‘Where did you find me then?’ Gora now asked, looking at Krishnadayal.
‘During the Mutiny,’ Krishnadayal answered. ‘We were at Etowah. Your mother had sought refuge in our home one night, fleeing in fear of the sepoys. Your father had died in battle the previous day. His name was …’
‘No need to name him!’ roared Gora. ‘I don’t want to know his name.’
Krishnadayal stopped abruptly, amazed at Gora’s agitation. Then he continued: ‘He was an Irishman. That very night, your mother died after giving birth to you. You have been brought up in our own house ever since.’
In a single instant, Gora’s felt his entire life become like an extraordinary dream. The foundation of his life, developed over all these years since his very infancy, was utterly destroyed. What he was, where he was, he did not seem to understand. As if behind him there was nothing called a past, and before him, the future, so purposeful and clearly determined for such a long time, had completely vanished. As if he was simply floating like a momentary dewdrop on a lotus leaf. He had no mother, no father, no country, no caste, no name, no family gotra, no deity. All he had was a ‘No.’ What would he cling to, what would he do, from what point would he begin again, where refix his goals, and from where would he slowly gather, day by day, all the necessary resources for his work! In this strange, directionless void Gora remained transfixed, utterly speechless. Seeing his face, no one dared say another word.
Just then the saheb-doctor arrived, accompanied by their Bengali family physician. While observing the patient, the doctor could not refrain from glancing at Gora as well. ‘Who is this?’ he wondered. Gora’s forehead still bore its tilak of Ganga earth and he had come there still wearing the raw silk fabric he had donned after his bath. He wore no upper garment; through the gaps in his wrap, his massive body could be seen.
Earlier, the very sight of a British doctor would have instinctively aroused Gora’s hostility. But now, as the doctor examined his patient, Gora looked at him with special curiosity. ‘Is this man my closest relative here?’ he began to ask himself, again and again.
‘Why, I see no special cause for anxiety,’ pronounced the doctor, having completed his examination and asked some questions. ‘His pulse is not alarming, nor are his organs malfunctioning. As for the symptoms, if one is careful they can be prevented.’
After the doctor had departed, Gora wordlessly tried to rise from the chowki. Anandamoyi had gone into the adjacent room when the doctor came. She now rushed in and clasped Gora’s hand.
‘Baba Gora, please don’t be angry with me,’ she pleaded. ‘Otherwise I shall die!’
‘Why didn’t you tell me, all these days!’ Gora demanded. ‘It would not have done you any harm.’
Anandamoyi took all the blame upon herself. ‘Baap, it was from fear of losing you that I committed such a great sin. If that is what ultimately happens, if you abandon me today, I cannot blame anyone. But it will be a death sentence for me, baap!’
‘Ma!’ was all Gora could say. Hearing him address her thus, Anandamoyi’s suppressed tears burst forth at last.
‘Ma, I’ll go to Poreshbabu’s now,’ Gora declared.
A load was lifted from Anandamoyi’s heart. ‘Go ahead, baba!’ she said.
There was no fear of his dying soon, yet the truth had been revealed to Gora! Krishnadayal became extremely alarmed.
‘Look here Gora, I see no reason to disclose all this to anyone,’ he urged. ‘Just act prudently and with caution, and things will continue as before. Nobody will suspect a thing.’ Gora walked out without giving an answer. He felt comforted to remember that he was no relation of Krishnadayal’s.
Mahim could not suddenly stay away from work. After sending for the doctor and making all the necessary arrangements, he had gone to the office, just to ask the saheb for leave of absence. Just as Gora was emerging from the house, Mahim arrived on the scene. ‘Gora, where are you going?’ he demanded.
‘Good news,’ said Gora. ‘The doctor was here. He said there’s no cause for worry.’
‘Thank heavens,’ said Mahim, greatly relieved. ‘The day after tomorrow is an auspicious date. I shall get Shashimukhi married that very day. Gora, you will have to be a little enterprising, I tell you. And please warn Binoy in advance, not to come there that day. Abinash is a Hindu fanatic: he has specially decreed that such people must not be allowed at his wedding ceremony. Let me tell you something else bhai: I shall invite the big sahebs of my office on that day, but you must not attack them. If you just say “Good evening sir” with a slight nod of the head, no more, it won’t pollute your Hindu shastras. Better that you seek the pundits’ advice. Do you understand bhai? They are of kingly caste: you won’t be demeaned if you curb your arrogance a little in their company.’
Without offering any reply, Gora walked away.
~76~
As Sucharita bent over the trunk, busily arranging clothes in order to hide her tears, they received word that Gourmohanbabu had arrived. Hastily wiping her eyes, Sucharita abandoned her task and rose to her feet. And just then Gora entered the room. He was not even aware that the tilak still marked his forehead. The silk fabric still swathed his body. No one usually came visiting in such attire. Sucharita was reminded of that day when she had first encountered Gora. She knew he had come armed for battle on that occasion; was he in battle-gear today as well?
As soon as he entered, Gora prostrated himself at Poresh’s feet in a pranam. Agitated, Poresh drew him up, saying,
‘Come, come, baba, join us.’
‘Poreshbabu, I have no ties,’ Gora blurted out.
‘What ties?’ asked Poreshbabu in surprise.
‘I am not a Hindu.’
‘Not a Hindu!’
‘No, I am not a Hindu. I was informed today that I am a foundling from the days of the Mutiny. My father is an Irishman. From north to south across the whole of Bharatvarsha, all temple doors are now closed to me. Today, in this whole country, there is no place for me, at any level, to sit down to a meal with others.’
Poresh and Sucharita were dumbfounded. Poresh could not think of what to say to him.
‘Today I am free Poreshbabu!’ Gora declared. ‘I am no longer afraid of becoming a fallen person, or losing my caste status. I need no longer watch the ground at every step for fear of losing my purity.’
Sucharita gazed transfixed at Gora’s radiant countenance.
‘Poreshbabu,’ Gora continued, ‘all these days I strove wholeheartedly to realize the idea of Bharatvarsha, and always came up against some obstacle or other. All my life, day and night, I have constantly struggled for a compromise between all those obstacles and my sense of respect. In my effort to strengthen the basis of that respect, I was unable to accomplish any other task; that was my sole endeavour. That is why, when I tried to serve Bharatvarsha while viewing it in the light of truth, I repeatedly turned back in fear. Creating an untroubled, unblemished abstract image of Bharatvarsha, how I battled on all fronts to keep my devotion safe within that impenetrable fortress! Today in a single instant my imaginary fortress has evaporated like a dream. Set completely free, I have suddenly arrived at the heart of a great reality! All Bharatvarsha’s virtues and flaws, joys and sorrows, knowledge and ignorance, have come directly close to my heart. Today I have gained the right to true service. The real field of action now lies before me. It is not the arena within my heart, but the actual site for promoting the welfare of those hundred crore people in the world outside.’
Poresh too felt stirred by the force of Gora’s tremendous enthusiasm about this newfound insight. Unable to contain himself, he arose from his chowki.
‘Do you comprehend my words?’ Gora inquired. ‘Today I have become what I earlier strove day and night to become, but without success. Today I have become an Indian—Bharatvarshia. In me there is no hostility towards any community, Hindu, Muslim or Christian. Today, I belong to every community of this Bharatvarsha, I accept everyone’s food as mine. Look, I traveled to many districts of Be
ngal, accepting the hospitality of even very lowly localities—please do not imagine that I only lectured at city assemblies—but I could never bring myself to sit in the company of all and sundry. All these days, I went about carrying with me an invisible gap, which I could never bridge. Hence there was a great void within my heart. I constantly tried to disown that emptiness by various means; with sundry outward embellishments, I tried to specially beautify this void itself. For Bharatvarsha was dearer to me than my own heart: I could not tolerate the slightest reason to criticize any feature of the partial aspect of Bharatvarsha visible to me. Now, freed of such futile attempts at embellishment, I am relieved, Poreshbabu!’
‘When we attain the truth, it satisfies our soul even with all its lack and incompleteness,’ assented Poreshbabu. ‘One feels no desire to decorate it with false ingredients.’
‘Look Poreshbabu, last night I beseeched the Almighty to grant me a new life this morning, a new birth after completely destroying all the falsehoods and impurities that had enveloped me since infancy. Ishwar paid no heed to the imaginary reward I was praying for. Instead, He startled me by delivering His own truth directly into my hands. I did not dream that he would remove my impurity so radically. Today I have become so pure that even in a lowcaste chandal’s home I will no longer be afraid of sullying myself. Poreshbabu, at dawn today, with my naked soul, I was born directly into Bharatvarsha’s lap. At last I have fully understood what a mother’s lap signifies.’
‘Gour,’ responded Poreshbabu, ‘Please lead us also into the mother’s lap, to which you have gained the right of entry.’
‘Do you know why I have come to you first of all upon attaining my freedom today?’ Gora asked him.
‘Why?’
‘You are the one with the mantra for this freedom. That is why, in our present times, you could not find a place within any community. Make me your disciple. Initiate me today into the mantra of that deity who belongs to everyone, Hindu, Muslim, Christian or Brahmo, whose temple doors are never closed to any community or any individual, who is not merely a deity for Hindus but the deity of Bharatvarsha!’
The profound sweetness of devotion passed its gentle shadow across Poreshbabu’s face. He stood in silence, with lowered gaze.
At last, Gora turned to Sucharita. She remained motionless on her chowki. ‘Sucharita, I am no longer your guru,’ Gora smiled. ‘This is my prayer to you: please take my hand and lead me there, to your guru.’ With these words Gora advanced towards her, stretching out his right hand. Arising from the chowki, Sucharita placed her hand in his. Taking her with him, Gora bent to offer his pranams at Poresh’s feet.
Epilogue
When he came home after dusk, Gora found Anandamoyi waiting silently in the veranda outside her room. He knelt at her feet and drawing them close, bowed his head upon them. With both hands, she raised his head and kissed it.
‘Ma, you are my real mother! The mother I sought everywhere was waiting in my own home. You have no caste, no discrimination, no contempt for anyone. You are the very image of goodness! It is you who is my Bharatvarsha!…
‘Ma, please send for your Lachhmia now. Ask her to fetch me some water.’
In a low, tearful voice, Anandamoyi whispered, close to Gora’s ear: ‘Gora, let me send for Binoy now.’
Notes and Glossary
Abhimanyu: heroic son of Arjuna in the Mahabharata, killed on the battlefield by his Kaurava uncles who trapped him in a circular battle formation
Agrahayan: eighth month of the Bengali calendar, mid-November to mid-December
ahnik: a daily Hindu prayer ritual
alna: traditional clothes rack
Annapurna: goddess of bounty; another name for Shiva’s consort Parvati, who went from door to door seeking rice to appease the hunger of Shiva when he came to her as a mendicant
antahpur: inner part of the house, where women stay in seclusion
asana: prayer mat
Ashwin: sixth month of Bengali calendar, mid-September to mid-October
Baikuntha: celestial abode of Vishnu
Bakasur: crane-headed demon destroyed by Bhima in the Mahabharata
Bakhtiar Khilji: Aide of Qutbuddin Aibaq, he conquered Bihar and Bengal in the early thirteenth century; ‘bakhtiar’ means ‘talkative’
bala: armlet
Bangadarshan: a monthly magazine (1872–1876), founded and edited by Bankimchandra Chatterjee
baul: unorthodox religious mendicants, nomads who sing mystical devotional songs
behai: father-in-law of a son or daughter
beyan: mother-in-law of a son or daughter
Bhadra: fifth month of the Bengali calendar, mid-August to mid-September
bhadra: belonging to the respectable class
bhadralok: member of respectable Bengali society
Bhagavad Gita: verses Krishna is said to have uttered as Arjuna’s charioteer in the Mahabharata, advocating the path of duty that forms one aspect of Hindu philosophy
Bhagirath: King Sagara’s great-grandson, he brought the river Ganga down from Heaven to the earth and to the nether regions, to purify the ashes of his 60,000 ancestors
bhakti: the path of devotion in Hindu philosophy
Bhatpara: village near Kolkata, a centre of orthodox Brahmanical learning
bhog: food offered to a deity
Bhrigu: a sage who kicked Vishnu (Krishna) to awaken him from his pre-creation sleep. Vishnu responded so gently that Bhrigu declared him the only god worthy of worship
bonjhi: sister’s daughter
boro: paddy crop harvested in April
Brahman: member of the priestly caste
Brahmo Samaj: a monotheistic religious community founded by Raja Rammohun Roy; they advocated social reform
Brahmosangeet: Brahmo hymns
Brindavan: holy place for Hindus, associated with Krishna
Chaitanyadev: religious reformer and founder of Vaishnavism in medieval Bengal
champa: variety of magnolia
chapkaan: knee-length upper garment
chor: strip of sandy land arising out of a river-bed
churning the ocean: amrita, heavenly nectar, was cast up when deities and demons churned the ocean
crore: ten million
dada: elder brother
deor: husband’s younger brother
devi: female deity
didi: elder sister
Dosad: a low caste
ekadashi: eleventh day of the lunar fortnight; widows would fast on this day
Gherandasamhita: ancient Sanskrit text dealing with the tantrik practices of Shakti devotees
Ghor Babu: a dandy
ghoti: small round water pot
Goldighi: another name for College Square in Kolkata
Gopiballav: another name for the deity Krishna
Hara-Parvati: the deity Shiva and his consort
Harish Mukhujje the second: Harishchandra Mukherjee (1824–61), Brahmo leader and editor of the Hindu Patriot
hathayoga: form of abstract meditation involving harsh self-discipline
Hemanta: late autumn to early winter; the months Kartik and Agrahayana of the Bengali calendar
Indra: king of the gods
Ishwar: the Creator, Lord of the universe
Jagaddhatri: mother goddess who upholds the universe
jamai: son-in-law
Jamaisashthi: annual ritual performed by parents-in-law to bless the son-in-law
jamun: blackberry
Janak: Sita’s father in the Ramayana
jatra: a form of indigenous theatre in Bengal
jatragaan: open air performance of jatra
kaibarta: a fisherman by caste
kaka: father’s younger brother
Kalisingha: Kaliprasanna Sinha (1840/1841–1870), who translated the Mahabharata into Bengali
Kaliyug: fourth or last age of creation according to the Hindu Purana; the age of sin
kamandulu: an ascetic’s water-pot,
made of wood or metal
kantha: embroidered coverlet made of layered soft fabric.
karabi: oleander
karahi: narrow-bottomed cooking utensil
karma: the path of duty or action in Hindu philosophy; the law of karma decrees that one must be rewarded or punished according to one’s past deeds.
Kartika: god of war, son of deities Shiva and Parvati. Also the seventh month of the Bengali calendar, mid-October to mid-November
Kashi: Varanasi, sacred to the Hindus
Kaurava: the Kuru side in the Mahabharata
kazi: a dispenser of justice under the Muslim law
kayastha: a Hindu caste
Keshabbabu: Keshub Chunder Sen (1838–84), who succeeded Debendranath Tagore, Rabindranath’s father, as leader of the Brahmo Samaj
kharam: wooden sandal
khansama: an orderly
khatanchikhana: ledger room, where accounts are kept
kheer: milk condensed by boiling, used to prepare sweets
khonta: a flat cooking spoon
khunche: a small tray
khuro: father’s younger brother
khurima: wife of father’s younger brother
kirtan: a form of devotional music in praise of Radha-Krishna or Kali
krishnachura: gulmohur, a tree with red and yellow flowers
Krittivasa: a poet and scholar of Bengal, who wrote the first Bengali Ramayana, probably in the fifteenth century.
krosh: a measure of distance, a little over two miles
Kuber: god of the dead and of wealth
kulin: born of a Brahman family of unblemished caste status; men of such families enjoyed and often misused the privilege of polygamy
Lakshmi: goddess of fortune
Lanka: the capital of demon king Ravana in the Ramayana
Lakshyabheda: a feat of marksmanship performed by Arjuna to win Draupadi’s hand in the Mahabharata
madur: mat
Magh: tenth month of the Bengali calendar, from mid-January to mid-February
mahaveena: a string instrument
Manu: father of the human race; the law-code of the Manusmriti is ascribed to him