If you just tell it where.
So will you let it take you
Where you've never been before,
Or will you buy some drapes to match And use it
On your
Floor?
106
OUTSIDE OR UNDERNEATH?
Bob bought a hundred-dollar suit But couldn't afford any underwear.
Says he, "If your outside looks real good No one will know what's under there."
Jack bought some hundred-dollar shorts But wore a suit with rips and tears.
Says he, "It won't matter what people see As long as I know what's under there."
Tom bought a flute and a box of crayons, Some bread and cheese and a golden pear.
And as for his suit or his underwear He doesn't think about them much . . . or care.
107
IT'S ALL THE SAME TO THE CLAM
You may leave the clam on the ocean's floor, It's all the same to the clam.
For a hundred thousand years or more, It's all the same to the clam.
You may bury him deep in mud and muck Or carry him 'round to bring you luck, Or use him for a hockey puck,
It's all the same to the clam.
You may call him Jim or Frank or Nell, It's all the same to the clam.
Or make an ashtray from his shell, It's all the same to the clam.
You may take him riding on the train Or leave him sitting in the rain.
You'll never hear the clam complain, It's all the same to the clam.
Yes, the world may stop or the world may spin, It's all the same to the clam.
And the sky may come a-fallin' in, It's all the same to the clam.
And man may sing his endless songs Of wronging rights and righting wrongs.
The clam just sets--and gets along, It's all the same to the clam.
[illustration: a slightly open clam shell with eyes peering out]
108 HULA EEL
Take an eel,
Make a loop,
Use him as a Hula Hoop.
Feel him twist and twirl and spin, Down your ankles, round your chin, Tighter, tighter, tighter yet,
Ain't an eel a lovely pet?
Hey--answer when I talk to you--
Don't just stand there turning blue.
[illustration: a child with a lot of spiky hair being squeezed tightly by a long eel that is wrapped around him]
109 BORED
I can't afford
A skateboard.
I can't afford
An outboard.
I can't afford
A surfboard.
All I can afford
Is a board.
[illustration: a boy holding a very long board with a nail in one end]
110 STANDING IS STUPID
Standing is stupid,
Crawling's a curse,
Skipping is silly,
Walking is worse.
Hopping is hopeless,
Jumping's a chore,
Sitting is senseless,
Leaning's a bore.
Running's ridiculous,
Jogging's insane--
Guess I'll go upstairs and
Lie down again.
111
WHO ORDERED THE BROILED FACE?
Well, here you are,
Just as you ordered,
Broiled face with butter sauce,
Mashed potatoes on the side.
What do you mean you wanted me fried?
[illustration: a man's angry-looking face, mouth open, on a tray, balanced on a waiter's fingers]
112 THE MAN IN THE IRON PAIL MASK
He's the man in the iron pail mask, He can do the most difficult task, He can duel, he can joust,
He can charge, he can chase,
He can climb, he can rhyme,
He can wrestle and race.
He'll show you his courage
But never his face,
No matter how often you ask.
He's the Brave and the Fearless
The usually Tearless
Man in the iron pail mask.
[illustration: a boy in overalls with a big pail covering his head and face and a play sword in his hand.]
113
[illustration: On the top of the page, A large bird looking sort of like a goose but with a very big tummy is flying; an egg has dropped part way down the page.]
GOOLOO The Gooloo bird
She has no feet,
She cannot walk
Upon the street.
She cannot build
Herself a nest,
She cannot land
And take a rest.
Through rain and snow
And thunderous skies,
She weeps forever
As she flies,
And lays her eggs
High over town,
And prays that they
Fall safely down.
114
HEADACHE
Having a tree growing up out of me Is often a worrisome thing.
I'm twisty and thorny and branchy and bare But wait till you see me in Spring.
[illustration: the top half of a boy with a large branchy tree growing from his forehead]
115 QUICK TRIP
We've been caught by the quick-digesting Gink,
[illustration: kicking legs of two children are in the bottom half of a very large, open mouth with sharp teeth]
116 And now we are dodgin' his teeth . . .
[illustration: the front and middle part of the long serpentine body of the creature in whose mouth the children ar e
, and its front legs]
117 And now we are restin' in his intestine,
[illustration: the end of the creature's body, with tail and rear legs]
118 And now we're back out on the street.
[illustration: one child tumbling, the other sitting on the ground]
119 LITTLE ABIGAIL AND THE BEAUTIFUL PONY
There was a girl named Abigail
Who was taking a drive
Through the country
With her parents
When she spied a beautiful sad-eyed Grey and white pony.
And next to it was a sign
That said,
FOR SALE--CHEAP.
Oh, said Abigail,
"May I have that pony?
May I please?"
And her parents said,
"No you may not."
And Abigail said,
"But I MUST have that pony."
And her parents said,
"Well, you can't have that pony, But you can have a nice butter pecan Ice cream cone when we get home.
[illustration: a young woman with long hair is lying in bed, eyes closed, head resting on pillows which are piled high against a tall headboard. Above her, pinned to the wall, is a picture of a horse and the words, THE PONY THAT THEY WOULDN'T BUY ME. TOO LATE! ]
120 And Abigail said,
"I don't want a butter pecan
Ice cream cone,
I WANT THAT PONY--
I MUST HAVE THAT PONY."
And her parents said,
"Be quiet and stop nagging--
You're not getting that pony."
And A
bigail began to cry and said, "If I don't get that pony I'll die."
And her parents said, "You won't die.
No child ever died yet from not getting a pony."
And Abigail felt so bad
That when they got home she went to bed, And she couldn't eat,
And she couldn't sleep,
And her heart was broken,
And she DID die--
All because of a pony
That her parents wouldn't buy.
(This is a good story
To read to your folks
When they won't buy
You something you want.)
[illustration: a man on his knees, facing the bed on the preceding page, hands clasped, tears running down his face. He's thinking, OH WHAT
FOOLS WE WERE. His wife is standing behind him in a nightgown, hand over her eyes, tears running down her cheeks. She's thinking, OH, IF SHE WERE ONLY ALIVE I WOULD BUY HER A HUNDRED PONIES. ]
121 HICCUP CURE
Hic . . .
Hic . . .
Hic . . .
Hic . . .
Want to cure your hiccups quick?
Stick out your tongue and bite your lip.
Hold your breath and shake one hip, Pull back your left foot and kick up.
Now, you see, we've cured your hiccup.
Nothing much to it--don't you feel swell?
Hic . . .
Oh well . . .
122
THE PAINTER
I'm the man who paints the stripes upon the zebras, And I also paint the warts upon the toad.
And with this brush and pot
I give leopards lovely spots
And add some color to the chipmunk's coat.
I paint the flamin' red on Robin Redbreast, I pour the blue on bluegills by the shore.
And when the firefly's dim
I splash silver paint on him,
And he shines more brightly than he did before.
Jack Frost? He's just a part-time workin' fellah, Touchin' up the leaves and trees and things.
He's famouser than me,
But I'm happier than he,
'Cause I paint the ones that runs--and flies--and sings!
[illustration: along the bottom of pages 122 & 123 a tall man is lying on the floor using a large paintbrush to paint a duck. H e's bald and has a big grin on
his face and a very big chin. He's wearing a tank top, long pants and sandals.]
128
NOBODY Nobody loves me,
Nobody cares,
Nobody picks me peaches and pears.
Nobody offers me candy and Cokes, Nobody listens and laughs at my jokes.
Nobody helps when I get in a fight, Nobody does all my homework at night.
Nobody misses me,
Nobody cries,
Nobody thinks I'm a wonderful guy.
So if you ask me who's my best friend, in a whiz, I'll stand up and tell you that Nobody is.
But yesterday night I got quite a scare, I woke up and Nobody just wasn't there.
I called out and reached out for Nobody's hand, In the darkness where Nobody usually stands.
Then I poked through the house, in each cranny and nook, But I found somebody each place that I looked.
I searched till I'm tired, and now with the dawn, There's no doubt about it--
Nobody's gone.
124
ZEBRA QUESTION
I asked the zebra,
Are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on
And on and on he went.
I'll never ask a zebra
About stripes
Again.
[illustration: a boy with a note pad facing an annoyed-looking zebra whose head is sticking out between the bars of a large cage.]
[125] THE SWORD-SWALLOWER
The great sword-swallower Salomar, He wears no ties or collars.
He leans back, opens up his mouth, And "Gulp," his sword he swallers.
I guess he finds it fun to feel
That steel down in his belly.
It's fine for he, but as for me--
I'll take some bread and jelly.
[illustration: a chubby man with a turban and a sword sticking out of his mouth.]
126 ARROWS
I shot an arrow toward the sky,
It hit a white cloud floating by.
The cloud fell dying to the shore, I don't shoot arrows anymore.
[illustration: a very sad boy holding a bow looking at a fluffy cloud that is on the ground with an arrow stuck in it.]
127 THE TOAD
AND THE KANGAROO
Said the Toad to the Kangaroo,
"I can hop and so can you,
So if we marry we'll have a child Who can jump a mountain or hop a mile And we can call it a Toadaroo,"
Said the hopeful Toad to the Kangaroo.
Said the Kangaroo, "My dear,
What a perfectly lovely idea.
I would most gladly marry you,
But as for having a Toadaroo,
I'd rather we call it a Kangaroad,"
So they argued but couldn't agree On Rangatoo or Kangaree
And finally the Toad said, "I don't give a dang If it's Rootakoad or Toadakang--
I really don't feel like marrying you!"
"Fine with me," said the Kangaroo.
And the Toad had no more to say, And the Kangaroo just hopped away.
And they never married or had a child That could jump a mountain or hop a mile.
What a loss--what a shame--
Just 'cause they couldn't agree on a name.
[illustration: a toad on the top of page 128 is on the top of a tall hill. He's talking to a large kangaroo with flowers in its hand and in its pocket, on page 129, facing him.]
134
[illustration: on page 130 is a large fat batter standing on one leg about to swing his bat. On page 131 is a boy all rolled up like a ball.]
PLAY BALL Okay, let's play, I think that we Have everyone we need.
I'll be the strong-armed pitcher Who can throw with blinding speed.
And Pete will be the catcher
Who squats low and pounds his mitt, And Mike will be the home-run king Who snarls and waits to hit
One, loud and long and hard and high, Way out beyond the wall.
So let's get start-- What? You? Oh, yes, You can be the ball!
130 & 131
FRIENDSHIP
I've discovered a way to stay friends forever--
There's really nothing to it.
I simply tell you what to do
And you do it!
[illustration: a hand with a finger pointing]
EXAMINATION I went to the doctor--
He reached down my throat,
He pulled out a shoe
And a little toy boat,
He pulled out a skate
And a bicycle seat,
And said, "Be more careful
About what you eat."
132
POEMSICLE
If you add sicle to your pop,
Would he become a Popsicle?
Would a mop become a mopsicle?
Would a cop become a copsicle?
Would a chop become a chopsicle?
Would a drop become a dropsicle?
Would a hop become a hopsicle?
I guess it is time to stopsicle, Or is it timesicle to stopsicle?
Heysicle, I can't stopsi
cle.
Ohsicle mysicle willsicle Isicle Havesicle tosicle talksicle
Likesicle thissicle foreversicle--
Huhsicle?
[illustration: a man's head is attached to a triangular frame which is attached to a wheel.]
133 SENSES
A Mouth was talking to a Nose and an Eye.
A passing listening Ear
Said, "Pardon me, but you spoke so loud, I couldn't help but overhear."
But the Mouth just closed and the Nose turned up And the Eye just looked away,
And the Ear with nothing more to hear Went sadly on its way.
[illustration: across the bottom of the page, an open mouth, a nose, and an open eye with lashes; and, at the bottom of the next page, an ear.]
139
[illustration: a head hinged where the forehead would be. The top of the head is pushed back, so that an opening is visible above the face. This opening is full of worm-like stuff.
HINGES If we had hinges on our heads
There wouldn't be no sin,
'Cause we could take the bad stuff out And leave the good stuff in.
135
FEAR
Barnabus Browning
Was scared of drowning,
So he never would swim
Or get into a boat
Or take a bath
Or cross a moat.
He just sat day and night
With his door locked tight
And the windows nailed down,
Shaking with fear
That a wave might appear,
And cried so many tears
That they filled up the room
And he drowned.
[illustration: To the left of the poem on p. 136 is part of a door, with a key floating near it under water. To the right of the poem, and on page 137, many things that would be in Barnabus' bedroom, including Barnabus, are floating in or at the top of water. Barnabus; a partly eaten sandwich; a toothbrush; a horseshoe; a cap; a shoe; an open book; an apple core; an alarm clock; and pencil and papers are floating in
the water. Barnabus' bed is on the floor; the bedclothes are floating up from the bed. A telephone is on the floor with the receiver and cord having floated to the top; a chair; a desk; a lamp; a cup; and a vase with flowers are floating at the top.]
136 & 137 TWISTABLE, TURNABLE MAN
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable Stretchable Foldable Man.
He can crawl in your pocket or fit in your locket Or screw himself into a twenty-volt socket, Or stretch himself up to the steeple or taller, Or squeeze himself into a thimble or smaller, Yes he can, course he can,
He's the Twistable Turnable Squeezable Pullable Stretchable Shrinkable Man.
And he lives a passable life
With his Squeezable Lovable Kissable Hugable Pullable Tugable Wife.