Copyright © 2014 by SK Media LLC
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Simon & Schuster Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition April 2014
SIMON & SCHUSTER and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.
Jacket design by Roberto de Vicq Cumptich
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Kuhn, Shane.
The Intern’s handbook : a thriller / Shane Kuhn.—First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition.
pages cm
1. Law firms—Fiction. 2. Internship programs—Fiction. 3. Impersonation—Fiction. 4. Assassins—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3611.U394I58 2014
813'.6—dc23
2013034014
ISBN 978-1-4767-3380-7
ISBN 978-1-4767-3385-2 (ebook)
Contents
Chapter 1: It’s the Hard-Knock Life
Chapter 2: “We’re All Going to Miss You, John.”
Chapter 3: The Firm
Chapter 4: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Chapter 5: The Bullshit Express
Chapter 6: Get Your Shine Box
Chapter 7: The Rabbit Hole
Chapter 8: Access
Chapter 9: The Keys to the Kingdom
Chapter 10: Turning Tricks for the Golden Ticket
Chapter 11: Mr. Goody Two-Shoes Is an Asshole
Chapter 12: The Motherfucker
Chapter 13: The Stagger Step
Chapter 14: You Have No One to Blame but Yourself
Chapter 15: My Head Is Going to Explode
Chapter 16: ASAHFP
Chapter 18: We’ll Always Have Paris
Chapter 19: Man Bites Dog
Chapter 20: Drunk Dialing the Grim Reaper
Chapter 21: Lawyers, Guns, and Money
Chapter 22: Ain’t Love Grand?
Chapter 23: You’ve Come a Long Way, Dumpster Baby
Chapter 24: In Bed with the Joneses
Chapter 25: The Untimely Death of Uncle Sam
Chapter 26: Boyfriend-Girlfriend Shit
Chapter 27: A Moment of Clarity
Chapter 28: The Path of Most Resistance
Chapter 29: Till Death Do Us Part
Chapter 30: Wonderland Redux
Chapter 31: The Closest I Ever Came to Being Real
Chapter 32: Are You Out of Your Fucking Mind?
Chapter 33: The Fallen Angel
Chapter 35: Mano a Mano
Chapter 36: “La Cucaracha”
Chapter 37: Bleeding on the Page
Chapter 38: Marcus
Chapter 39: Rapid Eye Movement
Chapter 40: The Baggage Handler
Chapter 41: Chopping Off the Hand that Feeds
Chapter 42: Penny-Wise
Chapter 43: “You Don’t Have to Say It.”
Chapter 44: The Ledge
Acknowledgments
About the Author