Sometimes I dream that I still have it. I dream about going off, and I wake up, panting, not sure if it’s true.
But there’s never smoke. My breath doesn’t burn, my skin doesn’t shimmer. I don’t feel like there’s a star going nova in my chest.
There’s just sweat and panic and my heart racing ahead of me—and my doctor in Chicago says that’s all normal for someone like me.
“A fallen supervillain?” I’ll say.
And she’ll smile, from a professional distance. “A trauma victim.”
I don’t feel like a trauma victim. I feel like a house after a fire. And sometimes like someone who died but stayed in his body. And sometimes I feel like someone else died, like someone else sacrificed everything, so that I can have a normal life.
With wings.
And a tail.
And vampires.
And magicians.
And a boy in my arms, instead of a girl.
And a happy ending—even if it isn’t the ending I ever would have dreamt for myself, or hoped for.
A chance.
“What time is it?” Penny asks. “Is it too early for tea? There’re biscuits in one of these boxes. I could magic them up for us.”
Baz looks up from his phone. “The Chosen One’s making us tea the Normal way,” he says. “It’s occupational therapy.”
“I already know how to make tea,” I say. “And I wish you’d stop calling me that.”
“You really were the Chosen One,” Penny says. “You were chosen to end the World of Mages. Just because you failed doesn’t mean you weren’t chosen.”
“The whole prophecy is bollocks,” I say. “‘And one will come to end us. And one will bring his fall.’ Did I also bring my own fall?”
“No,” Baz says. “That was me. Obviously.”
“How did you bring my fall? I stopped the Humdrum myself.”
Baz looks back at his phone, bored. “Fell in love, didn’t you?”
Penny groans, and Baz starts laughing, trying not to crack a smile.
“Enough flirting!” Penny says, flopping down into a stuffed chair her parents gave us. (Which I carried up by myself.) “I’ve endured enough flirting for this lifetime. I’m hungry, Simon. Find the biscuit box.”
Baz grins, then leans over and kisses my neck. (I have a mole there; he treats it like a target.)
“Go on, then,” he says. “Carry on, Simon.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Joy DeLyria and I have never met in person or talked on the phone, and sometimes we go months without e-mailing. But every time I was feeling desperately lost and stuck with this book, she’d send me an e-mail, asking, “How is Simon?”
And every time, she helped me get unstuck.
Thank you, Joy, for rooting so passionately for these characters, and for being so generous with your good advice.
Thank you, too, to Leigh Bardugo and David Levithan for being good friends and good readers. (Even if one of you was so tough, you made me cry.) (It was Leigh.)
And thank you to Susie Day for really listening to all this dialogue and talking to me about it. And to Keris Stainton, who answered countless questions about British life. If these characters sound American—or worse—it’s despite their patience.
Thank you to my husband, Kai, for his love and encouragement, and for never running out of clichés.
To Christopher Schelling, who insisted on a higher body count.
To Sara Goodman, who has given me such freedom as an author and so much support as a friend.
And to the wonderful people at St. Martin’s Press, who keep surprising me with their creativity and enthusiasm.
Finally—thank you to Nicola Barr, Rachel Petty, and everyone at Macmillan Children’s Books, for making me feel so welcome in the UK and for making such gorgeous books.
AUTHOR’S NOTE
If you’ve read my book Fangirl, you know that Simon Snow began as a fictional character in that novel.
A fictional-fictional character. Kind of an amalgam and descendant of a hundred other fictional Chosen Ones.
In Fangirl, Simon is the hero of a series of children’s adventure novels written by Gemma T. Leslie—and the subject of much fanfiction written by the main character, Cath.
When I finished that book, I was able to let go of Cath and her boyfriend, Levi, and their world. I felt like I was finished with their story.…
But I couldn’t let go of Simon.
I’d written so much about him through these other voices, and I kept thinking about what I’d do with him if he were in my story, instead of Cath’s or Gemma’s.
What would I do with Simon Snow?
What would I do with Baz? And Agatha? And Penny?
I’ve read and loved so many magical Chosen One stories—how would I write my own?
That’s what Carry On is.
It’s my take on a character I couldn’t get out of my head. It’s my take on this kind of character, and this kind of journey.
It was a way for me to give Simon and Baz, only half-imagined in Fangirl, the story I felt I owed them.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
RAINBOW ROWELL lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband and two sons. She’s also the author of Landline, Fangirl, Eleanor & Park, and Attachments. Visit her Web site at www.rainbowrowell.com. Or sign up for email updates here.
ALSO BY
RAINBOW ROWELL
LANDLINE
FANGIRL
ELEANOR & PARK
ATTACHMENTS
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Book One
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Book Two
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Book Three
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Book Four
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
&nb
sp; Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
Author’s Note
Map
About the Author
Also by Rainbow Rowell
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
CARRY ON. Copyright © 2015 by Rainbow Rowell. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.
www.stmartins.com
Cover design and illustrations by Olga Grlic
Interior illustrations by Jim Tierney
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-04955-1 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-4668-5054-5 (e-book)
e-ISBN 9781466850545
Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.
First Edition: October 2015