Tales From a Second Hand Wand Shop
Book 1:
They Were the Best of Gnomes
They Were the Worst of Gnomes
Any similarities between the characters in this book and persons living or dead (or undead) is purely coincidental. The author has made an effort to avoid using the names of real places or businesses in his story. Again, similarities with like-named businesses or places is coincidental. It would also be disturbing.
No animals were harmed in the writing of this book.
Copyright 2012
Written by Robert P. Wills
Illustrated by Rio Taylor
For my father- David W. Wills
Thanks to Mary Grace, Donna Allen, and the talented Krystal Urban- for their editing assistance
Also I would like to thanks the talented Chance for his excellent cover work.
Enjoy his music here: www.mynameischance.com
Grimbledung and Drimblerod -Fast Friends
Tea Time...The Gnomes sat down at the table- Rat already had half a scone in his mouth. “Hungry?” Asked Drimblerod, “Those constant naps do take a toll, don’t they?” Rat continued to chew as he reached for his cup. He gave Drimblerod a glance with his good eye as he sipped his coffee. Wordlessly he went back to work on the scone. He would banter and bicker later; now Rat was concentrating on his scones and Gnollish Dark Blend® coffee. Serious business, that.
Downstairs, the bell above the front door jingled. Grimbledung frowned, “Stupid door! I’ll go shoo them off and make sure it’s locked this time.” Teatime overrode any profit-making tendencies the Gnomes had. Grimbledung bounded down the stairs and was greeted by two Half-Orcs. One looked familiar. The other was probably from the same litter. Its brother perhaps? Suddenly a lantern went off in Grimbledung’s head. “Pike, nice to see you again,” he said cheerily. Shooing Half-Orcs was dangerous business; teatime might override profits but self-preservation was always at the top of the list. “What brings you around?” At the time for tea he thought.
“Hullo,” began Pike, “You tell Pike come back with mate sometime.” He smiled with sharp, jagged teeth. “This her.” He jabbed a thick thumb at the female. Just his pointed thumbnail was longer than the entire of Grimbledung’s thumb.
Female? Suddenly, a many-legged a many-hairy-legged creature ran up Grimbledung’s spine- he was overtaken by the Heebie-Jeebies. “Gah!” Came out before he could stop it. “Nice to meet you,” followed (fortunately) close behind. Suddenly, not in control of his senses he heard himself continue, “Want to join us upstairs for tea? Its teatime, time for tea you know.”
“Sure?” Offered the Female. She had never been invited for tea. Or anywhere for that matter- Half-Orcs were notorious Crashers. That was probably why no one bothered to invite them; they showed up anyway.
The many-hairy-legged creature continued up Grimbledung’s spine, into his ear and somehow made it to his belly. It joined several butterflies who were already engaged in a lively dance. “Bah, bah, bah” stuttered Grimbledung (in time with the beat in his belly no less). Tea with a couple of Half-Orcs. Drimblerod would not be pleased. There was a bright side after all! With the biggest smile he could manage, he continued, “Come on up. You can sit next to Drim, Missus Pike.”
Table of Contents
Chapter One It’s All Downhill From Here
Chapter Two Wherein Grimbledung and Drimblerod Meet
Chapter Three Wherein Grimbledung and Drimblerod Come to an Agreement
Chapter Four Wherein Grimbledung Closes his Shoppe (which is, in fact, a wagon)
Chapter Five Wherein Drimblerod Prepares for His New Partner
Chapter Six Wherein Grimbledung Tours Second Hand Sorcery
Chapter Seven Wherein Grimbledung receives His First (and Last) Psychotic Reading
Chapter Eight Wherein Grimbledung Officially Moves In
Chapter Nine Wherein the Gnomes Begin Their First Day as Partners
Chapter Ten Wherein Grimbledung Sells His First Wand (in the shop)
Chapter Eleven Wherein Grimbledung Makes His First Bribe (in the shop)
Chapter Twelve Wherein Grimbledung Gets Some Pointers on Wand Sales
Chapter Thirteen Wherein Grimbledung has a Grand Idea
Chapter Fourteen Wherein Grimbledung Almost Starves to Death
Chapter Fifteen Wherein the Gnomes Make a New Partner
Chapter Sixteen Wherein Grimbledung has Another (Great) Idea
Chapter Seventeen Wherein the Gnomes Make an Offer to Nulu
Chapter Eighteen Wherein Grimbledung Explains His Condition
Chapter Nineteen Wherein Grimbledung Begins Work on the Gatherer Division Sign
Chapter Twenty Wherein Drimblerod Tends to Customers Until the Sign is Ready. Kind Of.
Chapter Twenty (Part Two) Wherein the Sign is -Almost- Ready
Chapter Twenty-One Wherein Drimblerod Explains the Difference Between Magicians and Wizards
Chapter Twenty (Part Three) Wherein Grimbledung Finishes the Sign
Chapter Twenty-Two Wherein Grimbledung Takes the Sign to the Haberdashery
Chapter Twenty-Three Wherein Rat Tells Grimbledung’s Secret
InTerN Mission
Chapter Twenty-Four Wherein Grimbledung Witnesses a Robbery
Chapter Twenty-Five Wherein Grimbledung Foils a Robbery
Chapter Twenty-Six Wherein the First Volunteers for the Gatherers Division are Recruited
Chapter Twenty-Six and a Half Wherein Marjory and Spitz are Discussed
Chapter Twenty-Seven Wherein the Constable Arrives at the Shop
Chapter Twenty-Eight Wherein the Magician’s Guild Pays an Unexpected Visit
Chapter Twenty-Eight and a Half Wherein Semfeld and Liverioso Deal With Their Fate
Chapter Twenty-Nine Wherein Gnomes Decide to Visit the Local Wizarding School
Chapter Twenty-Nine (Interlude) Wherein Big Julie’s Ascension -Crime Lord to Franchise Owner
Chapter Twenty-Nine (Reliquume) Wherein the Gnomes and Big Julie Discuss Business
(part of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie Gives the Gnomes (and Rat) a Tour of the School
(more of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie Continues to Give the Gnomes (and Rat) a Tour of the School
(the rest of) Chapter Thirty Wherein Julie, the Gnomes and Rat Finish the Tour and Eat Lunch
Chapter Thirty-One Wherein the Gnomes Return to the Shop. And Grimbledung is killed
Chapter Thirty-Two(ish) Wherein Akita Disposes Grimbledung’s Body
(some of) Chapter-Thirty Two Wherein Grimbledung’s Body Arrives At Prost Garrison
(the rest of) Chapter-Thirty Two Wherein Grimbledung is Kicked Out of Prost Garrison.
Chapter Thirty-Three Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Unfortunately Do Not Begin to Arrive
Chapter Thirty-Four Wherein Grimbledung Goes Searching for Wands but Finds Halflings
The rest of Chapter Thirty-Three Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Do Not Begin to Arrive
Chapter Thirty-Five-Just because we figured there should be one
Chapter Thirty-Six Wherein Gatherer Division Wands Actually Do Begin to Arrive
The Very Last Bit of Chapter Thirty-Six - Really-
Chapter Thirty-Seven Wherein the Obligatory Bar Room Brawl Occurs
Chapter Thirty-Eight Wherein Semfeld and Liverioso Return...soon after Garibaldis does.
Chapter Thirty-Nine Wherein the First Annual Jamboree is Set
up
Chapter Forty Wherein the First Annual Jamboree Begins
Chapter Forty-One Wherein During First Annual Jamboree Becomes the Great Fire of 978
Chapter Forty-Two Wherein The Gnomes, Nulu, Dummy, and Rat Make Their Way to Big Julie
Chapter Forty-Three Wherein Grimbledung is Forgiven By Everyone
Chapter Forty-Four InTerN Mission; Failure
Chapter Forty-Five Wherein the Group Arrives at Displane’s School for Young Wizards and Witches
About the Author
About the Illustrator