CREAM
Ah but there’s a big difference Mr. Gorman, a power of difference, a civil case and a criminal one, quite another how d’you do, what would a civil case be doing in the Lark now I ask you.
GORMAN
All that machinery you know I never got the swing of it and now it’s all six of one to me.
CREAM
Were you never in the Courts?
GORMAN
I was once all right when my niece got her divorce that was when was it now thirty years ago yes thirty years, I was greatly put about I can tell you the poor little thing divorced after two years of married life, my sister was never the same after it.
CREAM
Divorce is the curse of society you can take it from me, the curse of society, ask my boy if you don’t believe me.
GORMAN
Ah there I’m with you the curse of society look at what it leads up to, when you think my niece had a little girl as good as never knew her father.
CREAM
Did she get alimony.
GORMAN
She was put out to board and wasted away to a shadow, that’s a nice thing for you.
CREAM
Did the mother get alimony.
GORMAN
Divil the money. [Pause.] So that’s your son ladling out the divorces.
CREAM
As a judge he must, as a father it goes to his heart.
GORMAN
Has he children.
CREAM
Well in a way he had one, little Herbert, lived to be four months then passed away, how long is it now, how long is it now.
GORMAN
Ah dear oh dear, Mr. Cream, dear oh dear and did they never have another?
[Roar of engine.]
CREAM
Eh?
GORMAN
Other children.
CREAM
Didn’t I tell you, I have my daughters’ children, my two daughters. [Pause.] Talking of that your man there Barton the sex boyo isn’t that nice carryings on for you showing himself off like that without a stitch on him to little children might just as well have been ours Gorman, our own little grandchildren.
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
Mrs. Cream must be a proud woman too to be a grandmother.
CREAM
Mrs. Cream is in her coffin these twenty years Mr. Gorman.
GORMAN
Oh God forgive me what am I talking about, I’m getting you wouldn’t know what I’d be talking about, that’s right you were saying you were with Miss Daisy.
CREAM
With my daughter Bertha, Mr. Gorman, my daughter Bertha, Mrs. Rupert Moody.
GORMAN
Your daughter Bertha that’s right so she married Moody, gallous garage they have there near the slaughter-house.
CREAM
Not him, his brother the nurseryman.
GORMAN
Grand match, more power to you, have they children?
[Roar of engine.]
CREAM
Eh?
GORMAN
Children.
CREAM
Two dotey little boys, little Johnny I mean Hubert and the other, the other.
GORMAN
But tell me your daughter poor soul she was taken then was she. [Pause.] That cigarette while we’re at it might try this gentleman. [Footsteps approach.] Beg your pardon Sir trouble you for a light. [Footsteps recede.] Ah the young are very wrapped up Mr. Cream.
CREAM
Little Hubert and the other, the other, what’s this his name is.
[Pause.] And Mrs. Gorman.
GORMAN
Still in it.
CREAM
Ah you’re the lucky jim Gorman, you’re the lucky jim, Mrs. Gorman by gad, fine figure of a woman Mrs. Gorman, fine handsome woman.
GORMAN
Handsome, all right, but you know, age. We have our health thanks be to God touch wood. [Pause.] You know what it is Mr. Cream, that’d be the way to pop off chatting away like this of a sunny morning.
CREAM
None of that now Gorman, who’s talking of popping off with the health you have as strong as an ox and a com fortable wife, ah I’d give ten years of mine to have her back do you hear me, living with strangers isn’t the same.
GORMAN
Miss Bertha’s so sweet and good you’re on the pig’s back for God’s sake, on the pig’s back.
CREAM
It’s not the same you can take it from me, can’t call your soul your own, look at the cigarettes, the lighter.
GORMAN
Miss Bertha so sweet and good.
CREAM
Sweet and good, all right, but dammit if she doesn’t take me for a doddering old drivelling dotard. [Pause.] What did I do with those cigarettes?
GORMAN
And tell me your poor dear daughter-in-law what am I saying your daughter-in-law.
CREAM
My daughter-in-law, my daughter-in-law, what about my daughter-in-law.
GORMAN
She had private means, it was said she had private means.
CREAM
Private means ah they were the queer private means, all swallied up in the war every ha’penny do you hear me, all in the bank the private means not as much land as you’d tether a goat. [Pause.] Land Gorman there’s no security like land but that woman you might as well have been talking to the bedpost, a mule she was that woman was.
GORMAN
Ah well it’s only human nature, you can’t always pierce into the future.
CREAM
Now now Gorman don’t be telling me, land wouldn’t you live all your life off a bit of land damn it now wouldn’t you any fool knows that unless they take the fantasy to go and build on the moon the way they say, ah that’s all fantasy Gorman you can take it from me all fantasy and delusion, they’ll smart for it one of these days by God they will.
GORMAN
You don’t believe in the moon what they’re experimenting at.
CREAM
My dear Gorman the moon is the moon and cheese is cheese what do they take us for, didn’t it always exist the moon wasn’t it always there as large as life and what did it ever mean only fantasy and delusion Gorman, fantasy and delusion. [Pause.] Or is it our forefathers were a lot of old bags maybe now is that on the cards I ask you, Bacon, Wellington, Washington, for them the moon was always in their opinion damn it I ask you you’d think to hear them talk no one ever bothered his arse with the moon before, make a cat swallow his whiskers they think they’ve discovered the moon as if as if. [Pause.] What was I driving at?
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
So you’re against progress are you.
CREAM
Progress, progress, progress is all very fine and grand, there’s such a thing I grant you, but it’s scientific, progress, scientific, the moon’s not progress, lunacy, lunacy.
GORMAN
Ah there I’m with you progress is scientific and the moon, the moon, that’s the way it is.
CREAM
The wisdom of the ancients that’s the trouble they don’t give a rap or a snap for it any more, and the world going to rack and ruin, wouldn’t it be better now to go back to the old maxims and not be gallivanting off killing one another in China over the moon, ah when I think of my poor father.
GORMAN
Your father that reminds me I knew your father well. [Roar of engine.] There was a man for you old Mr. Cream, what he had to say he lashed out with it straight from the shoulder and no humming and hawing, now it comes back to me one year there on the town council my father told me must have been wait now till I see 95, 95 or 6, a short while before he resigned, 95 that’s it the year of the great frost.
CREAM
Ah I beg your pardon, the great frost was 93 I’d just turned ten, 93 Gorman the great frost.
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
My father used to tell the story how Mr. Cr
eam went hell for leather for the mayor who was he in those days, must have been Overend, yes Overend.
CREAM
Ah there you’re mistaken my dear Gorman, my father went on the council with Overend in 97, January 97.
GORMAN
That may be, that may be, but it must have been 95 or 6 just the same seeing as how my father went off in 96, April 96, there was a set against him and he had to give in his resignation.
CREAM
Well then your father was off when it happened, all I know is mine went on with Overend in 97 the year Marrable was burnt out.
GORMAN
Ah Marrable it wasn’t five hundred yards from the door five hundred yards Mr. Cream, I can still hear my poor mother saying to us ah poor dear Maria she was saying to me again only last night, January 96 that’s right.
CREAM
97 I tell you, 97, the year my father was voted on.
GORMAN
That may be but just the same the clout he gave Overend that’s right now I have it.
CREAM
The clout was Oscar Bliss the butcher in Pollox Street.
GORMAN
The butcher in Pollox Street, there’s a memory from the dim distant past for you, didn’t he have a daughter do you remember.
CREAM
Helen, Helen Bliss, pretty girl, she’d be my age, 83 saw the light of day.
GORMAN
And Rosie Plumpton bonny Rosie staring up at the lid these thirty years she must be now and Molly Berry and Eva what was her name Eva Hart that’s right Eva Hart didn’t she marry a Crumplin.
CREAM
Her brother, her brother Alfred married Gertie Crumplin great one for the lads she was you remember, Gertie great one for the lads.
GORMAN
Do I remember, Gertie Crumplin great bit of skirt by God, hee hee hee great bit of skirt.
CREAM
You old dog you!
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
And Nelly Crowther there’s one came to a nasty end.
CREAM
Simon’s daughter that’s right, the parents were greatly to blame you can take it from me.
GORMAN
They reared her well then just the same bled themselves white for her so they did, poor Mary used to tell us all we were very close in those days lived on the same landing you know, poor Mary yes she used to say what a drain it was having the child boarding out at Saint Theresa’s can you imagine, very classy, daughters of the gentry Mr. Cream, even taught French they were the young ladies.
CREAM
Isn’t that what I’m telling you, reared her like a princess of the blood they did, French now I ask you, French.
GORMAN
Would you blame them Mr. Cream, the best of parents, you can’t deny it, education.
CREAM
French, French, isn’t that what I’m saying.
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
They denied themselves everything, take the bits out of their mouths they would for their Nelly.
CREAM
Don’t be telling me they had her on a string all the same the said young lady, remember that Holy Week 1912 was it or 13.
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
Eh?
CREAM
When you think of Simon the man he was don’t be telling me that. [Pause.] Holy Week 1913 now it all comes back to me is that like as if they had her on a string what she did then.
GORMAN
Peace to her ashes Mr. Cream.
CREAM
Principles, Gorman, principles without principles I ask you.
[Roar of engine.] Wasn’t there an army man in it.
GORMAN
Eh?
CREAM
Wasn’t there an army man in it?
GORMAN
In the car?
CREAM
Eh?
GORMAN
An army man in the car?
CREAM
In the Crowther blow-up.
[Roar of engine.]
GORMAN
You mean the Lootnant St. John Fitzball.
CREAM
St. John Fitzball that’s the man, wasn’t he mixed up in it?
GORMAN
They were keeping company all right. [Pause.] He died in 14. Wounds.
CREAM
And his aunt Miss Hester.
GORMAN
Dead then these how many years is it now how many.
CREAM
She was a great old one, a little on the high and mighty side perhaps you might say.
GORMAN
Take fire like gunpowder but a heart of gold if you only knew.
[Roar of engine.] Her niece has a chip of the old block wouldn’t you say.
CREAM
Her niece? No recollection.
GORMAN
No recollection, Miss Victoria, come on now, she was to have married an American and she’s in the Turrets yet.
CREAM
I thought they’d sold.
GORMAN
Sell the Turrets is it they’ll never sell, the family seat three centuries and maybe more, three centuries Mr. Cream.
CREAM
You might be their historiographer Gorman to hear you talk, what you don’t know about those people.
GORMAN
Histryographer no Mr. Cream I wouldn’t go so far as that but Miss Victoria right enough I know her through and through we stop and have a gas like when her aunt was still in it, ah yes nothing hoity-toity about Miss Victoria you can take my word she has a great chip of the old block.
CREAM
Hadn’t she a brother.
GORMAN
The Lootnant yes, died in 14. Wounds.
[Deafening roar of engine.]
CREAM
The bloody cars such a thing as a quiet chat I ask you. [Pause.] Well I’ll be slipping along I’m holding you back from your work.
GORMAN
Slipping along what would you want slipping along and we only after meeting for once in a blue moon.
CREAM
Well then just a minute and smoke a quick one. [Pause.] What did I do with those cigarettes? [Pause.] You fire ahead don’t mind me.
GORMAN
When you think, when you think. . . .
COME AND GO
A dramaticule
For John Calder
Flo
Vi
Ru
(Ages undeterminable)
Sitting centre side by side stage right to left Flo, Vi and Ru.
Very erect, facing front, hands clasped in laps.
Silence.
VI
Ru.
RU
Yes.
VI
Flo.
FLO
Yes.
VI
When did we three last meet?
RU
Let us not speak.
[Silence.
Exit Vi right.
Silence.]
FLO
Ru.
RU
Yes.
FLO
What do you think of Vi?
RU
I see little change. [Flo moves to centre seat, whispers in Ru’s ear. Appalled.] Oh! [They look at each other. Flo puts her finger to her lips.] Does she not realize?
FLO
God grant not.
[Enter Vi. Flo and Ru turn back front, resume pose. Vi sits right. Silence.] Just sit together as we used to, in the playground at Miss Wade’s.
RU
On the log.
[Silence.
Exit Flo left.
Silence.]
Vi.
VI
Yes.
RU
How do you find Flo?
VI
She seems much the same. [Ru moves to centre seat, whispers in Vi’s ear. Appalled.] Oh! [They look at each other. Ru puts her finger to her lips.] Has she not been told?
RU
God forbid.
[Enter Flo. Ru and Vi turn back front, resume pose. Flo sits left.] Holding hands . . . that way.
FLO
Dreaming of . . . love.
[Silence.
Exit Ru right.
Silence.]
VI
Flo.
FLO
Yes.
VI
How do you think Ru is looking?
FLO
One sees little in this light. [Vi moves to centre seat, whispers in Flo’s ear. Appalled.] Oh! [They look at each other. Vi puts her finger to her lips.] Does she not know?
VI
Please God not.
[Enter Ru. Vi and Flo turn back front, resume pose. Ru sits right.
Silence.]
May we not speak of the old days? [Silence.] Of what came after?