Now, I’m generally a quiet, soft-spoken woman. I don’t like to make a scene, in public or private. I keep my cool even when I have a right to lose my shit. My parents taught me to act like a lady. To treat others with respect. Most importantly, they taught me to never say something I might regret.
To think things through before speaking.
That my actions speak louder than words.
Gavin knew this. And he was banking on it.
Having attention drawn to me in a crowded, upscale restaurant, isn’t something I would want. I’d avoid it at all costs.
But he’d broken me at that moment. And a broken, scorned woman tends to be anything but level-headed.
Calm, cool, and collected went out the window the moment he started talking. The moment he denied me chocolate.
So, in true Reese Witherspoon fashion, I blew up on him. Every pair of eyes in the restaurant watched as I called him out on his bullshit. They saw me throw my glass of wine in his face. Watched as I slapped him and told him to go fuck himself.
The look of shock on his face is all I could see through my blinding rage.
I’ve been an emotional wreck since that night. With classes finally starting last week, I had to force myself to pull my shit together. It hasn’t been easy. Every day is a struggle.
Here’s what I don’t understand . . . if him shattering the person I used to be was the cause of my weight gain and my current hatred for brownies, why do I still want him? Why was I still pining after him?
Because my heart hasn’t sent the proper signals to my brain. It’s the only thing I can think of. My heart is still in control, telling my brain to lust for him. To want him in my life. That he’s my forever, even though deep down I know the truth.
We’re done. He doesn’t want me anymore. I wasn’t enough.
The heart’s sole purpose is to keep us alive, yet it feels like it’s trying to kill us half the time. And the brain does nothing to stop it.
It allows us to hurt. To feel pain.
It’s like they’re working together to ensure we feel every ounce of sorrow, of grief, of anguish imaginable. Because why would we want to feel anything else? They sure as hell don’t work together to bring happiness and joy into our lives. If anything, they seem to be at odds when times like those are right in front of us.
But I have a plan to combat my defiant heart. I’m done listening to it. I’m done letting it control my life.
I’ve locked it away.
I’ll never love another. There’s no point to it. Someone always gets hurt.
I won’t condemn anyone who searches for love. That’s their prerogative. To each their own. I just refuse to be one of them.
At least, I did.
But good intentions have a way of getting tossed aside when the one thing you want is dangled in front of you.
I knew my sanity would suffer. That my heart would ache more than it already did.
I was even prepared for the plan to fail and for me to resort to eating brownies for every meal again.
Still, I went along with it. I couldn’t say no.
This was the one chance I had at being with Gavin again. To show him we were meant to be together. I needed him to see what he was missing out on and to remember how great we were together.
Then he would want me back.
He would want what I want. To be together. To create the future we talked about.
While my heart screamed yes, my brain remained eerily silent. That should have been a flashing neon sign telling me how bad of an idea this was.
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About the Author
Rachael Brownell is an award-winning author of young-adult and new-adult romance. She resides in the midwest with her husband and son. To learn more about Rachael and her books, follow her on social media or join her reader group on Facebook, Brownell’s Book Lovers.
For more information…
www.AuthorRachaelBrownell.com
rachael@authorrachaelbrownell.com
Also by Rachael Brownell
Friends-to-lovers Romance…
For All The Wrong Reasons
For All The Right Reasons
Chasing Fate
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Second-chance Romance…
Half Truths
Always in My Heart
A Million Little Reasons
Imperfect Love Story
Imperfect Love Story: New Beginnings
Sticks & Stones
The Love or Lust Series
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Dark, gritty, sexy Romance…
Dark Bishop
Caught in the Storm
Surviving the Storm
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Office Romance…
Damaging Rumors
Devious Rumors
Deserving Rumors
Devastating Rumors
Defensive Rumors
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Romantic Comedy…
Dating Dilemma
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Young-adult Romance…
Holding On
Unglued
Weakness
Flawed Reality
Take A Gamble
Snapshot
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