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    Of Wanting and Rain: Collected Love Poems of Paul Hina 2007-2009

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    sleep

      40

      there are pictures i hide, movies that slide like secret

      lights when i lie in bed, waiting to sleep, swimming in

      and out of the shine of some memory, some mouthful

      of a kiss, a word spoken but not heard because voices

      —beautiful vibrations of throat waters—are the first to fade

      into the distance of years,

      and yesterday you were telling me things about tomorrows

      and forever, and today you are a quiet movement in my mind,

      a spot of silent light fading into a different dream where voices

      matter half as much as their mumbled meaning

      41

      we have made colors, earth shades,

      floating into space tendrils,

      stars have spoken our names

      we have swam in the muck of water that surrounds

      the planets we have planted with wishes and

      kisses

      we have laid down to dance, drowned in the

      lazy yellow lights of sex streams to watch the

      flowers of the stars tumble into storms

      and we massaged blooms from our fingers,

      stepped into pasture's paradise with the

      stomps of our feet, sinking away in stupefication,

      buried in a beautiful bath of black holes

      where nothing is hidden

      and everything exists

      42

      you left me with a wing,

      a sprightly thing,

      to touch and remember

      the weight of your face,

      the softness of a smile

      waiting to be kissed,

      a laughing of hands and

      a flight of fingers

      that takes years to recite

      even with poetry piling up

      on a man trampling time away

      in search of the tiny truth

      you hide when you slide your

      body out like some cloud succumbing

      to the blue that birds drink in the

      rarefied air of stretching for the stars,

      breathlessly reaching for the wonders

      that you reflect in way-away water

      43

      something i can not touch about you rises and falls,

      opens and closes around my heart,

      fading in and out of this musical mind i have,

      collapsing like a cubist mirror on the river of

      memory which washes away old hands for new

      touches,

      and though it comes and goes—this song—

      it can hardly be heard,

      (the sound your throat made when it was waking up

      my name) and though its mouth speaks and kisses,

      it can not feed the heart the same leaping,

      the jumps and dives in the gut,

      the slips and slides in the chest,

      when you used to find your fingers falling somewhere,

      anywhere across my body, and though the music

      is a meandering watery flow of blurs and shadows,

      there is a place you still sing when i stop for a swim

      in the silent stream of dreams,

      which allows for no time,

      no limits on the landscapes we color when we hide

      love from this real world,

      this weary chase i make,

      windburned and running to catch that drink of river

      you painted on me with the patience of whispers and

      waterfalls,

      all flowing back to here—right here

      44

      who cares about love poems or lollypops?

      who knows anything about the mystery of her hips?

      or the breath of god?

      but when the lights go down and i lie with the

      summer sweating all around me,

      i skate across those winter skies—

      those twinkles of eyes like sparks fighting for shine—

      and, from the air, a cool, foggy breath shakes my heart

      awake, and my pulse stutters and

      there is something like a snowy vibration

      that sends a smile like a race up my spine

      who cares about metaphors or daffodils?

      who knows anything about the shape of her shoulder?

      or the depths of death?

      but when i trip about on the winter lights tonight

      i wake up the stairs of stars, climbing

      the dreams of songs that slip through the fingers

      of her hair,

      and i hang on until

      there is a rush of blood swarming in my sleep

      that leaves a trail of snow angels leaping in my

      throat, flying in the drink of a wintery kiss

      45

      the wild strawberries of your kiss still visit me

      on days when the sun is full of steam and the body

      moves with the slow deliberateness of lips opening

      and closing for unconscious kissing,

      and the sound of your breathing is a further

      articulation of the lazy curl of your hips swaying to

      a rhythm of the only dance that matters, our bodies

      swinging and sliding down the miles of moons we

      have imagined with make-believe hands

      (and there are still secrets i carry with me to bed at

      night),

      but your voice is a place i have lost when it

      is quiet and the world teeters on the buzz of wanting

      to stack a string of wonderfuls on the stubborn stars

      of this slightest swim of sleep,

      and the mind waits for better birds to fly with

      weightless wings, floating on the feathers of long

      done days where every whisper was a meditation

      on touching, where the lights were languid and

      lying loosely on a dream, unwilling to fade, eventually

      going quietly away and distant from reaching with

      ripe fingers feeling for stolen strawberries, as sweet

      and sad as the summer rain

      46

      asked about inspiration, i take a muse breath—

      leave little replies all over the air as if crystals of lazy,

      streaming snowflakes were sliding streaks of girl

      silhouettes all over the strands of these skies—

      instead of stuttering some stupid statement colored

      by mumbled metaphors and missed kisses

      as i walk away from questions, i wonder, even myself,

      why your hands hold all the pretty flowers, their curves

      and their colors, their fragility?

      what do the stars say that make me hear your name at night?

      and why is it that the better beauty of the beasts we are

      bubbles, always, back to you, inviting friends and fingers

      over for poems, lovely lie-down lullabies that decorate my

      heart with meaningful metaphors and bluer moondrops

      that shine for paper birds, waking up words full of wanderlust

      wings and willow trees?

      47

      was your love thing a more alive thing than my love thing?

      or was your thing a lesser, simpler thing perched delicately

      atop floors of flowers, superficially swimming in a slush of

      sparkles, a delusion of sweet spots tossed with tired kisses?

      and was my thing a reckless, scared thing twisting in

      the trickery of whispers on webs, sick with heart stains,

      tumbling through the vertigo of violence in your hair,

      trying to catch a better balance from the lovely brutality

      of our thing?

      and my thing wanted to grow more things,

      and your thing was a dull thing, a playing thing, like

      something that melts quickly on the tongue,

      but your thing was as sweet and soft a thing as my thing


      and i still carry my thing, kept quietly alive, tied to the

      head of my heart

      48

      i've watched you run through flowers,

      your hair on fire from the sun, your mouth

      hiding a laugh from a kiss, and the face of your

      heart turns in for sunny smiling, tucks a picture

      of this—this piece of us—in a pocket you hide away

      for later dreaming,

      and the world leaks something like a meaning in

      the moment(immeasurable) between your hand

      and my hand,

      and a touch happens, breathes with the echoes

      of eternity water and calmly pours somewhere rain,

      burying our bodies in the dirt for mud dancing,

      pushing delightful daisies all the way to the top of

      death, as delicious and sweet as your lips, dappled

      that day with sunshine and slowness

      49

      she has spilled secrets like stormbursts on this paper,

      hidden sentences like kisses that phrases have forgotten,

      and the sounds of these secrets sail on subconscious waters,

      sing through the sands of this dream, constructing mythic

      castles from the quiet carnal whisperings of the water,

      asking the night to count how many seasons have past

      since last your fingers found my face,

      and i have searched the days, page after page, but the

      dumbness of everydays are not somedays and the truth

      knows no hair like the strings i have erased from your

      face,

      and love letters get lost in the lazy sound of a larger lullaby,

      a melodic pause where a pleasure pierces—carefully, precisely—

      some small sound that makes silences from words i never

      spoke, but have never stopped uttering

      50

      i remember laughing in the water with you,

      our clothes sticking to our bodies, wet and warm

      with laughter, your hair stuck to your face, and

      a memory streams across my mind's window

      like a dream of your fingers, clasping my hand

      as you lean in for a kiss,

      —and it is true that kisses are always softest after

      the rain

      and i can taste salt now, flavors that trace the

      shape of the heart,

      —and the heart is a hardest thing to recreate,

      but i chase that vision, still, quietly, and when

      no one else is listening, i reach with hands washed

      by whispers to wish the wisps away from your lips,

      —and, yes, kisses and rain are a truest thing

      51

      you are still the sweetest stain, suffocating my heart

      with your old singing, bouncing breath sounds and

      word strings across all my useless dreams and

      finally you are somewhere other than an echo

      crossing my mind with lay-me-down lips or find-me

      fingers, but

      eventually these mouths, mindful of missed kisses,

      might chew some new stardust, make a softer song,

      steal a smaller singing from the music of your moons,

      but

      you are still a quiet that even thieves can't know,

      and you hold a hunger in your hands that feeds endlessly

      reveries,

      and i can not stop your stillness, or escape the simplest,

      most basic beautifuls you are, hiding again, always, a stain

      of an echo in my heart(soft as death's slowest hand, as white

      and perfect as where life might have been bent)

      52

      what is the poetry in a distance,

      the colors and the shapes of your

      hours? how does time count your

      petals away, measure the meaning

      hidden up and down the length

      of your legs?

      there are answers in your art, but

      shhh-shadows cover all your kisses

      that might, maybe, lay lazily across

      your face for teasing the lights with

      possibly perfect sex smiles and

      sneers

      and the slow recognition of the

      softest lines bent and sprayed by

      your silhouette are something as

      quiet and deliberate as a breath

      pushing a whisper from a secret

      but there are theories that travel

      the distance of the heart and the

      mysteries you make are as white

      and perfect as the hope i hang

      on this poem

      53

      sometimes i taste a memory of your kiss,

      or breathe the air that surrounds you while

      standing next to moonbeams—bathing in melted

      blue light—

      but even these pieces are only shadows

      of the heartlights that used to reflect from your eyes

      when you looked in my direction

      like every time was the first time

      and that life was an echo where the full moons of

      your eyes would always lay its lazy pale waters on

      me, carrying the air of my breath across the ripples

      that forever shine, one light rolling after another,

      over the brilliance of your body

      54

      the air is hungry for your kiss,

      and i have tasted other loves,

      eaten my way through daydreams

      and measured all the miles

      of moonlight that have been

      shining since your muse has

      met me

      but even as i make mischief

      from the recipe of your touch,

      you are still the only and every

      real thing i have ever touched,

      and you are the only most tiny

      and delicate wish that i have ever

      wanted to hold,

      and, though you can’t be held,

      you have left stains on my fingers,

      whispers on my palm, that will never

      let me touch another without hearing

      your name,

      seeing your colors in every sex breath

      that sails back to all those meanings we

      made when we were all the music and

      none of the noise

      55

      the fingertips of your kiss,

      the stain in your song remains,

      drips across my dreams where

      i search for language and meaning,

      sunshine and warmth

      like sex or

      your teeth caught in some stupid smile,

      like a joke catching you by surprise, or

      a chill told you a story about love or

      like something i said rung a bell inside

      you

      56

      the light of your legs tangles up and down me for moon

      drinking, and the slippery splendor of all those specks

      of starlight that lazily float in your eyes are like a slowest

      memory were coming unhung from a dream to drop tiny

      remnants of rain across my hair for gush drops and

      gasp breaths waiting for another kiss, another taste of

      the mush of your mouth

      and the shape of your shine is swimming like some silly

      string that flies around my fingers when i lay hands, like

      some softly blown prayer being answered, on the flesh of

      your waist and run my palms—warm and weathered by old

      hopes—up and down that curve where all meaning is measured

      and every thought chases thighs to fingertips and the lips drop—

      droopily dripping kiss-wishes, waking up the waves, mixing all

      the milk of the moon

      57


      the saddest song of rain washes out the old heart places

      where you walk,

      steps steeped so thick in the muddy rhythm of the rhyme

      of this rain and the sound of its loveliest consequence opens

      an eye,

      waits for the wash to walk you away again,

      and the gut grabs the heart,

      tugs and pulls out all the wires and the weeds

      and presses on a pause for the wonder of your rain,

      falls like the first time—a cloud on full pour

      58

      her hands like the softest hammers on the heart are

      the masks of all those make believe touches gesturing

      to a kiss that fades into some song being whispered by

      the faintest flute fluttering her wings of legs to tie a knot

      around my memory of her mouth, the shape and color of

      her pinkest pours of lips

      and some soundless warm thing, as precise and ecstatic

      as the whitest snow, crawls into my ears and somewhere a

      star of sweetest silence has touched the end of the blackest,

      most beautiful infinity with the calm fingers of her lips

      clasping a kiss like a petal to a palm

      59

      to rest a hand on her hip is like slipping time through

      a kiss, the breath of my name on her lips like a glass

      of rain spilling on my heart,

      and yet her fingers are far away, and her taste is

      something i remember on nights lit by moons and

      wine lights that leak little sounds and sudden trembles

      across the window of a place i can hardly touch from

      a wish on a reach

      but still she slays me with that smile, even vaguely

      reflected on this frosty glass of my tired eyes, barely

      hearing her whisper something to take with me to that

      grave, a lovelier thing to dance with while i'm dead and

      deeply dreaming

      60

      i try to mimic your shape with the weight of these words,

      attempt to curve your lines with the sound of some silly

      syllables like lying a softer whistle down across your body

      with the sweetest air resembling the lazy whippoorwill, or

      the tumbling of ceramic snow, as loopy and lilywhite as

      the streams of your skin

      and yet all that wakes is the water, the ever-moving wave

      of a moment melting into the mind like the drips of winter

      dreams falling from the skies of a dustier music that makes

      meaning from the memory of the sun pouring around the

      breath of your body, cresting over this kiss

      61

      i grab words with rain soaked hands,

      push clouds away with punctuation

      and celebrate the sun with singing

      because today is spring,

      and the light lays you near me again,

      and i have been waiting all winter

      for the snow to go,

      for darkness to die,

      and for you to shine a little smile on me,

      your hair, yellow like it used to be, once,

      when we were really alive and words

      were not as important as time

      and kisses and.... breathe

      —it's spring and you are so lovely

      in this light,

      a shower of warmth and memory and

      rain-stained words

      62

      this sky holds a thousand star stories, and their

      shine reflects against our dreams like mirrors on

      the water, undisturbed with quiet

      and the lights of these stories, old ones and new ones,

      bend across the back of some beautiful girl i've never

      bothered to forget,

      and the water shakes a little from a breeze

      —the softest reminder of spring—

      and i come out the other side of this sleep

      holding starlights in my hands, waiting

      for a place to let them shine on the heads

      of angels, or on the heels of the dew of

      flowers with color and cool rain,

      making waves like making love on the water

      of a story caught in the shimmering light of

      slippery sky, skating across the lines of her

      dawdles of dawn and the droops of shoulders

      bending to the shore

      63

      you are a house of light in my heart,

      a place where the rain of the world can't

      find me,

      a place where the moon makes puddles

      of blue flame bounce off the walls,

      where, when the sun rises, you are seen

      waiting in the doorway to a bedroom,

      holding the yellowest rose beneath

      your mouth,

      watching a petal fall, and me,

      catching it with kisses and plumes of

      hands, caught in the bright beast of your

      brilliant heat,

      listening to the calm of the rain on the

      roof of my heart

      64

      we walked in the mute moonlight—

      only the sound of our hands coming together

      to keep us company,

      tangling fingers into that pop love makes when

      it breathes that first newest air of folding two

      hearts into a dance of paper red plumes

      and a white wind chases us down the street like

      the lights had come on in all the sleeping houses,

      and a kiss happens, quietly decorated with the

      dabbles of darkness, hiding in the shadow of a new

      spring's arms,

      and the blood runs to our fingers and we fall into

      a folded heart, fumbling into its filaments

      65

      we wrestle the water, kicking wishes

      around with our toes, climbing our limbs

      for breathing through the mist-kisses that

      float around this dream,

      and the shape of a stone angel, smiling

      above us, pouring sex and cold sensational

      rain over our heads, leaving shivers to smile

      and stain the skin of your face, your

      laughing face,

      and you wrap those perfectly clear legs

      around my waist and i slowly—softly

      submerging—sink down, counting the stars

      in your eyes as they delicately fall into

      the shimmering sky of this cool drink

      of most spectacular drowning

      66

      your hair lays lazy on your shoulders,

      muddy streaks dripping from your neck

      like fingers spreading across your back,

      your head tilts far to one side, stretching

      the skin where the melted cream of your

      shoulder creates a valley in that spot

      where the hollow meets the bone

      and you write words across my mind,

      scrawl sentences and sensations with

      your leaning towers of fingers, writing

      love letters to language with the art that

      science has solved with your face: your

      soft features, your lips, those kisses yet

      to be sent, muddy memories yet to be

      caught

      67

      today the pink blooms are

      popping on the stooped trees

      you stand to tiptoe into a clumsy pirouette

      and i bend to drink a cup of rain

      68

      looking up and seeing you smile—

      the sun playing like a halo around

      your head—

      and there was so much happiness dancing

      that day:

     
    my head resting on your lap,

      your perfectly long fingers traveling

      the thousand different strings of my hair

      and i know that moments move, the past

      suffers delusions and dream world additions,

      and yet somehow the rules went south that day,

      and that sun 'round your face—that glow of a face,

      a face burned in my memory's movie—has forever

      preserved that slowest, yellowest stillness, sent it

      to another star, where it waits for us, holds its shine—

      until its time

      69

      the water of my hands rushes down

      the hills of your hips, and the fingers

      of these hands are like stones—smooth

      and numerous—skipping across your thighs,

      waiting for the magnificent mind of your

      most feminine flow, where the falls meet

      the stones and i rise, dripping and drowned,

      to your lips and we speak in languages

      silent to the seas and the stars, only echoing

      in the flesh, flashes that stay damp even

      when the rivers have all run dry

      70

      i have ranted and raved all these years,

      raising words, planting poems in honor

      of this thing you are, this truth we told,

      our bodies sharing secrets,

      and minds can’t retain, hardly remember,

      meanings and shapes that hide away in

      dreams, beneath softer songs

      and yet every spring, for a moment, when

      the best of first beauties peel open for sun

      peeking, i hear the words again, faintly, and

      i lean in and feel your breath on my face, brush

      my hand by an echo of your hair and try to

      remember, again, that your kisses are where

      i find all these forgetfuls, all these first flowers

      of fullest love

      71

      the air we share was once so thick

      and full of flirtation that gasps could

      be heard from passers-by

      and there was a dance, a stillness in

      the anticipation, the clutter of the chaos

      of hands and arms,

      and the world slowed a turn, just enough

      to fade into a kiss, closer and closer to

      the absence of language and shapes,

      a place where i can feel your eyes

      and scream your name without

      ever opening my mouth, touch your

      face without catching my breath

      72

      her hair lays lazily across her head,

      her face—seriously beautiful—is

      decorated by naturally reddened

      flesh, like softly roses waiting for

      smiles to rain the petals down to

      blow through a windy laughing

      where lips wait to speak but gasps

      for possibly kisses

      and her hands hide her knees

      —together things—hiding something,

      hushing the voice of secret telling and

      storm selling

      but there is that waist, a place for

      hand-clutching and breath-catching,

      somewhere to hide my wishes, wait

      for her sun to help them bleed and

      grow

      73

      the way she curls inside herself, her body—

      a delicate tangle of limbs—fitting together

      like dreams etched around the shape of her

      sleep

      but she doesn’t know how sweetly she sculpts

      my heart, how her hands teach me silence,

      and her feet, propped up on the wings of the air,

      are songs to fragility,

      and though i am careful with words and clumsy

      with hands, she has softly whispered a breeze,

      a drizzle of electric rain falls on my face

      from the buzz of her breath,

      and as she presses her fingers into her lips she

      makes me know hope, wallow in pictures to

      wake the wishes of her mouth

      —careening on a kiss—

      her sweetest wash of hair sweeping across my

      face like fidgets or shivers slithering against the

      softest snow

      74

      the way her legs cross is

      like some movie opening,

      pictures breathing into life,

      reminders of something

      prettier than ordinary,

      a delicate reminder of a

      something higher than the real,

      a superficial reminder of beauty,

      a nudge toward the truth,

      but the truth is a plundering

      thing too, a leak of words that walk

      knowing that knees and lips are

      where all the world comes together

      and the sun projects a shine on my

      body as i witness a flicker of her

      slightest gestures—

      a girl being the greatest art,

      evidence of better perfections

      75

      as the rain dapples a design

      across this world, we do not

      hide our wet hands, washing

      our bodies like some frenzy

      were alive in our flesh

      and it is no accident that we

      drink these kisses with the

      thirst of desert thieves looking

      for cactus hearts—the way i

      surgically massage your throat,

      rinsing away your floods of hair

      with my fumbling falls of fingers,

      flicking thunderbolts away with

      disdain for competing electricities

      and the world is dark around this

      frame we are, flickering frenetically

      lights, fireworks in this wettest of

      desert desires

      76

      there falls a drizzle of a dream

      out this window, a veil of rain

      falling as the weight of your body

      decorates my body,

      and your hair tickles my face with

      its fluid fingers and laughter fights

      its way into this dream and we fly

      ourselves out this window,

      a wetness wakes up that sliver of

      sleeping heart where we hide all of

      our truth and we lift the world with

      the loveliness of this lazy lullaby,

      our bodies swaying a song like a

      cello stroke across each string of rain,

      making a vibration that sends a million

      shivers across dreams like waves swallowing

      every cynicism, hiding every horrible

      77

      i watched you stretch your jaws,

      treading tired legs to the shore of our bed,

      those floating feet, stepping

      like softest floors toward a neighboring sleep place

      where you go for private dances,

      quiet lands where you can secretly touch the paint

      of tulips and shower in the waterfalls of

      wondrous planets that

      decorate your head, falling

      on your pillow, sliding

      down your hair,

      and words wither in your mouth because dreams don’t

      speak the way we do, but kisses—yes, kisses—decorate

      the doors of our houses

      78

      i used to part water with my footsteps,

      like some giant who believed in the

      fruits he held in his hands,

      i used to touch paper with fingers

      stained with strawberry words, chocolate

      covered sentences waiting for a girl to

      climb t
    he vines of my high house and

      tangle me in webs of candy and shellacked

      with kisses,

      and when she sailed across the sky’s

      deepest water, i split the stream with

      petals of tulips and squeezed the perfume

      from the clouds just to watch her, slowly,

      come together within me, an old idea, a ghost

      of a girl, emerging from sleep's fog holding

      all her merely fantastics in the poems that

      break when her palm meets my face

      79

      the dust that falls on dreams is as

      rich as the rain, as apparent as the

      rings on saturn, and it is in this gauzy

      scene of sleep that you sit, reclining

      against some tree, flowers falling around

      you, white and pink petals peeling away

      like the fattest of warm and silly snowdrops,

      and you read aloud from some brilliant book,

      verses about hands and lips, legs and fingers,

      and all the words are raw,

      and the breath that is perfumed by the paper

      embraces a poem, casts it over its audience,

      a science of shadows measured and weighed,

      poured across your skin, your hair crawling like

      a cooler fire, fumbling up and down your neck,

      a clumsy adolescent learning to drive your heart

      with sentences sliding across your body like

      whispers—night words—quietly falling into

      silently sentences that build rings around your

      prettiest planet, pouring out every petal on

      the paint of this poem

      80

      her wings are delicate things, whispering tiny

      fragments of words in my ears, breathing sounds

      and muse breaths on my neck, tracing old movies

      in my hair with tiny wake-me-hands

      and those hands are building a better beautiful

      within me, making poems move and memories

      metastasize from nothing places and deeper dreams

      that descend from the mist of her mouth

      81

      i can hear your heart(hardly breathing),

      bruised and beaten by the absence of hands,

      by the stillness of snow having laid long on your earth,

      and yet the grass whispers greener,

      like a breeze blowing a warm kiss into your throat,

      stretching jaws (many mouths),

      for bloom singing where whites and pinks,

      yellows and purples, play your body with the fingers of

      finding love again(breathing deeper now), like for the first time,

      learning you all over again,

      every inch of you,

      every great blade of your heart

      82

      your air eases into me as spring awakes again,

      eyes opening on a brighter bulb of blue, a more

      brilliant water than the rain washes the words

      from your mouth, secret words that only birds

      understand,

      and only the breathlessness of winds can translate

      your poems, the songs that fall from your sky, petals

      like some spring snow sprinkle—softly with your most

      playful plumes of fingers—tiny tumbles of scented voices,

      different versions of sounds already sung, kisses

      already plucked, just waiting to taste the rain again,

      to dither in these crumbs of clouds, catch them

      with the clumsy cups of my hands

      83

      there are lines on your body i have not traced,

      borders around your shape i have not crossed,

      lovely lyrics are tucked in the corners of your

      thighs, secrets hiding beneath your knees,

      there are words you have not spoken, lovely voices

      stretching skies in your throat like new breathing—

      air from new, undiscovered planets within you

      i have not touched these worlds, orbited their meaning,

      waited by their vastness, surrendered to the gravity—that

      sweet pull of body against body—to make us meet and

      make moons to watch at night when we are hovering

      together and tugging at the distant stars

      84

      you are a poem i have touched, ran my fingers through

      like water,

      or your hair,

      and i have counted the words,

      measured the weight of the meaning and the shape of

      your body,

      built books from your breath,

      the sound of your voice

      like a softer chirping,

      a song that see-saws my heart,

      climbs into new verses

      like flowers growing in a garden, abundant

      and as radiant as your face after i shine a little light

      to catch your almost slurred sentences,

      slowly opening for the light,

      for the rain i have touched,

      the stains of your hair on my hands,

      your kiss smeared like a sonnet across my lips

      85

      you hold the cup against your face

      —as hands—

      warming your cheek for remembers of kisses,

      or dreams of what kisses could have been,

      and i stretch to reach,

      but these fingers don’t remember something

      as wonderfully rainy as your hair,

      and hands can't stretch to reach the depth

      of the harmony in your heart

      —brand new with billows of meaning, beating—

      my fists full of the cloudy ghosts of your

      whitest flowers, singing

      86

      you twist your hair with fidgets of fingers—tumble

      the time away with the brilliance of bitten lips,

      and you are a mystery that only softest songs can solve,

      that only the whitest kiss can capture with a mouth

      so lazy that there is time to taste only one

      —just one—

      before the gauze of this moment shakes away,

      as petals pouring down like lost possibles, kisses

      tumbling away like fingers falling from all the

      hows answered in your hair

      87

      i have plundered the darkest nights,

      stretched the stars atop the highest

      hills, and the echo of the vast sky

      is blackest when sleep is absent and

      dreams are wakeful things where i

      build characters from pastnesses,

      shapes of words and kisses form

      where clouds might be, and somehow’s

      become maybe-again’s and from those

      heavy almost sleepy strolls through the

      oldest touch, the most tender breath you

      are finds me, a mist forms around the

      world and i fade away into something

      like the swirl of milk and water we are,

      spinning myself into making you again,

      easing this somewhat world into the softness

      of sleep, sifting through smiles and the sighs

      of stars

      88

      their heads poke up like a hundred little suns,

      blinking near the dew of our mist,

      and our mornings are windows where birds

      whistle and beep and the earliest cars putter by,

      bleary-eyes and coffee stained faces decorate the world,

      but you are crisp—face on-point—

      ready with eyes and nearly kisses soaked through with night,

      the dreams we trip over on our way to this day, these arms,

      this spring beginning

      89

      y
    ou came to my last night,

      unaware of the rules of dreams,

      with tulips in your teeth and the hope

      that flows when the light drips down your hair just right—

      quietly rolling—

      and you were smaller slightly, leaning on a surprise,

      pushing through the pools of the moon,

      shoving and swimming with the greatest arches of arms,

      arcs made to spark the heart,

      trying to catch me before the release,

      but i have held funerals for your face,

      sent eulogies from my hands,

      i have wrapped my tendrils on someone else’s name,

      carried their kisses to the streams of sleep

      90

      i watch her mouth and mix words up like

      winds were to wake up these laydown lips,

      i see kisses fall from some ripe tree, and she

      says things with the startle of any moment sex,

      her voice always halted, scared in the wait,

      stopped in the rolling pleasure she presses

      into her thighs with her forgetful fingers,

      shifting her weight to one side, wishing for

      him to whisper, just to feel his breath on her

      ear, a wind crawling down her neck,

      but, oh, those lips know no lonely like the absence

      of his hands, holding a kiss like a flower he opens

      with his fights of fingers,

      closes with the lips of his

      punch-drunk palms

     


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